I am convinced the fellow students of my speech class are, in fact, illiterate.
For reference, these are the sentences we were to reword:
• The pizza was terrible.
• Public speaking can be exciting.
• The heterogeneous nature of this year's entering freshman class is an onerous burden for those seeking to market goods and services to them.
• It was found that there was a mouse, which was the cause of the nighttime noises.
• The female victim was really brutally killed and murdered.
• Some of the numerous reasons for the automobile crash were that there were a multitude of problems such as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
• The man was gardening in the heat of the day. The warm temperatures in the garden were extremely hot. The man collapsed in the garden. The man was a victim of heat stroke.
• Once again, Mark McGuire had hit the baseball into the stands.
• Mel Gibson walked into the restaurant, talking to the fans that gathered around him.
• Every man in this organization is important to the success of our company.
Author: Robert Jones
Subject: Rob's answer
Message:
* The pizza tasted incredibly horrible.
* There is nothing more exciting than the art of Public speaking.
* The diversity in the freshman class this year made it difficult to market goods and services to them.
* It had been discovered the nighttime noises were caused by a mouse.
* A brutally murdered, female victim was found today.
* There are several reasons for the automobile crash such as driver error and road conditions.
* A man collapsed of heat stroke today while gardening in the extremely hot heat of the day.
* Mark McGuire has hit another baseball into the stands.
* Mel Gibson was talking to fans that gathered around him as he walked into the restaurant.
* Everybody is important to the success of our company.
Author: Kevin Hungerford
Subject: Kevin - Rewording Sentences
Message:
· The pizza was atrocious!
· Public speaking has exhilarating possibilities.
· It’s difficult to satisfy the needs of the freshmen class due to their diverse dispositions.
· A mouse was to blame for the nighttime racket.
· The woman was found with her intestines wrapped around her neck.
· Driver error and hazardous road conditions are amongst the various reasons related to this auto crash.
· The roasted man collapsed in his garden due to a heat stroke.
· Mark McGuire drove the baseball soaring into the stands.
· While entering a restaurant, Mel Gibson chatted amongst surrounding fans.
· Our company’s success is owed to every man of this organization.
Author: Leigh A. Ferello
Subject: Leigh to Kevin
Message:
Good wording. You simplified all the sentences, but brought so much more meaning to them. I like how you worded the sentence regarding the freshmen and the marketers.
Author: Troy Carpenter
Subject: Troy's Rewording Sentences
Message:
Here is my rewording of the sentences I was trying to go for a baseball color commentator for the Mark McGuire sentence. - Troy
That had to be the worse pizza I have ever had in my life.
The adrenaline rush you get one public speaking is one of the best in the world.
This year's entering freshman class had so many different likes, that local business had a hard time marketing towards them.
A mouse that caught yesterday was the cause of all the nighttime noises.
The female victim was brutally murdered.
More common problems for automobile crashes were such problems as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
The man had heat stroke because he was gardening in the heat of the day, in extremely hot temperatures.
Get Up! Get Out! It's Gone, that's number 35 on the year Mark McGuire.
Fans always seem to flock to Mel Gibson as he walks into a restaurant.
This organization is depended on employees for their success.
Author: Corey Giesey
Subject: Corey's rewording
Message:
The pizza was terrible, I should have just ate the box.
There are few things more exhilarating than public speaking.
The diversity of this year’s freshman class will make it troublesome for those wanting to sell to them.
A mouse was making the nighttime noises.
The female victim was brutally murdered
Driver error and hazardous road conditions were to blame for the automobile accident.
The man suffered a heat stroke while gardening.
IT’S OUTTA HERE!!! McGuire blasts another homerun.
Mel Gibson was talking to the fans that gathered around as he walked into the restaurant.
The success of our company depends on all of us.
Author: Amy Poniatowski
Subject: Amy's Rewording Sentences
Message:
Amy’s Assignment #4: Rewording Sentences
This was absolutely without a doubt the worst pizza I have ever tasted!
From my personal experiences I can tell you that speaking in front of the public can be quite thrilling.
It is going to be quite difficult for the business on and around campus to market their products to the incoming freshman class because they are all such diverse individuals.
We now finally know that it was just a mouse which was making all that noise at nighttime.
Unfortunately, I am sad to say that the female victim in this case was brutally murdered in her home last night.
All drivers must use extreme caution because driver error, hazardous road conditions, and other such problems have just created a multiple victim car crash on Hwy 80.
