(no subject)
Why do things have to change?
So I've been wondering alot lately. Like what happend to me and my friends. To be specfic, my guy friends. Its like ever since I've got a boyfriend, none of my [guy] friends talk to me. Is there a written law that girls with boyfriends cant hangout with guys that are strictly just friends? If so, I think it should be burned. I miss hangingout with just the guys [and being a guy]. I miss the old times. Sitting around talking about crazy-stupid shit and laughing about it. Or laughing about porn. Maybe its just cause everyone is growing up now and are getting jobs. And school is almost out and we have to go off and be on our own. I dont know. Or maybe I'm annoying now or something. I dont know what it is. I wish I knew. I wish some people would IM me every now and then and be like "Hey!" and let me know I'm still in the back of their mind. Maybe make plans. I dont know. I've just been sitting around lately, thinking about old times, and I really miss them. I miss alot of people that I pretty much saw everyday over the summer.
Funny thing that happend the other night, I cried in front of my boyfriend. Eeeek. I hate crying in front of people. He got pretty mad that I have a hard time trusting him and he told me how he feels about me. I dont know, this is all pretty new to me. I've never had a guy say these things to me. Or do these things for me. And I never expected it to happen to me. I'm honestly trying my best to trust people and not be so paranoid. I need to forget about the past and all the things people have done to me. And not believe that everyone else is going to do it to me. Its just kinda hard. Plus, it doesnt help that I have been going up and down on my Seroquel. My psyciatrist and Mom want me off it cause I "dont need it". I beg to differ. So sometimes my Mom gives me a whole 25mg (that I feel great on) and then she'll give me half of it. I need this medication. For a really long time, I wasnt feeling paranoid. I was so carefree. Now ever since this dosage has been going up and down like a bouncing ball, my paranoia is going up and down too. And sometimes I cry for no reason. I dont understand these things.
So I've been wondering alot lately. Like what happend to me and my friends. To be specfic, my guy friends. Its like ever since I've got a boyfriend, none of my [guy] friends talk to me. Is there a written law that girls with boyfriends cant hangout with guys that are strictly just friends? If so, I think it should be burned. I miss hangingout with just the guys [and being a guy]. I miss the old times. Sitting around talking about crazy-stupid shit and laughing about it. Or laughing about porn. Maybe its just cause everyone is growing up now and are getting jobs. And school is almost out and we have to go off and be on our own. I dont know. Or maybe I'm annoying now or something. I dont know what it is. I wish I knew. I wish some people would IM me every now and then and be like "Hey!" and let me know I'm still in the back of their mind. Maybe make plans. I dont know. I've just been sitting around lately, thinking about old times, and I really miss them. I miss alot of people that I pretty much saw everyday over the summer.
Funny thing that happend the other night, I cried in front of my boyfriend. Eeeek. I hate crying in front of people. He got pretty mad that I have a hard time trusting him and he told me how he feels about me. I dont know, this is all pretty new to me. I've never had a guy say these things to me. Or do these things for me. And I never expected it to happen to me. I'm honestly trying my best to trust people and not be so paranoid. I need to forget about the past and all the things people have done to me. And not believe that everyone else is going to do it to me. Its just kinda hard. Plus, it doesnt help that I have been going up and down on my Seroquel. My psyciatrist and Mom want me off it cause I "dont need it". I beg to differ. So sometimes my Mom gives me a whole 25mg (that I feel great on) and then she'll give me half of it. I need this medication. For a really long time, I wasnt feeling paranoid. I was so carefree. Now ever since this dosage has been going up and down like a bouncing ball, my paranoia is going up and down too. And sometimes I cry for no reason. I dont understand these things.