Butterfly
Author : kazuyanokokoro
Pairing : Akame
Rating : NC-17
Genre : Angst, Romance, BL, Yaoi, SMUT
Disclaimer : If I owned Kame or Jin there would be a lot smuttier Akame pictures circulating...
Summary : Jin's in LA having the time of his life. But is he really over Kame?
Life can’t be going any better for Akanishi Jin. At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling him. The hot Los Angeles sun beats down on him and he breathes deeply as he steps out of his expensive hotel. He’s happy to be back in America again; hopefully, it will be a chance for a fresh start under a new record label. He’s proud of the pop music he has been recording, not KAT-TUN proud, but without Kamenashi’s strict work ethic Jin knew he could only reach a certain level. Jin lowers his sunglasses over his eyes; there’s no need to think of anyone in KAT-TUN anymore, especially not Kame. Thinking about Japan distracts him and the sights in LA are already distracting enough. As if to prove his point, his eyes follow a girl in a skimpy bikini as she strolls down to the pool. A waiter appears next to him with a tray of drinks. Akanishi swipes one before they reach the VIP section and leaves a $50 tip on the tray. He sips the sweet liquid and takes in the sea of tanned blondes sprawled poolside next to the hotel. Yes, this was definitely the life he had been dreaming of while toiling away as a Johnny slave. Suddenly, his blackberry vibrates; he can barely feel it through the pocket of the baggy jeans he’s taken to wearing. He checks it nonchalantly and remembers that other reason he’s the envy of his friends: he’s been dating a very rich, very sexy chick. Damn. Jin can almost hear Koki’s voice spring into his head, “Bakanishi,” he’s an hour late for lunch with her. As Jin climbs into his chauffeured car, he marvels at the fact that she’s still at that restaurant; after all, it has been the second time this week that he’s fucked up their date times. The thought doesn’t bother him for very long, however; he’s a busy man, after all. When the car stops him at his destination, Akanishi doesn’t hurry. Without thinking, he lights up a cigarette and takes a few leisurely puffs. He remembers how Kame would act when he’d show up late. Hurt eyes and pouty lips would meet him when he would finally arrive at the table, but after a kiss and a sincere apology (because Jin always regretted it when Kazu fluttered his eyelashes softly), he would be back in Kamenashi’s good graces, basking in the warm light of that sunny smile. And Jin knew that this Kazuya was reserved only for him, this precious, sweet, vulnerable butterfly that had alighted so willingly in his net. Akanishi sucks on his cigarette and swears quietly. Because, of course, there was that time when Kame hadn’t forgiven him. Jin shakes his head in disgust with himself for even remembering that day and finds himself face to face with his girlfriend. Damn again. Her expression doesn’t look the least bit forgiving, sweet or vulnerable. She slaps him in the head and plants one of her obscenely bejeweled fingers on his forehead. “Ow,” he says, not daring to meet the daggers in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he tries, but she’s not buying it. She hops into his car, which hits the dust, leaving him coughing on the curb. He knows it’s not his finest moment, but another one of those rings should soothe her nerves. Jin rubs his head, feeling for the impact of her blow, maybe a necklace would be less dangerous this time. Despite this altercation, though, he was pretty proud of this relationship. It had lasted 6 months, which meant she had stuck it out 3 times longer than any other girls he had been with. Plus, she was hotter. He thought about her body and got an erection. He hadn’t been in lust this hard for a long time. Could he maybe be in love?
