Now, what did you learn?
Slight interlude from recounting of my Europe trip for this ever strange day(in my increasingly ever strange life).
I got a call from my sister which I ignored because it woke me up, but then she leaves a voicemail that says:
"I don't want you to panic but Mom collapsed today at the crabfeast picnic and shes been taken to a hospital. We think it's just heat exhaustion but they're doing a CAT scan in case it was a stroke."
Naturally, YOU'D freak out too, right?? So in my worried state I drive to Bethesda to the hospital she's in to make sure she's OK. Wait around until I'm able to see her and when I do she's shaking and incredibly pale. I'm the only one in there with her because it's only one visitor at a time so I get her more blankets and ask the nurse (who bitchily blows me off) if they could give her something for nausea.
So HERE'S what makes this entry worth reading and not just a sadsack plea for sympathy (she's fine now, it was just the heat exhaustion and dehydration thing). I FOUND OUT WHERE I GET MY TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOR FROM:
As the nurse is helping her to the bathroom my mom asks her to "cover her up because she doesn't want to show the world her butt." So when the nurse comes out she says to me "Your mom was really worried about HOW BAD HER HAIR LOOKED."
Both of my sisters eventually joined me in the room where my mom was saying "It's ridiculous for you guys to just be sitting in here" to which we would say "OH OK! Well we'll just be off now. I was actually told I HAD to stay. And really, your hair looks awful you should have cleaned yourself up a bit"
THEN when the doctor comes out to tell of the results he mentioned something about "heat and drinking". So my mom has to explain to us that she had a miniscule amount of vodka in her drink this morning because she felt a panic attack coming on (we've ALL been there, SOME more than others). So we start making fun of her for that! My dad says "So THATS where all my vodka went." and "Do you normally feel the need to start drinking before 1PM?" And my sisters and I get on her case about how "little" it was. And OF COURSE she's very defensive about it and has to keep explaining it was only a little.
She also asked my sister who called 911 and what did they say. My sister replied "I just told them we had a very stable woman that wanted to go for a ride in an ambulance." My oldest sister kept trying to show how experienced she was in hospitals (her daughter was born with a hole in her heart LITERALLY and died and was revived twice after she was born) so I finally said "Yes Jamie, YOU"VE BEEN TO HOSPITALS ALOT BEFORE. WE KNOW IT!"
So basically, making fun of a woman in her 60s after she's collapsed and doing it IN HER HOSPITAL ROOM, as well as making jokes at the expense of all the medical trauma our family members have been through = why I have the sense of humor I do. I love my family.
OH! I also stole 5 of those little metal button stickers they put on people's chests for monitoring EKG. It will be a nice addition to my painting (new subliminal nipple imagery). And I actually said to a girl I barely know (jokingly OF COURSE) when a picture of us didn't turn out, "Well on my picture phone, unattractive people don't normally come out."
Am I becoming a jerk again?
I got a call from my sister which I ignored because it woke me up, but then she leaves a voicemail that says:
"I don't want you to panic but Mom collapsed today at the crabfeast picnic and shes been taken to a hospital. We think it's just heat exhaustion but they're doing a CAT scan in case it was a stroke."
Naturally, YOU'D freak out too, right?? So in my worried state I drive to Bethesda to the hospital she's in to make sure she's OK. Wait around until I'm able to see her and when I do she's shaking and incredibly pale. I'm the only one in there with her because it's only one visitor at a time so I get her more blankets and ask the nurse (who bitchily blows me off) if they could give her something for nausea.
So HERE'S what makes this entry worth reading and not just a sadsack plea for sympathy (she's fine now, it was just the heat exhaustion and dehydration thing). I FOUND OUT WHERE I GET MY TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOR FROM:
As the nurse is helping her to the bathroom my mom asks her to "cover her up because she doesn't want to show the world her butt." So when the nurse comes out she says to me "Your mom was really worried about HOW BAD HER HAIR LOOKED."
Both of my sisters eventually joined me in the room where my mom was saying "It's ridiculous for you guys to just be sitting in here" to which we would say "OH OK! Well we'll just be off now. I was actually told I HAD to stay. And really, your hair looks awful you should have cleaned yourself up a bit"
THEN when the doctor comes out to tell of the results he mentioned something about "heat and drinking". So my mom has to explain to us that she had a miniscule amount of vodka in her drink this morning because she felt a panic attack coming on (we've ALL been there, SOME more than others). So we start making fun of her for that! My dad says "So THATS where all my vodka went." and "Do you normally feel the need to start drinking before 1PM?" And my sisters and I get on her case about how "little" it was. And OF COURSE she's very defensive about it and has to keep explaining it was only a little.
She also asked my sister who called 911 and what did they say. My sister replied "I just told them we had a very stable woman that wanted to go for a ride in an ambulance." My oldest sister kept trying to show how experienced she was in hospitals (her daughter was born with a hole in her heart LITERALLY and died and was revived twice after she was born) so I finally said "Yes Jamie, YOU"VE BEEN TO HOSPITALS ALOT BEFORE. WE KNOW IT!"
So basically, making fun of a woman in her 60s after she's collapsed and doing it IN HER HOSPITAL ROOM, as well as making jokes at the expense of all the medical trauma our family members have been through = why I have the sense of humor I do. I love my family.
OH! I also stole 5 of those little metal button stickers they put on people's chests for monitoring EKG. It will be a nice addition to my painting (new subliminal nipple imagery). And I actually said to a girl I barely know (jokingly OF COURSE) when a picture of us didn't turn out, "Well on my picture phone, unattractive people don't normally come out."
Am I becoming a jerk again?