zinefic!
The zinefics have been released!
Auld Lang Syne
by kaydee falls
Fandom: lotrips
Pairings: SO MANY OMG. Involves Elijah-Billy-Dom-Sean A.-Orlando-Viggo-Karl-Liv-Miranda.
Rating: hard R (heh, hard)
Disclaimer: They didn't all spend New Year's 2004 together, ergo this whole fic is total bullshit. And they're probably all straight, anyway.
Notes: Consider this my loving homage to the good old-fashioned drunken orgy cliches of yore. Dedicated to love and anal sex!
Surprisingly enough, it was Viggo who organized the New Year's Eve party and paid an exorbitant amount for an entire floor of the Marriot in L.A. They were all responsible for their own mini-bar and room service tabs, of course -- Viggo was a generous man, but not quite that generous.
Champagne and a rather large television with the usual New Year's Eve footage were to be made available in Viggo's personal suite just before midnight, with mandatory attendance for all involved. Arrangements for the rest of the night were left up to the individual actors.
The movies and premieres were all over, with few remaining press junkets left. The events of the night, therefore, would have no professional repercussions. A guilt-free night for all involved, Viggo had told them slyly, as long as they kept it all behind closed doors.
The doors were kept closed.
*
Elijah's room, 11 PM
They assembled after a late dinner with two bottles of Absolut Citron and four shot glasses between them. An hour and a half later, the atmosphere was considerably looser.
Orlando raised his seventh shot, a bit unsteadily. "A toast!" he announced. His enthusiasm caused some of the vodka to slosh over the side of the glass. He ignored it.
"You can't have a proper toast with shots," Billy argued primly.
"Yes, you can!"
Dom cleared his throat. "A toast!" he agreed. "To..."
"To..." Orlando tried, then trailed off.
"To sex!" Dom finally decided, for no apparent reason.
Three of them downed their shots, over Billy's protests that you just couldn't do toasts with shots.
"I have had sex with everybody in this room!" Elijah proclaimed gleefully.
Three pairs of eyes stared blankly at him. "What, even Billy?" Dom asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!"
Billy shook his head hastily. "He gave me a blow job. Once. That's all."
Elijah beamed at him. "A blow job is oral sex. It has the word 'sex' in it! I had sex with you!"
Billy turned to the other two, pleadingly. "He just sucked me off! I was very drunk. It doesn't count."
"Oral sex!"
"Oh, god," Billy groaned.
Orlando grinned over at Dom. "And you, Master Monaghan? Really? I thought all those ridiculous rumors on the internet were just, well, rumors."
Dom shrugged unapologetically. "Well, yeah, they are. Mostly."
"We had sex twice!" Elijah announced. He took another shot of vodka. The other three really didn't think he needed any more alcohol in his system, but even Billy refrained from commenting.
"Twice?" Billy asked instead. "Before or after the internet rumors started?"
"Once before, in New Zealand," Dom said. "And once all the stories started spreading, we figured, well, why not have a bit of fun for old time's sake? Everyone seemed to think we were shagging, anyway."
"Why the first time?" Orlando asked, intrigued.
Dom gave him a Look. "We were drunk and horny. Why else?"
"I am drunk and horny!" Elijah shouted.
"Yes, Elijah," Dom said. "We know."
Elijah leaned over Billy's lap to frown at him. "Why," he demanded, "is no one surprised that I had sex with Orli?"
Dom and Billy blinked at each other. "Well, really," Dom said, "who hasn't?"
"I resent that," Orlando scowled.
"I haven't!" Billy protested.
"Billy, you don't count," Dom said severely. "You haven't had sex with anyone in the cast."
Orlando gaped at them. "What, not even with you, Dommie?"
"No, I have not!" Billy said, peering curiously at Orlando. "What made you think otherwise?"
"Well, it's just, I mean, it's you and Dom! How could you not have been shagging?"
Billy blinked. "I'm straight."
"Oral sex!" Elijah piped up, in case anyone had forgotten.
"I already said that didn't count!"
Elijah frowned at him. "Why not?"
"Look," Billy said exasperatedly, "it was a bloody blowjob, all right? It doesn't matter who gives it to you! A mouth is a mouth."
Dom shook his head solemnly. "But Elijah has a man mouth. Gay!"
"Elijah's lips are not particularly manly. Besides, this was back during filming. He looked a lot more girly then."
"True," Orlando commented thoughtfully.
Elijah glared at them. "I was not girly!"
Dom grinned. "Sorry, Lij, but you still are. Dubious stubble notwithstanding."
"This is not stubble! This is a goatee!"
Orlando, who had had some experience with goatees, eyed Elijah's chin critically. "Nope, sorry, that has definitely not attained goatee status."
"And it's certainly not a beard," Dom added. "Therefore, dubious stubble."
"You're one to talk," Elijah protested. "You've never had a beard, either, just that I'm-a-lazy-bum-who-can't-be-arsed-to-shave-for-a-week grungy look."
Dom smiled complacently. "My point exactly. When I don't shave for a week, I get a beard. You, on the other hand, took several months to grow that dubious stubble."
Sensing he was losing the argument, Elijah poured himself another shot of Absolut. "Oral sex," he muttered petulantly.
*
Miranda's room, 11:30 PM
"Oh," Miranda moaned softly. "Yes. Right there, right fucking there."
Karl's hands slipped down a bit farther, kneading. "Like that?"
"God yes," she breathed. "Christ, Karl, why didn't you ever bother telling me you give incredible fucking foot massages?"
He grinned up at her, working the arch of her slim, pale foot between his strong fingers. "You would have tried to take advantage of me."
"Yes. Yes, I would have. Just as well you're making up for lost time -- mmm, yeah, that's fantastic!"
Liv was sprawled across the bed. She rolled onto her stomach and pouted at them. "Hurry up, Karl, it's my turn next!"
"Don't even think about it," Miranda said, closing her eyes and leaning back in the armchair. "I'm the fucking princess of Rohan. My foot masseuse."
"I'm the queen of Gondor!"
Miranda didn't open her eyes. "Yes, and you got to kiss Aragorn about a thousand times in front of the cameras, and all I had was a love affair with Faramir that got cut. Eomer is mine."
The heavenly pressure on her foot worked its way down to her heel, soothing muscles she hadn't known existed. "Anything you say, sis," Karl smirked.
Liv laughed, propping her chin up in her hands. "Incest is best," she commented blandly.
"Liv?"
"Yes, Miranda?"
"Do shut up."
Liv swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood, tossing her hair to show her indifference. She wandered over to the mini-bar and helped herself to her third beer.
Karl paused in his ministrations to laugh at her. "How refined," he teased.
Miranda kicked his shoulder lightly, bringing his attention back to her foot (where it belonged). Liv stuck her tongue out at them. "I like beer."
