hot damn
Well, being that it's almost been 2 months since I've updated, I felt that now is a good time to start bitching again. :)
Last weekend Jason's dad got married. We were there of course; Jason being the best man pretty much guaranteed me a drive to good old Scottsbluff. His new stepmom is great; she's so inviting and nice, but pushy. Oh so very pushy, in the whole "I'm making you very uncomfortable but i'm thinking that I'm helping!!" way. And I'll be dammed if planning her own wedding wasn't enough for her, no, she had to go and start trying to get mine all planned too. She pulled Jason aside and told him she had 2 rings from her ex that she'd give to him "when the time is right" so he could have them reset in time to propose to me. We were putting up ivory tulle for her decorations (it's her 2nd wedding) and she told me she'd be sure to save the tulle for my wedding, then she laughed and said, "oh, but you'd want white". Then after the wedding, she came up to me and Jason telling me how she was ready to throw the bouquet. "It's only going to be you to catch it!" she said laughing. Now, none of this would be quite bad at all (in fact, in an entirely too girlishly way, I'd probably have loved it and taken it as a sign that I'd marry Jason after all) had it not been for the man himself. He seemed to think that I was "getting ideas" and so informed his whole family (conveniently with me right there) that he was never going to get married. In fact, when Mary mentioned the bouquet toss, Jason actually said he'd hold me down if I tried to catch it. Since I'm sure there was no innuendo in that idea, it bugged me. See, in my most inner thoughts, I have always had a timeline for myself. I'd meet someone wonderful in college, he'd propose in my junior year, we'd get married in the summer after I/we graduated, in two years we'd start having kids...life was going to be perfect. I am not completely delusional. I have thrown that timeline out. I realize that I will not be married next summer; in fact, I will probably not be married anytime soon. But good lord, to hear that he doesn't ever want to get married? I made a joke about how he didn't have to worry, I'd already gotten used to the idea of living in sin for the rest of my life. He laughed and said, "That's good." I don't know if he was kidding! I know he has a really cynical view of marriage because his mom and dad divorced. Well buck up little camper, my dad's on his third wife! The second one drove us to bankruptcy and was the catalyst that tore my family apart! I wasn't even invited to my dad's third wedding! But am I bitter and negative? No, not nearly as much as I should be. And god, the way they all treated the wedding just made me sick to my stomach! They have been engaged for almost 3 years and both had just decided that they were okay with this. Suddenly, like 3 months ago, his dad is all "Let's get married!" They picked the 4th of July weekend because...they had days off of work. No honeymoon; they're talking about one in October. One of Jason's sisters didn't bother getting the day off so she didn't come. Brad (Jason's dad) own mother and brother didn't come. There were extenuating circumstances, but still, aren't weddings kind of important? I guess I'm just too traditional. Furthermore, I don't really agree with the whole "I'm getting married but I need several shots to get me through it." Scratch that, I am vehemently against it. For fuck's sake, if you have to be DRUNK to get through it, then why the FUCK are you doing it? ::breathes:: I'm getting good and riled up again. Then, Jason's oldest sister (Melanie) is married to a royal asshole (John) and the whole day, he kept telling Brad about what a mistake he was making, how he was giving up his manhood, etc. ect...with his WIFE RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. Maybe she was okay with it, but come on, what the fuck? SERIOUSLY!!!! What kind of an attitude do these people have and where did they get them? Jason could tell I was getting pissed. I just said, "You know, for all of my cover and bluster, I think marriage is a really serious and sacred committment. I remember asking my step-sister on her wedding day if she was nervous. She said, "I know that Bob is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, why should I be?" And I just think you shouldn't need alcohol to get you through it, you should joke about it." He said, "I agree with you." Keep in mind, this exchange happened on out way for him to buy him and and his dad matching flasks, with the intent to keep them in their back pockets during the wedding. In the middle of the jewler's store, he tells me this. I lost it. "You cannot do that! Your dad cannot bring a flask to his wedding! As the best man, you can't do that!" He said, "As the best man, I'm supposed to get him there, and in whatever state it takes." I looked at him and told him that I would never allow that at my wedding, he just didn't say anything.
About three weeks ago, I had my epiphany. I woke up before he did, and I was looking at him, and I realized that I want this man to the be the father of my children. I have never felt anything so powerful, and now what? It's like anytime we *might* get to a formal committment, he balks. First the whole "I-need-my-space-sometimes-still-so-you-can't-stay-here-for-2-months-and-save-money-even-thought-you'll-be-here-3/4-of-the-week-anyway" thing, then he kept changing his mind on where to live, keeping me guessing, now this. I know what I need to do; talk to him about it. But it's one of those things that I can't help but seeing end badly: he says, "No, I'm serious, I don't ever want to get married." And I say, "Well...then...have a nice life." I want to get married, I want a family more than anything. And as shitty as it would be to end things, I can't see myself with him, 10 years down the road, without 2 rings on an important finger on my left hand, catch my drift? I mean, good lord, I don't want a proposal NOW, I just want some assurance that if things continue as wonderfully as they were progressing before all this, a ring would be in my future! Woe is me.
In other news, I'm now a Harry Potter freak. I reread OotP (look at how cool I am now, using the shorthand! I'm in the club! ::insert Mitch Hedberg joke here::) and I freaking can't WAIT for HP&HBP (yes, now I'm just showing off...that I'm a loser. I was perusing sites earlier and I saw some fucked-up fanfiction. Let me just say that a threesome between Ron, Harry, and Draco is disturbing, and Hermione being a lesbian slut is not at all cool with me! (NO, I didn't read that one, that was in the summary!). I was looking for spoilers all day anyway, I can't wait to read the next one.
Yes, there's been more going on, but most of the people who read this I talk to/see on a daily basis, so I'm going to bed now. Take care, hope everyone is having a fun/safe summer!
