Mentalist: Jane/Cho (Slash fic): Their Afterlife (Jane's Death series)
Title: Their Afterlife
Author: Kaytee
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Cho
Series: Jane's Death
Rating: R to NC-17ish
Email: kaytee4ever@gmail.com
Fic LJ: http://slashsanctuary.livejournal.com
Disclaimer: Not mine; just having a bit of harmless fun. Will return them mostly unharmed. :-)
Jane's Death series
Part 3: Their Afterlife
Summary: What happens after Jane is no longer fatally dead and he brings Cho back to life in his own way
Jane's comment for the "Jane's Death" series: "Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. There is death here, sure, but it's not fatal."
Notes: Still very much in shock that a rabid Jane/Cho plot bunny from "Jane's Death" got to me so much that I actually wrote TWO stories after it. Thanks again to my friend SB for being evil and inspiring me and brainstorming. This would not have been written without her.
And YES, there will be a part 4. Darnitt!
As much as Jane and Cho would both have liked to bypass the talking and relationship stuff and get right to the hot sex, Jane's pesky still-healing gunshot wound got in the way. Not to mention the whole dying and coming back thing. It had brought them together emotionally, but it was still keeping them mostly apart physically.
It was far beyond frustrating.
Sure, a reasonable, mature person could see how it might a good idea on some levels to take things a bit slower. They'd been friends a long time and it was both a big change and a small change in their relationship, at the same time.
All very wise, sage advice, Cho thought to himself. Too bad his body didn't care a bit about maturity or waiting or injuries and wanted only to get to know Jane's body intimately. Right Now. Over and over till they both forgot everything, including their names. Then rest and do it all over again.
Frustratingly, his body took every opportunity to remind Cho of this desire; he stayed in a near-contant state of hard arousal these days, relieved only in the shower or in bed, alone, his hand making a poor but temporarily necessary substitute for Jane's hands, Jane's mouth ....!
Cho grit his teeth and reminded his body for the thousandth time that it sucked, sure, but he was an adult now. He DID have some self-control, somewhere. The same self-control that flew right out the window whenever Jane so much as smiled at him.
He hunted down killers and murderers every day for a living and squarely faced horrors that would give even hardened soldiers nightmares. He was a kick ass State Agent who could break down the toughest criminals seemingly effortlessly with his steely gaze and attitude; he could handle whatever life threw at him, often without breaking a sweat. He could even handle a lack of physical intimacy for a while. Right? Right.
Cho's body wasn't impressed in the least.
* * * * *
The first few days after being shot passed in a bit of a haze for Jane. Between his body healing and the strong meds they had him on, he tried to sleep as much as he could, make the time pass faster so that he could be healed and out of here, spending time with Cho.
Cho. The mere thought of him instantly brought a smile to Jane's face; he felt better, lighter, just thinking of him. Remembering his dark eyes, looking so intently into his, his feelings finally laid bare for Jane to see. Cho's hands holding his, inspiring sensations of warmth and tingles of sexual excitement, all with a simple touch.
He hated the moments when he woke up alone, his mouth parched, his head throbbing and his body aching in pain. He tried to hit the call button as soon as he could so that the nurse would come quickly with some water and the magic meds that eased him back into sleep.
The best moments were when he'd wake slowly, feeling Cho's hand holding his and hearing Cho's voice speaking low, near his ear. It didn't matter what Cho said; all that mattered was that he was there, keeping some of the darkness and pain away.
The little touches and looks between them added to their bond in subtle ways. It quickly became so easy, effortless and necessary to reach out, touch, and trust in the affection and love building and growing between them. A touch of Cho's hand, a brief reassuring squeeze on his shoulder grounded him, kept him in the here and now, instead of brooding and staying in his own head too much.
As the days passed, Jane was able to stay awake longer and longer, soaking up Cho's presence. It felt great to be able to talk with him, banter, about anything, everything, knowing that they were still them. Opening up and being honest had enhanced their relationship and brought them closer.
They talked and had mock arguments about everything from the latest sports team that Cho followed and whether Rigsby was going to stop being an idiot and ask Van Pelt out to yes, the actual price of tea in China. Especially the good organic stuff that Jane preferred to drink.
Jane realized that he'd had a vague fear lurking in the back of his mind that somehow the new level of intimacy might threaten the solid friendship and respect between them. He knew the fear was rooted in that horrible moment when he'd opened that door and seen how Red John had ripped apart his life, nearly destroying it and him in the process. At that moment, part of him had died, or so he'd thought. Turned out it'd just been buried away. But it was slowly coming back to life.
Funny how the simplest of things meant so much more when the serious, dark-eyed agent was there, reassuring Jane simply with his presence. 'Oh yeah,' Jane thought to himself and smiled, not annoyed at all, 'I've got it bad.'