"Could you mix me a martini while you're there?" Miranda asked, batting her eyes.
"Shaken, not stirred," Karl added, in his best stuck-up English accent.
Liv flopped back down on the bed, beer in hand. "Mix your own goddamn martinis!"
The door opened noiselessly, and Viggo poked his head in. "Ladies, gentleman, you should be aware that the ball will be dropping on the television in my room in less than half an hour. Champagne will be provided, of course."
"Can you mix a martini with champagne?" Miranda mused aloud. "Don't stop," she added for Karl's benefit.
Liv wrinkled her nose. "God, I hope not."
Viggo bowed theatrically and made his exit. No one noticed. A tragic waste of melodrama.
*
Viggo's room, 12 AM
The ball dropped, as it generally does, at midnight exactly. Champagne was drunk (as were some suspicious-looking martinis and one foul-smelling vodka-something mixture). Toasts were made. Elijah's goatee was mocked by all and sundry. And at some point during the festivities and general merriment, Sean Astin stumbled in, looked around in confusion, and plopped himself down next to the mini-bar. He noted the questionable martini sitting untouched on the bar, sniffed at it experimentally, and drained it in three seconds flat.
Dom wandered over. "I wouldn't drink that, if I were you."
"Too late," Sean told him, unfazed. "Why wouldn't you have drunk it?"
"I drunked one already," Dom slurred. "It was bad."
"Oh," Sean said. "So it was."
At this point, Dom leaned heavily on Sean's shoulder. Since Sean was sitting on the floor and Dom had been standing relatively upright, this caused a certain amount of stumbling, falling, and cursing. The next thing either of them knew for sure, Sean was looking down at his lap, which currently supported the bulk of Dom's torso.
Dom looked up. "This isn't very comfortable."
"No," Sean agreed. "It isn't."
"How's Christine?" Dom inquired politely, not moving.
"Putting the kids to bed," Sean replied. "Dom?"
"Yes, Sean?"
"Can you get off me?"
Dom frowned and wiggled a bit. "Yes," he finally decided. "I can."
"Will you? Like, now?"
"Oh!" Dom rolled over. He was no longer on Sean's lap, but his face was inconveniently pressed into the carpet. "This better?" he asked the carpet.
Sean stared at him for a second, then slowly shook his head and started rummaging through the mini-bar for something less foul-tasting and more alcoholic than the questionable martini.
Meanwhile, Karl, Orlando, and Elijah were watching the New Year's Party still raging on TV. "He's, like, a hundred years old," Elijah commented, entranced.
"Who is?" Karl asked.
"Dick Clark," Orlando said. "Elijah's got a bit of a fascination with the man."
"He hasn't aged a day since the 1960s," Elijah continued. "Seriously, look at him."
"He's like this every New Year's," Orlando told Karl, meaning Elijah. "Never really has anything new to add, either."
Elijah jumped up, nearly knocking Orlando over. "HE HAS THE RING!" he announced shrilly to the room at large. He then sank back down in front of the TV, nursing a shot glass of vodka.
Karl and Orlando exchanged looks. "Well, that was new," Orlando said after a beat. They backed away from Elijah slowly. Elijah didn't notice, enthralled by the man on the television.
Across the room, Billy blinked at Elijah's proclamation, momentarily distracted from his unsuccessful efforts to hit on both Liv and Miranda simultaneously. Unsuccessful, because Viggo was smirking at him the whole time, and the ladies seemed far more inclined to appreciate Viggo's mocking than Billy's flirting.
"A toast to ringbearers!" Viggo announced in the silence following Elijah's little moment.
Miranda and Liv both reached for the same martini glass. They glared at each other for a second, then came to the mutual decision to be nice girls and share. Their attempts to both drink out of the glass at the same time led to some degree of confusion, spilt alcohol, and very nearly licking at each other's lips, all of which was far more interesting to the men in the room than the toast itself. Billy stared at them and tried not to salivate too obviously.
"Hot lesbian sex!" Dom was heard to mumble from a corner of the carpet, but no one really paid any attention to him.
"Hundreds and hundreds of years old," Elijah added, just to be as non sequitor as possible. Or maybe he was still talking to Dick Clark.
Liv and Miranda gave the room in general a Look. "What?" Liv demanded.
Billy swallowed hard.
*
Elijah's room, 12:30 AM
Sean eventually decided that Elijah had really had enough Dick for the night, and dragged him forcibly back to the room, intending to dump him in his own damn bed and then clear out in search of party. Elijah apparently had other ideas.
"Sean," he said, "why did you come to a New Year's party without your wife?"
"She's watching the girls," Sean replied.
"But the whole point of a New Year's party is to have crazy orgy-style New Year's sex!"
"Um," Sean said.
Elijah beamed seraphically at him. "Have another drink, Seanie."
It was a bad idea. Sean knew it was a bad idea. But there's nothing worse than being sober at a party with a bunch of drunk people. "Yeah, all right."
Elijah had another drink, as well. It was his…well, who was counting? "Come on," he said when Sean had finished the shot, tugging at his arm. "It's boring in here. Let's find the others."
Sean looked at him, then looked at the mini-bar. He helped himself to another shot before following Elijah out.
*
Liv's room, 12:30 AM
When Liv and Miranda left Viggo's room in search of more martini glasses, Billy followed them and Dom followed Billy. The four of them wound up in Liv's room with three martini glasses, two bottles of Absolut, and no more mixers. It was a truly tragic state of affairs.
"We'll just have to drink the vodka straight," Dom said somberly. He opened one of the Absoluts and took a swig.
"And share glasses," Billy added hopefully, just in case of a repeat of the thing with the girls and the glass and the licking and the yeah.
Miranda eyed Dom and his bottle disdainfully. "Not necessary, apparently."
Liv sat down next to Miranda on the bed. Very close. "Miranda," she said sweetly, placing her hand on Miranda's bare shoulder (as Billy thanked God for the creation of halter tops), "would you mind mixing me a martini?"
"No mixers," Miranda reminded her, raising an eyebrow.
"What a pity," Liv sighed. She glanced at the hobbits, to make sure they were properly appreciating this and giving thanks for what they were about to receive, then deliberately slipped off a high-heeled shoe and, crossing her legs, allowed one foot to drag across Miranda's leg. They were both wearing silk stockings.
Billy gaped openly. Dom choked on a swig of vodka.
Slowly, deliberately, Liv leaned over and pressed her mouth against Miranda's, letting her tongue visibly dart out and taste Miranda's lips. Miranda shivered, resisting for a moment. She glanced around Liv's kiss at the dumbstruck hobbits, her eyes wide, making both men feel horribly naughty and voyeuristic. Then she turned her focus back to Liv and started kissing back.
Billy and Dom simultaneously whispered thanks for what they were about to receive.
