HP fic snippet, just for kicks.
I'm posting an excerpt from my unfinished HP fannovel that I was working on four years ago. I'm blaming captain_bookcat for me posting this because I feel like it.
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,343
Genre: Humour. Unabashedly silly.
Setting: During the Marauder's fifth year at Hogwarts, at a party in the common room after Gryffindor has won the Quidditch Cup.
The party wasn't as bad as Remus thought it would be. The sun slanted through the windows and sparkled with dust and the music wasn't too loud and Peter had found some second years to brag to, so Remus had the corner all to himself. Every once in a while Sirius' voice would float to the top of the noise like oil in water, and Remus would glance over at his circle.
Sirius was in the middle, being petted by a few girls who thought his hair was absolutely wonderful and they wished they had hair like that and ooh, look! the curls would spring back when you tugged them, wasn't that just darling? Sirius endured it as the price for having three girls in easy reach who listened to every word he said. But every once in a while he would jerk his head as if to shake them off or he would stand up, ostensibly to act out the story he was recounting but it was really, Remus knew, because he was starting to feel smothered.
James was sitting a few seats away, nuzzling a girl's ear and looking up every few minutes to see if Lily, standing on the other side of the room with a Butterbeer and some friends, had noticed and was getting jealous. She never gave him a glance, of course, but Remus noticed that every time James looked away from her and whispered some sweet nothing to the girl nestled against his side, Lily would send him an exasperated look and roll her eyes.
Remus smiled ruefully and shook his head. I give it another year, he thought. It'll be at least six months before James realizes what the game is.
A chorus of 'ooh!'s near his corner made Remus look up. Peter was regaling his impromptu fanclub just as Sirius was doing across the room. True, Peter was too self-conscious to perform like Sirius did and his limbs were too short and pudgy to match Sirius' grand gestures and his face was round and pale, not handsome and strong and dark like Sirius', but the same joy and humour and bravado shone there, tempered with a wisp of shyness that made Remus truly happy for him. Judging from Peter's gestures, he was telling the story of the boggart they'd found in the trophy room last November. Playing James' role (naturally), he pantomimed leaping over chairs and dodging around display cases and hurling trophies behind him, hoping to deter the giant spider clambering along in pursuit.
Remus stifled a snort as he remembered how that escapade really happened. It had been last November, true, and it was in the trophy room and James did find the boggart first.
But it didn't turn into a spider.
"Oi, maybe we'll find Filch's stash of booze in here," James had said, opening the cupboard. Then he gasped and jumped back, squishing Peter against the display case behind him. "Evans! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, it's you, Potter," Lily said with an air of disdain, stepping down from the cupboard. "Are you following me around again? Really, it was a good laugh the first time you asked me out, but now it's simply annoying."
"Wah?" said James. Remus, picking his way around the display cases, saw James' face floating between a House Cup and a Merit Award like a confused and unhappy moon.
"Of course I'll never go out with you," continued Lily, her red hair shining in the dusty shafts of twilight. "You're nothing without a Quaffle, and you're not much good at Quidditch, anyway. You look like a sack of beans on a broom stick and those glasses make you look funny. Not that a face like yours would need any help, of course. What is that on your head, a wet cat?"
Remus exchanged a shocked look with Sirius and they both moved forward, keeping to the shadows. James had moved from confused and unhappy to distraught.
"Lily, what are you saying?" he said, his voice embarrassingly thick.
"Only that you are singularly unimpressive, Potter." She tossed back her hair. "I suppose I must tolerate you, though, because Sirius asked me to." She started swaying back and forth with a dreamy look on her face. "He is so handsome. And unbelievably charming and adventurous."
"Sirius?" asked James, going back to confused again.
"Sirius?" whispered Remus incredulously, edging around the display case.
"Sirius," said Peter with a dismal sigh, slumping to the ground behind James.
"I thought she hated me!" said Sirius.
"Oh, Sirius Black," crooned Lily. She gave a pleased little shiver. "Did you know he can eat eighty Chipolata sausages in an hour? I really admire that in a man."
"But that was my record," James said desolately. "I did that."
Lily jerked herself from her reverie and blinked at James.
"Are you still here?" she said. "I thought you'd left ages ago, Jack- Jim- whoever you are."
James blinked rapidly and stepped back, accidentally jabbing Peter in the stomach. Which meant that as he stumbled back, Peter fell forward, Lily turned into Peter's corpse, and everyone realized what was going on.
"It's a boggart!" said Sirius.
"I knew that!" said James, wiping some 'dust' from his eyes.
