help
okay, so i'm going to pu this out there and ask that you guys respond with any opinions, advice, etc. :
i'm tired... i'm stressed... i'm so sick of living like this...
and every time i get frustrated with everything i go to the same conclusion that i should just quit school, go work at a company operated starbucks and move up to manager as quickly as possible (i predict it would only take about a year)... then i'd just work there until after anthony's finished school and we've saved up some money (our whole 3 year plan ater he gratuates) and then we could have kids and i could be a mom... i could work on my art, and volunteer for the art programs at the schools near us, and maybe even give art lessons (or something)...
this idea was just a joke at first, but the more i joke about it, the more i think about it realistically... i've always been able to see myself as a mom... i can't visualize myself teaching anymore... i used to be able to see myself in the classroom, teaching, but i can't pull up that picture anymore... i've always been taught that education is important and i believe that, so even the idea of quitting before i graduate feels weird, and i do want to be an art teacher, but...
i go around in circles with it, too... i worry that i'm contemplating this all because i'm frustrated and stressed... then i worry that i'm dismissing the idea too easily because i think that i came up with it because i'm frustrated and stressed...
i decided that i thought the direction that God wanted for my life was to teach art, but i realize now that what God wanted for my life and what God wants for our (me and anthony's) lives may be different and now that i'm reevaluating from a standpoint of us rather than me, i'm not sure whether or not my direction is supposed to be the same...
and i tell myself that i can always go back to school, but so many people say that and then don't go back... and right now there are two examples of people that i keep looking at: one is rachel, and the other is my mom... i look at rachel, and i'm going through so much more stress and time to get into teaching than she did and she worked so hard, and now it just seems like she's always miserable... i don't want to work as hard as i'm working and then end up miserable in the reality of teaching and just be one more ineffectinve, stressed out teacher who's just there for a stable job with more than minimum wage pay... then i look at my mom... she graduated college and grad school and started a career, and where has it gotten her... she decided to become a stay at home mom and has never gone back to where she spent so long getting an education to be... now, part of the reason that her life went that way is because she got married and had kids after she finished school and got into a career, but if she hadn't had time to do that stuff before getting married, then would it have even made sense in the long run for her to do it at all... and in all reality, i don't need a job or a career to have a sense of self the way that i think my mom does... i have my art and my own interests, and i'm an independent enough person that i think i'll always have something of my own outside of being a mother and wife (even if that's as simple as going back to being a barrist, which i love)...
so in conclusion, help... please respond... comments, suggestions, helpful scripture, illumination of concepts that you don't think i've thought about, or even just God-inspired intuition would be greatly appreciated...
i'm tired... i'm stressed... i'm so sick of living like this...
and every time i get frustrated with everything i go to the same conclusion that i should just quit school, go work at a company operated starbucks and move up to manager as quickly as possible (i predict it would only take about a year)... then i'd just work there until after anthony's finished school and we've saved up some money (our whole 3 year plan ater he gratuates) and then we could have kids and i could be a mom... i could work on my art, and volunteer for the art programs at the schools near us, and maybe even give art lessons (or something)...
this idea was just a joke at first, but the more i joke about it, the more i think about it realistically... i've always been able to see myself as a mom... i can't visualize myself teaching anymore... i used to be able to see myself in the classroom, teaching, but i can't pull up that picture anymore... i've always been taught that education is important and i believe that, so even the idea of quitting before i graduate feels weird, and i do want to be an art teacher, but...
i go around in circles with it, too... i worry that i'm contemplating this all because i'm frustrated and stressed... then i worry that i'm dismissing the idea too easily because i think that i came up with it because i'm frustrated and stressed...
i decided that i thought the direction that God wanted for my life was to teach art, but i realize now that what God wanted for my life and what God wants for our (me and anthony's) lives may be different and now that i'm reevaluating from a standpoint of us rather than me, i'm not sure whether or not my direction is supposed to be the same...
and i tell myself that i can always go back to school, but so many people say that and then don't go back... and right now there are two examples of people that i keep looking at: one is rachel, and the other is my mom... i look at rachel, and i'm going through so much more stress and time to get into teaching than she did and she worked so hard, and now it just seems like she's always miserable... i don't want to work as hard as i'm working and then end up miserable in the reality of teaching and just be one more ineffectinve, stressed out teacher who's just there for a stable job with more than minimum wage pay... then i look at my mom... she graduated college and grad school and started a career, and where has it gotten her... she decided to become a stay at home mom and has never gone back to where she spent so long getting an education to be... now, part of the reason that her life went that way is because she got married and had kids after she finished school and got into a career, but if she hadn't had time to do that stuff before getting married, then would it have even made sense in the long run for her to do it at all... and in all reality, i don't need a job or a career to have a sense of self the way that i think my mom does... i have my art and my own interests, and i'm an independent enough person that i think i'll always have something of my own outside of being a mother and wife (even if that's as simple as going back to being a barrist, which i love)...
so in conclusion, help... please respond... comments, suggestions, helpful scripture, illumination of concepts that you don't think i've thought about, or even just God-inspired intuition would be greatly appreciated...