*
Viggo's room, 12:30 AM
"Orlando," Karl asked, "how many of those have you had tonight?"
Orlando smiled angelically and downed another shot of vodka.
"Nearly enough, I should think," Viggo answered for him, standing next to the bed with one hand resting on the coverlet and the other elegantly grasping a glass of brandy. He looked like one of those old-fashioned portraits kings and princes and such liked to have painted of themselves, to hang over the mantle or above an extravagant curving marble staircase.
Orlando's smile widened as he sprawled languidly across the bed. He and Viggo exchanged glances, then simultaneously focused their gazes on Karl.
Karl eyed them both uncertainly. He had the oddest feeling that he was somehow being set up, and that maybe he should have followed the ladies out to wherever they had gone, although he didn't really fancy following the example of two horny hobbits. But this picture looked a little too calculates for his tastes, Orlando draped so deliberately over the coverlet, head tilted seductively towards Viggo, who was at his most refined and wolfish.
"Karl," Viggo said, carefully putting his drink down on the nightstand, "did you know that men, in general, give far better blowjobs than women?"
If Karl had been drinking at that particular moment, he would have sprayed his drink all over the carpet. As it was, he nearly choked on his own saliva. "Really?"
Viggo nodded, a small smile flitting across his face. "Something to do with already knowing what feels good and what doesn't, I believe. Orlando here is particularly good at it."
"Is he?" Karl inquired nervously, not quite backing away. Orlando nodded, stretching languorously.
Viggo stroked Orlando's hair lightly. "Very."
"Too bad I don't swing that way, then," Karl said, with false humor.
"Oh, don't you?" Viggo said, in a tone that politely suggested he didn't quite believe Karl. "Pity. Perhaps if Orlando were more feminine…? But no, of course not."
Before Karl could respond, the door swung open. Elijah stuck his head in. "Hey, guys, what's going on?" His voice was unnaturally high-pitched with drunkenness.
Viggo and Orlando exchanged looks and smiled.
Karl's mouth felt horribly dry. He poured himself another shot of vodka to wet it.
*
Liv's room, 1 AM
Just about the last thing Sean expected to find when he pushed open the door of Liv's room was an orgy.
He did not, in fact, find an orgy in Liv's room, but was forced to concede that finding Liv and Miranda making out on the bed with Dom and Billy each surreptitiously jerking off on the floor was pretty damn close to the last thing he'd expected.
He blinked and nearly tripped over something on the floor. That something was a halter top. He looked back at the bed. Yes, somewhere in the tangle of silk stockings and long hair and spit-swapping were bare shoulders and. Um. Breasts.
Sean wasn't quite sure how to respond to the breasts. Unfortunately, his dick was. Sean's jeans suddenly felt very tight, and he shifted uncomfortably, unsure whether he should turn and run or, well, join Dom and Billy.
He decided on the third option, and made his way unsteadily over to the mini-bar. Three martini glasses and a half-empty bottle of vodka were sitting there, ignored. He bypassed the glasses and took a swig out of the bottle. The vodka burned the back of his throat, making his eyes tear up. He looked from the women on the bed to the men on the floor and back to the women.
He took another swig of vodka.
*
Viggo's room, 1 AM
Karl decided that he really needed to take a moment to stop and assess the situation. The situation currently consisted of his trousers being in locations unknown and shorts down around his ankles, while a far too eager-looking Elijah perched on the edge of the bed, eying Karl's naughty bits with a more than casual interest. Viggo and Orlando were by the window, politely ignoring the Karl-Elijah situation, as they'd no sooner set it up than they discovered numerous unspeakable ways of distracting each other while Karl and Elijah presumably did their own array of unspeakable things.
The trouble was, Karl still wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be doing anything unspeakable with Elijah, nor was he completely cogent on how they'd reached this situation in the first place.
Something having to do with excessive amounts of alcohol, he's sure, but he's pretty fuzzy about everything else.
"Er," Karl said to Elijah.
"Hi," Elijah said, much too cheerfully.
"Oh god yes don't stop," Orlando was heard to groan from elsewhere in the room. Karl very deliberately did not look in the direction of the luxurious window curtains.
"I'm not, er, bent," Karl said, in case he hadn't cleared that up yet.
Elijah grinned. "That's okay. I prefer straight guys."
"Oh," Karl said. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of this new development. "How…interesting for you."
"Very," Elijah agreed. He reached out and gently took hold of Karl's wrist, pulling him toward the bed.
"Listen, Elijah-"
"I hate listening," Elijah said. He ran a finger down Karl's chest, then followed Karl's treasure trail to the inevitable destination.
Karl shivered.
"Don't worry," Elijah said. "I may be drunk, but I'm still very good at this." He lightly stroked Karl's inner thigh.
Karl bit his lip, hard.
Elijah smiled ferally. Without warning, he leaned forward and licked Karl's inner thigh, right where his fingers had just been, his breath hot against Karl's…well, yes, that.
Karl closed his eyes and found it quite easy to pretend that the lips and tongue doing really unspeakable things to his cock were female. Close enough, anyway. And when said lips and tongue are that skilled - well, does it really matter?
*
Liv's room, 1:15 AM
Liv hadn't honestly expected her impromptu makeout session with Miranda to go on for nearly as long as it had. In fact, she had honestly expected Miranda to shove her away, laughing, after the first kiss. That would have been enough to get Billy and Dom all hot and bothered, which, after all, was all Liv had honestly wanted. The poor boys were always trying to chat up the ladies, unsuccessfully, and Liv had wanted to at least toss them a bauble of sorts. Maybe she would have even moved on from Miranda to one or both of them, just for a bit of fun.
But the one kiss with Miranda had turned into a hell of a lot more, rather unexpectedly. Not that Liv was complaining, mind. Miranda was pretty damn hot, and then there was that added naughty thrill a usually-straight girl gets on the rare occasion that she's actually hooking up with another woman, that exciting notion that what she's doing is somehow exotic and illicit, even though she knows logically that it really isn't all that big a deal.
This was turning into a pretty big deal, fast.
And then the hand cupping Liv's breast unexpectedly slipped down over bare stomach and carefully eased its way under skirt and lace panties to - oh.
It took Liv's still somewhat inebriated brain a second to process this new information, then another second to pause her kissing and open her eyes to see Miranda's wide open eyes there staring at her and-
Miranda was the one to break the kiss. Her finger made small, gentle circles over a certain particularly wonderful spot, and Liv gasped.
"Boys," Miranda said, still staring at Liv, "out."
Liv had her eyes closed again at this point, so she didn't see the boys leave, but she did hear the door click shut. Not that it mattered.
Her fingers pressed hard into Miranda's bare shoulders. Her skirt and panties slipped away as if they'd never been there at all, which they probably shouldn't have been, really. Not when this was the alternative.
