(no subject)
So, I went to therapy today. It was good going. I sorta was feeling kinda incomplete without seeing my therapist. Sadly, she doesnt work in Cary anymore. She moved her office to Chapel Hill. But oh well. I'm not gonna find a better therapist. And I dont think I could open up to anyone else. She knows me best.
So I went there. And she asked how I was doing. And I told her I've been wonderful. And I just started crying.
It made me think that I've been going to her for almost 2 years now. It made me think I was fighting this thing called depression for 5 years. And I finally one day said I needed help. And I went to her. And I thought of all our sessions of me crying and how much I wanted life to be over. She looked at me and was wondering why I was crying. And I told her, "I'm so happy now. I actually feel normal". lol I'm starting to get teary-eyed now.. She was so excited and said shes glad to hear me say that. She said she could tell I changed as soon as I walked in the door. She said I looked heathly and that I carried myself differently. We talked about everything that has been going on lately and what we always would talk about: friends, family, school. And of course I mentioned about my job and she was excited to hear that too. I think she was alittle bummed that I was still into drugs. I told her how I cant say no to it all. I am always telling myself NO MORE. And then I get around it and I dont care. She warned me about the whole addiction thing cause theres alcoholism in my family. And I'm at a very high risk for it. She told me some things to think about when I get into those situations and hopefully I can stop myself from continuing drugs cause honestly.. I dont wanna do them. Drugs + Depression = Do Not Mix AT ALL. So hopefully what she told me will help.
Another good thing is I dont really have a scheduled appointments now. I used to have to go to therapy every 2 weeks. Then it turned into every month. Now, if I ever need her I can call her and come see her. So that even shows I improved. I can carry my life now. As gay as it sounds, its such a beautiful thing. I wish everyone could understand depression and how amazing it is to get over it. Some people dont make out of it. I almost didnt, a couple of times. And I'm here, and I beat it. It makes me feel like I can do anything now. If I went 5 years with depression and I finally beat it, I think I could do anything. I've been crying all day lol I'm just that happy. Happy that I'm here. Happy that I'm living my life. Happy that I'm not down that road anymore. Happy that I'm happy. I just wanna hug someone now and just be like "Hey, I'm alive! I'm here"....
So I went there. And she asked how I was doing. And I told her I've been wonderful. And I just started crying.
It made me think that I've been going to her for almost 2 years now. It made me think I was fighting this thing called depression for 5 years. And I finally one day said I needed help. And I went to her. And I thought of all our sessions of me crying and how much I wanted life to be over. She looked at me and was wondering why I was crying. And I told her, "I'm so happy now. I actually feel normal". lol I'm starting to get teary-eyed now.. She was so excited and said shes glad to hear me say that. She said she could tell I changed as soon as I walked in the door. She said I looked heathly and that I carried myself differently. We talked about everything that has been going on lately and what we always would talk about: friends, family, school. And of course I mentioned about my job and she was excited to hear that too. I think she was alittle bummed that I was still into drugs. I told her how I cant say no to it all. I am always telling myself NO MORE. And then I get around it and I dont care. She warned me about the whole addiction thing cause theres alcoholism in my family. And I'm at a very high risk for it. She told me some things to think about when I get into those situations and hopefully I can stop myself from continuing drugs cause honestly.. I dont wanna do them. Drugs + Depression = Do Not Mix AT ALL. So hopefully what she told me will help.
Another good thing is I dont really have a scheduled appointments now. I used to have to go to therapy every 2 weeks. Then it turned into every month. Now, if I ever need her I can call her and come see her. So that even shows I improved. I can carry my life now. As gay as it sounds, its such a beautiful thing. I wish everyone could understand depression and how amazing it is to get over it. Some people dont make out of it. I almost didnt, a couple of times. And I'm here, and I beat it. It makes me feel like I can do anything now. If I went 5 years with depression and I finally beat it, I think I could do anything. I've been crying all day lol I'm just that happy. Happy that I'm here. Happy that I'm living my life. Happy that I'm not down that road anymore. Happy that I'm happy. I just wanna hug someone now and just be like "Hey, I'm alive! I'm here"....