It’s nighttime and she slept over. Jin smells her strong perfume from where he sits by the window, smoking. He keeps the window wide open because, of course, she and the rest of LA can’t stand his bad habit. He’s needed to smoke more these days though, especially at night. There’s a nervous energy running through him that makes it impossible to sleep. The nicotine calms him, lets his body relax even if his brain is tense. It’s in these solo pensive sessions, and, God, Akanishi’s as surprised as anyone that he needs time alone to think, that he allows himself to remember home. No, Japan. He shouldn’t think of it with those warm fuzzy feelings attached anymore; it was only business home base. Home should be here, with her. He stares at her sleeping form in the monogrammed hotel sheets and runs a hand over the smooth leather of the chair he’s sitting on. It’s certainly what Hollywood dreams are made of, but somehow it still doesn’t trigger a sense of inner peace, a feeling that here, nothing bad can happen. He’s hoping that it will come to him all of a sudden, in a quick burst, like when he realized that years of English lessons had finally made him able to understand the movies he loved so much. But now, home still went back to Nihon, back to that tiny apartment, back to…
Kamenashi was in the kitchen making breakfast. His long wavy brown hair was tied in a knot atop his head and he was wearing silky white pajama bottoms and an apron. The apartment was awash in the smell of muffins and coffee. As Jin stumbled bleary-eyed out of the bedroom, Kazu’s face broke out into a sunny smile, “Ohayo Jinjin,” he put his arms around Akanishi. “I made America-style breakfast for you.” Jin breathed in the delicious aroma of the cooking food, the percolating coffee and the cute boy snuggled against him. Kame’s face was buried into his chest, “I missed you, you got up so late!” Jin looked at the clock above the stove; it was already 10 o’clock. “I’ve been waiting to play some music. Can I play it now, please?” Kazuya widened his brown eyes as he stared up at Jin. The older man nodded and playfully smacked Kame’s ass as he ran to his laptop. If only he knew how bouncy and adorable it looked through those translucent white pants. Since they’d made love that dawn, Jin wasn’t ravenously horny. Rather, he felt cared for, content, and complete while still feeling aroused. Kame was singing now, dancing in their small kitchen, oven mitts on his hands and frilly apron tied around his waist. Akanishi moved towards him and tilted the expectant face up for a kiss, letting his lips meet the pink pout delicately at first, then slipping a tongue in the sweet-tasting mouth. Yes, that is what Jin thinks of when he hears the word, “home.”
After engaging in fantasy, the LA room seems particularly drab to Jin. Is white really the coolest color or is the hotel saving money by hiring only one very old, very drab interior decorator to furnish their rooms, even the suite that he is paying so much for? Although she almost lives there with him, she’s way more interested in partying than domesticity so it won’t get done. His apartment with Kame had so much life in it, so much color and vibrancy, so much…Kazu. It doesn’t seem fitting that the site of their greatest pleasures was also the scene of the last day, of the screaming, and the tear-stained face. The broken ring and broken promises strewn across the red throw pillows, purple curtains, his James Dean movie poster and Kame’s lucky baseball glove, laying abandoned on the floor of the room they had once shared. Akanishi takes another puff and vows to take management up on their decorating practices tomorrow. Tomorrow, the morning, is approaching faster than Jin wants. He barely sleeps at all tonight, plagued by memories of his butterfly escaping his net.
Evening in LA comes quickly again. Jin’s back in the hotel room with her, feeling happier than he has in a while. Maybe it’s because they’re having couple time or maybe (and Jin’s fuzzy head has a feeling this is more likely) he’s just really, really stoned. She’s rifling through his stuff again, which usually pisses him off but just seems endearing right now. There’s a KAT-TUN CD in his bag and she’s all over it, “This is, like, your band in Japan right?”
“Was my band,” he corrects and pulls her onto his lap after she slips it into her laptop to play it. He sways her back and forth, feeling pretty satisfied until Kamenashi’s voice breaks through his stupor: Please come back to me. Jin’s girlfriend groans,
“This song is so boring Jin!” he pushes her off unceremoniously, suddenly feeling a lot less mellow. All he can see is Kazu’s face, crying soundlessly. Why did the song have to fit years after it had been released? I can’t forget you. Of course, their voices had to meld seamlessly together, hitching at the very same moment; their hearts had been joined then, and, moments before recording, their lips had hungrily devoured each other. Kimi wa dare ni dakarete… Kyou nemuri ni tsuku no mada itoshikute. “I don’t understand,” she whined. Jin was on his knees in front of her laptop now, eyes closed, blocking out the studded pink mouse and bikini clad self-portrait of her that graced the desktop. Who are you being held by as you fall asleep tonight? Still, you are dear to me. He can’t translate it for her, let her think it could ever be about her. After their carnal bliss of the evening, Jin has to be honest with himself, without the rush of lust, what else is left? Where’s the warmth, the sunshine… koishiikute…the pain of being without? Without him. The song ends and Akanishi knows it’s going to take more alcohol than is in his bar fridge to make him forget Kame tonight.