* * * * *
Over the next few days, Cho visited Jane every chance he got, unable and unwilling to stay away. The one thing that helped was the way that no matter how tired or in pain Jane was, as soon as he saw Cho, his eyes, his whole face would light up and his smile threatened to out-shine the sun. Cho never tired of being able to bask in that sunshine and warmth. He shook his head at himself; oh yeah, he had it bad. He smiled a bit in amusement. At least he wasn't not alone in feeling this.
As the days slowly passed, they were drawn together closer and closer; intellectually, emotionally and slowly, physically. Cho cheered inside every time he was able to touch Jane, hold his hand or best of all, when Jane reached for him. They both knew, even without discussing it, that they were slowly, steadily letting go of being two; they were becoming one. It was inevitable, reassuring, yet frustrating as all hell that they were still separate, not yet one.
Their conversations increasingly took on a torturous subtext, the unresolved sexual tension thick in the air around them. They kept dancing right along that edge between being separate and becoming one, not daring or able to make that jump.
It did not take long for them both to realize that these conversations were an excruciatingly long, drawn-out round of foreplay, getting them each more and more on edge, ready to just pounce and relieve the pressure.
They both knew it and yet neither could or would stop the torture.
So, they talked and flirted and yearned and wanted and let the pressure build.
* * * * *
Cho let Jane set the pace about talking about sex and attraction with another man. The last thing that Cho wanted was to push too hard, too fast, and drive Jane away. Who knew if Jane had ever even fantasized about being with a guy? It was one thing to be attracted to a man; it was quite another to actually deal with the physical reality of it.
Jane was far too important to him for Cho to demand too much and to have to watch their--well, whatever they had--crash and burn. Jane wasn't big into labels and Cho wanted to enjoy what they had as it was, without expectations that Jane might not want or be able to meet. In other words, Cho was too chickenshit to tempt fate and ask for everything he truly wanted.
Jane was with him, truly with him, intellectually, emotionally, and god please soon! physically. Cho wasn't just a warm body or an interesting mind to Jane. Their connection was real and scary and intoxicating and Cho would rather take cold showers the rest of his life than do anything to threaten that connection.
* * * * *
One day, Jane finally broached the subject. He had a vaguely impish look in his eyes, hidden except from the people who knew him best. 'He probably knows exactly what I've been doing to avoid the subject as long as possible and is finally taking pity on me. Great.' Cho thought and rolled his eyes at himself and listened closely, glad to finally be here at this moment.
Jane said, "I certainly got plenty of offers, male and female. I'd thought about being with a man over the years. But none of the men really caught my attention like..." He stared hard at Cho's mouth, his eyes suddenly dark with desire, then changed the mood, grinned abashedly and ducked his head, his cheeks a bit flush.
Cho felt a sudden surge of emotion and his ever-present desire spiked sharply. He felt like yelling from the rooftops; direct evidence of actual physical desire and interest. Finally!
Jane's face and tone changed suddenly. "Then I met my wife..." his voice trailed off, his gaze turned inward, sadness lingering.
Cho trailed a single finger lightly down his face, bringing him back to the here and now. Jane looked at Cho again, feeling a sense of anticipation; something in the air.
Cho inwardly braced himself, took a breath, and dove headfirst into the whole messy story of his past. It wasn't something he was proud of or thought about much, but he had come to a strange sense of acceptance about it.
"I was 14; he was 16. I was stupid in love, infatuation, whatever. People tried to warn me, but I didn't see it and I just didn't care. He was gorgeous, so sure of himself, a bit cocky and wild," Cho paused, raising an eyebrow. "Sound familiar?" There was as bit of a teasing light in his eyes as he looked at Jane.
Jane smiled a bit and squeezed Cho's arm. "So you've always had good taste in choosing the wrong guy to fall for," he joked lightly.
Cho rolled his eyes, "Ass. Anyway. He'd just moved to the neighborhood when school let out; that was one eventful summer. It started off as a one-time thing, a bit of experimenting. It was late and we were both a bit drunk on the beer he'd snuck out of his dad's house. He kissed me and that was that. I lost track of all the places we made out in; usually semi-public places where the risk of being caught just added to it," He paused to smile slightly, his eyes taking on a faraway look.
Jane felt a strange flash of jealousy at this unnamed guy who'd had Cho so long ago. 'And was stupid enough to let him go,' he thought to himself, 'I'm smarter than that.' He smiled. "Then what happened?"
Something flashed in Cho's eyes, hard and angry. "Then we went back to school and he fell into a gang," his voice tight, taking on an edge. "I knew better but I looked up to him, would do almost anything to be with him, so I let him talk me into joining too. Big mistake." Bitterness laced his voice.
Jane lightly, lightly traced his fingertip along Cho's collarbone, pulling Cho back. "Let me guess. He started doing illegal things, small to start with until he'd gotten a real taste for it, caught up in the thrill of rebelling. He kept pulling you along, teasing you that if you joined him, you'd stand a chance at really being with him. Be his partner in crime," he paused, his eyes gleaming a bit.
