Deleted Snippet, wherein Bones is depressed and Jim has trouble with ketchup packets
This is ramble!fic which may or may not be part of Ramble!Verse. The issue is continuity, not tone. In other words, I'm not sure this actually happens in the Ramble!verse, but if it were to happen, it would happen like this. ETA: it totally happens, because Bones and The Ex are hot for each other like that.
Also, it cuts off kind of suddenly because it's an aborted freewrite. So soz, but that's why it's called a 'deleted snippet!'
R for language; 483 words; mentions The Ex, Xena, and Uhura (but does not imply that they are having a threesome which we can all agree is a damn shame)
"Well you have to do something about it. I can't take your bitching anymore," Jim says in between gnawing at the vacuum-sealed ketchup packets. "Don't get me wrong, I'm always here if you need me, you know that-" Jim takes a moment to give Bones a healthy dose of his Sincere Expression, complete with Soulful Eyes. Soulful Eyes add a little something to any expression, Jim has found, and it's not like he can turn them off anyway. His eyes are just always that compelling. "-but it's getting repetitive, you know? You're like Sisyphus but it's not a rock you're pushing, it's your ex-wife."
Jim waits a beat for Bones to get the innuendo, but Bones is utterly disappointing and just says, "What's 'Sisyphus?'" without changing his expression. Depressed Bones is such a downer, Jim has discovered.
"Never mind," he says. Normally Jim would tell Bones to 'look it up' so he can appreciate Jim's impressive and witty references to obscure historical media, but Jim can't remember if Sisyphus is a classical myth or something he heard about on Xena: Warrior Princess. It wouldn't normally matter (both sources are centuries old, right? And it's not like any version of a myth is more or less fictional than another) but Cadet Noname Uhura is still pissing herself laughing from their conversation last week. Jim was holding out hope that she'd dress up in the leather outfit for him sometime so her quick dismissal really hurt his feelings. Arousal is a feeling.
Jim gives up on the ketchup packet he's working on and reaches for another, hopefully more cooperative one. "Listen, Bones, this is really simple," he says. "I know the perfect solution."
The majority of Bones' face is preoccupied with sulking but he spares an eyebrow to raise at Jim. The eye beneath that brow is still focused on the plate of fries they're sharing but eh, it's something. "That so," Bones says, and drags a limp fry through the remaining streaks of ketchup.
"Yep," says Jim. The packet finally tears open and he triumphantly replenishes their condiment reservoir. "The best way to stop accidentally fucking your ex-wife," he says sagely, "is to fuck her on purpose." That gets him a glare from both eyes, which is a win in Jim's opinion. He selects the fattest fry, coats it liberally with ketchup, and chews it around a grin. "It could be a friends with benefits sort of thing," he explains.
"We aren't friends," says Bones. "We hate each other." The way his voice cracks when he says that is heartbreaking, really, but Jim has to be the better man here and look at the big picture.
"So you'll be enemies with benefits," he says. "I have it on good evidence that enemies with benefits can be very hot." Most of his evidence comes from pornovids, but Bones doesn't need to know that.
Also, it cuts off kind of suddenly because it's an aborted freewrite. So soz, but that's why it's called a 'deleted snippet!'
R for language; 483 words; mentions The Ex, Xena, and Uhura (but does not imply that they are having a threesome which we can all agree is a damn shame)
"Well you have to do something about it. I can't take your bitching anymore," Jim says in between gnawing at the vacuum-sealed ketchup packets. "Don't get me wrong, I'm always here if you need me, you know that-" Jim takes a moment to give Bones a healthy dose of his Sincere Expression, complete with Soulful Eyes. Soulful Eyes add a little something to any expression, Jim has found, and it's not like he can turn them off anyway. His eyes are just always that compelling. "-but it's getting repetitive, you know? You're like Sisyphus but it's not a rock you're pushing, it's your ex-wife."
Jim waits a beat for Bones to get the innuendo, but Bones is utterly disappointing and just says, "What's 'Sisyphus?'" without changing his expression. Depressed Bones is such a downer, Jim has discovered.
"Never mind," he says. Normally Jim would tell Bones to 'look it up' so he can appreciate Jim's impressive and witty references to obscure historical media, but Jim can't remember if Sisyphus is a classical myth or something he heard about on Xena: Warrior Princess. It wouldn't normally matter (both sources are centuries old, right? And it's not like any version of a myth is more or less fictional than another) but Cadet Noname Uhura is still pissing herself laughing from their conversation last week. Jim was holding out hope that she'd dress up in the leather outfit for him sometime so her quick dismissal really hurt his feelings. Arousal is a feeling.
Jim gives up on the ketchup packet he's working on and reaches for another, hopefully more cooperative one. "Listen, Bones, this is really simple," he says. "I know the perfect solution."
The majority of Bones' face is preoccupied with sulking but he spares an eyebrow to raise at Jim. The eye beneath that brow is still focused on the plate of fries they're sharing but eh, it's something. "That so," Bones says, and drags a limp fry through the remaining streaks of ketchup.
"Yep," says Jim. The packet finally tears open and he triumphantly replenishes their condiment reservoir. "The best way to stop accidentally fucking your ex-wife," he says sagely, "is to fuck her on purpose." That gets him a glare from both eyes, which is a win in Jim's opinion. He selects the fattest fry, coats it liberally with ketchup, and chews it around a grin. "It could be a friends with benefits sort of thing," he explains.
"We aren't friends," says Bones. "We hate each other." The way his voice cracks when he says that is heartbreaking, really, but Jim has to be the better man here and look at the big picture.
"So you'll be enemies with benefits," he says. "I have it on good evidence that enemies with benefits can be very hot." Most of his evidence comes from pornovids, but Bones doesn't need to know that.