Fuck it.
Don't have my car.
Haven't had it for three and a half weeks.
It's honestly my fault, because I finally decided to get the 432423423453253425 things wrong with it fixed. It's being THOROUGHLY fixed.
I'm slowly dying of cabin fever and my sleeping/eating patterns are at the weirdest I've seen them in a while.
I'm lonely. And cranky. And I want to see people. And go to things. But my dad's somewhat stingy with his car and my mom's 100% never going to let me borrow hers. So actually going to see people sucks.
.... **Bangs head against wall**
I've tried doing productive things. Sadly, I find it very tiring to be productive when I feel imprisoned.
Tempted to start one of those little carving lines on the wall or bed post for each day things. Except my mother would, without a doubt, shoot me.
Anthony has given me video games. I'm playing them too much and rotting my brain. On the bright side, out of boredom, I've had dinner/baked goods ready for my parents when they got home a couple of times and they've been pleased. What's alarming, though, is that I've been bored enough to clean the kitchen up after I use it. Heavens, what's happening to me?
On a separate, even less pleasant note... my house... is by a cornfield. In the boondocks of Homestead. Meaning, kritters I don't care for are plentiful. And there's an opening somewhere in the house through which they are entering. See, wasps and lizards getting into the house? I don't want either, but it's understandable. A frog, however? No. I don't know how the devil a frog got in, as no doors or windows were open, but I "love" the beasts as much as I "love" lizards, meaning I was a hyperventilating, whimpering mess until my father saw the disgusting thing out. Oh, and there was a snake in our backyard the other night. I like snakes. Want to own them, in fact. But I don't want to randomly run into them in the dark.
In other backyard news, I'm dying for the sugar apple, orange, and avocado trees to start blooming. The guavas and mangos are coming along nicely. The guavas are especially delicious. <3 I have several neighbors who own cats and let them loose through the streets. I've seen them in our yard a couple of times (much to our indoor cats' chagrin) and they're quite friendly. However, once I get started on the koi pond building, this is going to be a problem. Dad and I are discussing either keeping few fish and setting up a sort of underwater hiding place/cave for them or installing some sort of gate around the pond. I'm more for the latter idea, as the underwater escape would prevent cats, but it wouldn't do much for snakes and/or fishing birds (we have plenty thanks to the lakes within the community.) What will suck about building something around the pond is that it'll probably bring ruin to my ideas of setting up a small tea room back there, as well. I think it'd make the yard look far too crowded, hardly the sort of place you'd hold zen tea ceremonies in. Oh well. I suppose my study could double as a tea room, even though it's already my study/computer/painting/etc room.
It's strange. I've barely written in this thing as of late and here I am now, outpouring into it. I suppose it's mostly due to lack of sleep and boredom. Then again, I am trying to mentally/emotionally re-organize.
One thing I want to start nurturing more are my friendships. I want deep, meaningful friendships. Friendships that last. I've realized that since I've started college I've had nine different best friends. This is neither healthy, nor smart. I form bonds with people I'm not compatible with over things that are fun, but shouldn't be the sole basis of a friendships. Examples: "Teehee, we like the same band/hobby/tv show/etc!" or "We have so many inside jokes lol!" There has to be a certain amount of... I dunno. Being able to handle each other aside from the likes and dislikes. I'd rather have a friend who truly got me emotionally and mentally, who also shares only one interest with me... than a friend who likes all the same things I do, yet our actions and points of view rub each other the wrong way. I'm no longer going to be willing to "make friends with everyone." I have to be more selective. Seeing as I'm getting a little sick of my own patterns. I've found certain handfuls of people I can see myself bonding with. Some I've known more recently than others. Some I've known for years, yet there hasn't been enough time spent together (although it's been wished for) to consider it a solid "close friendship." Time (and effort) will tell.
I've yet to find the perfect balance between not worrying what people think about me and caring too much. I always have one extreme or the other. If I behave as if I could seriously not give a damn, I'm accused of being selfish, careless, attention-whoreish, and inappropriate. If I do start caring, I then get accused of paranoia and having low self-esteem. Devil take it all. Must find perfect formula. **Adds to to-do list.**
I've recently purchased a magnificent watercolor painting technique guide. I'm dying to begin using it. I need an easel, though, preferably with extra splatter protection. Before I'd just use a chair, but I was specifically told I'd be kicked out to the curb if I used any of the new chairs for such an endeavor. I'm also in the market for a new bathroom scale (as I have yet to find the old one amongst the still-packed things, and besides the stupid thing never worked properly). I know I've lost some weight, as I can feel it in the way my clothing fits, but I want to start on an actual diet and exercise plan and I want to monitor it.
I finally visited the World Erotic Art Museum. Anthony and I went together. To tell the truth, it wasn't what I expected. It wasn't bad, per se. There were interesting things to look at and also plenty of "Omg, wtf, my eyeeeeeeeees!" stuff. And many, many things to chuckle over. Captain and I had a good number of laughs. However, nothing about the place made me really... I don't know... want to visit it over and over again. Fun as it was, it was a little too underwhelming to make it more than a one time visit, unless there's a specific reason to go back. I was INCREDIBLY thrilled when I saw the giant penis sculpture from A Clockwork Orange there, though. Anthony had just moments before mentioned his surprise that it wasn't featured there when we came upon it. The following conversation ensued.
Him: Oh wow, it IS here.
Me: ... =O
Him: .... happy to see it?
Me: Excuse me. I am basking in the presence of an iconic figure from my favorite movie and book. (and yes, for those who are picky, I know the penis isn't in the book, but stfu)
Him: ... >.>"""" erm, ok.
It was suggested that a museum robbery should happen. I would have loved to. I'm pathetic.
