(no subject)
And if you close your eyes,
does it almost feel like nothing changed at all ?
VIXX; Pairing: Hakyeon/Taekwoon (friendship)
The Maze Runner background story
Genre: angst, AU
Rating: g
Warning: Spoilers for people who wants to read James Dashner trilogy.
Word count: 1081
Summary: Hakyeon hides how bad he's feeling, and Taekwoon can't show how worried he is.
Hakyeon's eyes had been shining from an odd, dark light since the day they had found out they all had the Flare ; since the day they had found out they were all immune, except for him ; since the day they knew they would make it but he would slowly turn crazy ; since the day they had found out that escaping the Maze and going through the Scorch had been the start of Hakyeon's awaken nightmare.
Since the day he was finally allowed to lose hope, to admit there were no way out left for himself.
As usual, he had tried not to show anything in front of the others. But Taekwoon had felt it. Taekwoon knew. Hakyeon was going weirder and weirder, over reacting for tiny things, feeling flustered a few seconds after, apologizing while trying to hide his confused state. The man Taekwoon knew, the one that was always composed, the one who tried to keep everyone together, was gradually disappearing. The Glue that held them together was slowly turning into a crazy man, and soon he would be nothing else than a Crank.
Taekwoon knew how much Hakyeon wanted a way out of the Maze.
Since the beginning of the trials, since the beginning of the Maze, they always had been together. They had been one of the first Gladers, they had been the two first people to run through the Maze. Along with Wonsik, they had been among those who had established the rules to keep life going. Order. It had always been order that had kept them from falling into the abysses of despair, and the three of them had always felt like it was their duty to prevent their little society from collapsing.
Because Taekwoon knew Hakyeon better than anyone.
He knew Hakyeon had always wanted to find a way out. He had been struggling with himself because he felt like he was going to get crazy if he didn't escape that confined space that was the Glade. He never showed it because he was the kind of people to hide his own feelings to encourage others. Taekwon knew though, that Hakyeon had always wanted to escape the Maze, from the very bottom of his heart. Every day, every night, he was relentlessly thinking about how to escape the Maze, running faster than any other Runners, remembering every details on the Maze better than a Map Builder,... And slowly, surely, hope had started to wither, yet, he had never shown any signs. Only little did they know that the much expected escape out of the Maze would be the beginning of hislong sinking into the abyss of craziness.
That's why Taekwoon was more worried for Hakyeon than anyone.
Because he knew the boy better than anyone, he knew he was hiding things. He knew that behind his usual smile, a thunder of emotions was going through the boy's head. Because his eyes were showing exhaustion. They were showing the fear and the will to abandon everything. When hearing the news, Hakyeon had just silently smirked. “That's a bloody rejoicing piece of news” he had whispered while looking at his two friends, before shrugging it off. But Taekwoon knew that it was only a weak attempt at reassuring them. And it made Taekwoon worry even more.
It was everything, from the outing of the Maze to now that was exhausting the young man, Taekwoon knew it. More than anyone, Hakyeon was affected by the multiple death of friends during the dark times in the tunnel. Hakyeon was longing more than anyone all of the Gladers that had been electrified to death by the gigantic thunderstorms. Hakyeon was more worried than anyone else when someone was suddenly missing; he was the first one to volunteer in staying at the back to keep an eye on everyone. Hakyeon was more affected than anybody by the sight of all these people, turned into Cranks, losing their minds, their body being slowly eaten away by darkness; by madness. But he had still kept that smile of his while encouraging the others to hold on, because soon the nightmare would be over. But Taekwoon knew Hakyeon had stopped believing his own speech and for the ability to find an escape to this hell they were living long ago.
But Taekwoon never really told Hakyeon how much he was worried.
With the Flare infection news though, Taekwoon silently noticed how Hakyeon's smile was sadder and always tainted with a agonizing hint. He silently noticed Hakyeon's trembling lips after going through a new anger crisis. He silently noticed how the Flare was slowly taking his friend's mind away, and with it, erasing all the physical and mental characteristics that had always been the core of Hakyeon personality.
But Taekwoon was the kind not to know how to express himself. He was awkward with words, and had a short-temper, so instead of voicing any comforting word, he could not do anything but bite back at Hakyeon's stances. He was the kind to do the push and pull game to tease the other, to reject his affection in order to hide how much he cared about the other. Because he felt weird voicing how much he cared for Hakyeon, he felt burdened by the weight of Hakyeon's friendship. So he just kept on biting back, on answering snarky and mean comments when his friend suddenly became furious or ireasonnable.
Even if, really, he knew deep inside that it was madness talking. (But he still probably hoped for a solution, still thought that as long as they were arguing, his friend was still there, right there with them)
And when Hakyeon begged him to leave him alone, when he pointed a gun to Taekwoon while threatening him, when he cried openly in front of his friends, when he declared openly that he was nothing else than a Crank, and that he had to be left with the people he belonged with, the other Cranks; that's when Taekwoon realized.
That's when Taekwoon realized that he should have voiced his appreciation more, shown more concern, tried to soothe his friend, because now, he would never have that opportunity again.
And when he realized that Hakyeon would be left alone with his pain, his fears and regrets; alone until he is mad enough, until he's totally Gone; alone until there is nothing left from Taekwoon closest friend but an empty body taken over by craziness; Taekwoon felt the overwhelming bitterness of regret and longing.
First of all, I'm not a native speaker, and I've not been beta-ed on this one, so please accept my apologies for any mistakes that would have slipped in.
I don't really know why I wrote about that, but I must warn first that this is more or less a lot of spoilers for people wanting to read The Maze Runner trilogy (read it, it's great, really! you will ABSOLUTELY not cry of pain or anything, I promise; never...) so beware !
I promise one day, I will write happy Hakyeon (I hope to do so for Caffeine, I will make Hakyeon happy I swear!)
Val is going to hate me for that. I hate myself for it too.