Cho nodded once. "Exactly. He let me think, well, anyway. He robbed one place too many, got in one guy's face too many and slipped, picked up a bat and hitting him, doing real damage. He was arrested and sent away for 10 years. I finally wised up and walked away from the gang. And that was that." His voice belying just how hard that had all been; the chaos that he'd lived through before growing into the steady, strong, and caring man before him.
Jane's voice suddenly took on a too-casual tone, stroking his fingertip down Cho's chest now. "Ever think of looking him up?"
Cho caught his finger, gripping it almost too tightly and answering firmly, "Never."
Jane looked up at that, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding in. His face took on his customary teasing, arrogant look. "So now that you have a new wild, dangerous guy to let you indulge in your latent criminal tendencies and 'Bonnie and Clyde' fantasies.."
Cho rolled his eyes and made a face, "Ass." Then his voice changed and a sparkle came into his eyes, challenging Jane. "So, what did you think about, when you imagined being with a man? What did you want to do?"
Jane's face flushed a bit but he met the challenge, determined not to be outdone despite his lack of experience, looking directly into Cho's eyes. "Want to know what I want to do to you? What I think about? How many different ways did I want to kiss you, undress you, touch you everywhere? Take my time in exploring every inch of you with my hands, my mouth?"
Cho swallowed hard, turned on and so hard he ached. He should've know getter than to challenge Jane. His traitorous body ached to reach out to Jane, ravish and claim him. "Yes," he said tightly.
Jane reached up, grasped Cho's tie, and pulled him down towards him.
"I want you, every bit of you. I don't want anything between us, ever. When I get out of here, I want to lose myself completely in you, learn all the places that make you come undone, watching and feeling you come apart in my arms." Jane's voice was low, seductive, mesmerizing. He leaned up just a bit more and captured Cho's lips with his own, kissing him expertly, like they'd been lovers for years.
Cho moaned and gave in, kissing Jane back passionately, letting Jane set the pace. He stroked his hands down Jane's chest over the gown, hearing a low moan as his fingers stroked over hard nipples, teasing them. It was too much and not enough.
They knew they were torturing each other but neither could stop. Cho was about to just say "fuck it" and stroke Jane off, then and there, when a shrill ringing finally penetrated the fog. They were both breathing hard, holding tight to each other, identical looks of lust, desire, and frustration in their eyes as they looked at each other. Then a long moment later, Cho relented, pulling back and reaching for his phone.
Of course, it was Lisbon with a break in a case and he had to go. His face tight, he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He shook his head, kissed Jane's lips one more time, squeezed his hand and backed away, regret in his eyes. Then he took a breath, straightened his spine and walked away without looking back.
Jane lay there in a daze; frustrated and breathing hard, more turned on than he could remember being since his wife... He closed his eyes at the sudden sharp spike of pain, his body still on fire and yearning for Cho, the sensations becoming mixed up together. Grief and loss and lust and need and love. Complicated.
It was a long time before he found any peace.
* * * * *
Handling Jane was a delicate balancing act, both an art and a science.
Of course, he always had to be the cleverest in the room, or at least be able to maintain that pretense.
He had to be given enough room and slack to do what he did, but not enough rope to hang himself.
Since Jane's wife died, there were now only two living people left who knew just how to handle Jane, Lisbon and himself. Lisbon wasn't bad at it, but she wasn't consistent enough. Cho willingly chose to take on his role, alternatively loving and hating being the only person who knew Jane so well, who could pull him back from the sharp edge of the bleak darkness that seemed ever-present around Jane, even when with his almost constant sunny smiles and clever subterfuge.
Jane wasn't someone who could just be pigeon-holed as merely a top or a bottom, a leader or a follower; he was a vibrant, passionate man who sometimes needed free reign but other times, he needed to be told, forcefully at times, where the boundaries were and to face the consequences of pushing them too far.
* * * * *
Jane was having an annoying day. Well, a string of them really. He was in pain but bored, his mind needing to be engulfed with some interesting puzzle. Or a case. A case would work. He tried pestering Rigsby and Van Pelt for some case notes until Lisbon had taken over the phone and threatened to talk to the doctor about the benefits of putting him into a medically induced coma for a week so that he might get rest and let his body heal. Doubtful, but he wouldn't put it past her to try. The doctors might go along with it to keep him from annoying them.
To make matters worse, the interrupted make-out session with Cho the day before was still on his mind, making him hot and frustrated when he thought about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it. The things he wanted to do to him. How he ached for Cho, his hands, his mouth. Jane groaned and closed his eyes, more frustrated than ever.
So, he tried to do the puzzles Cho left him, only to fling them across the room in frustration. He argued with the doctors when they made their rounds, gave the nurses hell because everything was driving him crazy; it was too hot, then too cold; he was hungry, then he didn't want to eat.
He knew he was being an ass, even for him, but he couldn't settle. His skin was too tight and the day dragged interminably without Cho's presence. He just wanted to throw himself on the ground and have a full-on tantrum until they either brought Cho to him or let him go home.
