Rambleverse deleted snippet: Wherein Bones is Stuck on Bridge Duty
So this was going to be part of the fic where Jim gets turned into a cat.
PG, 354 words, McCoy POV
Well that just figures--the one day that Leonard has to tramp up to the Bridge to work his monthly shift on aux steering is the day a stray cat comes wandering in. Now, Leonard understands that there is a Naval tradition of keeping critters around to eat other critters, but he had been explicitly informed that this was not the case in Starfleet. And a good thing, too. Damned health hazard, is what it is.
And Leonard's already having a bad day when the cat showed up.
He's sitting away at one of the stations tucked around the edges of the bridge, facing as square away from the viewscreen as possible. He's staring at his own, reasonable-sized viewscreen, trying to remember the training from that one class he took two years ago, and questioning the sanity of the people who put him here. Pike keeps harping on about this cross-training thing and that's all well and good, but chances are if it comes down to some random schmuck to pilot this ship, then any doctor on board is gonna be pretty busy already.
Sulu's keeping an eye on this whole bank of crewmen, so Leonard's not too worried he's gonna accidentally send the whole ship careening into one of them inconvenient magnetic fields, but he'd still be a lot more comfortable if Jim would wander by every few minutes or so, casually poking the buttons Leonard forgets to and distracting him with one of his stupid comments he thinks are so cute.
But Jim's off this shift, so Leonard gets to deal with Spock instead, joy of joys. At least Spock is keeping himself holed up in the ready-room. That means Sulu has the conn, which is a comfort until Leonard realizes that all it takes is a call of nature and then the whole ship is under the control of a teenager who's still hopped up on the adrenaline high from the MMORPG raid he did last night. Leonard only knows about that because Chekov keeps bragging about it. Leonard's got much more important things to do than play dragons and princesses.
________________
After this, Jim shows up and everyone on the bridge goes OMG KITTY! Except Bones, who is allergic to cats, and sneezes when Jim wends around his ankles, and Jim is ~devastated that his best friend is allergic to him. (McCoy does helpfully flip over the cat to determine his sex, however.) But Jim cheers up pretty quick because Uhura thinks he is a haaaaaaaaaaaandsome boy and she puts him on her lap and pets him and pets him and stroooookes him and then arranges him across her shoulders like a stylish boa. Then Chekov gets jealous and snatches him away.
Jim walks across the console and nearly gives Sulu a heart attack from all the dire interactions of paw and touchscreen which nearly occur. Sulu thinks the cat is very interesting and would like to pay him attention, but everyone else on the bridge has abandoned their posts so Sulu is kind of busy running the whole damn ship from his console.
So anyway, Chekov is trying to teach the cat how to fly the ship, and also how to do backflips, and also to fly. Uhura finally snaps and takes the cat back because 1) he looks pretty uncomfortable with all the crap Chekov is doing to him and 2) the nyan song is fucking annoying.
Jim doesn't want to snub anyone, though, so he makes a few rounds of the bridge, assiduously glancing up every skirt and test-driving every lap and gazing at Bones so piteously that the man breaks down and grabs a hypospray from the med-kit to stop his allergies.
Then Pike walks onto the bridge and everyone is all like "NO CAT HERE SIR NOPE NOT A SINGLE ONE WE ARE ALL DUTIFUL OFFICERS YEPPERS."
And Pike is like... "I smell shenanigans, but it's not technically my shift so whatevvvvs have fun with that Spock" and Spock comes out of the ready room and his ~~~acute Vulcan senses pinpoint the trouble immediately and without batting an eye he says, "Yeoman, please remove the feline from the bridge" and everyone gets depressed and dies. The End.
This entry is cross-posted from http://kayliemalinza.dreamwidth.org/328896.html (
comments.)
PG, 354 words, McCoy POV
Well that just figures--the one day that Leonard has to tramp up to the Bridge to work his monthly shift on aux steering is the day a stray cat comes wandering in. Now, Leonard understands that there is a Naval tradition of keeping critters around to eat other critters, but he had been explicitly informed that this was not the case in Starfleet. And a good thing, too. Damned health hazard, is what it is.
And Leonard's already having a bad day when the cat showed up.
He's sitting away at one of the stations tucked around the edges of the bridge, facing as square away from the viewscreen as possible. He's staring at his own, reasonable-sized viewscreen, trying to remember the training from that one class he took two years ago, and questioning the sanity of the people who put him here. Pike keeps harping on about this cross-training thing and that's all well and good, but chances are if it comes down to some random schmuck to pilot this ship, then any doctor on board is gonna be pretty busy already.
Sulu's keeping an eye on this whole bank of crewmen, so Leonard's not too worried he's gonna accidentally send the whole ship careening into one of them inconvenient magnetic fields, but he'd still be a lot more comfortable if Jim would wander by every few minutes or so, casually poking the buttons Leonard forgets to and distracting him with one of his stupid comments he thinks are so cute.
But Jim's off this shift, so Leonard gets to deal with Spock instead, joy of joys. At least Spock is keeping himself holed up in the ready-room. That means Sulu has the conn, which is a comfort until Leonard realizes that all it takes is a call of nature and then the whole ship is under the control of a teenager who's still hopped up on the adrenaline high from the MMORPG raid he did last night. Leonard only knows about that because Chekov keeps bragging about it. Leonard's got much more important things to do than play dragons and princesses.
________________
After this, Jim shows up and everyone on the bridge goes OMG KITTY! Except Bones, who is allergic to cats, and sneezes when Jim wends around his ankles, and Jim is ~devastated that his best friend is allergic to him. (McCoy does helpfully flip over the cat to determine his sex, however.) But Jim cheers up pretty quick because Uhura thinks he is a haaaaaaaaaaaandsome boy and she puts him on her lap and pets him and pets him and stroooookes him and then arranges him across her shoulders like a stylish boa. Then Chekov gets jealous and snatches him away.
Jim walks across the console and nearly gives Sulu a heart attack from all the dire interactions of paw and touchscreen which nearly occur. Sulu thinks the cat is very interesting and would like to pay him attention, but everyone else on the bridge has abandoned their posts so Sulu is kind of busy running the whole damn ship from his console.
So anyway, Chekov is trying to teach the cat how to fly the ship, and also how to do backflips, and also to fly. Uhura finally snaps and takes the cat back because 1) he looks pretty uncomfortable with all the crap Chekov is doing to him and 2) the nyan song is fucking annoying.
Jim doesn't want to snub anyone, though, so he makes a few rounds of the bridge, assiduously glancing up every skirt and test-driving every lap and gazing at Bones so piteously that the man breaks down and grabs a hypospray from the med-kit to stop his allergies.
Then Pike walks onto the bridge and everyone is all like "NO CAT HERE SIR NOPE NOT A SINGLE ONE WE ARE ALL DUTIFUL OFFICERS YEPPERS."
And Pike is like... "I smell shenanigans, but it's not technically my shift so whatevvvvs have fun with that Spock" and Spock comes out of the ready room and his ~~~acute Vulcan senses pinpoint the trouble immediately and without batting an eye he says, "Yeoman, please remove the feline from the bridge" and everyone gets depressed and dies. The End.
This entry is cross-posted from http://kayliemalinza.dreamwidth.org/328896.html (
comments.)