Respost from Tumblr
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SMUT-WRITERS, STOP MAKING YOUR CHARACTERS BITE EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY BLEED.
BREAKING THE SKIN REQUIRES AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF FORCE, HURTS WAY MORE THAN IS FUN (EXCEPT FOR THE MOST HARDCORE OF MASOCHISTS,) MAY CAUSE PERMANENT DAMAGE, EXPOSES BOTH PARTIES TO INFECTION, AND GODDAMMIT, IT’S NOT SANITARY.
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SO COOL YOUR JETS OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL START QUOTING RELEVANT SECTIONS OF THE KAMA SUTRA.
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batmanandsobbin replied to your post: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SMUT-WRITERS, STOP MAKING…
Pike bit down on Jim’s neck with the apparent jaw strength of an actual pike. “Aughhhhh,” said Jim, and then, plaintively, “that is so unhygienic.” “Yes,” admitted Pike, “but I think tetanus would suit you.”
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See? See how ridiculous it is?
ALSO: while the pike fish has sharp teeth capable of easily tearing through flesh, the human Pike does not! NOR DO OTHER HUMANS! We have MOLARS and INCISORS which are for eating vegetables and skinned, cooked meat! We do have canines, but they are small and not always very sharp (although, fyi, mine are.) DO WE WALK AROUND WITH BIGASS CANINES LIKE BABOONS? NO, WE DO NOT. WHY? BECAUSE WE DON’T NEED TO TEAR THROUGH RAW SKIN AND FLESH LIKE THEY DO. Our teeth have evolved so we can eat VEGETABLES, not PASSIONATE LOVERS.
When we bite down on something, the force of our muscle action is transmitted over a greater surface area, weakening the net force transmitted to any given single point. Not only do we have weaker jaw muscles than most predators, but we lack the dental mechanisms to most efficiently apply it. Oh, and skin? It’s sort of the body’s best defense mechanism! It is specially designed to keep our blood on the inside. It accomplishes this task by being KIND OF TOUGH. I’m not 100% sure that most humans are even CAPABLE of biting someone hard enough to draw blood.
And if they are, it’s most likely they’d do so with their canine teeth, which extend only a fraction of an inch beyond the line of the incisors, so the puncture wound would be fairly shallow. Now, you could carefully target a fold of loose, thin skin and really bear down on it with only the upper and lower canine teeth on one side of the jaw, and then you could probably do some proper bloodthirsty ripping.
Or, fuck, GO FOR THE HANGNAIL. Chew on a raggedy thumb, okay; you can satiate your lust for that erotic ~coppery tang and give your lover a manicure at the same time! Multitasking! Alternatively, stick your lover out in the cold or deny them sufficient fluids for a while, then pick apart the peeling layers of their chapped lips as if your teeth were sexy tweezers! If you’re feeling really kinky, GO FOR THE EYELID! Gently tug the lid away from the eyeball, position your moist, bacteria-filled mouth over the exposed membranes of the optical socket, and CHOMP DOWN.
Alternatively: GENITALS. Lots of delicate skin there, folks! Plenty of tissue-thin serous membranes waiting for your vampiral vim! Conjoin glans and dens! Sever that clitoral nub as if it were the tempting corner of a ham-flavored pastry! Your partner will love it! They will scream your name and pull your hair in that sexy way I have heard so much about!
These are all feasible options, but that’s not what these characters are doing, is it? No! It’s all GNAWING UPON THE MEATY SHOULDER or OPENLY MOUTHING THE PALE NAPE OF THE NECK and THAT JUST DOESN’T WORK.
*pauses*
*heaves bosom*
*gingerly mops fevered brow*
This has been bothering me for some time and I thank you very much for listening. You are all beautiful and not at all deranged.
BREAKING THE SKIN REQUIRES AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF FORCE, HURTS WAY MORE THAN IS FUN (EXCEPT FOR THE MOST HARDCORE OF MASOCHISTS,) MAY CAUSE PERMANENT DAMAGE, EXPOSES BOTH PARTIES TO INFECTION, AND GODDAMMIT, IT’S NOT SANITARY.
>\
SO COOL YOUR JETS OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL START QUOTING RELEVANT SECTIONS OF THE KAMA SUTRA.
-----------
batmanandsobbin replied to your post: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SMUT-WRITERS, STOP MAKING…
Pike bit down on Jim’s neck with the apparent jaw strength of an actual pike. “Aughhhhh,” said Jim, and then, plaintively, “that is so unhygienic.” “Yes,” admitted Pike, “but I think tetanus would suit you.”
------------
See? See how ridiculous it is?
ALSO: while the pike fish has sharp teeth capable of easily tearing through flesh, the human Pike does not! NOR DO OTHER HUMANS! We have MOLARS and INCISORS which are for eating vegetables and skinned, cooked meat! We do have canines, but they are small and not always very sharp (although, fyi, mine are.) DO WE WALK AROUND WITH BIGASS CANINES LIKE BABOONS? NO, WE DO NOT. WHY? BECAUSE WE DON’T NEED TO TEAR THROUGH RAW SKIN AND FLESH LIKE THEY DO. Our teeth have evolved so we can eat VEGETABLES, not PASSIONATE LOVERS.
When we bite down on something, the force of our muscle action is transmitted over a greater surface area, weakening the net force transmitted to any given single point. Not only do we have weaker jaw muscles than most predators, but we lack the dental mechanisms to most efficiently apply it. Oh, and skin? It’s sort of the body’s best defense mechanism! It is specially designed to keep our blood on the inside. It accomplishes this task by being KIND OF TOUGH. I’m not 100% sure that most humans are even CAPABLE of biting someone hard enough to draw blood.
And if they are, it’s most likely they’d do so with their canine teeth, which extend only a fraction of an inch beyond the line of the incisors, so the puncture wound would be fairly shallow. Now, you could carefully target a fold of loose, thin skin and really bear down on it with only the upper and lower canine teeth on one side of the jaw, and then you could probably do some proper bloodthirsty ripping.
Or, fuck, GO FOR THE HANGNAIL. Chew on a raggedy thumb, okay; you can satiate your lust for that erotic ~coppery tang and give your lover a manicure at the same time! Multitasking! Alternatively, stick your lover out in the cold or deny them sufficient fluids for a while, then pick apart the peeling layers of their chapped lips as if your teeth were sexy tweezers! If you’re feeling really kinky, GO FOR THE EYELID! Gently tug the lid away from the eyeball, position your moist, bacteria-filled mouth over the exposed membranes of the optical socket, and CHOMP DOWN.
Alternatively: GENITALS. Lots of delicate skin there, folks! Plenty of tissue-thin serous membranes waiting for your vampiral vim! Conjoin glans and dens! Sever that clitoral nub as if it were the tempting corner of a ham-flavored pastry! Your partner will love it! They will scream your name and pull your hair in that sexy way I have heard so much about!
These are all feasible options, but that’s not what these characters are doing, is it? No! It’s all GNAWING UPON THE MEATY SHOULDER or OPENLY MOUTHING THE PALE NAPE OF THE NECK and THAT JUST DOESN’T WORK.
*pauses*
*heaves bosom*
*gingerly mops fevered brow*
This has been bothering me for some time and I thank you very much for listening. You are all beautiful and not at all deranged.