"Ahh!" screamed Peter.
"Does anyone know the spell?" said Remus, running forward to help him. Peter clutched, trembling, at the front of his robes. James and Sirius looked at each other blankly, then at Remus.
"No," said James.
"You usually know it," said Sirius.
Peter whimpered.
"We covered boggarts during the last full moon!" said Remus. "You were supposed to take notes for me, Sirius!"
Sirius looked away guiltily.
"We'll go check my notes!" said James. "Come on, Peter!"
And they all ran off, leaving Remus to wait in the trophy room. He gave a disgruntled sigh and sat cross-legged on the floor, thinking dark thoughts about boggarts and cupboards and people who didn't bother to take notes. A small moon floated above his head, bathing him in a tiny pool of silver.
Remus plotted his revenge.
The boys came back, told Remus the incantation, and watched him banish the boggart back to the cupboard.
"Another victory for the Marauders!" cried Sirius. "I can't wait to tell this story."
"What are you going to say?" asked Remus. "That James' greatest fear is not getting a date?" James flushed and looked away. Peter, still sniffling, looked at the floor. Sirius tilted his head back to study Remus over the crest of his cheekbones.
"We encountered a Dark creature," he said. "We battled it and won. That's the story."
"No, I battled the Dark creature," Remus said. "You didn't even get near the thing. What would your boggart have been, I wonder? A flea dip, maybe?"
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Hey Remus, come here," he said, beckoning to him. "There's something on your face- I think it's a smirk. Want me to wipe it off for you?" He raised a fist. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Blokes?" James said worriedly. "You're not going to tell Li- anyone about this, are you?"
"We could say your boggart was a bunny instead," offered Remus. James blanched.
"Or a humongous gigantic spider!" yelled Sirius, getting excited at the prospect of making something up. He and James began to hash out all the details of the story so everyone would know exactly what to say. Peter, not being much good with abstract thought, couldn't envision all the events in his head, so James and Sirius decided to act it out. This lead to a lot of James running around and saying brave, adventurous things and throwing imaginary trophies at Sirius, who did a lot of gnashing and stomping and other giant spidery-things. Then Remus decided it would be easier to conjure an actual spider, so he did, which lead to James gibbering and pointing and Sirius freezing and turning and then both of them screaming and running.
"And that's how you tell the story," Remus said to Peter, who wiped his nose and smiled.
_________________
Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,343
Genre: Humour. Unabashedly silly.
Setting: During the Marauder's fifth year at Hogwarts, at a party in the common room after Gryffindor has won the Quidditch Cup.
The party wasn't as bad as Remus thought it would be. The sun slanted through the windows and sparkled with dust and the music wasn't too loud and Peter had found some second years to brag to, so Remus had the corner all to himself. Every once in a while Sirius' voice would float to the top of the noise like oil in water, and Remus would glance over at his circle.
Sirius was in the middle, being petted by a few girls who thought his hair was absolutely wonderful and they wished they had hair like that and ooh, look! the curls would spring back when you tugged them, wasn't that just darling? Sirius endured it as the price for having three girls in easy reach who listened to every word he said. But every once in a while he would jerk his head as if to shake them off or he would stand up, ostensibly to act out the story he was recounting but it was really, Remus knew, because he was starting to feel smothered.
James was sitting a few seats away, nuzzling a girl's ear and looking up every few minutes to see if Lily, standing on the other side of the room with a Butterbeer and some friends, had noticed and was getting jealous. She never gave him a glance, of course, but Remus noticed that every time James looked away from her and whispered some sweet nothing to the girl nestled against his side, Lily would send him an exasperated look and roll her eyes.
Remus smiled ruefully and shook his head. I give it another year, he thought. It'll be at least six months before James realizes what the game is.
A chorus of 'ooh!'s near his corner made Remus look up. Peter was regaling his impromptu fanclub just as Sirius was doing across the room. True, Peter was too self-conscious to perform like Sirius did and his limbs were too short and pudgy to match Sirius' grand gestures and his face was round and pale, not handsome and strong and dark like Sirius', but the same joy and humour and bravado shone there, tempered with a wisp of shyness that made Remus truly happy for him. Judging from Peter's gestures, he was telling the story of the boggart they'd found in the trophy room last November. Playing James' role (naturally), he pantomimed leaping over chairs and dodging around display cases and hurling trophies behind him, hoping to deter the giant spider clambering along in pursuit.
Remus stifled a snort as he remembered how that escapade really happened. It had been last November, true, and it was in the trophy room and James did find the boggart first.
But it didn't turn into a spider.
