ramble!verse forgotten snippet: Pike's rack
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS. I wrote this snippet to be included with the ramble!fic wherein Pike is a woman for realsies but forgot about it until after I'd already finished and posted.
So here you go:
230 words, Jim is insensitive, Pike starts to look on the bright side
"Listen," Kirk says, leaning in confidentially. "I know you're going to have to look in the mirror at some point, and I don't want it to be too big a shock."
"I am already aware that my body is female," Pike says flatly.
"Yeah, but the dangerous thing is that you're really hot."
Pike rolls his eyes excessively and makes scant headway into a facepalm before he decides that he'd rather keep his hand in his armpit, thanks, because it'd be just terrible if he let his breasts breathe a little. "I'd like to commend you, Kirk, for handling this situation in a mature and inoffensive manner."
Is that sarcasm? That's probably sarcasm, Jim thinks. That's ok, he knows how to cheer Pike up.
"Are your breasts bigger than your sister's?" Jim says suddenly, as if he has just noticed (he has not) and possesses no ulterior motive (he totally does.)
Pike (finally!) loosens his arms from their death-clamp on his chest. He looks down and yeah, that's the expression of a guy who has just discovered the silver lining. The metaphorical silver lining, of course. A literal silver lining would be uncomfortable and probably make Pike's breasts smell funny and possibly turn green, and that would be tragic. Not that Jim is prejudiced against green breasts, of course; surely his track record on that one will speak for itself.
So here you go:
230 words, Jim is insensitive, Pike starts to look on the bright side
"Listen," Kirk says, leaning in confidentially. "I know you're going to have to look in the mirror at some point, and I don't want it to be too big a shock."
"I am already aware that my body is female," Pike says flatly.
"Yeah, but the dangerous thing is that you're really hot."
Pike rolls his eyes excessively and makes scant headway into a facepalm before he decides that he'd rather keep his hand in his armpit, thanks, because it'd be just terrible if he let his breasts breathe a little. "I'd like to commend you, Kirk, for handling this situation in a mature and inoffensive manner."
Is that sarcasm? That's probably sarcasm, Jim thinks. That's ok, he knows how to cheer Pike up.
"Are your breasts bigger than your sister's?" Jim says suddenly, as if he has just noticed (he has not) and possesses no ulterior motive (he totally does.)
Pike (finally!) loosens his arms from their death-clamp on his chest. He looks down and yeah, that's the expression of a guy who has just discovered the silver lining. The metaphorical silver lining, of course. A literal silver lining would be uncomfortable and probably make Pike's breasts smell funny and possibly turn green, and that would be tragic. Not that Jim is prejudiced against green breasts, of course; surely his track record on that one will speak for itself.