(no subject)

Aug 02, 2006 16:40

so josh left me alone. cool. i can deal, maked it easier for me and b.

but see, b gets mad when I speak my mind. I can't deal with that. I've unintentionally ditanced myself from her for that sole reason.

I don't like this, but when i distance myself for soem reason, it's hard to get back to that original point. I care about her, but shit, i can't be hurting myself in the process of that. I won't do it. But i am with her nonetheless.

and see there's this other dude and we've talked and he digs me and I dig him, but as usual i'm facing a few issues, primarily his lack of education and that he's been under a rock, a heavily gaurded rock called prison for the past six years of his life.

BUT, I want to help him, he's had an extremely difficult life. I mean shit I though b had some fucked up shit happen, nah he's worse.
I like him, i do. I really do. He doesn't like that i like females, and tells me god doesn't like it and i say we can change the subject... he's so firm, yet sweet.

I know you're thinkin why was he in prison. We had a long long like six hour discussion. as to why he went, and what he wants to do now. I know why he went, It doesn't phase me, what does phase me is what he's going to do with his life now.

He wants his own business, he wants to educate himself and get as far away from his current life as possible with out losing himself in the process. He wants more for himself, he doesn't want to be a hoodrat slangin no more. he said he made a mistake. a large one and he doesn't want to go back. he says he wants help to educate himself and be a better person.

One thing that has stabilized my thoughts on him, has been the manner in which he's approached me. I wouldn't have know anything, had he not told me. He's honest and humble. He knows where he came from and doesn't want to keep going down the path he's headed on. He doesn't want to go back to prison. But he knows if he doesn't straighten his ass up he will.

YO, honestly i don't know why god brings people into my life. I don't know why he chooses me to help people, talk to people, educate people, but the older i get, the more i see different connections froming in my life. I have this idea of one thing, and then all the sudden, god puts that exact thing in my face and tells me to run with it, here's your chance, go!

Everything in my life is coming to a circle, intertwining, moving in and out, slowly but surely moving forward.

I know I need to watch myself around ol' boy, but look though, i got myself watched out for and i'm not doing anything by myself til i know him completely. and feel like it's cool.

in the mean time...



I'll keep you posted...
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