* * * * *
Cho arrived after work just as visiting hours started. He checked in at the nurses' station to find out how Jane was really doing, since he knew Jane would just be evasive and pretend to more healed than he really was.
He did not like what he heard. Jane was being obnoxious and difficult, refusing to listen to the doctors and making life hell for the nurses.
Cho tighted his mouth, ticked off at Jane's behavior. Sure, he was bored and in pain and stuck in the hospital, but that didn't mean he got to get away with his normal behavior here. The nurses didn't deserve it; they had a hard enough time without Jane being a mischievous, bored overgrown child.
Time to reel Jane in and show him some of those boundaries and consequences.
* * * * *
Jane looked up as the door opened, his face lighting up. "Finally!" He began to frown when he saw the dark look on Cho's face. 'Uh oh, I wonder what he heard. What sort of excuses should I start with?'
Cho stood next to the bed, angry, and not touching Jane.
Jane swallowed and thought, 'Not good. Wonder if I can tap dance my way out of it...'
Cho leaned in close, wearing his best scary interrogator look and spoke softly yet a touch menacingly, right next to Jane's ear. "You keep misbehaving and fighting the doctors, and I'll tell you what I'm not going to do to you."
Jane shivered, his body tensing, arousal flooding him. His brain caught up a few moments later. "Wait. What you're not going to do to me?" he asked, annoyed, confused and so hard it hurt.
Cho watched him silently a few moments, letting the tension build, letting Jane remember how tough and unshakable Cho could be during an interrogation.
"Yes. For example," Cho let his finger trace down Jane's face and neck, so very lightly, inspiring more shivers of wanting and lust, "I'm not going to hold you down, press you hard into the mattress, rub against you. I'm not going to undress you, so slowly, teasing every inch of revealed skin with my fingers, hands, tongue..." He paused to lean in closer, swiping his tongue lightly along Jane's neck, smiling when he felt Jane's hands grip his shirt suddenly.
Cho took hold of Jane's hands gently but firmly, pressing them against the bed and easily holding them there. "I'm not going to look at you, touch you, trace my tongue along your skin, everywhere. I'm not going to stroke you, get you hard and wanting and gasping my name. I'm not going to touch you, bring you higher and higher for hours before finally having mercy on you and letting you come so hard you'll think you died again, only to immediately come back to life and beg me to do it all over again."
He pulled back slightly, a truly feral smile on his face, his eyes gleaming with wicked promises, enjoying Jane's torment far too much.
"Remember, I'm not the one hooked up to machines monitoring my heart rate, blood pressure, and so on. You get aroused and try to do something about it before the doctor clears you, your heart rate will escalate, you'll trigger some alert, and then have a nurse running in here to check on you in about a minute flat."
"On the other hand, I could go anywhere private, even that bathroom right over there," he pointed to the door a few feet away, "and relieve that pressure at any time, stroking myself and thinking of all the wicked things I'm not doing to you because you're being an uncooperative ass, all without triggering any alarms or bringing unwanted attention."
Jane shivered again, slightly in fear at Cho's truly dark side but mostly in arousal, wanting and needing right now! He took a slow, deep breath and forced his body to calm down. "You're a cruel, cruel man, Kimball Cho."
Cho just winked, looking even more dangerously sexy than his undercover persona at the Calistoga Canyon Resort during the Wolcott case and smiled a shark-like smile, showing off his even white teeth. "I'm glad you understand me now. You'll behave? Treat the staff with respect?"
Jane exhaled sharply, surrendering for the moment, understanding the value of a well-timed tactical retreat. "I will. For now," he added with some of his normal bravado.
Cho just smiled that feral smile, leaning closer and kissing him lightly, then nipping his lip sharply with his teeth, causing Jane to gasp then moan as Cho soothed the bite with his tongue. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
* * * * *
The day finally came for Jane to be released, something Cho both wanted and feared. What do they do now? What if the happy bubble of potential they'd been living in for the last week burst in the harshness of reality? What if Jane freaked and decided that he couldn't handle being with a man? What if Cho freaked because he had the chance of true happiness in his grasp but subconsciously sabotoged it because somewhere deep down he believed that this couldn't last. That Jane would figure out he could do better?
Cho rubbed his forehead tiredly and told himself to get a grip. He'd pick Jane up, take him back to his apartment, and then see where they went from there.
After all, Jane was still healing and probably shouldn't be having sex yet. Cho scoffed at that thought. Not that it would stop Jane trying! He could just see himself having to manhandle an amorous Jane, wrapping around him like an octopus and testing Cho's resolve not to do anything to set back Jane's healing.
Cho shook his head and smiled. Even if all they did was sit together on the couch eating take-out and watching tv, it would be enough. Being together was the only thing that mattered.
Cho snorted, his body firmly reminding him that other things mattered, too. Like touches, strokes, kisses, hot sweaty sex...! Cho groaned and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot at work and trying not to speed as he drove to the hospital.