Jin’s in the club and is partying hard. He’s pleased to see that he underestimated alcohol’s healing powers. He downs another glass of gin, they have the same name after all, and surveys the sweaty electrifying crowd. He only knows his girlfriend and no one here knows him either. It’s exhilarating to be with strangers, with no reporters ready to report him to the Jimusho or worse, to Kame. No, that judgmental little face is far from his mind now. Grinding against his girl, he thinks people might be right. He does have an awesome life. Sometimes, he might get homesick and wonder what his past friends are up to, but usually, this euphoric high is what brings him back to LA time and time again. He stumbles into the washroom to pee, but ends up sprawled on the floor. His head feels unbelievably thick. As he stares at the yellowing ceiling, Kazuya’s voice sneaks into his consciousness. It’s Kazu’s cracking voice that stirs Jin’s heart, quiet yet quivering and breaking as he asks him, “You’re really leaving?” Akanishi pounds the floor once, uncoordinatedly. Why did that have to come get him down tonight? The image of this Kame, the shattered butterfly huddled on the floor of their bedroom, is what’s haunting him. He hates himself for the fact that he remembers how milky Kazuya’s thighs looked as he pressed them against himself. God, no. Jin has an erection, but can’t make himself get up. Those dewy eyes, eyelashes glistening wet from tears, seemed to be soaking in every last inch of Akanishi before he would disappear. Jin wonders what bastard gets that look from Kame now, who gets the privilege of calling one of Japan’s top idols his Kazu-chan. He whispers it now, his pet name for Kamenashi, hoping that maybe it’ll summon Kame into his drunken dreams. Jin passes out on the floor of the bathroom stall.
When he wakes up, hours later, his girl is gone and the club has emptied out. He feels fuzzy and sees a bit of dried blood, probably from his fall, on his hand that was resting under his head. Fuck. Now next week’s booze money will go to doctor fees. As he walks shakily out of the club, he is shocked to see the bright light of morning. Right, some clubs in LA never close. He’s sure she’s mad at him again, convinced he’s cheating on her. He finds her awfully paranoid considering he only did it once. And she is certainly no angel. Jin gets to his hotel and goes around to the back; he doesn’t like the concierge seeing him like this. As he’s about to stumble through the door, it’s slammed shut in front of him. He looks up and, for a moment, he can’t breathe. He recognizes the slim hands and long fingers, the (could it be?) crooked butterfly ring, lopsided from being thrown by its owner in the apartment Jin couldn’t get off his mind. Kamenashi Kazuya’s soft brown eyes find Jin’s cloudy ones, searching for some fragment of life in their dullness. When he finds none, he takes his hand and runs it gently along Akanishi’s cheek. Jin can’t process what is happening. The slender body in front of him is just as gorgeous as it always was, clad in an unassuming gray t-shirt and snug-fitting black jeans, hair tousled by the gentle morning wind. Akanishi wonders vaguely how long he has been waiting here or if he is even here to see him. Kame doesn’t speak; he takes Jin’s hand and brings him up to his own room, gesturing for the older man to lie down as he takes the telephone into the bathroom. This room is smaller than Akanishi’s and less expensive, for sure, but after probably only a few hours of Kamenashi’s presence, it feels warm. His bright luggage decorates one corner, his many necklaces glitter on the wardrobe and a picture of gonin KAT-TUN adorns the bedside table. Jin is upset that he’s not in the picture, but a sharp pain in his head wipes the thought from his mind. He lies down as Kame instructed. In the background, he hears Kazuya’s shaky English and wants to help. He can’t get up now though. He reaches for the cologne on the table beside him- same one as always- and smells it briefly. Home, he thinks, and is unconscious again.
He is awakened by Kame’s soft hand stroking his face. “Good, you’re awake,” he says worriedly. “The doctor says you should be fine, but I didn’t know.” Jin feels vaguely happy that he is still worth worrying over to Kamenashi. Then, the smile on Kazu’s face stiffens, “What were you doing anyway?” Akanishi sits up hurriedly, blood rushing to his head,
“Drinking,” he mumbles, rubbing his temples. Kame pushes him back down. “But never mind that. What are you doing here?” Kazuya blushes and nervously plays with his curls. His ring sparkles in the morning sunlight.
“I came to see you,” he says finally. Jin feels his heart expand, as if the feeling in his daydreams of so many months was trying to break free. “I…” Kame turns away to hide the vulnerability in his eyes, but Akanishi catches it, “I miss you.” He looked so beautiful with the sun hitting his hair. Jin feels his heart stab; he had wanted so much to forget. He needs so much to forget,
“I have a girlfriend,” he says defiantly. Kazu’s soft eyes fill with tears and he steps away quietly from the bed,
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He bows his head and busies himself about the room. Jin is confused. He’s the one who is pushing, pushing Kame away again, but he’s angry at the compliance. How can he be so noble? Akanishi knows in his heart that if it was the other way around he could never have submitted, he’d kill whoever touched his Kazu even if he couldn’t bring himself to touch Kame-chan himself. He looks away, knowing that if their gazes meet he won’t be able to say no again. He couldn’t crush Kazuya’s wings a second time. But his butterfly is stronger than when they last met: “Do you want me to go?” he asks politely, while shakily lighting a cigarette. When Jin doesn’t answer, he starts gently placing his necklaces in a purple case and unzips his bag to re-pack. As Kame readies himself to leave, Akanishi feels the panic set in; the room around him is paling, those white colorless walls are closing in. He feels his blackberry vibrating and he fumbles desperately to turn it off, to shut off the fixture of his new life for just one more… “I thought so,” Kazu says softly. He is standing at the door, hand on the handle. “I’m sorry Jin, I should have known I’m the only one who can’t forget us.” He opens the door. At this, Akanishi’s brain snaps into action. He whips his blackberry out the window and runs to the door, catching Kame in his arms.
