(no subject)

[kayrenow]

what do i want.

i want to think of you.
and never have the thought of you associated with sadness
ever again
i want to think of you
and never have to think of what i've lost
i don't want to associate you with sadness
with tragedy
with being robbed
of something beautiful
is that too much to ask?

what do i want.

i want to think of you
without it hurting
i want to think of you
without the repulsion of the situation
that took place between us
i can't stand the idea that everytime i think about you
i either miss you
or pine for what we had
but that's what's happening
and it's stupid
but that's what's happening
and it's making me want to forget about you
but i don't want to forget about you
not ever
but it hurts to think of you
and i'm not sure what to do
to make the hurt stop

when i think of you, i'm frustrated
when i think of you, i'm disgusted
when i think of you, i'm still grieving
i want that to stop
i want it to go neutral
or at least...
just...
never this dull ache in my heart again

teach me to change the way i feel when i think of you
teach me to accept that i need to really let go of you entirely
and i'll do it
in a second.