I'm such a slippery character
If you had to come up with a phrase to describe certain aspects of my behaviour and you weren't feeling particularly uncharitable, one set of words that might come to mind is "sexually motivated". Sometimes this has served me well: I started working out a few years ago because I thought my mate deserved a lover with a better body than what mine was turning into ... and as a result, now I'm far healthier than I otherwise would be. And sometimes this has served me not-so-well, of which I shouldn't have to go into much detail.
But in any event, it fits. It's not even really all that surprising ... I mean, I'm a guy.
This does mean, though, that sometimes I will purchase something, not because I really really need it, but just because I think it might be sexy. And since one other word that would describe my frequent motivation even better than any other is "frugal", if I can find something sexy at a good price ... or even, dare I hope, on sale! ... well, now we have the perfect intersection of circumstances to make me actually do it.
This is how I acquired a set of red satin sheets.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Kaysho, isn't this going to make you look like some kind of 1970s pimp?" I would, of course, agree that that was a risk that I was taking. But I figured, hey, I've never tried satin sheets ... they could be fun! They could be insanely comfortable! They could be one of those fortuitous little discoveries that I'll be so happy I tried! Or they could suck terribly, in which case I'll try them for a couple of weeks, then wash them and take them to the Goodwill. I'm out only forty bucks.
It was about ten minutes after finally getting them on the bed and getting them to stay put that I tweeted, "Satin sheets are one of those things that work much better in theory than they do in practice. #slipslidingaway". My love affair with my new toy was off to a rocky start. Then again, I knew going in that satin sheets were going to be, shall we say, "low friction". Nothing you put on top of satin sheets, including things like blankets, wants to stay where it is.
I've had them on the bed now for nearly a week, and I do have to say that they're not half bad! They really are quite comfortable ... they keep me warm without troubling me with a clingy presence the way, say, flannel would. They're sort of like the sheet analogue of sleeping naked. Whether they will be "fun" or not, I really can't say yet; although I must admit that here the lack of friction has me worried that what was supposed to be a night of hot dirty lovin' is going to degenerate into a morass of giggles and the moral equivalent of Jello wrestling. And true to form, still nothing on top of them wants to stay where it is.
This is how I woke up this morning with my head hanging off the foot of the bed.
While I am a bit of a sprawling sleeper, I do have to say that this is ridiculous. It's only a short step from here to waking up on the floor, at which point the sheets will no longer be nearly so comfortable. But ... I do kind of like them, and I don't want to give up and send them to the Goodwill. So I shall have to exercise all the aspects of my nature and see if I can come up with a solution.
Just as soon as I can find some on sale, I'm getting me some Velcro.