The End...for now!
Author: Kaytee
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Cho
Series: Jane's Death
Rating: R to NC-17ish
Email: kaytee4ever@gmail.com
Fic LJ: http://slashsanctuary.livejournal.com
Disclaimer: Not mine; just having a bit of harmless fun. Will return them mostly unharmed. :-)
Jane's Death series
Part 3: Their Afterlife
Summary: What happens after Jane is no longer fatally dead and he brings Cho back to life in his own way
Jane's comment for the "Jane's Death" series: "Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. There is death here, sure, but it's not fatal."
Notes: Still very much in shock that a rabid Jane/Cho plot bunny from "Jane's Death" got to me so much that I actually wrote TWO stories after it. Thanks again to my friend SB for being evil and inspiring me and brainstorming. This would not have been written without her.
And YES, there will be a part 4. Darnitt!
As much as Jane and Cho would both have liked to bypass the talking and relationship stuff and get right to the hot sex, Jane's pesky still-healing gunshot wound got in the way. Not to mention the whole dying and coming back thing. It had brought them together emotionally, but it was still keeping them mostly apart physically.
It was far beyond frustrating.
Sure, a reasonable, mature person could see how it might a good idea on some levels to take things a bit slower. They'd been friends a long time and it was both a big change and a small change in their relationship, at the same time.
All very wise, sage advice, Cho thought to himself. Too bad his body didn't care a bit about maturity or waiting or injuries and wanted only to get to know Jane's body intimately. Right Now. Over and over till they both forgot everything, including their names. Then rest and do it all over again.
Frustratingly, his body took every opportunity to remind Cho of this desire; he stayed in a near-contant state of hard arousal these days, relieved only in the shower or in bed, alone, his hand making a poor but temporarily necessary substitute for Jane's hands, Jane's mouth ....!
Cho grit his teeth and reminded his body for the thousandth time that it sucked, sure, but he was an adult now. He DID have some self-control, somewhere. The same self-control that flew right out the window whenever Jane so much as smiled at him.
He hunted down killers and murderers every day for a living and squarely faced horrors that would give even hardened soldiers nightmares. He was a kick ass State Agent who could break down the toughest criminals seemingly effortlessly with his steely gaze and attitude; he could handle whatever life threw at him, often without breaking a sweat. He could even handle a lack of physical intimacy for a while. Right? Right.
Cho's body wasn't impressed in the least.
* * * * *
The first few days after being shot passed in a bit of a haze for Jane. Between his body healing and the strong meds they had him on, he tried to sleep as much as he could, make the time pass faster so that he could be healed and out of here, spending time with Cho.
Cho. The mere thought of him instantly brought a smile to Jane's face; he felt better, lighter, just thinking of him. Remembering his dark eyes, looking so intently into his, his feelings finally laid bare for Jane to see. Cho's hands holding his, inspiring sensations of warmth and tingles of sexual excitement, all with a simple touch.
He hated the moments when he woke up alone, his mouth parched, his head throbbing and his body aching in pain. He tried to hit the call button as soon as he could so that the nurse would come quickly with some water and the magic meds that eased him back into sleep.
The best moments were when he'd wake slowly, feeling Cho's hand holding his and hearing Cho's voice speaking low, near his ear. It didn't matter what Cho said; all that mattered was that he was there, keeping some of the darkness and pain away.
The little touches and looks between them added to their bond in subtle ways. It quickly became so easy, effortless and necessary to reach out, touch, and trust in the affection and love building and growing between them. A touch of Cho's hand, a brief reassuring squeeze on his shoulder grounded him, kept him in the here and now, instead of brooding and staying in his own head too much.
As the days passed, Jane was able to stay awake longer and longer, soaking up Cho's presence. It felt great to be able to talk with him, banter, about anything, everything, knowing that they were still them. Opening up and being honest had enhanced their relationship and brought them closer.
They talked and had mock arguments about everything from the latest sports team that Cho followed and whether Rigsby was going to stop being an idiot and ask Van Pelt out to yes, the actual price of tea in China. Especially the good organic stuff that Jane preferred to drink.
Jane realized that he'd had a vague fear lurking in the back of his mind that somehow the new level of intimacy might threaten the solid friendship and respect between them. He knew the fear was rooted in that horrible moment when he'd opened that door and seen how Red John had ripped apart his life, nearly destroying it and him in the process. At that moment, part of him had died, or so he'd thought. Turned out it'd just been buried away. But it was slowly coming back to life.
Funny how the simplest of things meant so much more when the serious, dark-eyed agent was there, reassuring Jane simply with his presence. 'Oh yeah,' Jane thought to himself and smiled, not annoyed at all, 'I've got it bad.'