“No,” he says. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” Kamenashi looks up at him, startled,
“That’s not the love confession I was hoping for,” he whispers. Jin shakes his head,
“No!” he says again. Then, more pleading, “Kazu-chan, boku no Kazu-chan, ikanaide, don’t go.” He pulls Kame back into the room and shuts the door, hard. “It’s…” he stops, “I’m so sorry my Kame-chan.” Jin feels the tears welling in his eyes and then he’s bawling, uncontrollably. “I love you,” he says. He feels Kame’s body in his arms, so small and beautiful and he buries his face in the sweet smelling neck. “God, Kazu-chan how much I love you.” Kamenashi’s eyes are closed and a gentle smile plays his pink perfect lips.
“Aishiteru,” he whispers, losing himself in Jin’s emotion and Jin’s body. He unbuttons Akanishi’s shirt to reveal the smooth chest, “Mmm” he murmurs, nuzzling into it. Jin’s hands are in his hair and he’s letting his lips trail all over Kame’s head, face and neck.
“Kazuya,” Jin’s tears are drying, but his eyes are bright and serious, “I couldn’t go a day without thinking of you.” Somehow, that is all Kamenashi needs to know,
“Shhh,” he shushes his man by offering his sensationally soft lips to Jin, joining them in a passionate embrace.
“Fuck!” Akanishi exclaims suddenly, “I haven’t tasted passion like that since you. Was I dead?” He kisses him again, reveling in the feel of their lips pressed together. As their tongues touch, electricity shoots through Jin’s body, vivifying him, arousing him uncontrollably. He stares at Kame a moment, taking in the ruffled hair, glistening parted pink lips and wide, yearning eyes. No girl could match his sensuality, Akanishi thinks, as the boy rotates his supple hips impatiently, showing off his growing manhood. Jin can scarcely handle the pleasure; suddenly, his big hands are all over Kazuya’s body, stripping off his t-shirt, teasing his nipples and shoving fingers into his open mouth. Kame laughs while playfully licking Jin’s index finger. He had forgotten how unbelievable it was to be with the man, this baka, that he loved. He runs a hand through Jin’s thick hair and flutters his eyelashes slightly, just like he knows Jin loved. Then, he pays attention to the burgeoning penis sticking out of Jin’s jeans. Before giving in, Kame puts his slender hand in his man’s pants, running his black painted fingernails lightly over Jin’s shaft. He moans himself when he meets Jin’s eyes, wild and furious and alive. Akanishi unzips his pants and pulls out his throbbing erection. Kazu knew it was coming and puts his soft lips around Jin’s cock. He sucks it so delicately, but with so much more determination than the women who’d taken his place that year that Akanishi almost looses it immediately. Before letting him finish however, Kame, always hard-working and practical, takes his mouth off the dick. He wraps his arms around Jin, pouty lips begging for his own pleasure and pushes his pants down. Akanishi groans and pumps himself eagerly as Kame spreads the milky thighs he’s been dreaming of. They both gasp as Jin makes his move, too big to be gentle, and enters the yielding hole. Kazuya bites his lip in pain; it’s been too long since he was made love to. As Jin holds him up, pressed against his sweaty chest, Kame is lost in emotion. Tears trickle down his face, and neither are sure if it’s the pain, the pleasure or both. They just know that they don’t ever need anything else but this moment, this feeling. When they finish, both out of breath, flushed and naked, Jin notices that, for once, he doesn’t need alcohol, a joint or a cigarette. It’s as if Kame’s body is itself a relaxant, bringing Jin back to that mellow place he has been searching for. Kazu snuggles back so that his man is wrapping him up in a warm embrace and falls into a contented slumber. As Jin rests his head next to his boy’s soft hair, hand clasping Kame’s ringed fingers he realizes, that home isn’t LA or Japan or even Chiba; here, holding his own beautiful, sweet, vulnerable butterfly, his Kazu-chan, here is home.
