DESERT ISLAND/BLANKET FIC! Rough draft, part one
I don't normally post rough drafts (mostly because I don't normally do rough drafts) but the blanket fic is coming along nicely, and it's soon approaching the point where I'll have to split it up to post it anyway. Also, so many hopeful people have friended me in the past week or so, and I want to keep you entertained. Mostly, I feel guilty that I'
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Truly thou art a goddess of rationalisation
"But I wuv my Tosh-Tosh and Ianty-Poo!" is a pretty rationalisation for anything, I've discovered. Except, you know, not at all. >> yes officer, i did smack that old lady with a sack of beans, but it was for a really good reason. you see....
Jack standing, wrist held out, grinning as the Doctor and Tosh make geekly noises of intriguement. Wriststrap wantonly co-operating with their every instruction.
Jack's imagination turns it into something like this:
"Do a scan for sentient lifeforms, baby, oh yeah. You like that, don't you, baby? You like those sentient lifeforms."
"Ooooh it's calculating an escape vector! All over my body!"
Attempted strangulation is a good way to express anxiety.
You wanna be a zombie so bad, don't you dear? I'm sorry. ::petpet::
You're right, it is his saving grace. It's why I love him so much, and part of why I get so irritated with Ten (and a little bit with Nine, but he was only suspicious and mean at the beginning, and later was very snoogly with Jack, and kind and proud, and gave him kisses before sending him to his death. Ten was just sort of a jerk.)
He has tried sleeping it off in weird positions. It doesn't work
ZING! >D
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yes officer, i did smack that old lady with a sack of beans, but it was for a really good reason. you see....
...they were alien beans, and they needed to be activated by a random act of violence before Ianto could grind them up and make a drink that could be used to resurrect Tosh so that they could have sex in front of Jack because they want to and Jack's good at persuading people to do things that they want to do if those things involve sex and they're so adorable and kinky and... and... I wuv my Tosh-Tosh and Ianty-Poo.
What, officer? No, no I'm not on crack.
And you lose points for saying love instead of wuv, or forgetting the italics or omitting the second Tosh in Tosh-Tosh. Etc.
:D
Grrragh!
OMG you implied the Doctor was less than perfect! How could you? He was, wasn't he? Is. Much as I love him - and I do - he's practically solid jerky.
;D
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I award you... 11.4 points.
What's my scenario?
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"Cardiff Bay was recently colonized by alien bacteria that feed upon plant matter consisting of certain nutrients, and if I didn't feed them the grass seed and avocado-- those plants are very rich in Ethonelium 46, you see, not that Earth scientists know what that is yet--if I hadn't done that, the bacteria would start eating through the silt on the Bay floor, and it just to happens that a portion of the Hub is located under that silt, and we couldn't risk the bacteria uncovering the secret underwater manhole entrance, could we? For, we suspect the bacteria was dumped in the Bay by an alien species searching for that very entrance, so they could then launch an attack on Torchwood! The problem, you see, of course, officer, is that the airlock system is broken, so they'd end up flooding the lower levels of the Hub (and likely draining the Bay) and, well, Tosh has some of her most favorite electronic equipment there. It's Ianto's favorite equipment, too, but he doesn't like to admit that he's into E-stim.
"So, you see, I had to dump fifty packets of grass seeds and an avocado into Cardiff Bay because I wuv my Tosh-Tosh and Ianty-poo. You wouldn't want them to lose their Mistress Sato and the Naughty Tea-Boy playtime, would you?"
Do I lose points for being long-winded? ^^;
Your scenario is:
"Excuse me, ma'am, I'll just need to borrow your hair curlers. Yes, I understand that you're using them at the moment, but that's rather why I need them. You see...."
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I am declaring this canon. It is far too awesome an idea not to be. Assuming it isn't already, I mean :P
That killed me. That killed me deader.
No. No I wouldn't want them to lose their Mistress Sato and the Naughty Tea-Boy playtime.
12.0042. Extra points for long-windedness that was amusing enough to be worth it.
***
"Excuse me, ma'am, I'll just need to borrow your hair curlers. Yes, I understand that you're using them at the moment, but that's rather why I need them. You see...."
"Myfanwy (that's our pterodactyl - don't ask) has grown tired of barbecue sauce (really, don't ask, it's a long story and I'm sure you want us out of your bedroom as soon as possible) and the only thing we've been able to find so far that will get her to eat is, well... she'll eat hair-curlers for breakfast, if they still have the hair in them. She'll even eat meat with them, which is better than what she did to the broccoli. And, and it's Ianto's job to feed her and he worries and last time he was this worried he cleaned Tosh's computer. It... wasn't pretty.
So, you see, I need those curlers urgently so I can feed Myfanwy so that Tosh won't make Ianto sleep in the Tourist Office for the next month (and not in the fun way) when she should be shagging him silly on CCTV, because I wuv my Tosh-Tosh and Ianty-poo and I want them to be happy.
I brought scissors. Shall we get started?
***
Your scenario is:
"Yes, dear, we are having roast chicken and tofu again tonight. And it's for a very good reason. You see...."
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1) Myfanwy eating hair curlers. with hair still in them. BWAHAHAHA!
2) Ianto worries
3) Tosh's computer!
4) Tosh's love for Ianto versus her love for her tech!
5) ::singsongs:: Ianto got in trouble, Ianto got in trouble....
6) "I'm sure you want us out of your bedroom as soon as possible" Poor civilians! Victim to Torchwood's weirdness yet again! They should form a union, like "Civilians for a Less Bizarre Cardiff" or sommat.
"Yes, dear, we are having roast chicken and tofu again tonight. And it's for a very good reason."
You see, the Hub was recently attacked by a Gluteal Expansionator last week, and during the horrific yet impressive battle that ensued, some of the quieter members of Torchwood (the only two who hadn't skipped down the pub that night to yell at the telly and, thus, the only two on hand to deal with the crisis) deftly vanquished the porcine alien but directly prior to that, sadly, they fell prey to its attack and suffered from, er, gluteal expansion.
Their dashing leader dashed back once he heard the screams on the comm and told them not to worry, he knew exactly what to do. They needed to go on a strict regimen of diet and exercise (no carbs!) and attend daily support meetings. Now, obviously they couldn't go to *real* support meetings because of the delicacy of their work-- how else do you explain you had a craving for cupcakes because you were dismantling a piece of alien technology shaped like one?-- so he rounded up a group of friendly, helpful people who were "in the know," or who could be safely ret-conned or ignored (that explains Berthold the Hobo, by the way, shnookums.) Now, dear, I know you're not technically in UNIT or Torchwood, but you are dating me and we've gotten pretty serious lately, and this is something I'd like to share with you. So eat up-- we've got to slim down and suffer along with our poor beleaguered friends. It's our only way to help! And we have to help, because I wuv my Tosh-Tosh and Ianty-poo, even when they're jiggly.
~~~~~~
Your scenario, should you choose to accept, is:
"YOU. Yes, you. This banana has a multi-cartridge banana magazine so unless you wanna end up like Mr. Fruit-and-Internal-Organ-Smoothie over there, you'll do exactly as I say. This is very important. You see...."
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