We're going to regret this in the morning, Liv thought, trying not to thrust her hips into Miranda's hot white hand, feeling Miranda's hard nipples pressing into her chest.
It was her last coherent thought for quite some time.
*
Dom's room, 1:30 AM
"Well," Dom said, "that was rather unfortunate. And it was just getting good, too."
Sean shifted uncomfortably in his chair. His hastily zipped-up jeans were much tighter than they really had any right to be, but damned if he would relieve the tension now. He started thinking about ice water and ugly dogs, with the vain hope that this would improve his situation.
Dom apparently didn't share Sean's sense of propriety. Not that this was particularly surprising, but still, Sean wasn't quite prepared when Dom flopped on the bed and casually undid his fly to finish up the wank.
If Sean had been properly sober, he would have made a polite exit at this point. Unfortunately, he was a little too drunk and a little too…well, aroused to do so. Instead he just shifted uncomfortably again. It didn't help.
After a few seconds, Dom glanced over at Sean. "Look, mate, there's no point in just sitting there. Go on and finish yourself off, it's all right."
"I'm okay, thanks," Sean mumbled.
Dom smirked. "I doubt that. I'll look away, if that'll make you feel better about it. Or I could lend you a hand, if you'd like…?"
"No," Sean said hastily, "that won't be necessary."
Dom grinned drunkenly at him and deliberately kicked off his jeans.
Sean closed his eyes tightly, clenching the arms of the chair tightly and trying to ignore his aching cock. He practically jumped out of the chair when he felt Dom's hands on his shoulders.
"Hey," Dom murmured, "calm down. It's not like you haven't gotten off with another bloke before. I know you and Elijah were close during filming."
"That doesn't mean we-"
"Stuff it, he told me you did."
"Oh," Sean said, stupidly. Not that it really mattered, but…
"So," Dom said, "you're willing to do the nasty with Elwood, but not me? Is that what you're saying?"
"I-"
"I could be offended. Or hurt. Yeah, brokenhearted. Don't you know how much I love you?" Dom fell to his knees on the floor, clasping his heart melodramatically and wiping imaginary tears from his eyes. Given his current lack of pants, this looked even more ridiculous than usual.
"You're out of your mind," Sean told him, thinking this would be the end of the matter.
Dom had the element of surprise on his side, however, as he subsequently demonstrated by draping himself over Sean's lap and fumbling drunkenly for Sean's fly.
"Hey!" Sean protested, pushing him away. Dom's balance was remarkable for someone as drunk as he was, given that he should have toppled ungracefully to the floor but instead managed to stagger to his feet, swaying slightly.
"Fine," Dom said, unruffled. "I'll just be wanking on my bed, then, if you don't mind." In as dignified a manner as possible, he staggered over to the bed and, well, started wanking.
Sean looked away.
Dom started breathing heavily.
Sean clenched his jaw and examined a spot on the wall.
Dom moaned softly.
With a sharp breath, Sean finally gave in and unzipped his jeans. The sudden freedom was practically orgasmic in of itself. Turning his back to the bed, Sean closed his eyes and started jerking off to the mental image of Christine in a very skimpy bathing suit, splashing in a New Zealand ocean with a naked Elijah, the waves lapping the sand…
…Dom was there, too…
Goddamnit. Sean's eyes snapped open. Reluctantly, he glanced over his shoulder, where, sure enough, Dom was staring at him from the bed.
When had Dom taken off the rest of his clothes?
And when Dom smirked and nodded at the space next to him, an evil glint in his eye, Sean discovered he really had no choice but to obey.
*
Orlando's room, 1:30 AM
Orlando wasn't entirely sure how Karl had come to be in his bed and completely naked, but he somehow suspected he had Elijah to thank. Elijah himself had long since vanished down the corridor, giggling to himself and muttering something about oral sex and gayness, but Orlando didn't particularly mind. Getting a naked Elijah into anyone's bed was never much of a challenge. A naked Karl, however, was something quite different.
And a naked Viggo to go along with the naked Karl was downright delightful.
And pressing a naked Karl down into the bed, fingers slick with lube and condom already applied, while a naked Viggo was massaging Orlando's back and kissing his neck - well, Orlando wasn't sure there were words that could properly describe the situation.
"Be gentle, now," Viggo murmured into Orlando's ear, and Orlando grinned.
Karl was far too drunk to comment, but his uncoordinated fumbling with Orlando's chest, arse, and thighs was probably a positive sign, if mildly distracting.
Slowly, carefully, Orlando trailed a lubricant-slick finger down Karl's chest, stomach, navel, slipping around his cock to the inner thigh, further in, brushing against Karl's balls (Karl twitched a bit at that), further behind, to-
Karl twitched a lot at that. Orlando licked his lips.
"Gentle," Viggo reminded him again.
One finger. Two. Three, slowly, just to be on the safe side.
"He's as ready as he'll ever be," Orlando said softly.
"How lucky for him, then," Viggo replied, his voice a low rumble against Orlando's back, and Orlando shivered. "I assume you're just as ready?"
"Fuck yeah," Orlando breathed.
"Then what are you boys waiting for?"
Nothing, Orlando didn't say, and carefully pushed in where his fingers had just been.
Karl inhaled sharply, and Orlando slowed down until he could barely stand the tension and the almost lethargic friction against his cock. Little shivers ran over his body. He was distantly aware of Viggo chuckling, but all his focus was on his most sensitive organ, currently pushing deep into Karl.
Gradually, gradually, painfully gradually, a rhythm was established. Karl's hands pressed against Orlando's arse, urging him on, and Orlando followed. Their breathing was rough and unmatched, a low static cacophony of ragged inhale, exhale, out of time with the rhythm of their bodies.
And just before Orlando was ready, really ready, oh god yes I'm ready, Karl moved his hands up along Orlando's back to be replaced by Viggo's hands there and something hard and long pressing against Orlando's arse and-
Being sandwiched with his cock in Karl and Viggo's in him was, without a doubt, the most indescribably exquisite sensation Orlando had ever experienced.
When his orgasm finally crashed over him, Orlando didn't know whose name to cry out, so he settled for a low, wordless groan. It was good enough.
*
Billy's room, 1:30 AM
Billy's first mistake was going back to his own room after leaving Liv's. His second mistake was not locking the door. His third mistake was turning off the lights and slipping into bed completely naked.
His door creaked faintly as it opened, and Billy sat up in bed, blinking. Elijah was leaning casually against the doorframe, a slender silhouette backlit by the aesthetically muted light of the hallway. His face was cast into shadow, eyes gleaming faintly.
"Elijah?" Billy managed, mouth unexpectedly dry.
Elijah closed the door.
"Elijah, what are you doing?"