Pairing : Akame
Rating : NC-17
Genre : Angst, Romance, BL, Yaoi, SMUT
Disclaimer : If I owned Kame or Jin there would be a lot smuttier Akame pictures circulating...
Summary : Jin's in LA having the time of his life. But is he really over Kame?
Life can’t be going any better for Akanishi Jin. At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling him. The hot Los Angeles sun beats down on him and he breathes deeply as he steps out of his expensive hotel. He’s happy to be back in America again; hopefully, it will be a chance for a fresh start under a new record label. He’s proud of the pop music he has been recording, not KAT-TUN proud, but without Kamenashi’s strict work ethic Jin knew he could only reach a certain level. Jin lowers his sunglasses over his eyes; there’s no need to think of anyone in KAT-TUN anymore, especially not Kame. Thinking about Japan distracts him and the sights in LA are already distracting enough. As if to prove his point, his eyes follow a girl in a skimpy bikini as she strolls down to the pool. A waiter appears next to him with a tray of drinks. Akanishi swipes one before they reach the VIP section and leaves a $50 tip on the tray. He sips the sweet liquid and takes in the sea of tanned blondes sprawled poolside next to the hotel. Yes, this was definitely the life he had been dreaming of while toiling away as a Johnny slave. Suddenly, his blackberry vibrates; he can barely feel it through the pocket of the baggy jeans he’s taken to wearing. He checks it nonchalantly and remembers that other reason he’s the envy of his friends: he’s been dating a very rich, very sexy chick. Damn. Jin can almost hear Koki’s voice spring into his head, “Bakanishi,” he’s an hour late for lunch with her. As Jin climbs into his chauffeured car, he marvels at the fact that she’s still at that restaurant; after all, it has been the second time this week that he’s fucked up their date times. The thought doesn’t bother him for very long, however; he’s a busy man, after all. When the car stops him at his destination, Akanishi doesn’t hurry. Without thinking, he lights up a cigarette and takes a few leisurely puffs. He remembers how Kame would act when he’d show up late. Hurt eyes and pouty lips would meet him when he would finally arrive at the table, but after a kiss and a sincere apology (because Jin always regretted it when Kazu fluttered his eyelashes softly), he would be back in Kamenashi’s good graces, basking in the warm light of that sunny smile. And Jin knew that this Kazuya was reserved only for him, this precious, sweet, vulnerable butterfly that had alighted so willingly in his net. Akanishi sucks on his cigarette and swears quietly. Because, of course, there was that time when Kame hadn’t forgiven him. Jin shakes his head in disgust with himself for even remembering that day and finds himself face to face with his girlfriend. Damn again. Her expression doesn’t look the least bit forgiving, sweet or vulnerable. She slaps him in the head and plants one of her obscenely bejeweled fingers on his forehead. “Ow,” he says, not daring to meet the daggers in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he tries, but she’s not buying it. She hops into his car, which hits the dust, leaving him coughing on the curb. He knows it’s not his finest moment, but another one of those rings should soothe her nerves. Jin rubs his head, feeling for the impact of her blow, maybe a necklace would be less dangerous this time. Despite this altercation, though, he was pretty proud of this relationship. It had lasted 6 months, which meant she had stuck it out 3 times longer than any other girls he had been with. Plus, she was hotter. He thought about her body and got an erection. He hadn’t been in lust this hard for a long time. Could he maybe be in love?
