(no subject)
So... why am I posting at 3 am? Basically because I've been awake for the last hour crying.
My coursework deadlines have come and gone, and I didn't manage to finish anything really, I was too busy being stupid and trying to avoid everything altogether. I keep being asked if I really want to stay at college; and I really do, after all I already wasted a year of my life.
But, everything just seems to much: My parents splitting up, all this coursework that I'm not used to, my uncle died the other week as well. I've also been dwelling on things that I've spent the last 5 or so years trying my absolute best to forget ever happened. They're the kind of things that you're sure you'll never be able to talk to anyone about ever.
I would talk about it here, but I'm too busy trying to protect people. I hate it in a way, I hate that I try to potect the people that have caused me so much pain, but I know I'd feel guilty if didn't.
To be honest, I don't know what to do at all, I just want to try and keep moving in life, but it just seems impossible. Everyone keeps telling me that I shoul talk to somene about it, but who? My family's in the direct center of it, my RL friends don't seem to want to have anything to do with me most of the time, and my frequent absenses from online mean I doubt that anyone here really cares enough to... well, care.
That's not anything against you guys, seriously. I just wish I wan't such a terrible friend.
I think that's as close to venting that I'll ever get. I guess I'll go and see if I can get anymore sleep, then.
My coursework deadlines have come and gone, and I didn't manage to finish anything really, I was too busy being stupid and trying to avoid everything altogether. I keep being asked if I really want to stay at college; and I really do, after all I already wasted a year of my life.
But, everything just seems to much: My parents splitting up, all this coursework that I'm not used to, my uncle died the other week as well. I've also been dwelling on things that I've spent the last 5 or so years trying my absolute best to forget ever happened. They're the kind of things that you're sure you'll never be able to talk to anyone about ever.
I would talk about it here, but I'm too busy trying to protect people. I hate it in a way, I hate that I try to potect the people that have caused me so much pain, but I know I'd feel guilty if didn't.
To be honest, I don't know what to do at all, I just want to try and keep moving in life, but it just seems impossible. Everyone keeps telling me that I shoul talk to somene about it, but who? My family's in the direct center of it, my RL friends don't seem to want to have anything to do with me most of the time, and my frequent absenses from online mean I doubt that anyone here really cares enough to... well, care.
That's not anything against you guys, seriously. I just wish I wan't such a terrible friend.
I think that's as close to venting that I'll ever get. I guess I'll go and see if I can get anymore sleep, then.