* * * * *
Over the next few days, Cho visited Jane every chance he got, unable and unwilling to stay away. The one thing that helped was the way that no matter how tired or in pain Jane was, as soon as he saw Cho, his eyes, his whole face would light up and his smile threatened to out-shine the sun. Cho never tired of being able to bask in that sunshine and warmth. He shook his head at himself; oh yeah, he had it bad. He smiled a bit in amusement. At least he wasn't not alone in feeling this.
As the days slowly passed, they were drawn together closer and closer; intellectually, emotionally and slowly, physically. Cho cheered inside every time he was able to touch Jane, hold his hand or best of all, when Jane reached for him. They both knew, even without discussing it, that they were slowly, steadily letting go of being two; they were becoming one. It was inevitable, reassuring, yet frustrating as all hell that they were still separate, not yet one.
Their conversations increasingly took on a torturous subtext, the unresolved sexual tension thick in the air around them. They kept dancing right along that edge between being separate and becoming one, not daring or able to make that jump.
It did not take long for them both to realize that these conversations were an excruciatingly long, drawn-out round of foreplay, getting them each more and more on edge, ready to just pounce and relieve the pressure.
They both knew it and yet neither could or would stop the torture.
So, they talked and flirted and yearned and wanted and let the pressure build.
* * * * *
Cho let Jane set the pace about talking about sex and attraction with another man. The last thing that Cho wanted was to push too hard, too fast, and drive Jane away. Who knew if Jane had ever even fantasized about being with a guy? It was one thing to be attracted to a man; it was quite another to actually deal with the physical reality of it.
Jane was far too important to him for Cho to demand too much and to have to watch their--well, whatever they had--crash and burn. Jane wasn't big into labels and Cho wanted to enjoy what they had as it was, without expectations that Jane might not want or be able to meet. In other words, Cho was too chickenshit to tempt fate and ask for everything he truly wanted.
Jane was with him, truly with him, intellectually, emotionally, and god please soon! physically. Cho wasn't just a warm body or an interesting mind to Jane. Their connection was real and scary and intoxicating and Cho would rather take cold showers the rest of his life than do anything to threaten that connection.
* * * * *
One day, Jane finally broached the subject. He had a vaguely impish look in his eyes, hidden except from the people who knew him best. 'He probably knows exactly what I've been doing to avoid the subject as long as possible and is finally taking pity on me. Great.' Cho thought and rolled his eyes at himself and listened closely, glad to finally be here at this moment.
Jane said, "I certainly got plenty of offers, male and female. I'd thought about being with a man over the years. But none of the men really caught my attention like..." He stared hard at Cho's mouth, his eyes suddenly dark with desire, then changed the mood, grinned abashedly and ducked his head, his cheeks a bit flush.
Cho felt a sudden surge of emotion and his ever-present desire spiked sharply. He felt like yelling from the rooftops; direct evidence of actual physical desire and interest. Finally!
Jane's face and tone changed suddenly. "Then I met my wife..." his voice trailed off, his gaze turned inward, sadness lingering.
Cho trailed a single finger lightly down his face, bringing him back to the here and now. Jane looked at Cho again, feeling a sense of anticipation; something in the air.
Cho inwardly braced himself, took a breath, and dove headfirst into the whole messy story of his past. It wasn't something he was proud of or thought about much, but he had come to a strange sense of acceptance about it.
"I was 14; he was 16. I was stupid in love, infatuation, whatever. People tried to warn me, but I didn't see it and I just didn't care. He was gorgeous, so sure of himself, a bit cocky and wild," Cho paused, raising an eyebrow. "Sound familiar?" There was as bit of a teasing light in his eyes as he looked at Jane.
Jane smiled a bit and squeezed Cho's arm. "So you've always had good taste in choosing the wrong guy to fall for," he joked lightly.
Cho rolled his eyes, "Ass. Anyway. He'd just moved to the neighborhood when school let out; that was one eventful summer. It started off as a one-time thing, a bit of experimenting. It was late and we were both a bit drunk on the beer he'd snuck out of his dad's house. He kissed me and that was that. I lost track of all the places we made out in; usually semi-public places where the risk of being caught just added to it," He paused to smile slightly, his eyes taking on a faraway look.
Jane felt a strange flash of jealousy at this unnamed guy who'd had Cho so long ago. 'And was stupid enough to let him go,' he thought to himself, 'I'm smarter than that.' He smiled. "Then what happened?"
Something flashed in Cho's eyes, hard and angry. "Then we went back to school and he fell into a gang," his voice tight, taking on an edge. "I knew better but I looked up to him, would do almost anything to be with him, so I let him talk me into joining too. Big mistake." Bitterness laced his voice.
Jane lightly, lightly traced his fingertip along Cho's collarbone, pulling Cho back. "Let me guess. He started doing illegal things, small to start with until he'd gotten a real taste for it, caught up in the thrill of rebelling. He kept pulling you along, teasing you that if you joined him, you'd stand a chance at really being with him. Be his partner in crime," he paused, his eyes gleaming a bit.
