Just killing some time
Recently there have been somethings bothering me that just don't seem that important but i keep thinking how i wish vamp hadn't left and how as much as i'd like to disappear i can't
Max, i love her to much don't get me wrong, i just feel as though i'm nothing but a bother to her. i wish i knew more but numerous unnamed people have been telling me that she doesn't like me much and that she can't handle me for any lenght of time.
i understand i can be overhyper and a little ok very annoying off and on but i never mean to get comrades angry with me, that's not my goal. it's just the way i live and deal with things. so i can't apoligise too much otherwise i couldn't ever be myself.
i want people to know they aren't tied to me unless by their own will
if you want me gone I WILL LEAVE don't be afraid to be honest cause it's BAD to hate someone and never tell them or it is to me
i guess i'm sad cause i don't want to think badly of someone if it's my own fault i just wish i knew all the details
i keep being told that "i'm looking for something i'm never gonna find and i should just give the fuck up"
well i'm sorry i like having something and someone to look forward to even if it is a false love i still like that feeling of worth in my life and the thought that maybe some day something will change and if i'm told to give up by the one i'm looking for then i will but i cannot give up by someone who doesn't know the extent of my feelings
i think i need to grow up a little still i'm very immature like right now i should just keep my mouth shut and not start drama with this but if that's the case i'm sorry and please stop reading i'm only posting cause i feel the need to talk to someone and get it all out in the open i wish i had the courage and the faith to tell you all in person and i'm sorry that i'm weak
My feelings for him have not changed not once since i first met him and i know it's just the "you're not in love, you're in love with being in love" type concept to some but i guess as lame as it sounds i personily think that i might actually care for him more then i have about anyother before. yet to you on the outside it just seems like another crush that will end in us fighting and not talking and whining about how much we never liked them in the end but i don't think that it's possible for me to get mad at him that way
Not once since the day i met him have i actually hated him for anything
i've gotten sad, depressed, hurt because of but never angry
not sure why but that pisses off a lot of girls
Melany i feel a close bond with and i love her
i wish that i had taken the time to know her more in the beginning cause i enjoy her company a lot
stayed the night at her house fri. we had a blast and i swear the Denny's people put something in the shake cause we were way too hyper after that -wow-
my life is confusing but it's pretty simple i don't want to go to school here anymore i want to be away from the crowd and i want to go back to being a loner but vamp depends on me for now to be the link from there to here while he's away and still getting settled
i know it's annoying for all of you to listen to me talk about him over and over and i'm sorry but it just shows that all that i can think about...-sigh- i'm hopeless and i think i feel worse the more i admit all of this
i think the only way i'll ever get my feeling straight is through poems but i've not met anyone who can decipher the lyrics to their meanings so i'm still alone in what i think and feel only AB15 has related to me in this way at all since i've let people read them.
i'd really like your feedback on what you think the lyric's of this poem mean if you have actually read this far
~Fleeting Visions~
I open my eyes to see
the blurred visions
a shower of water hides
the tears that burn
i think of days long past
wishing for them to return
i can't seem to move on
or maybe i'm scared to try
these feelings for you i'm not ready to release
so i'm searching for that which i cannot find
that which can never be mind
Well fuck you all
i'll keep searching just to piss you off
the more you tell me to quit
the harder i fight
and the stronger i'll get
I can't hide my feelings
simply because i won't
it's not worth the pain
to pretend my emotions are false
maybe you'll notice
maybe you won't
i'll only give up
when you tell me to
i love you
that's all i can do
that's all i can think
it hurts to think i'll lose
what i care so deeply for
yet knowing you're happy
that i'd die to see
i've done my best
the visions of the past
quickly fleeting by
my tear filled eyes
how much longer can i wait
how much longer can i last
how much longer can i believe
you will still open your heart and eyes to me
-Squeaks
Max, i love her to much don't get me wrong, i just feel as though i'm nothing but a bother to her. i wish i knew more but numerous unnamed people have been telling me that she doesn't like me much and that she can't handle me for any lenght of time.
i understand i can be overhyper and a little ok very annoying off and on but i never mean to get comrades angry with me, that's not my goal. it's just the way i live and deal with things. so i can't apoligise too much otherwise i couldn't ever be myself.
i want people to know they aren't tied to me unless by their own will
if you want me gone I WILL LEAVE don't be afraid to be honest cause it's BAD to hate someone and never tell them or it is to me
i guess i'm sad cause i don't want to think badly of someone if it's my own fault i just wish i knew all the details
i keep being told that "i'm looking for something i'm never gonna find and i should just give the fuck up"
well i'm sorry i like having something and someone to look forward to even if it is a false love i still like that feeling of worth in my life and the thought that maybe some day something will change and if i'm told to give up by the one i'm looking for then i will but i cannot give up by someone who doesn't know the extent of my feelings
i think i need to grow up a little still i'm very immature like right now i should just keep my mouth shut and not start drama with this but if that's the case i'm sorry and please stop reading i'm only posting cause i feel the need to talk to someone and get it all out in the open i wish i had the courage and the faith to tell you all in person and i'm sorry that i'm weak
My feelings for him have not changed not once since i first met him and i know it's just the "you're not in love, you're in love with being in love" type concept to some but i guess as lame as it sounds i personily think that i might actually care for him more then i have about anyother before. yet to you on the outside it just seems like another crush that will end in us fighting and not talking and whining about how much we never liked them in the end but i don't think that it's possible for me to get mad at him that way
Not once since the day i met him have i actually hated him for anything
i've gotten sad, depressed, hurt because of but never angry
not sure why but that pisses off a lot of girls
Melany i feel a close bond with and i love her
i wish that i had taken the time to know her more in the beginning cause i enjoy her company a lot
stayed the night at her house fri. we had a blast and i swear the Denny's people put something in the shake cause we were way too hyper after that -wow-
my life is confusing but it's pretty simple i don't want to go to school here anymore i want to be away from the crowd and i want to go back to being a loner but vamp depends on me for now to be the link from there to here while he's away and still getting settled
i know it's annoying for all of you to listen to me talk about him over and over and i'm sorry but it just shows that all that i can think about...-sigh- i'm hopeless and i think i feel worse the more i admit all of this
i think the only way i'll ever get my feeling straight is through poems but i've not met anyone who can decipher the lyrics to their meanings so i'm still alone in what i think and feel only AB15 has related to me in this way at all since i've let people read them.
i'd really like your feedback on what you think the lyric's of this poem mean if you have actually read this far
~Fleeting Visions~
I open my eyes to see
the blurred visions
a shower of water hides
the tears that burn
i think of days long past
wishing for them to return
i can't seem to move on
or maybe i'm scared to try
these feelings for you i'm not ready to release
so i'm searching for that which i cannot find
that which can never be mind
Well fuck you all
i'll keep searching just to piss you off
the more you tell me to quit
the harder i fight
and the stronger i'll get
I can't hide my feelings
simply because i won't
it's not worth the pain
to pretend my emotions are false
maybe you'll notice
maybe you won't
i'll only give up
when you tell me to
i love you
that's all i can do
that's all i can think
it hurts to think i'll lose
what i care so deeply for
yet knowing you're happy
that i'd die to see
i've done my best
the visions of the past
quickly fleeting by
my tear filled eyes
how much longer can i wait
how much longer can i last
how much longer can i believe
you will still open your heart and eyes to me
-Squeaks