:/
I've been planning on making an update for quite a while, and as I sit here typing this, I really don't know what to say.
Life hasn't really been too great lately. I've actually been pretty depressed lately and I just feel like a lump. I don't really do all that much each day. I go to sleep anywhere between 4 and 7 AM, and wake up to my mom telling me how lazy and stuff I am around 1 or so. I don't understand why I can't sleep at a normal time or why I can't wake up at a normal time or just do anything normally. I'm sick of having so many problems and having nothing in my possession to fix them. I have too many addictions and I don't do any of the things that are really detrimental to my being at this point.
For instance, school. I don't know what the fuck happened. I was a straight A student until 7th grade, and everything crashed. I got 2 Fs on my most recent report card, and here I sit, not doing anything about it. And to tell the truth, I don't really care all that much. We're halfway into this grading period and I haven't done a DAMN thing in any of my classes but one, and I don't even really know what I'm doing in that one class.
I can't say I've really been able to look at myself as much of a "model boyfriend" lately either. I always end up pissing Susan off one way or another. I'm just such a shit to her and when she's around a lot of the time...I really don't deserve her at all.
I need to chill out with lottery tickets too, that's a big problem of mine right now. For example, today, I got my paycheck for $109 and some odd cents. $65 of that went to lottery tickets, and I only won $31 and three free tickets. There is a big problem with that, seeing as I still have to get Christmas presents for 13 people, and it's not like I'm going to spend like $5 on each person. I keep spending my money on all this stupid shit and I truly don't know how I can stop.
My health hasn't been at it's peak lately, either. I think I've been gaining a lot of weight in my face and such...I can never find anything healthy to eat because I'm too picky of an eater. I don't exercise. I don't eat fruits and vegetables regularly. I don't eat on a good schedule. I don't take care of my sugar as well as I should be.
I don't really think anything through until after it's done. I ate almost half a pound of fucking cheese today, out of pure boredom. I spent money on those lottery tickets, like I said. I spend money too liberally, like I act as though I have an endless supply, and I am SO wrong.
I guess lately I've just generally been depressed about all this stuff. It's kinda hard for me to laugh about stuff anymore because I'm too much of a turd. Half of my "lol's" and giggles are just bullshit.
I don't know what to do anymore, really. I stare at my homework for hours and just get pissed off because I don't know how to do it. I sit and think about how I've treated Susan and get pissed off about that. I look at pictures of myself back when I was younger and wonder what the fuck even happened. And last but not least, I sit and look in my wallet and think..."what the fuck is wrong with me?"
Meh.
I applied to Penn State about three weeks ago, and they reached a decision about my application on Wednesday...I'll get it in the mail.
I had toe surgery again...and it's happening again soon...big time toe surgery.
Random Chuck Norris fact: "Chuck Norris created the universe when he roundhoused some sub-atomic particles. Scientists call this the Big Bang theory."
Days the pool bracelets have been on my right wrist and left ankle: 99
Hopeful graduation: 188 days
18th birthday: 249 days
Hopeful Road Trip (quite doubtful): 219 days
Last orgasm: around 5:30 this afternoon
Fingernails cut: Saturday
Next toe surgery: 10 days
Life hasn't really been too great lately. I've actually been pretty depressed lately and I just feel like a lump. I don't really do all that much each day. I go to sleep anywhere between 4 and 7 AM, and wake up to my mom telling me how lazy and stuff I am around 1 or so. I don't understand why I can't sleep at a normal time or why I can't wake up at a normal time or just do anything normally. I'm sick of having so many problems and having nothing in my possession to fix them. I have too many addictions and I don't do any of the things that are really detrimental to my being at this point.
For instance, school. I don't know what the fuck happened. I was a straight A student until 7th grade, and everything crashed. I got 2 Fs on my most recent report card, and here I sit, not doing anything about it. And to tell the truth, I don't really care all that much. We're halfway into this grading period and I haven't done a DAMN thing in any of my classes but one, and I don't even really know what I'm doing in that one class.
I can't say I've really been able to look at myself as much of a "model boyfriend" lately either. I always end up pissing Susan off one way or another. I'm just such a shit to her and when she's around a lot of the time...I really don't deserve her at all.
I need to chill out with lottery tickets too, that's a big problem of mine right now. For example, today, I got my paycheck for $109 and some odd cents. $65 of that went to lottery tickets, and I only won $31 and three free tickets. There is a big problem with that, seeing as I still have to get Christmas presents for 13 people, and it's not like I'm going to spend like $5 on each person. I keep spending my money on all this stupid shit and I truly don't know how I can stop.
My health hasn't been at it's peak lately, either. I think I've been gaining a lot of weight in my face and such...I can never find anything healthy to eat because I'm too picky of an eater. I don't exercise. I don't eat fruits and vegetables regularly. I don't eat on a good schedule. I don't take care of my sugar as well as I should be.
I don't really think anything through until after it's done. I ate almost half a pound of fucking cheese today, out of pure boredom. I spent money on those lottery tickets, like I said. I spend money too liberally, like I act as though I have an endless supply, and I am SO wrong.
I guess lately I've just generally been depressed about all this stuff. It's kinda hard for me to laugh about stuff anymore because I'm too much of a turd. Half of my "lol's" and giggles are just bullshit.
I don't know what to do anymore, really. I stare at my homework for hours and just get pissed off because I don't know how to do it. I sit and think about how I've treated Susan and get pissed off about that. I look at pictures of myself back when I was younger and wonder what the fuck even happened. And last but not least, I sit and look in my wallet and think..."what the fuck is wrong with me?"
Meh.
I applied to Penn State about three weeks ago, and they reached a decision about my application on Wednesday...I'll get it in the mail.
I had toe surgery again...and it's happening again soon...big time toe surgery.
Random Chuck Norris fact: "Chuck Norris created the universe when he roundhoused some sub-atomic particles. Scientists call this the Big Bang theory."
Days the pool bracelets have been on my right wrist and left ankle: 99
Hopeful graduation: 188 days
18th birthday: 249 days
Hopeful Road Trip (quite doubtful): 219 days
Last orgasm: around 5:30 this afternoon
Fingernails cut: Saturday
Next toe surgery: 10 days