My grandfather was a victim of heat stroke this summer. The temperature was 97 degrees that day and he decided to garden around 1:00 in the afternoon. The mix between high temperatures and exertion caused his body temperature to rise to extreme temperatures and he ended up collapsing to the ground.
It is amazing! For the second time today the famous Mark McGuire has slammed the ball past the outfield and it soared all the way to a HOME RUN!
Today I saw Mel Gibson walking into Rosie’s Café while talking to all the adoring fans that were swarming about him.
We are not a one man show and I promise you that each and every one of you need to understand that you are all extremely important to weather or not this company succeeds. We are counting on all of you to make it work!
When I was first doing this assignment, I thought of it as something I did in elementary school and junior high; apparently not everyone had the same level of education I participated in. Though, I did learn much about grammar post-high school; I learned most of it on my own for my personal benefit. I don't know, I just wish I had the option of testing out of this class; especially considering I've already taken speech (my transfer credits for it were not accepted), and I clearly know what I'm doing with the language.
and this one was mine:
Subject: Jen's Rewording Sentences
Message:
• The pizza was terrible.
The pizza's crust was burnt; there was way too much sauce and not enough cheese; and they put on anchovies when we asked for green peppers!
• Public speaking can be exciting.
Public speaking is one of the most exhilarating and enjoyable activities that anyone can possible engage in.
• The heterogeneous nature of this year's entering freshman class is an onerous burden for those seeking to market goods and services to them.
This year's entering freshmen were all so different that local businesses had a difficult time catering to all their wants and needs.
• It was found that there was a mouse, which was the cause of the nighttime noises.
The bumps in the night turned out to be little more than a mouse.
• The female victim was really brutally killed and murdered.
She was brutally killed.
• Some of the numerous reasons for the automobile crash were that there were a multitude of problems such as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
Two of the many problems contributing to the crash were driver error and hazardous road conditions.
• The man was gardening in the heat of the day. The warm temperatures in the garden were extremely hot. The man collapsed in the garden. The man was a victim of heat stroke.
The man collapsed in the garden because of heat stroke.
• Once again, Mark McGuire had hit the baseball into the stands.
Home run! Another ball is slammed into the stands by Mark McGuire.
• Mel Gibson walked into the restaurant, talking to the fans that gathered around him.
Fans flocked around Mel Gibson as he entered the restaurant.
• Every man in this organization is important to the success of our company.
All of you involved in this organization is important for its success.
-J
• The pizza was terrible.
• Public speaking can be exciting.
• The heterogeneous nature of this year's entering freshman class is an onerous burden for those seeking to market goods and services to them.
• It was found that there was a mouse, which was the cause of the nighttime noises.
• The female victim was really brutally killed and murdered.
• Some of the numerous reasons for the automobile crash were that there were a multitude of problems such as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
• The man was gardening in the heat of the day. The warm temperatures in the garden were extremely hot. The man collapsed in the garden. The man was a victim of heat stroke.
• Once again, Mark McGuire had hit the baseball into the stands.
• Mel Gibson walked into the restaurant, talking to the fans that gathered around him.
• Every man in this organization is important to the success of our company.
Author: Robert Jones
Subject: Rob's answer
Message:
* The pizza tasted incredibly horrible.
* There is nothing more exciting than the art of Public speaking.
* The diversity in the freshman class this year made it difficult to market goods and services to them.
* It had been discovered the nighttime noises were caused by a mouse.
* A brutally murdered, female victim was found today.
* There are several reasons for the automobile crash such as driver error and road conditions.
* A man collapsed of heat stroke today while gardening in the extremely hot heat of the day.
* Mark McGuire has hit another baseball into the stands.
* Mel Gibson was talking to fans that gathered around him as he walked into the restaurant.
* Everybody is important to the success of our company.
Author: Kevin Hungerford
Subject: Kevin - Rewording Sentences
Message:
· The pizza was atrocious!
· Public speaking has exhilarating possibilities.
· It’s difficult to satisfy the needs of the freshmen class due to their diverse dispositions.
· A mouse was to blame for the nighttime racket.
· The woman was found with her intestines wrapped around her neck.
· Driver error and hazardous road conditions are amongst the various reasons related to this auto crash.
· The roasted man collapsed in his garden due to a heat stroke.
· Mark McGuire drove the baseball soaring into the stands.
· While entering a restaurant, Mel Gibson chatted amongst surrounding fans.
· Our company’s success is owed to every man of this organization.
Author: Leigh A. Ferello
Subject: Leigh to Kevin
Message:
Good wording. You simplified all the sentences, but brought so much more meaning to them. I like how you worded the sentence regarding the freshmen and the marketers.