The shades were drawn, and the sudden darkness after the hall light left spots in front of Billy's eyes. He squinted through the shadowy room and practically jumped out of his skin when he felt Elijah's hand on his bare arm.
"I'm drunk," Elijah whispered, breath caressing Billy's ear. "And so are you."
"Um," Billy said eloquently.
Elijah might have been grinning at him, but it was hard to tell through the gloom. "You have exactly two options," Elijah informed him. "Top or bottom."
The room jolted unexpectedly, and Billy's hazy drunkenness dissipated in a sudden sharp wrench. "What?"
"Top," Elijah repeated in a lazy drawl, too obviously enjoying himself, "or bottom." He ran his fingers lightly down Billy's arm and placed a decisive lick under his ear. "Or I'll decide for you."
"Bottom," Billy said, surprising himself. Wait. "Wait. No. Hold on, Lijah…"
"Too late, you already chose," Elijah said, grinning wickedly. "Now lie still a moment while I undress."
Slowly, lazily, he pulled his T-shirt off. His pale chest was ghostlike in the darkness.
"Look," Billy said, "that blowjob was one thing, and besides, it was years ago. This is something else entirely."
"As well it should be," Elijah replied smoothly. "Come on, Bills, you can't go your whole life without ever screwing another guy! That would be tragic. Besides, I just sucked Karl off and sent him off to bed with Orlando and Viggo, and now I'm horny as hell. You wouldn't just leave me to myself, would you?"
"I-"
"Besides," Elijah continued, running a hand down Billy's chest to his crotch, "it looks like you've been having a bit of fun already, yourself."
Billy's unfinished wank suddenly woke up again under Elijah's touch, as the vision of two beautiful ladies dry-humping rose unbidden to his mind. "Fuck it all, Elijah…"
"Exactly," Elijah whispered. "That's exactly what I plan to do. Roll over, Billy."
Billy hadn't noticed Elijah taking off the rest of his clothes, but apparently he had, since he was definitely very naked when he slipped under the sheets to lie beside Billy. A little roughly, he shoved Billy's shoulder until Billy did, in fact, roll over to lie on his stomach.
Elijah made a soft sound of satisfaction and started massaging Billy's back. It felt a hell of a lot better than it really had any right to. Billy groaned faintly into a pillow, his cock pressing uncomfortably into the mattress.
Abruptly, Elijah's hands were gone, and Billy could hear a faint ripping sound. Oh. Condom. Billy wasn't sure where Elijah had gotten that, nor did he know that Elijah had brought lube along, too, although he realized it as soon as Elijah's hands returned to his back, now faintly damp and slippery. "You good?" Elijah whispered into Billy's ear.
Billy just nodded, hoping Elijah would pick it up.
Elijah did.
*
Dom's room, 1:45 AM
Sweat and heavy breathing and the faint creaking of the mattress, and Sean's name feather-light on Dom's lips, and so much warmth hell fuck yes good keep going fantastic god Sean yes.
The moon glowed through the window, streaking silver across the hopelessly tangled bare bodies on the bed.
*
Liv's room, 1:45 AM
"There," Miranda whispered. "Right there."
She took a shuddering gasp, then fell silent again.
*
Orlando's room, 1:45 AM
Karl unconsciously kept an arm snugly around Orlando as he fell asleep.
Neither of them heard or felt Viggo slip out of the bed and out of the room, closing the door noiselessly behind him.
*
Billy's room, 1:45 AM
Elijah thrust again, his hands scrabbling helplessly across Billy's back, and didn't make a sound.
Billy saw sparks when he closed his eyes, and tried to remember how to breathe. He would sleep better that night than he had in months.
*
Dom's room, 10 AM
Filtered sunlight through the windows woke Dom gently. He must have forgotten to close the blinds the night before.
The night before...
Dom blinked, sitting straight up in bed. As far as he could remember, he'd watched Liv and Miranda make out and shagged a Goonie. A very good night, indeed.
Sean was still sleeping next to him. Dom would have to wake him sooner or later, and return the poor bloke to his wife. Ah, well. It could wait until he'd had a decent cup of coffee, anyway.
*
Liv's room, 10 AM
"You," Miranda said, staring at her unlikely bedfellow.
"You," Liv replied.
Miranda shook her head to clear it. Big mistake; she seemed to have let loose a small hammer ricocheting around inside her skull. "This never happened," she said thickly.
"Right," Liv agreed, rubbing her own temples and getting out of bed very carefully. "Aspirin?"
"In my purse, on the floor next to the armchair. Coffee?"
"I'll ring up room service."
"Good."
"Good. Um, Miranda?"
"Yes?"
"Are you any good at foot massages?"
*
Billy's room, 10 AM
Billy awoke to the odd yet distinct feeling that someone was watching him. He opened his eyes tentatively. "Elijah?"
"Yup." Elijah had a strange, almost peaceful expression on his face. He was leaning over Billy, unmoving. This made Billy very nervous.
Billy sat up slowly, pushing him away. "What are you doing in my room?"
"Still straight, Billy?"
"What?" Billy blinked at him. Then he remembered. "Oh, god," he moaned, flopping back down.
Elijah's grin was all too triumphant. "Anal sex!" he proclaimed gleefully.
Billy covered his face with the pillow.
*
Orlando's room, 10 AM
There was someone in Orlando's bed.
He prayed quickly and fervently that it was at least someone he knew, then cautiously opened one eye.
Largish. Strong. Dark hair. Ah, Karl. Well, that was quite all right then. Orlando silently thanked god that it wasn't a hobbit -- little buggers could never keep their mouths shut about these things. Then he rolled over and went back to sleep.
*
Viggo's room, 11 AM
Karl was wearing Viggo's shirt - the only article of clothing he could find in Orlando's room when he had woken up there fifteen minutes earlier - and a towel wrapped hastily around his waist. The answer to the 'where the fuck are my clothes?!' question was, obviously, 'in Viggo's room.' How they'd gotten there, he didn't know.
"Security cameras," he said blankly.
"Yes," Viggo replied with a small smile.
"You installed security cameras in the rooms."
"That's right."
"Which rooms?"
"All of them." Viggo positively radiated smugness.
Karl rubbed the back of his neck, frowning. "Why?"
"Something to remember the night by," Viggo replied. He stroked his own camera lovingly. "For auld lang syne."
Auld Lang Syne
by kaydee falls
Fandom: lotrips
Pairings: SO MANY OMG. Involves Elijah-Billy-Dom-Sean A.-Orlando-Viggo-Karl-Liv-Miranda.
Rating: hard R (heh, hard)
Disclaimer: They didn't all spend New Year's 2004 together, ergo this whole fic is total bullshit. And they're probably all straight, anyway.
Notes: Consider this my loving homage to the good old-fashioned drunken orgy cliches of yore. Dedicated to love and anal sex!