Cho nodded once. "Exactly. He let me think, well, anyway. He robbed one place too many, got in one guy's face too many and slipped, picked up a bat and hitting him, doing real damage. He was arrested and sent away for 10 years. I finally wised up and walked away from the gang. And that was that." His voice belying just how hard that had all been; the chaos that he'd lived through before growing into the steady, strong, and caring man before him.
Jane's voice suddenly took on a too-casual tone, stroking his fingertip down Cho's chest now. "Ever think of looking him up?"
Cho caught his finger, gripping it almost too tightly and answering firmly, "Never."
Jane looked up at that, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding in. His face took on his customary teasing, arrogant look. "So now that you have a new wild, dangerous guy to let you indulge in your latent criminal tendencies and 'Bonnie and Clyde' fantasies.."
Cho rolled his eyes and made a face, "Ass." Then his voice changed and a sparkle came into his eyes, challenging Jane. "So, what did you think about, when you imagined being with a man? What did you want to do?"
Jane's face flushed a bit but he met the challenge, determined not to be outdone despite his lack of experience, looking directly into Cho's eyes. "Want to know what I want to do to you? What I think about? How many different ways did I want to kiss you, undress you, touch you everywhere? Take my time in exploring every inch of you with my hands, my mouth?"
Cho swallowed hard, turned on and so hard he ached. He should've know getter than to challenge Jane. His traitorous body ached to reach out to Jane, ravish and claim him. "Yes," he said tightly.
Jane reached up, grasped Cho's tie, and pulled him down towards him.
"I want you, every bit of you. I don't want anything between us, ever. When I get out of here, I want to lose myself completely in you, learn all the places that make you come undone, watching and feeling you come apart in my arms." Jane's voice was low, seductive, mesmerizing. He leaned up just a bit more and captured Cho's lips with his own, kissing him expertly, like they'd been lovers for years.
Cho moaned and gave in, kissing Jane back passionately, letting Jane set the pace. He stroked his hands down Jane's chest over the gown, hearing a low moan as his fingers stroked over hard nipples, teasing them. It was too much and not enough.
They knew they were torturing each other but neither could stop. Cho was about to just say "fuck it" and stroke Jane off, then and there, when a shrill ringing finally penetrated the fog. They were both breathing hard, holding tight to each other, identical looks of lust, desire, and frustration in their eyes as they looked at each other. Then a long moment later, Cho relented, pulling back and reaching for his phone.
Of course, it was Lisbon with a break in a case and he had to go. His face tight, he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He shook his head, kissed Jane's lips one more time, squeezed his hand and backed away, regret in his eyes. Then he took a breath, straightened his spine and walked away without looking back.
Jane lay there in a daze; frustrated and breathing hard, more turned on than he could remember being since his wife... He closed his eyes at the sudden sharp spike of pain, his body still on fire and yearning for Cho, the sensations becoming mixed up together. Grief and loss and lust and need and love. Complicated.
It was a long time before he found any peace.
* * * * *
Handling Jane was a delicate balancing act, both an art and a science.
Of course, he always had to be the cleverest in the room, or at least be able to maintain that pretense.
He had to be given enough room and slack to do what he did, but not enough rope to hang himself.
Since Jane's wife died, there were now only two living people left who knew just how to handle Jane, Lisbon and himself. Lisbon wasn't bad at it, but she wasn't consistent enough. Cho willingly chose to take on his role, alternatively loving and hating being the only person who knew Jane so well, who could pull him back from the sharp edge of the bleak darkness that seemed ever-present around Jane, even when with his almost constant sunny smiles and clever subterfuge.
Jane wasn't someone who could just be pigeon-holed as merely a top or a bottom, a leader or a follower; he was a vibrant, passionate man who sometimes needed free reign but other times, he needed to be told, forcefully at times, where the boundaries were and to face the consequences of pushing them too far.
* * * * *
Jane was having an annoying day. Well, a string of them really. He was in pain but bored, his mind needing to be engulfed with some interesting puzzle. Or a case. A case would work. He tried pestering Rigsby and Van Pelt for some case notes until Lisbon had taken over the phone and threatened to talk to the doctor about the benefits of putting him into a medically induced coma for a week so that he might get rest and let his body heal. Doubtful, but he wouldn't put it past her to try. The doctors might go along with it to keep him from annoying them.
To make matters worse, the interrupted make-out session with Cho the day before was still on his mind, making him hot and frustrated when he thought about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it. The things he wanted to do to him. How he ached for Cho, his hands, his mouth. Jane groaned and closed his eyes, more frustrated than ever.
So, he tried to do the puzzles Cho left him, only to fling them across the room in frustration. He argued with the doctors when they made their rounds, gave the nurses hell because everything was driving him crazy; it was too hot, then too cold; he was hungry, then he didn't want to eat.
He knew he was being an ass, even for him, but he couldn't settle. His skin was too tight and the day dragged interminably without Cho's presence. He just wanted to throw himself on the ground and have a full-on tantrum until they either brought Cho to him or let him go home.
