my life: the eternal waiting room
i'm so tense right now, all the time... i know exactly where i want to be, and i'm just stuck waiting to get there... and the worst part: i have no idea when i'm going to be able to get there! you know when you go to the doctor and sit in the waiting room listening to screaming kids, avoiding the person hacking and coughing next to you, and reading some shitty falling-apart year old magazine with no idea of how long you're going to be sitting there? well, that's my life right now...
i'm stuck in this stupid-ass job at target... i know that i have a good, solid, secure job as a manager... and i know that in all reality target is one of the best retail companies i could work for, but... i hate retail, i hate my job and i want to just say "the hell with it" and put in my two weeks notice... but i think that this is the best way to get where i want to be... i want to be in Starbucks management and i still have my one day a week in Starbucks (the only day i don't leave loathing my job) and it's management experience... so i'm just trudging along in a position i hate b/c i make so much more than i would as a barista, waiting for an assistant manager position to open up, not even knowing whether i'd have even half a chance of getting it if it did. i just want to be an assistant manager there already!
i'm stuck in this apartment that i hate (for reasons that are made up at least half of things that are totally my own fault) when what i really want is to be in a house... we've started things rolling so that we will (hopefully) be able to buy a house eventually, but again, i hate the waiting! i just have to sit here and wait for everything to be the right time.
and then there's the cincher that i know everyone's gonna sigh and roll their eyes at: the baby-ness... i'm so clucky that i physically hurts and even though i know that waiting is what we need to do and waiting is what's best for our family, it's torture... i am so ready to be pregnant and have a little life growing inside me and be a mom, and everyone around me is getting pregnant or just had a baby or is planning on getting pregnant in the near future (whether they're really ready or not) and i just have to sit here and watch them get to do everything i want to be doing and wait... not to mention i get to feel like a total freak for all the clucky things i do and think in the meantime...
i feel like every aspect of my life is stuck at the "almost where i want it to be" point without actually being where i want it to be and i'm getting to tired that i don't feel like any of it is ever going to actually happen...
i want to be an assistant manager at Starbucks... i want to be living in a home that's ours... i want anthony to have his degree already... i want to start a family... and with the weather we've been having, i want to get the hell out of nampa! i know that i'm just being whiny and bitching, but it's so frustrating to be trying to hard and feeling like you're going nowhere...
i'm stuck in this stupid-ass job at target... i know that i have a good, solid, secure job as a manager... and i know that in all reality target is one of the best retail companies i could work for, but... i hate retail, i hate my job and i want to just say "the hell with it" and put in my two weeks notice... but i think that this is the best way to get where i want to be... i want to be in Starbucks management and i still have my one day a week in Starbucks (the only day i don't leave loathing my job) and it's management experience... so i'm just trudging along in a position i hate b/c i make so much more than i would as a barista, waiting for an assistant manager position to open up, not even knowing whether i'd have even half a chance of getting it if it did. i just want to be an assistant manager there already!
i'm stuck in this apartment that i hate (for reasons that are made up at least half of things that are totally my own fault) when what i really want is to be in a house... we've started things rolling so that we will (hopefully) be able to buy a house eventually, but again, i hate the waiting! i just have to sit here and wait for everything to be the right time.
and then there's the cincher that i know everyone's gonna sigh and roll their eyes at: the baby-ness... i'm so clucky that i physically hurts and even though i know that waiting is what we need to do and waiting is what's best for our family, it's torture... i am so ready to be pregnant and have a little life growing inside me and be a mom, and everyone around me is getting pregnant or just had a baby or is planning on getting pregnant in the near future (whether they're really ready or not) and i just have to sit here and watch them get to do everything i want to be doing and wait... not to mention i get to feel like a total freak for all the clucky things i do and think in the meantime...
i feel like every aspect of my life is stuck at the "almost where i want it to be" point without actually being where i want it to be and i'm getting to tired that i don't feel like any of it is ever going to actually happen...
i want to be an assistant manager at Starbucks... i want to be living in a home that's ours... i want anthony to have his degree already... i want to start a family... and with the weather we've been having, i want to get the hell out of nampa! i know that i'm just being whiny and bitching, but it's so frustrating to be trying to hard and feeling like you're going nowhere...