Surprisingly enough, it was Viggo who organized the New Year's Eve party and paid an exorbitant amount for an entire floor of the Marriot in L.A. They were all responsible for their own mini-bar and room service tabs, of course -- Viggo was a generous man, but not quite that generous.
Champagne and a rather large television with the usual New Year's Eve footage were to be made available in Viggo's personal suite just before midnight, with mandatory attendance for all involved. Arrangements for the rest of the night were left up to the individual actors.
The movies and premieres were all over, with few remaining press junkets left. The events of the night, therefore, would have no professional repercussions. A guilt-free night for all involved, Viggo had told them slyly, as long as they kept it all behind closed doors.
The doors were kept closed.
*
Elijah's room, 11 PM
They assembled after a late dinner with two bottles of Absolut Citron and four shot glasses between them. An hour and a half later, the atmosphere was considerably looser.
Orlando raised his seventh shot, a bit unsteadily. "A toast!" he announced. His enthusiasm caused some of the vodka to slosh over the side of the glass. He ignored it.
"You can't have a proper toast with shots," Billy argued primly.
"Yes, you can!"
Dom cleared his throat. "A toast!" he agreed. "To..."
"To..." Orlando tried, then trailed off.
"To sex!" Dom finally decided, for no apparent reason.
Three of them downed their shots, over Billy's protests that you just couldn't do toasts with shots.
"I have had sex with everybody in this room!" Elijah proclaimed gleefully.
Three pairs of eyes stared blankly at him. "What, even Billy?" Dom asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!"
Billy shook his head hastily. "He gave me a blow job. Once. That's all."
Elijah beamed at him. "A blow job is oral sex. It has the word 'sex' in it! I had sex with you!"
Billy turned to the other two, pleadingly. "He just sucked me off! I was very drunk. It doesn't count."
"Oral sex!"
"Oh, god," Billy groaned.
Orlando grinned over at Dom. "And you, Master Monaghan? Really? I thought all those ridiculous rumors on the internet were just, well, rumors."
Dom shrugged unapologetically. "Well, yeah, they are. Mostly."
"We had sex twice!" Elijah announced. He took another shot of vodka. The other three really didn't think he needed any more alcohol in his system, but even Billy refrained from commenting.
"Twice?" Billy asked instead. "Before or after the internet rumors started?"
"Once before, in New Zealand," Dom said. "And once all the stories started spreading, we figured, well, why not have a bit of fun for old time's sake? Everyone seemed to think we were shagging, anyway."
"Why the first time?" Orlando asked, intrigued.
Dom gave him a Look. "We were drunk and horny. Why else?"
"I am drunk and horny!" Elijah shouted.
"Yes, Elijah," Dom said. "We know."
Elijah leaned over Billy's lap to frown at him. "Why," he demanded, "is no one surprised that I had sex with Orli?"
Dom and Billy blinked at each other. "Well, really," Dom said, "who hasn't?"
"I resent that," Orlando scowled.
"I haven't!" Billy protested.
"Billy, you don't count," Dom said severely. "You haven't had sex with anyone in the cast."
Orlando gaped at them. "What, not even with you, Dommie?"
"No, I have not!" Billy said, peering curiously at Orlando. "What made you think otherwise?"
"Well, it's just, I mean, it's you and Dom! How could you not have been shagging?"
Billy blinked. "I'm straight."
"Oral sex!" Elijah piped up, in case anyone had forgotten.
"I already said that didn't count!"
Elijah frowned at him. "Why not?"
"Look," Billy said exasperatedly, "it was a bloody blowjob, all right? It doesn't matter who gives it to you! A mouth is a mouth."
Dom shook his head solemnly. "But Elijah has a man mouth. Gay!"
"Elijah's lips are not particularly manly. Besides, this was back during filming. He looked a lot more girly then."
"True," Orlando commented thoughtfully.
Elijah glared at them. "I was not girly!"
Dom grinned. "Sorry, Lij, but you still are. Dubious stubble notwithstanding."
"This is not stubble! This is a goatee!"
Orlando, who had had some experience with goatees, eyed Elijah's chin critically. "Nope, sorry, that has definitely not attained goatee status."
"And it's certainly not a beard," Dom added. "Therefore, dubious stubble."
"You're one to talk," Elijah protested. "You've never had a beard, either, just that I'm-a-lazy-bum-who-can't-be-arsed-to-shave-for-a-week grungy look."
Dom smiled complacently. "My point exactly. When I don't shave for a week, I get a beard. You, on the other hand, took several months to grow that dubious stubble."
Sensing he was losing the argument, Elijah poured himself another shot of Absolut. "Oral sex," he muttered petulantly.
*
Miranda's room, 11:30 PM
"Oh," Miranda moaned softly. "Yes. Right there, right fucking there."
Karl's hands slipped down a bit farther, kneading. "Like that?"
"God yes," she breathed. "Christ, Karl, why didn't you ever bother telling me you give incredible fucking foot massages?"
He grinned up at her, working the arch of her slim, pale foot between his strong fingers. "You would have tried to take advantage of me."
"Yes. Yes, I would have. Just as well you're making up for lost time -- mmm, yeah, that's fantastic!"
Liv was sprawled across the bed. She rolled onto her stomach and pouted at them. "Hurry up, Karl, it's my turn next!"
"Don't even think about it," Miranda said, closing her eyes and leaning back in the armchair. "I'm the fucking princess of Rohan. My foot masseuse."
"I'm the queen of Gondor!"
Miranda didn't open her eyes. "Yes, and you got to kiss Aragorn about a thousand times in front of the cameras, and all I had was a love affair with Faramir that got cut. Eomer is mine."
The heavenly pressure on her foot worked its way down to her heel, soothing muscles she hadn't known existed. "Anything you say, sis," Karl smirked.
Liv laughed, propping her chin up in her hands. "Incest is best," she commented blandly.
"Liv?"
"Yes, Miranda?"
"Do shut up."
Liv swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood, tossing her hair to show her indifference. She wandered over to the mini-bar and helped herself to her third beer.
Karl paused in his ministrations to laugh at her. "How refined," he teased.
Miranda kicked his shoulder lightly, bringing his attention back to her foot (where it belonged). Liv stuck her tongue out at them. "I like beer."
"Could you mix me a martini while you're there?" Miranda asked, batting her eyes.
"Shaken, not stirred," Karl added, in his best stuck-up English accent.
Liv flopped back down on the bed, beer in hand. "Mix your own goddamn martinis!"
The door opened noiselessly, and Viggo poked his head in. "Ladies, gentleman, you should be aware that the ball will be dropping on the television in my room in less than half an hour. Champagne will be provided, of course."
"Can you mix a martini with champagne?" Miranda mused aloud. "Don't stop," she added for Karl's benefit.
Liv wrinkled her nose. "God, I hope not."
