IM log: Wee!Pike vs. Goat

[kayliemalinza]

I like telling stories over IM because the line breaks make it ~~~poetic. Also, in real-time chat I find it difficult to restrain myself.

Stuff in brackets is from possibly_thrice

ok so Christopher Pike punched out a goat when he was five
I just wanted you to know

[thank you for telling me
my life would have been less complete without that information
on many levels.]

you're welcome

see, the goat was giving him salty looks

and christopher pike don't take shit
so he punched that punk-ass goat in the head

Elena was sitting on the fence at the time
and she was like, "Topher, don't you hit that goat."
and he didn't listen

So, thing is, Goat don't take shit either, and ok yeah maybe he was throwin' shade, but they was some ewes in there and he can't just sit for gettin' knocked out in front of 'em, eh?

[this is such an intense narrative
goddamn.]

So he's all rearing back and showing his horns, and he's about to bust that kid flat, but then Heidi (their mother) scoops him up and tosses him over the fence to Laney. It was crazy quick, man, because Heidi's the baddest motherfucker in the pen

and the goat totally went ass-over-teakettle
in front of all those catty ewes

So anyway, this shit ain't over

Topher's still got beef, the goat's got beef. The only peeps who ain't got beef are, ironically, the cattle

Also, PROBLEM

this is a fancy whole-foods-organic-co-op shindig, right?

so there's cameras set up in the pen and Uncle X has to make reports/assurances that all the animals are being treated humanely

[and not
for instance
being punched out?
by five year olds?]

exactly

so that was a very interesting shareholder's meeting

and the footage possibly ended up on Youtube
for like a million years