(no subject)
She'll come back as fire, And burn all the liars,
leave a blanket of ash on the ground
I miss the comfort in being sad
Worked all weekend. Which I guess is a good thing. I have $600+ in the bank... and by next payday I'll be able to completely afford my license/lessons. Unfortunately... I'll have to wait for Graham to get a job again so he can come with me... He quit at Boston Pizza. I don't blame him... I wouldn't want to work until 3am... I don't think anyone does. Thank God Value Village closes at 9 or I'd quit, too.
My life's average. Just working and stuff. Spending all the free time I have with Graham. I don't care, he's the only thing that makes me happy now. I'm sick of coming home because I'm forced to hear the abuse that my mom has to give me on never being there, but when I am, she's just as unhappy, and always brings up things from the past and I'm sick of fighting with her. She's right, as I've told her a million times, I'm sick of living here, I'm sick of looking at her, I'm sick of having to put up with her fat face every day of my life. Unfortunately, it never kicks in for her. Yesterday I asked her if there was shampoo and conditioner in the house, and she yelled at me, telling me I have a job, I can afford my own necessities. With that I retorted that just because I have a job, doesn't mean that I have to buy everything I need myself. She's the mother, she decided to queef me out, something I personally didn't ask for, and that it's her responsibility to provide for me, because I'll have to provide for her when she's 85 and shitting her pants, feeding of my very soul until she finally kicks the bucket. I know I sound mean, I know I sound like a complete fuck head, but I just. don't. care. I'm sick of it all.
Graham's the only thing that makes me happy. I say that a million times every day, and it's true. Without him, I'd be so fucking unhappy, I don't think I'd be here anymore. I need him to tell me I'm pretty, I need him to tell me that I'm somebody, or I'd go insane. I'm sick of life, and I'd kill myself now if I didn't have him, I'll admit it.
I don't want to go to school anymore. I'm so sick of school. I don't want to become a forensic chemist. I don't know what I want to be, but I don't want to be having to pay for my education after high school. I want to get a job and stick with it for the rest of my life. I might just go to college and do whatever is available or in high demand for that time. I want to become a musician. I might take up guitar. It'd have to be acoustic, because the electric guitar makes me want to smash my face in when I pay it. It's actually really annoying when you play it yourself.
Tomorrow, I plan on going to West Park to pick up Graham, and then help him find a job before we hang out with Brennan. I'm excited.... but not really. I'm really just not up for social interaction. I'm selfish, and anti-social. I don't know what to do about it. I don't care for anyone anymore. I've lost all affection for people, because I know that they'll never love me back or care about me. People have let me down too much in my life, and so I think I've jsut given up.
I wonder where I would live if I got kicked out of my house?
leave a blanket of ash on the ground
I miss the comfort in being sad
Worked all weekend. Which I guess is a good thing. I have $600+ in the bank... and by next payday I'll be able to completely afford my license/lessons. Unfortunately... I'll have to wait for Graham to get a job again so he can come with me... He quit at Boston Pizza. I don't blame him... I wouldn't want to work until 3am... I don't think anyone does. Thank God Value Village closes at 9 or I'd quit, too.
My life's average. Just working and stuff. Spending all the free time I have with Graham. I don't care, he's the only thing that makes me happy now. I'm sick of coming home because I'm forced to hear the abuse that my mom has to give me on never being there, but when I am, she's just as unhappy, and always brings up things from the past and I'm sick of fighting with her. She's right, as I've told her a million times, I'm sick of living here, I'm sick of looking at her, I'm sick of having to put up with her fat face every day of my life. Unfortunately, it never kicks in for her. Yesterday I asked her if there was shampoo and conditioner in the house, and she yelled at me, telling me I have a job, I can afford my own necessities. With that I retorted that just because I have a job, doesn't mean that I have to buy everything I need myself. She's the mother, she decided to queef me out, something I personally didn't ask for, and that it's her responsibility to provide for me, because I'll have to provide for her when she's 85 and shitting her pants, feeding of my very soul until she finally kicks the bucket. I know I sound mean, I know I sound like a complete fuck head, but I just. don't. care. I'm sick of it all.
Graham's the only thing that makes me happy. I say that a million times every day, and it's true. Without him, I'd be so fucking unhappy, I don't think I'd be here anymore. I need him to tell me I'm pretty, I need him to tell me that I'm somebody, or I'd go insane. I'm sick of life, and I'd kill myself now if I didn't have him, I'll admit it.
I don't want to go to school anymore. I'm so sick of school. I don't want to become a forensic chemist. I don't know what I want to be, but I don't want to be having to pay for my education after high school. I want to get a job and stick with it for the rest of my life. I might just go to college and do whatever is available or in high demand for that time. I want to become a musician. I might take up guitar. It'd have to be acoustic, because the electric guitar makes me want to smash my face in when I pay it. It's actually really annoying when you play it yourself.
Tomorrow, I plan on going to West Park to pick up Graham, and then help him find a job before we hang out with Brennan. I'm excited.... but not really. I'm really just not up for social interaction. I'm selfish, and anti-social. I don't know what to do about it. I don't care for anyone anymore. I've lost all affection for people, because I know that they'll never love me back or care about me. People have let me down too much in my life, and so I think I've jsut given up.
I wonder where I would live if I got kicked out of my house?