Author: Troy Carpenter
Subject: Troy's Rewording Sentences
Message:
Here is my rewording of the sentences I was trying to go for a baseball color commentator for the Mark McGuire sentence. - Troy
That had to be the worse pizza I have ever had in my life.
The adrenaline rush you get one public speaking is one of the best in the world.
This year's entering freshman class had so many different likes, that local business had a hard time marketing towards them.
A mouse that caught yesterday was the cause of all the nighttime noises.
The female victim was brutally murdered.
More common problems for automobile crashes were such problems as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
The man had heat stroke because he was gardening in the heat of the day, in extremely hot temperatures.
Get Up! Get Out! It's Gone, that's number 35 on the year Mark McGuire.
Fans always seem to flock to Mel Gibson as he walks into a restaurant.
This organization is depended on employees for their success.
Author: Corey Giesey
Subject: Corey's rewording
Message:
The pizza was terrible, I should have just ate the box.
There are few things more exhilarating than public speaking.
The diversity of this year’s freshman class will make it troublesome for those wanting to sell to them.
A mouse was making the nighttime noises.
The female victim was brutally murdered
Driver error and hazardous road conditions were to blame for the automobile accident.
The man suffered a heat stroke while gardening.
IT’S OUTTA HERE!!! McGuire blasts another homerun.
Mel Gibson was talking to the fans that gathered around as he walked into the restaurant.
The success of our company depends on all of us.
Author: Amy Poniatowski
Subject: Amy's Rewording Sentences
Message:
Amy’s Assignment #4: Rewording Sentences
This was absolutely without a doubt the worst pizza I have ever tasted!
From my personal experiences I can tell you that speaking in front of the public can be quite thrilling.
It is going to be quite difficult for the business on and around campus to market their products to the incoming freshman class because they are all such diverse individuals.
We now finally know that it was just a mouse which was making all that noise at nighttime.
Unfortunately, I am sad to say that the female victim in this case was brutally murdered in her home last night.
All drivers must use extreme caution because driver error, hazardous road conditions, and other such problems have just created a multiple victim car crash on Hwy 80.
My grandfather was a victim of heat stroke this summer. The temperature was 97 degrees that day and he decided to garden around 1:00 in the afternoon. The mix between high temperatures and exertion caused his body temperature to rise to extreme temperatures and he ended up collapsing to the ground.
It is amazing! For the second time today the famous Mark McGuire has slammed the ball past the outfield and it soared all the way to a HOME RUN!
Today I saw Mel Gibson walking into Rosie’s Café while talking to all the adoring fans that were swarming about him.
We are not a one man show and I promise you that each and every one of you need to understand that you are all extremely important to weather or not this company succeeds. We are counting on all of you to make it work!
When I was first doing this assignment, I thought of it as something I did in elementary school and junior high; apparently not everyone had the same level of education I participated in. Though, I did learn much about grammar post-high school; I learned most of it on my own for my personal benefit. I don't know, I just wish I had the option of testing out of this class; especially considering I've already taken speech (my transfer credits for it were not accepted), and I clearly know what I'm doing with the language.
and this one was mine:
Subject: Jen's Rewording Sentences
Message:
• The pizza was terrible.
The pizza's crust was burnt; there was way too much sauce and not enough cheese; and they put on anchovies when we asked for green peppers!
• Public speaking can be exciting.
Public speaking is one of the most exhilarating and enjoyable activities that anyone can possible engage in.
• The heterogeneous nature of this year's entering freshman class is an onerous burden for those seeking to market goods and services to them.
This year's entering freshmen were all so different that local businesses had a difficult time catering to all their wants and needs.
• It was found that there was a mouse, which was the cause of the nighttime noises.
The bumps in the night turned out to be little more than a mouse.
• The female victim was really brutally killed and murdered.
She was brutally killed.
• Some of the numerous reasons for the automobile crash were that there were a multitude of problems such as driver error and hazardous road conditions.
Two of the many problems contributing to the crash were driver error and hazardous road conditions.
• The man was gardening in the heat of the day. The warm temperatures in the garden were extremely hot. The man collapsed in the garden. The man was a victim of heat stroke.
The man collapsed in the garden because of heat stroke.
• Once again, Mark McGuire had hit the baseball into the stands.
Home run! Another ball is slammed into the stands by Mark McGuire.
• Mel Gibson walked into the restaurant, talking to the fans that gathered around him.
Fans flocked around Mel Gibson as he entered the restaurant.
• Every man in this organization is important to the success of our company.
All of you involved in this organization is important for its success.
-J