Attention State Security Apparatus,
It has recently come to my attention that
vyncentvega is
aiding and abetting terrorists as well as publicly mocking your extraordinary efforts at instilling fear in the populace. Apparently he is employing a novel technique, known as "science," in an effort to convince people that these "facts" are more important than your inspired propaganda.
Whatever you do, don't read
this post! It will lure you into its trap through is use of brilliant humor combined with factual information. Sinister, no?