* * * * *
Cho arrived after work just as visiting hours started. He checked in at the nurses' station to find out how Jane was really doing, since he knew Jane would just be evasive and pretend to more healed than he really was.
He did not like what he heard. Jane was being obnoxious and difficult, refusing to listen to the doctors and making life hell for the nurses.
Cho tighted his mouth, ticked off at Jane's behavior. Sure, he was bored and in pain and stuck in the hospital, but that didn't mean he got to get away with his normal behavior here. The nurses didn't deserve it; they had a hard enough time without Jane being a mischievous, bored overgrown child.
Time to reel Jane in and show him some of those boundaries and consequences.
* * * * *
Jane looked up as the door opened, his face lighting up. "Finally!" He began to frown when he saw the dark look on Cho's face. 'Uh oh, I wonder what he heard. What sort of excuses should I start with?'
Cho stood next to the bed, angry, and not touching Jane.
Jane swallowed and thought, 'Not good. Wonder if I can tap dance my way out of it...'
Cho leaned in close, wearing his best scary interrogator look and spoke softly yet a touch menacingly, right next to Jane's ear. "You keep misbehaving and fighting the doctors, and I'll tell you what I'm not going to do to you."
Jane shivered, his body tensing, arousal flooding him. His brain caught up a few moments later. "Wait. What you're not going to do to me?" he asked, annoyed, confused and so hard it hurt.
Cho watched him silently a few moments, letting the tension build, letting Jane remember how tough and unshakable Cho could be during an interrogation.
"Yes. For example," Cho let his finger trace down Jane's face and neck, so very lightly, inspiring more shivers of wanting and lust, "I'm not going to hold you down, press you hard into the mattress, rub against you. I'm not going to undress you, so slowly, teasing every inch of revealed skin with my fingers, hands, tongue..." He paused to lean in closer, swiping his tongue lightly along Jane's neck, smiling when he felt Jane's hands grip his shirt suddenly.
Cho took hold of Jane's hands gently but firmly, pressing them against the bed and easily holding them there. "I'm not going to look at you, touch you, trace my tongue along your skin, everywhere. I'm not going to stroke you, get you hard and wanting and gasping my name. I'm not going to touch you, bring you higher and higher for hours before finally having mercy on you and letting you come so hard you'll think you died again, only to immediately come back to life and beg me to do it all over again."
He pulled back slightly, a truly feral smile on his face, his eyes gleaming with wicked promises, enjoying Jane's torment far too much.
"Remember, I'm not the one hooked up to machines monitoring my heart rate, blood pressure, and so on. You get aroused and try to do something about it before the doctor clears you, your heart rate will escalate, you'll trigger some alert, and then have a nurse running in here to check on you in about a minute flat."
"On the other hand, I could go anywhere private, even that bathroom right over there," he pointed to the door a few feet away, "and relieve that pressure at any time, stroking myself and thinking of all the wicked things I'm not doing to you because you're being an uncooperative ass, all without triggering any alarms or bringing unwanted attention."
Jane shivered again, slightly in fear at Cho's truly dark side but mostly in arousal, wanting and needing right now! He took a slow, deep breath and forced his body to calm down. "You're a cruel, cruel man, Kimball Cho."
Cho just winked, looking even more dangerously sexy than his undercover persona at the Calistoga Canyon Resort during the Wolcott case and smiled a shark-like smile, showing off his even white teeth. "I'm glad you understand me now. You'll behave? Treat the staff with respect?"
Jane exhaled sharply, surrendering for the moment, understanding the value of a well-timed tactical retreat. "I will. For now," he added with some of his normal bravado.
Cho just smiled that feral smile, leaning closer and kissing him lightly, then nipping his lip sharply with his teeth, causing Jane to gasp then moan as Cho soothed the bite with his tongue. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
* * * * *
The day finally came for Jane to be released, something Cho both wanted and feared. What do they do now? What if the happy bubble of potential they'd been living in for the last week burst in the harshness of reality? What if Jane freaked and decided that he couldn't handle being with a man? What if Cho freaked because he had the chance of true happiness in his grasp but subconsciously sabotoged it because somewhere deep down he believed that this couldn't last. That Jane would figure out he could do better?
Cho rubbed his forehead tiredly and told himself to get a grip. He'd pick Jane up, take him back to his apartment, and then see where they went from there.
After all, Jane was still healing and probably shouldn't be having sex yet. Cho scoffed at that thought. Not that it would stop Jane trying! He could just see himself having to manhandle an amorous Jane, wrapping around him like an octopus and testing Cho's resolve not to do anything to set back Jane's healing.
Cho shook his head and smiled. Even if all they did was sit together on the couch eating take-out and watching tv, it would be enough. Being together was the only thing that mattered.
Cho snorted, his body firmly reminding him that other things mattered, too. Like touches, strokes, kisses, hot sweaty sex...! Cho groaned and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot at work and trying not to speed as he drove to the hospital.
The End...for now!