Gratis
For my last birthday I resolved to spend sitting quietly in my new apartment sipping wine as the clock struck midnight, reveling in my newfound freedom and (relative) independence. It made a wonderful contrast to the large party I jointly celebrated with my kaberk Altair (the only reason I'd even consider holding a large celebration).
This year I am again having a large-ish party with Altair; while I've never liked calling attention to myself just because it happened to be my birthday, co celebrating makes it ok for me, as its a chance to both help out a friend and to say thank you to all the people who've contributed to giving my continued existence richness and meaning.
But again, it'll be forever set in my mind against a more reflective time; last night as the clock struck 12 I found myself at a table surrounded by my friends from SPIT, just after an amazing set at high street (made all the more amazing by all the old friends who came to watch). About half the audience had gone and Bob Guererro was playing the guitar onstage for the special after show Singalongkot cheesy love song live karaoke (the sappier the better!).
I'd assumed most of the guys didn't know it was my birthday as I try not to call attention to it with them, but then Gabe calls me up to give my song request Bakit Ngayong Ka Lang priority, and my co performers are all cheering me on screaming happy birthday, and the bar captain at magnet buys me a beer, and eri gets me shots, and I get to belt my song in what is hopefully enough of a croon to overcome the accent, and somehow in that darkened quiet bar surrounded with people who were there to watch me or perform with me (from bluerep, from brigada, from rockeoke, from college, from childhood), I knew that my life, occasional ennui aside, was on track and going damn well.
I remember a time when I was so unsure of myself that I would dread having people I know in the audience, because the very knowledge of their presence would make me tentative, nervous and just unfunny. Now it seems there's someone I know, at least in passing, who comes every week, and knowing I've since gained the confidence to relish it is just spectacular.
This year I am again having a large-ish party with Altair; while I've never liked calling attention to myself just because it happened to be my birthday, co celebrating makes it ok for me, as its a chance to both help out a friend and to say thank you to all the people who've contributed to giving my continued existence richness and meaning.
But again, it'll be forever set in my mind against a more reflective time; last night as the clock struck 12 I found myself at a table surrounded by my friends from SPIT, just after an amazing set at high street (made all the more amazing by all the old friends who came to watch). About half the audience had gone and Bob Guererro was playing the guitar onstage for the special after show Singalongkot cheesy love song live karaoke (the sappier the better!).
I'd assumed most of the guys didn't know it was my birthday as I try not to call attention to it with them, but then Gabe calls me up to give my song request Bakit Ngayong Ka Lang priority, and my co performers are all cheering me on screaming happy birthday, and the bar captain at magnet buys me a beer, and eri gets me shots, and I get to belt my song in what is hopefully enough of a croon to overcome the accent, and somehow in that darkened quiet bar surrounded with people who were there to watch me or perform with me (from bluerep, from brigada, from rockeoke, from college, from childhood), I knew that my life, occasional ennui aside, was on track and going damn well.
I remember a time when I was so unsure of myself that I would dread having people I know in the audience, because the very knowledge of their presence would make me tentative, nervous and just unfunny. Now it seems there's someone I know, at least in passing, who comes every week, and knowing I've since gained the confidence to relish it is just spectacular.