It’s nighttime and she slept over. Jin smells her strong perfume from where he sits by the window, smoking. He keeps the window wide open because, of course, she and the rest of LA can’t stand his bad habit. He’s needed to smoke more these days though, especially at night. There’s a nervous energy running through him that makes it impossible to sleep. The nicotine calms him, lets his body relax even if his brain is tense. It’s in these solo pensive sessions, and, God, Akanishi’s as surprised as anyone that he needs time alone to think, that he allows himself to remember home. No, Japan. He shouldn’t think of it with those warm fuzzy feelings attached anymore; it was only business home base. Home should be here, with her. He stares at her sleeping form in the monogrammed hotel sheets and runs a hand over the smooth leather of the chair he’s sitting on. It’s certainly what Hollywood dreams are made of, but somehow it still doesn’t trigger a sense of inner peace, a feeling that here, nothing bad can happen. He’s hoping that it will come to him all of a sudden, in a quick burst, like when he realized that years of English lessons had finally made him able to understand the movies he loved so much. But now, home still went back to Nihon, back to that tiny apartment, back to…
Kamenashi was in the kitchen making breakfast. His long wavy brown hair was tied in a knot atop his head and he was wearing silky white pajama bottoms and an apron. The apartment was awash in the smell of muffins and coffee. As Jin stumbled bleary-eyed out of the bedroom, Kazu’s face broke out into a sunny smile, “Ohayo Jinjin,” he put his arms around Akanishi. “I made America-style breakfast for you.” Jin breathed in the delicious aroma of the cooking food, the percolating coffee and the cute boy snuggled against him. Kame’s face was buried into his chest, “I missed you, you got up so late!” Jin looked at the clock above the stove; it was already 10 o’clock. “I’ve been waiting to play some music. Can I play it now, please?” Kazuya widened his brown eyes as he stared up at Jin. The older man nodded and playfully smacked Kame’s ass as he ran to his laptop. If only he knew how bouncy and adorable it looked through those translucent white pants. Since they’d made love that dawn, Jin wasn’t ravenously horny. Rather, he felt cared for, content, and complete while still feeling aroused. Kame was singing now, dancing in their small kitchen, oven mitts on his hands and frilly apron tied around his waist. Akanishi moved towards him and tilted the expectant face up for a kiss, letting his lips meet the pink pout delicately at first, then slipping a tongue in the sweet-tasting mouth. Yes, that is what Jin thinks of when he hears the word, “home.”
After engaging in fantasy, the LA room seems particularly drab to Jin. Is white really the coolest color or is the hotel saving money by hiring only one very old, very drab interior decorator to furnish their rooms, even the suite that he is paying so much for? Although she almost lives there with him, she’s way more interested in partying than domesticity so it won’t get done. His apartment with Kame had so much life in it, so much color and vibrancy, so much…Kazu. It doesn’t seem fitting that the site of their greatest pleasures was also the scene of the last day, of the screaming, and the tear-stained face. The broken ring and broken promises strewn across the red throw pillows, purple curtains, his James Dean movie poster and Kame’s lucky baseball glove, laying abandoned on the floor of the room they had once shared. Akanishi takes another puff and vows to take management up on their decorating practices tomorrow. Tomorrow, the morning, is approaching faster than Jin wants. He barely sleeps at all tonight, plagued by memories of his butterfly escaping his net.
Evening in LA comes quickly again. Jin’s back in the hotel room with her, feeling happier than he has in a while. Maybe it’s because they’re having couple time or maybe (and Jin’s fuzzy head has a feeling this is more likely) he’s just really, really stoned. She’s rifling through his stuff again, which usually pisses him off but just seems endearing right now. There’s a KAT-TUN CD in his bag and she’s all over it, “This is, like, your band in Japan right?”
“Was my band,” he corrects and pulls her onto his lap after she slips it into her laptop to play it. He sways her back and forth, feeling pretty satisfied until Kamenashi’s voice breaks through his stupor: Please come back to me. Jin’s girlfriend groans,
“This song is so boring Jin!” he pushes her off unceremoniously, suddenly feeling a lot less mellow. All he can see is Kazu’s face, crying soundlessly. Why did the song have to fit years after it had been released? I can’t forget you. Of course, their voices had to meld seamlessly together, hitching at the very same moment; their hearts had been joined then, and, moments before recording, their lips had hungrily devoured each other. Kimi wa dare ni dakarete… Kyou nemuri ni tsuku no mada itoshikute. “I don’t understand,” she whined. Jin was on his knees in front of her laptop now, eyes closed, blocking out the studded pink mouse and bikini clad self-portrait of her that graced the desktop. Who are you being held by as you fall asleep tonight? Still, you are dear to me. He can’t translate it for her, let her think it could ever be about her. After their carnal bliss of the evening, Jin has to be honest with himself, without the rush of lust, what else is left? Where’s the warmth, the sunshine… koishiikute…the pain of being without? Without him. The song ends and Akanishi knows it’s going to take more alcohol than is in his bar fridge to make him forget Kame tonight.
