Whoa!
everytime a good happens, i stand and wait... i wait for the thing that fucks everything up... for every good there is a bad... and hopefully the bad can be worked around... this time it ain't happening...
its amazing how quick ppl forget the bad that others have done to them.. for example! my ex chris was told a week ago by his father that he doesn't want him around and that he is never to speak to his brother and sister again. Last night all was forgotten and the sister was locked inside the apartment so i couldn't get in and the father was calling me a whore. lol.
the list is endless... in short sharpsburg police can lick my balls... even though i don't have any... i have no apartment anymore... and now i'm left for dead at the front step of a man that doesn't know what the fuck he wants from me!
i live each day fighting... and some nights i wonder why... i don't know why... perhaps i'm afraid of what will happen after death. perhaps i'm afraid i'll miss something. perhaps there is hope that lingers ever so lightly and missably in my heart that i still cling to.
to die a cat lady is a fate i've been recognizing for years. a cat lady at 40 was a bit more harder then just plain cat lady but still it was dealt w/. but the hope i cling to is that of a man that i seek the undying love of so desperately that it almost kills me alone.
the light of this hope is flickering... as every day passes and each time i cross a bridge i still wonder, "why?" sometimes i wanna get in my car and loose control along the highway. and then he speaks. he speaks words often i can not follow but his voice i cling to. and for those moments in time that no longer exist i breathe easy and my mind is at peace. and the "why" doesn't occur. and the thought of me in his arms in the comfort of his warmth soothes me so that i sleep that night to an unheard lullaby. then the voice stops... and the world comes back full force. and the "why"s come back, yet still, even though i have no answer... i still have never jumped off the bridge nor wrecked my car at 80 mph into a wall. and perhaps even though i don't answer my question out right, my heart screams it! there is a chance. there is a chance w/ this man.
have you ever loved someone so much that in the purest moments of intimacy you felt as though you just had to cry because it was so overwhelming? i live for that every day, and though it flickers, it's also for the hope that perhaps one day it can be returned.
its amazing how quick ppl forget the bad that others have done to them.. for example! my ex chris was told a week ago by his father that he doesn't want him around and that he is never to speak to his brother and sister again. Last night all was forgotten and the sister was locked inside the apartment so i couldn't get in and the father was calling me a whore. lol.
the list is endless... in short sharpsburg police can lick my balls... even though i don't have any... i have no apartment anymore... and now i'm left for dead at the front step of a man that doesn't know what the fuck he wants from me!
i live each day fighting... and some nights i wonder why... i don't know why... perhaps i'm afraid of what will happen after death. perhaps i'm afraid i'll miss something. perhaps there is hope that lingers ever so lightly and missably in my heart that i still cling to.
to die a cat lady is a fate i've been recognizing for years. a cat lady at 40 was a bit more harder then just plain cat lady but still it was dealt w/. but the hope i cling to is that of a man that i seek the undying love of so desperately that it almost kills me alone.
the light of this hope is flickering... as every day passes and each time i cross a bridge i still wonder, "why?" sometimes i wanna get in my car and loose control along the highway. and then he speaks. he speaks words often i can not follow but his voice i cling to. and for those moments in time that no longer exist i breathe easy and my mind is at peace. and the "why" doesn't occur. and the thought of me in his arms in the comfort of his warmth soothes me so that i sleep that night to an unheard lullaby. then the voice stops... and the world comes back full force. and the "why"s come back, yet still, even though i have no answer... i still have never jumped off the bridge nor wrecked my car at 80 mph into a wall. and perhaps even though i don't answer my question out right, my heart screams it! there is a chance. there is a chance w/ this man.
have you ever loved someone so much that in the purest moments of intimacy you felt as though you just had to cry because it was so overwhelming? i live for that every day, and though it flickers, it's also for the hope that perhaps one day it can be returned.