Last weekend Jason's dad got married. We were there of course; Jason being the best man pretty much guaranteed me a drive to good old Scottsbluff. His new stepmom is great; she's so inviting and nice, but pushy. Oh so very pushy, in the whole "I'm making you very uncomfortable but i'm thinking that I'm helping!!" way. And I'll be dammed if planning her own wedding wasn't enough for her, no, she had to go and start trying to get mine all planned too. She pulled Jason aside and told him she had 2 rings from her ex that she'd give to him "when the time is right" so he could have them reset in time to propose to me. We were putting up ivory tulle for her decorations (it's her 2nd wedding) and she told me she'd be sure to save the tulle for my wedding, then she laughed and said, "oh, but you'd want white". Then after the wedding, she came up to me and Jason telling me how she was ready to throw the bouquet. "It's only going to be you to catch it!" she said laughing. Now, none of this would be quite bad at all (in fact, in an entirely too girlishly way, I'd probably have loved it and taken it as a sign that I'd marry Jason after all) had it not been for the man himself. He seemed to think that I was "getting ideas" and so informed his whole family (conveniently with me right there) that he was never going to get married. In fact, when Mary mentioned the bouquet toss, Jason actually said he'd hold me down if I tried to catch it. Since I'm sure there was no innuendo in that idea, it bugged me. See, in my most inner thoughts, I have always had a timeline for myself. I'd meet someone wonderful in college, he'd propose in my junior year, we'd get married in the summer after I/we graduated, in two years we'd start having kids...life was going to be perfect. I am not completely delusional. I have thrown that timeline out. I realize that I will not be married next summer; in fact, I will probably not be married anytime soon. But good lord, to hear that he doesn't ever want to get married? I made a joke about how he didn't have to worry, I'd already gotten used to the idea of living in sin for the rest of my life. He laughed and said, "That's good." I don't know if he was kidding! I know he has a really cynical view of marriage because his mom and dad divorced. Well buck up little camper, my dad's on his third wife! The second one drove us to bankruptcy and was the catalyst that tore my family apart! I wasn't even invited to my dad's third wedding! But am I bitter and negative? No, not nearly as much as I should be. And god, the way they all treated the wedding just made me sick to my stomach! They have been engaged for almost 3 years and both had just decided that they were okay with this. Suddenly, like 3 months ago, his dad is all "Let's get married!" They picked the 4th of July weekend because...they had days off of work. No honeymoon; they're talking about one in October. One of Jason's sisters didn't bother getting the day off so she didn't come. Brad (Jason's dad) own mother and brother didn't come. There were extenuating circumstances, but still, aren't weddings kind of important? I guess I'm just too traditional. Furthermore, I don't really agree with the whole "I'm getting married but I need several shots to get me through it." Scratch that, I am vehemently against it. For fuck's sake, if you have to be DRUNK to get through it, then why the FUCK are you doing it? ::breathes:: I'm getting good and riled up again. Then, Jason's oldest sister (Melanie) is married to a royal asshole (John) and the whole day, he kept telling Brad about what a mistake he was making, how he was giving up his manhood, etc. ect...with his WIFE RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. Maybe she was okay with it, but come on, what the fuck? SERIOUSLY!!!! What kind of an attitude do these people have and where did they get them? Jason could tell I was getting pissed. I just said, "You know, for all of my cover and bluster, I think marriage is a really serious and sacred committment. I remember asking my step-sister on her wedding day if she was nervous. She said, "I know that Bob is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, why should I be?" And I just think you shouldn't need alcohol to get you through it, you should joke about it." He said, "I agree with you." Keep in mind, this exchange happened on out way for him to buy him and and his dad matching flasks, with the intent to keep them in their back pockets during the wedding. In the middle of the jewler's store, he tells me this. I lost it. "You cannot do that! Your dad cannot bring a flask to his wedding! As the best man, you can't do that!" He said, "As the best man, I'm supposed to get him there, and in whatever state it takes." I looked at him and told him that I would never allow that at my wedding, he just didn't say anything.
About three weeks ago, I had my epiphany. I woke up before he did, and I was looking at him, and I realized that I want this man to the be the father of my children. I have never felt anything so powerful, and now what? It's like anytime we *might* get to a formal committment, he balks. First the whole "I-need-my-space-sometimes-still-so-you-can't-stay-here-for-2-months-and-save-money-even-thought-you'll-be-here-3/4-of-the-week-anyway" thing, then he kept changing his mind on where to live, keeping me guessing, now this. I know what I need to do; talk to him about it. But it's one of those things that I can't help but seeing end badly: he says, "No, I'm serious, I don't ever want to get married." And I say, "Well...then...have a nice life." I want to get married, I want a family more than anything. And as shitty as it would be to end things, I can't see myself with him, 10 years down the road, without 2 rings on an important finger on my left hand, catch my drift? I mean, good lord, I don't want a proposal NOW, I just want some assurance that if things continue as wonderfully as they were progressing before all this, a ring would be in my future! Woe is me.
In other news, I'm now a Harry Potter freak. I reread OotP (look at how cool I am now, using the shorthand! I'm in the club! ::insert Mitch Hedberg joke here::) and I freaking can't WAIT for HP&HBP (yes, now I'm just showing off...that I'm a loser. I was perusing sites earlier and I saw some fucked-up fanfiction. Let me just say that a threesome between Ron, Harry, and Draco is disturbing, and Hermione being a lesbian slut is not at all cool with me! (NO, I didn't read that one, that was in the summary!). I was looking for spoilers all day anyway, I can't wait to read the next one.
Yes, there's been more going on, but most of the people who read this I talk to/see on a daily basis, so I'm going to bed now. Take care, hope everyone is having a fun/safe summer!