watashi kagami (reflection)
Title: watashi kagami (reflection)
Author: kazuryoshi
Pairing: yasuda shota and guess who?! XD
Rating: PG
Genre: Psycho, romance
Summary: Yasu fighting over his own reflection.
“mirror, mirror, hanging on my wall, hey, i want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me, don’t you dare to tell me the lie or I will break you with my own hand”
"now..."
“mirror, mirror, tell me, show me, who I really am”
Shota is leaning closer to the mirror as he repeating the words, melancholically. He feels the cold surface of the mirror with his small hand, touching his own reflection. He on the other side was smiling warmly and sweetly, an angelic smile he declared. But for Shota, it was all a fake, it was all a lie. He refused to believe what he saw, the mirror was lying, the true him has a hideous crooked smile, dark and dull eyes and his skin is pale. The reflection is an impostor. He is not what he see, not what everyone see, not everyone…
Suddenly, the feeling of hatred started filling up his fragile heart, and that hatred turned into an abominable anger, raging ferociously, burning his patience, obliterating his sanity and snatched the rationality off him. Again, Shota looked at his reflection; ‘he’ was still smiling and laughing mockingly at his own stupidity.
“I told you not to lie at me!!!”
He yelled from the bottom of his heart, it was a mixture of sadness, loneliness and anger and he screamed it all out. He broke the mirror that was once his only window to the other him; he broke it with his own bare hand. The shattered glass is all over him, the multiplying images of him scares him, he could see they were all smiling, a triumphant and scornful smile. Shota felt defeated and hopeless. He feels numb, his hand is bleeding so does his heart but he can’t cry for he knows that no one will come to wipe his tears and embrace him so he will feel the warmth and love that is comforting. No body will come and he know he don’t deserve their kindness.
Shota is loosing it, he is loosing the will to live.
“I should end my life”
“yes you should!” the ‘shotas’ from the shattered glass replied in unison.
“and if you did, nobody would even care to bother”
“you should die, your life is miserable and you make others miserable too”
“you better kill yourself” they continuously poisoning Shota’s mind with their words.
“I, I know,..I think I should..” Shota is admitting defeat.
Slowly he bent down and picked the large piece of glass with a sharp edge, holding it firmly, place it on his throat and was about to cut himself when somebody forcefully smack his hand and made him loose his grip, the glass fell and broke into another thousand pieces on the floor.
“what the hell are you trying to do?!” that voice is commanding for an obvious answer.
His subconscious mind recognizing the voice, it was a very familiar voice, it was full of warmth and love. A voice that is care and protecting, a voice that he feels he belonged to.
Shota feels weak, he can’t afford to stand on his feet and started to fall but the owner of the voice managed to catch him and pull him into his hug. It was warm and comforting. His hand stroking the back of Shota’s head that rested on his chest. Shota tried not to cry but his eyes betrayed him, tears falls heavily from the corner of his eyes and Shota was wrong. He was totally wrong when he thought nobody would come to wipe his tears whenever he cry, and he was so damn wrong when he thought no one will come to embrace him whenever he feel sad and in need of love and comforts.
The man lifted him easily, bringing him outside and into his bedroom. There he rested him on his bed and cover his shaking body with his turquoise blanket. He went outside and soon come back with first aid kit on his hand. He took Shota’s bleeding hand, cleans it and treated it cautiously as if it was the most fragile thing that could be broken easily.
That man was smiling to him, and it made him crying even harder for he was ashamed of himself. How dare he thought he was alone, how dare he thought nobody cares about him, how dare he forgot how much he love him,the owner of the voice.
“I’m sorry, I just…”
“shh… don’t say anything, you should rest now”
“I, I am not what you think…I am such a liar, a hypocrite, I…”
“I know, I know that you are not completely honest, nobody does… but for me you are not an evil person, I love your smile, your angelic smile, and though you thought it was all fake, but I trust you, your eyes, it tells”
“I don’t know what to say..”
“so stop saying anything. What in the world that makes you think about doing this stupid thing?”
“I’m sorry…”
“ne, listen to me, no matter what you might think about yourself, there is one thing I am really sure” that man took a deep breath as if gathering all his courage before he continue.
“The Shota that I know is a very sweet and caring person with a heart of gold, your smile is my strength and your cheerful laughs brighten up my days and I don’t think any of that was faked”
“and I know you are trying too hard to be that, you know what, its okay if you want to snap at me whenever you feel angry, its okay for you to cry whenever you feel sad, its okay to be weak and its okay if you want me to hear your rants for hours, I’ll listen.”
“but please, I beg you, don’t do this again…because I can’t..”
“you can’t… what?”
“I can’t afford to live without you” he said with a trembling voice.
…….
“Tacchon…”
A/N: this fic has nothing to do with the song but I am so in love with the song and it was all over my mind. However, I think the title is appropriate. Comments are most welcome!