Viggo bowed theatrically and made his exit. No one noticed. A tragic waste of melodrama.
*
Viggo's room, 12 AM
The ball dropped, as it generally does, at midnight exactly. Champagne was drunk (as were some suspicious-looking martinis and one foul-smelling vodka-something mixture). Toasts were made. Elijah's goatee was mocked by all and sundry. And at some point during the festivities and general merriment, Sean Astin stumbled in, looked around in confusion, and plopped himself down next to the mini-bar. He noted the questionable martini sitting untouched on the bar, sniffed at it experimentally, and drained it in three seconds flat.
Dom wandered over. "I wouldn't drink that, if I were you."
"Too late," Sean told him, unfazed. "Why wouldn't you have drunk it?"
"I drunked one already," Dom slurred. "It was bad."
"Oh," Sean said. "So it was."
At this point, Dom leaned heavily on Sean's shoulder. Since Sean was sitting on the floor and Dom had been standing relatively upright, this caused a certain amount of stumbling, falling, and cursing. The next thing either of them knew for sure, Sean was looking down at his lap, which currently supported the bulk of Dom's torso.
Dom looked up. "This isn't very comfortable."
"No," Sean agreed. "It isn't."
"How's Christine?" Dom inquired politely, not moving.
"Putting the kids to bed," Sean replied. "Dom?"
"Yes, Sean?"
"Can you get off me?"
Dom frowned and wiggled a bit. "Yes," he finally decided. "I can."
"Will you? Like, now?"
"Oh!" Dom rolled over. He was no longer on Sean's lap, but his face was inconveniently pressed into the carpet. "This better?" he asked the carpet.
Sean stared at him for a second, then slowly shook his head and started rummaging through the mini-bar for something less foul-tasting and more alcoholic than the questionable martini.
Meanwhile, Karl, Orlando, and Elijah were watching the New Year's Party still raging on TV. "He's, like, a hundred years old," Elijah commented, entranced.
"Who is?" Karl asked.
"Dick Clark," Orlando said. "Elijah's got a bit of a fascination with the man."
"He hasn't aged a day since the 1960s," Elijah continued. "Seriously, look at him."
"He's like this every New Year's," Orlando told Karl, meaning Elijah. "Never really has anything new to add, either."
Elijah jumped up, nearly knocking Orlando over. "HE HAS THE RING!" he announced shrilly to the room at large. He then sank back down in front of the TV, nursing a shot glass of vodka.
Karl and Orlando exchanged looks. "Well, that was new," Orlando said after a beat. They backed away from Elijah slowly. Elijah didn't notice, enthralled by the man on the television.
Across the room, Billy blinked at Elijah's proclamation, momentarily distracted from his unsuccessful efforts to hit on both Liv and Miranda simultaneously. Unsuccessful, because Viggo was smirking at him the whole time, and the ladies seemed far more inclined to appreciate Viggo's mocking than Billy's flirting.
"A toast to ringbearers!" Viggo announced in the silence following Elijah's little moment.
Miranda and Liv both reached for the same martini glass. They glared at each other for a second, then came to the mutual decision to be nice girls and share. Their attempts to both drink out of the glass at the same time led to some degree of confusion, spilt alcohol, and very nearly licking at each other's lips, all of which was far more interesting to the men in the room than the toast itself. Billy stared at them and tried not to salivate too obviously.
"Hot lesbian sex!" Dom was heard to mumble from a corner of the carpet, but no one really paid any attention to him.
"Hundreds and hundreds of years old," Elijah added, just to be as non sequitor as possible. Or maybe he was still talking to Dick Clark.
Liv and Miranda gave the room in general a Look. "What?" Liv demanded.
Billy swallowed hard.
*
Elijah's room, 12:30 AM
Sean eventually decided that Elijah had really had enough Dick for the night, and dragged him forcibly back to the room, intending to dump him in his own damn bed and then clear out in search of party. Elijah apparently had other ideas.
"Sean," he said, "why did you come to a New Year's party without your wife?"
"She's watching the girls," Sean replied.
"But the whole point of a New Year's party is to have crazy orgy-style New Year's sex!"
"Um," Sean said.
Elijah beamed seraphically at him. "Have another drink, Seanie."
It was a bad idea. Sean knew it was a bad idea. But there's nothing worse than being sober at a party with a bunch of drunk people. "Yeah, all right."
Elijah had another drink, as well. It was his…well, who was counting? "Come on," he said when Sean had finished the shot, tugging at his arm. "It's boring in here. Let's find the others."
Sean looked at him, then looked at the mini-bar. He helped himself to another shot before following Elijah out.
*
Liv's room, 12:30 AM
When Liv and Miranda left Viggo's room in search of more martini glasses, Billy followed them and Dom followed Billy. The four of them wound up in Liv's room with three martini glasses, two bottles of Absolut, and no more mixers. It was a truly tragic state of affairs.
"We'll just have to drink the vodka straight," Dom said somberly. He opened one of the Absoluts and took a swig.
"And share glasses," Billy added hopefully, just in case of a repeat of the thing with the girls and the glass and the licking and the yeah.
Miranda eyed Dom and his bottle disdainfully. "Not necessary, apparently."
Liv sat down next to Miranda on the bed. Very close. "Miranda," she said sweetly, placing her hand on Miranda's bare shoulder (as Billy thanked God for the creation of halter tops), "would you mind mixing me a martini?"
"No mixers," Miranda reminded her, raising an eyebrow.
"What a pity," Liv sighed. She glanced at the hobbits, to make sure they were properly appreciating this and giving thanks for what they were about to receive, then deliberately slipped off a high-heeled shoe and, crossing her legs, allowed one foot to drag across Miranda's leg. They were both wearing silk stockings.
Billy gaped openly. Dom choked on a swig of vodka.
Slowly, deliberately, Liv leaned over and pressed her mouth against Miranda's, letting her tongue visibly dart out and taste Miranda's lips. Miranda shivered, resisting for a moment. She glanced around Liv's kiss at the dumbstruck hobbits, her eyes wide, making both men feel horribly naughty and voyeuristic. Then she turned her focus back to Liv and started kissing back.
Billy and Dom simultaneously whispered thanks for what they were about to receive.
*
Viggo's room, 12:30 AM
"Orlando," Karl asked, "how many of those have you had tonight?"
Orlando smiled angelically and downed another shot of vodka.
"Nearly enough, I should think," Viggo answered for him, standing next to the bed with one hand resting on the coverlet and the other elegantly grasping a glass of brandy. He looked like one of those old-fashioned portraits kings and princes and such liked to have painted of themselves, to hang over the mantle or above an extravagant curving marble staircase.
Orlando's smile widened as he sprawled languidly across the bed. He and Viggo exchanged glances, then simultaneously focused their gazes on Karl.