Haven't had it for three and a half weeks.
It's honestly my fault, because I finally decided to get the 432423423453253425 things wrong with it fixed. It's being THOROUGHLY fixed.
I'm slowly dying of cabin fever and my sleeping/eating patterns are at the weirdest I've seen them in a while.
I'm lonely. And cranky. And I want to see people. And go to things. But my dad's somewhat stingy with his car and my mom's 100% never going to let me borrow hers. So actually going to see people sucks.
.... **Bangs head against wall**
I've tried doing productive things. Sadly, I find it very tiring to be productive when I feel imprisoned.
Tempted to start one of those little carving lines on the wall or bed post for each day things. Except my mother would, without a doubt, shoot me.
Anthony has given me video games. I'm playing them too much and rotting my brain. On the bright side, out of boredom, I've had dinner/baked goods ready for my parents when they got home a couple of times and they've been pleased. What's alarming, though, is that I've been bored enough to clean the kitchen up after I use it. Heavens, what's happening to me?
On a separate, even less pleasant note... my house... is by a cornfield. In the boondocks of Homestead. Meaning, kritters I don't care for are plentiful. And there's an opening somewhere in the house through which they are entering. See, wasps and lizards getting into the house? I don't want either, but it's understandable. A frog, however? No. I don't know how the devil a frog got in, as no doors or windows were open, but I "love" the beasts as much as I "love" lizards, meaning I was a hyperventilating, whimpering mess until my father saw the disgusting thing out. Oh, and there was a snake in our backyard the other night. I like snakes. Want to own them, in fact. But I don't want to randomly run into them in the dark.
In other backyard news, I'm dying for the sugar apple, orange, and avocado trees to start blooming. The guavas and mangos are coming along nicely. The guavas are especially delicious. <3 I have several neighbors who own cats and let them loose through the streets. I've seen them in our yard a couple of times (much to our indoor cats' chagrin) and they're quite friendly. However, once I get started on the koi pond building, this is going to be a problem. Dad and I are discussing either keeping few fish and setting up a sort of underwater hiding place/cave for them or installing some sort of gate around the pond. I'm more for the latter idea, as the underwater escape would prevent cats, but it wouldn't do much for snakes and/or fishing birds (we have plenty thanks to the lakes within the community.) What will suck about building something around the pond is that it'll probably bring ruin to my ideas of setting up a small tea room back there, as well. I think it'd make the yard look far too crowded, hardly the sort of place you'd hold zen tea ceremonies in. Oh well. I suppose my study could double as a tea room, even though it's already my study/computer/painting/etc room.
It's strange. I've barely written in this thing as of late and here I am now, outpouring into it. I suppose it's mostly due to lack of sleep and boredom. Then again, I am trying to mentally/emotionally re-organize.
One thing I want to start nurturing more are my friendships. I want deep, meaningful friendships. Friendships that last. I've realized that since I've started college I've had nine different best friends. This is neither healthy, nor smart. I form bonds with people I'm not compatible with over things that are fun, but shouldn't be the sole basis of a friendships. Examples: "Teehee, we like the same band/hobby/tv show/etc!" or "We have so many inside jokes lol!" There has to be a certain amount of... I dunno. Being able to handle each other aside from the likes and dislikes. I'd rather have a friend who truly got me emotionally and mentally, who also shares only one interest with me... than a friend who likes all the same things I do, yet our actions and points of view rub each other the wrong way. I'm no longer going to be willing to "make friends with everyone." I have to be more selective. Seeing as I'm getting a little sick of my own patterns. I've found certain handfuls of people I can see myself bonding with. Some I've known more recently than others. Some I've known for years, yet there hasn't been enough time spent together (although it's been wished for) to consider it a solid "close friendship." Time (and effort) will tell.
I've yet to find the perfect balance between not worrying what people think about me and caring too much. I always have one extreme or the other. If I behave as if I could seriously not give a damn, I'm accused of being selfish, careless, attention-whoreish, and inappropriate. If I do start caring, I then get accused of paranoia and having low self-esteem. Devil take it all. Must find perfect formula. **Adds to to-do list.**
I've recently purchased a magnificent watercolor painting technique guide. I'm dying to begin using it. I need an easel, though, preferably with extra splatter protection. Before I'd just use a chair, but I was specifically told I'd be kicked out to the curb if I used any of the new chairs for such an endeavor. I'm also in the market for a new bathroom scale (as I have yet to find the old one amongst the still-packed things, and besides the stupid thing never worked properly). I know I've lost some weight, as I can feel it in the way my clothing fits, but I want to start on an actual diet and exercise plan and I want to monitor it.
I finally visited the World Erotic Art Museum. Anthony and I went together. To tell the truth, it wasn't what I expected. It wasn't bad, per se. There were interesting things to look at and also plenty of "Omg, wtf, my eyeeeeeeeees!" stuff. And many, many things to chuckle over. Captain and I had a good number of laughs. However, nothing about the place made me really... I don't know... want to visit it over and over again. Fun as it was, it was a little too underwhelming to make it more than a one time visit, unless there's a specific reason to go back. I was INCREDIBLY thrilled when I saw the giant penis sculpture from A Clockwork Orange there, though. Anthony had just moments before mentioned his surprise that it wasn't featured there when we came upon it. The following conversation ensued.
Him: Oh wow, it IS here.
Me: ... =O
Him: .... happy to see it?
Me: Excuse me. I am basking in the presence of an iconic figure from my favorite movie and book. (and yes, for those who are picky, I know the penis isn't in the book, but stfu)
Him: ... >.>"""" erm, ok.
It was suggested that a museum robbery should happen. I would have loved to. I'm pathetic.