Jin’s in the club and is partying hard. He’s pleased to see that he underestimated alcohol’s healing powers. He downs another glass of gin, they have the same name after all, and surveys the sweaty electrifying crowd. He only knows his girlfriend and no one here knows him either. It’s exhilarating to be with strangers, with no reporters ready to report him to the Jimusho or worse, to Kame. No, that judgmental little face is far from his mind now. Grinding against his girl, he thinks people might be right. He does have an awesome life. Sometimes, he might get homesick and wonder what his past friends are up to, but usually, this euphoric high is what brings him back to LA time and time again. He stumbles into the washroom to pee, but ends up sprawled on the floor. His head feels unbelievably thick. As he stares at the yellowing ceiling, Kazuya’s voice sneaks into his consciousness. It’s Kazu’s cracking voice that stirs Jin’s heart, quiet yet quivering and breaking as he asks him, “You’re really leaving?” Akanishi pounds the floor once, uncoordinatedly. Why did that have to come get him down tonight? The image of this Kame, the shattered butterfly huddled on the floor of their bedroom, is what’s haunting him. He hates himself for the fact that he remembers how milky Kazuya’s thighs looked as he pressed them against himself. God, no. Jin has an erection, but can’t make himself get up. Those dewy eyes, eyelashes glistening wet from tears, seemed to be soaking in every last inch of Akanishi before he would disappear. Jin wonders what bastard gets that look from Kame now, who gets the privilege of calling one of Japan’s top idols his Kazu-chan. He whispers it now, his pet name for Kamenashi, hoping that maybe it’ll summon Kame into his drunken dreams. Jin passes out on the floor of the bathroom stall.
When he wakes up, hours later, his girl is gone and the club has emptied out. He feels fuzzy and sees a bit of dried blood, probably from his fall, on his hand that was resting under his head. Fuck. Now next week’s booze money will go to doctor fees. As he walks shakily out of the club, he is shocked to see the bright light of morning. Right, some clubs in LA never close. He’s sure she’s mad at him again, convinced he’s cheating on her. He finds her awfully paranoid considering he only did it once. And she is certainly no angel. Jin gets to his hotel and goes around to the back; he doesn’t like the concierge seeing him like this. As he’s about to stumble through the door, it’s slammed shut in front of him. He looks up and, for a moment, he can’t breathe. He recognizes the slim hands and long fingers, the (could it be?) crooked butterfly ring, lopsided from being thrown by its owner in the apartment Jin couldn’t get off his mind. Kamenashi Kazuya’s soft brown eyes find Jin’s cloudy ones, searching for some fragment of life in their dullness. When he finds none, he takes his hand and runs it gently along Akanishi’s cheek. Jin can’t process what is happening. The slender body in front of him is just as gorgeous as it always was, clad in an unassuming gray t-shirt and snug-fitting black jeans, hair tousled by the gentle morning wind. Akanishi wonders vaguely how long he has been waiting here or if he is even here to see him. Kame doesn’t speak; he takes Jin’s hand and brings him up to his own room, gesturing for the older man to lie down as he takes the telephone into the bathroom. This room is smaller than Akanishi’s and less expensive, for sure, but after probably only a few hours of Kamenashi’s presence, it feels warm. His bright luggage decorates one corner, his many necklaces glitter on the wardrobe and a picture of gonin KAT-TUN adorns the bedside table. Jin is upset that he’s not in the picture, but a sharp pain in his head wipes the thought from his mind. He lies down as Kame instructed. In the background, he hears Kazuya’s shaky English and wants to help. He can’t get up now though. He reaches for the cologne on the table beside him- same one as always- and smells it briefly. Home, he thinks, and is unconscious again.
He is awakened by Kame’s soft hand stroking his face. “Good, you’re awake,” he says worriedly. “The doctor says you should be fine, but I didn’t know.” Jin feels vaguely happy that he is still worth worrying over to Kamenashi. Then, the smile on Kazu’s face stiffens, “What were you doing anyway?” Akanishi sits up hurriedly, blood rushing to his head,
“Drinking,” he mumbles, rubbing his temples. Kame pushes him back down. “But never mind that. What are you doing here?” Kazuya blushes and nervously plays with his curls. His ring sparkles in the morning sunlight.
“I came to see you,” he says finally. Jin feels his heart expand, as if the feeling in his daydreams of so many months was trying to break free. “I…” Kame turns away to hide the vulnerability in his eyes, but Akanishi catches it, “I miss you.” He looked so beautiful with the sun hitting his hair. Jin feels his heart stab; he had wanted so much to forget. He needs so much to forget,
“I have a girlfriend,” he says defiantly. Kazu’s soft eyes fill with tears and he steps away quietly from the bed,
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He bows his head and busies himself about the room. Jin is confused. He’s the one who is pushing, pushing Kame away again, but he’s angry at the compliance. How can he be so noble? Akanishi knows in his heart that if it was the other way around he could never have submitted, he’d kill whoever touched his Kazu even if he couldn’t bring himself to touch Kame-chan himself. He looks away, knowing that if their gazes meet he won’t be able to say no again. He couldn’t crush Kazuya’s wings a second time. But his butterfly is stronger than when they last met: “Do you want me to go?” he asks politely, while shakily lighting a cigarette. When Jin doesn’t answer, he starts gently placing his necklaces in a purple case and unzips his bag to re-pack. As Kame readies himself to leave, Akanishi feels the panic set in; the room around him is paling, those white colorless walls are closing in. He feels his blackberry vibrating and he fumbles desperately to turn it off, to shut off the fixture of his new life for just one more… “I thought so,” Kazu says softly. He is standing at the door, hand on the handle. “I’m sorry Jin, I should have known I’m the only one who can’t forget us.” He opens the door. At this, Akanishi’s brain snaps into action. He whips his blackberry out the window and runs to the door, catching Kame in his arms.