"Oi, maybe we'll find Filch's stash of booze in here," James had said, opening the cupboard. Then he gasped and jumped back, squishing Peter against the display case behind him. "Evans! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, it's you, Potter," Lily said with an air of disdain, stepping down from the cupboard. "Are you following me around again? Really, it was a good laugh the first time you asked me out, but now it's simply annoying."
"Wah?" said James. Remus, picking his way around the display cases, saw James' face floating between a House Cup and a Merit Award like a confused and unhappy moon.
"Of course I'll never go out with you," continued Lily, her red hair shining in the dusty shafts of twilight. "You're nothing without a Quaffle, and you're not much good at Quidditch, anyway. You look like a sack of beans on a broom stick and those glasses make you look funny. Not that a face like yours would need any help, of course. What is that on your head, a wet cat?"
Remus exchanged a shocked look with Sirius and they both moved forward, keeping to the shadows. James had moved from confused and unhappy to distraught.
"Lily, what are you saying?" he said, his voice embarrassingly thick.
"Only that you are singularly unimpressive, Potter." She tossed back her hair. "I suppose I must tolerate you, though, because Sirius asked me to." She started swaying back and forth with a dreamy look on her face. "He is so handsome. And unbelievably charming and adventurous."
"Sirius?" asked James, going back to confused again.
"Sirius?" whispered Remus incredulously, edging around the display case.
"Sirius," said Peter with a dismal sigh, slumping to the ground behind James.
"I thought she hated me!" said Sirius.
"Oh, Sirius Black," crooned Lily. She gave a pleased little shiver. "Did you know he can eat eighty Chipolata sausages in an hour? I really admire that in a man."
"But that was my record," James said desolately. "I did that."
Lily jerked herself from her reverie and blinked at James.
"Are you still here?" she said. "I thought you'd left ages ago, Jack- Jim- whoever you are."
James blinked rapidly and stepped back, accidentally jabbing Peter in the stomach. Which meant that as he stumbled back, Peter fell forward, Lily turned into Peter's corpse, and everyone realized what was going on.
"It's a boggart!" said Sirius.
"I knew that!" said James, wiping some 'dust' from his eyes.
"Ahh!" screamed Peter.
"Does anyone know the spell?" said Remus, running forward to help him. Peter clutched, trembling, at the front of his robes. James and Sirius looked at each other blankly, then at Remus.
"No," said James.
"You usually know it," said Sirius.
Peter whimpered.
"We covered boggarts during the last full moon!" said Remus. "You were supposed to take notes for me, Sirius!"
Sirius looked away guiltily.
"We'll go check my notes!" said James. "Come on, Peter!"
And they all ran off, leaving Remus to wait in the trophy room. He gave a disgruntled sigh and sat cross-legged on the floor, thinking dark thoughts about boggarts and cupboards and people who didn't bother to take notes. A small moon floated above his head, bathing him in a tiny pool of silver.
Remus plotted his revenge.
The boys came back, told Remus the incantation, and watched him banish the boggart back to the cupboard.
"Another victory for the Marauders!" cried Sirius. "I can't wait to tell this story."
"What are you going to say?" asked Remus. "That James' greatest fear is not getting a date?" James flushed and looked away. Peter, still sniffling, looked at the floor. Sirius tilted his head back to study Remus over the crest of his cheekbones.
"We encountered a Dark creature," he said. "We battled it and won. That's the story."
"No, I battled the Dark creature," Remus said. "You didn't even get near the thing. What would your boggart have been, I wonder? A flea dip, maybe?"
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Hey Remus, come here," he said, beckoning to him. "There's something on your face- I think it's a smirk. Want me to wipe it off for you?" He raised a fist. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Blokes?" James said worriedly. "You're not going to tell Li- anyone about this, are you?"
"We could say your boggart was a bunny instead," offered Remus. James blanched.
"Or a humongous gigantic spider!" yelled Sirius, getting excited at the prospect of making something up. He and James began to hash out all the details of the story so everyone would know exactly what to say. Peter, not being much good with abstract thought, couldn't envision all the events in his head, so James and Sirius decided to act it out. This lead to a lot of James running around and saying brave, adventurous things and throwing imaginary trophies at Sirius, who did a lot of gnashing and stomping and other giant spidery-things. Then Remus decided it would be easier to conjure an actual spider, so he did, which lead to James gibbering and pointing and Sirius freezing and turning and then both of them screaming and running.
"And that's how you tell the story," Remus said to Peter, who wiped his nose and smiled.
_________________
Wheeeeeeeeeee!