“No,” he says. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” Kamenashi looks up at him, startled,
“That’s not the love confession I was hoping for,” he whispers. Jin shakes his head,
“No!” he says again. Then, more pleading, “Kazu-chan, boku no Kazu-chan, ikanaide, don’t go.” He pulls Kame back into the room and shuts the door, hard. “It’s…” he stops, “I’m so sorry my Kame-chan.” Jin feels the tears welling in his eyes and then he’s bawling, uncontrollably. “I love you,” he says. He feels Kame’s body in his arms, so small and beautiful and he buries his face in the sweet smelling neck. “God, Kazu-chan how much I love you.” Kamenashi’s eyes are closed and a gentle smile plays his pink perfect lips.
“Aishiteru,” he whispers, losing himself in Jin’s emotion and Jin’s body. He unbuttons Akanishi’s shirt to reveal the smooth chest, “Mmm” he murmurs, nuzzling into it. Jin’s hands are in his hair and he’s letting his lips trail all over Kame’s head, face and neck.
“Kazuya,” Jin’s tears are drying, but his eyes are bright and serious, “I couldn’t go a day without thinking of you.” Somehow, that is all Kamenashi needs to know,
“Shhh,” he shushes his man by offering his sensationally soft lips to Jin, joining them in a passionate embrace.
“Fuck!” Akanishi exclaims suddenly, “I haven’t tasted passion like that since you. Was I dead?” He kisses him again, reveling in the feel of their lips pressed together. As their tongues touch, electricity shoots through Jin’s body, vivifying him, arousing him uncontrollably. He stares at Kame a moment, taking in the ruffled hair, glistening parted pink lips and wide, yearning eyes. No girl could match his sensuality, Akanishi thinks, as the boy rotates his supple hips impatiently, showing off his growing manhood. Jin can scarcely handle the pleasure; suddenly, his big hands are all over Kazuya’s body, stripping off his t-shirt, teasing his nipples and shoving fingers into his open mouth. Kame laughs while playfully licking Jin’s index finger. He had forgotten how unbelievable it was to be with the man, this baka, that he loved. He runs a hand through Jin’s thick hair and flutters his eyelashes slightly, just like he knows Jin loved. Then, he pays attention to the burgeoning penis sticking out of Jin’s jeans. Before giving in, Kame puts his slender hand in his man’s pants, running his black painted fingernails lightly over Jin’s shaft. He moans himself when he meets Jin’s eyes, wild and furious and alive. Akanishi unzips his pants and pulls out his throbbing erection. Kazu knew it was coming and puts his soft lips around Jin’s cock. He sucks it so delicately, but with so much more determination than the women who’d taken his place that year that Akanishi almost looses it immediately. Before letting him finish however, Kame, always hard-working and practical, takes his mouth off the dick. He wraps his arms around Jin, pouty lips begging for his own pleasure and pushes his pants down. Akanishi groans and pumps himself eagerly as Kame spreads the milky thighs he’s been dreaming of. They both gasp as Jin makes his move, too big to be gentle, and enters the yielding hole. Kazuya bites his lip in pain; it’s been too long since he was made love to. As Jin holds him up, pressed against his sweaty chest, Kame is lost in emotion. Tears trickle down his face, and neither are sure if it’s the pain, the pleasure or both. They just know that they don’t ever need anything else but this moment, this feeling. When they finish, both out of breath, flushed and naked, Jin notices that, for once, he doesn’t need alcohol, a joint or a cigarette. It’s as if Kame’s body is itself a relaxant, bringing Jin back to that mellow place he has been searching for. Kazu snuggles back so that his man is wrapping him up in a warm embrace and falls into a contented slumber. As Jin rests his head next to his boy’s soft hair, hand clasping Kame’s ringed fingers he realizes, that home isn’t LA or Japan or even Chiba; here, holding his own beautiful, sweet, vulnerable butterfly, his Kazu-chan, here is home.