Karl eyed them both uncertainly. He had the oddest feeling that he was somehow being set up, and that maybe he should have followed the ladies out to wherever they had gone, although he didn't really fancy following the example of two horny hobbits. But this picture looked a little too calculates for his tastes, Orlando draped so deliberately over the coverlet, head tilted seductively towards Viggo, who was at his most refined and wolfish.
"Karl," Viggo said, carefully putting his drink down on the nightstand, "did you know that men, in general, give far better blowjobs than women?"
If Karl had been drinking at that particular moment, he would have sprayed his drink all over the carpet. As it was, he nearly choked on his own saliva. "Really?"
Viggo nodded, a small smile flitting across his face. "Something to do with already knowing what feels good and what doesn't, I believe. Orlando here is particularly good at it."
"Is he?" Karl inquired nervously, not quite backing away. Orlando nodded, stretching languorously.
Viggo stroked Orlando's hair lightly. "Very."
"Too bad I don't swing that way, then," Karl said, with false humor.
"Oh, don't you?" Viggo said, in a tone that politely suggested he didn't quite believe Karl. "Pity. Perhaps if Orlando were more feminine…? But no, of course not."
Before Karl could respond, the door swung open. Elijah stuck his head in. "Hey, guys, what's going on?" His voice was unnaturally high-pitched with drunkenness.
Viggo and Orlando exchanged looks and smiled.
Karl's mouth felt horribly dry. He poured himself another shot of vodka to wet it.
*
Liv's room, 1 AM
Just about the last thing Sean expected to find when he pushed open the door of Liv's room was an orgy.
He did not, in fact, find an orgy in Liv's room, but was forced to concede that finding Liv and Miranda making out on the bed with Dom and Billy each surreptitiously jerking off on the floor was pretty damn close to the last thing he'd expected.
He blinked and nearly tripped over something on the floor. That something was a halter top. He looked back at the bed. Yes, somewhere in the tangle of silk stockings and long hair and spit-swapping were bare shoulders and. Um. Breasts.
Sean wasn't quite sure how to respond to the breasts. Unfortunately, his dick was. Sean's jeans suddenly felt very tight, and he shifted uncomfortably, unsure whether he should turn and run or, well, join Dom and Billy.
He decided on the third option, and made his way unsteadily over to the mini-bar. Three martini glasses and a half-empty bottle of vodka were sitting there, ignored. He bypassed the glasses and took a swig out of the bottle. The vodka burned the back of his throat, making his eyes tear up. He looked from the women on the bed to the men on the floor and back to the women.
He took another swig of vodka.
*
Viggo's room, 1 AM
Karl decided that he really needed to take a moment to stop and assess the situation. The situation currently consisted of his trousers being in locations unknown and shorts down around his ankles, while a far too eager-looking Elijah perched on the edge of the bed, eying Karl's naughty bits with a more than casual interest. Viggo and Orlando were by the window, politely ignoring the Karl-Elijah situation, as they'd no sooner set it up than they discovered numerous unspeakable ways of distracting each other while Karl and Elijah presumably did their own array of unspeakable things.
The trouble was, Karl still wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be doing anything unspeakable with Elijah, nor was he completely cogent on how they'd reached this situation in the first place.
Something having to do with excessive amounts of alcohol, he's sure, but he's pretty fuzzy about everything else.
"Er," Karl said to Elijah.
"Hi," Elijah said, much too cheerfully.
"Oh god yes don't stop," Orlando was heard to groan from elsewhere in the room. Karl very deliberately did not look in the direction of the luxurious window curtains.
"I'm not, er, bent," Karl said, in case he hadn't cleared that up yet.
Elijah grinned. "That's okay. I prefer straight guys."
"Oh," Karl said. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of this new development. "How…interesting for you."
"Very," Elijah agreed. He reached out and gently took hold of Karl's wrist, pulling him toward the bed.
"Listen, Elijah-"
"I hate listening," Elijah said. He ran a finger down Karl's chest, then followed Karl's treasure trail to the inevitable destination.
Karl shivered.
"Don't worry," Elijah said. "I may be drunk, but I'm still very good at this." He lightly stroked Karl's inner thigh.
Karl bit his lip, hard.
Elijah smiled ferally. Without warning, he leaned forward and licked Karl's inner thigh, right where his fingers had just been, his breath hot against Karl's…well, yes, that.
Karl closed his eyes and found it quite easy to pretend that the lips and tongue doing really unspeakable things to his cock were female. Close enough, anyway. And when said lips and tongue are that skilled - well, does it really matter?
*
Liv's room, 1:15 AM
Liv hadn't honestly expected her impromptu makeout session with Miranda to go on for nearly as long as it had. In fact, she had honestly expected Miranda to shove her away, laughing, after the first kiss. That would have been enough to get Billy and Dom all hot and bothered, which, after all, was all Liv had honestly wanted. The poor boys were always trying to chat up the ladies, unsuccessfully, and Liv had wanted to at least toss them a bauble of sorts. Maybe she would have even moved on from Miranda to one or both of them, just for a bit of fun.
But the one kiss with Miranda had turned into a hell of a lot more, rather unexpectedly. Not that Liv was complaining, mind. Miranda was pretty damn hot, and then there was that added naughty thrill a usually-straight girl gets on the rare occasion that she's actually hooking up with another woman, that exciting notion that what she's doing is somehow exotic and illicit, even though she knows logically that it really isn't all that big a deal.
This was turning into a pretty big deal, fast.
And then the hand cupping Liv's breast unexpectedly slipped down over bare stomach and carefully eased its way under skirt and lace panties to - oh.
It took Liv's still somewhat inebriated brain a second to process this new information, then another second to pause her kissing and open her eyes to see Miranda's wide open eyes there staring at her and-
Miranda was the one to break the kiss. Her finger made small, gentle circles over a certain particularly wonderful spot, and Liv gasped.
"Boys," Miranda said, still staring at Liv, "out."
Liv had her eyes closed again at this point, so she didn't see the boys leave, but she did hear the door click shut. Not that it mattered.
Her fingers pressed hard into Miranda's bare shoulders. Her skirt and panties slipped away as if they'd never been there at all, which they probably shouldn't have been, really. Not when this was the alternative.
We're going to regret this in the morning, Liv thought, trying not to thrust her hips into Miranda's hot white hand, feeling Miranda's hard nipples pressing into her chest.
It was her last coherent thought for quite some time.
*
Dom's room, 1:30 AM
"Well," Dom said, "that was rather unfortunate. And it was just getting good, too."
Sean shifted uncomfortably in his chair. His hastily zipped-up jeans were much tighter than they really had any right to be, but damned if he would relieve the tension now. He started thinking about ice water and ugly dogs, with the vain hope that this would improve his situation.
Dom apparently didn't share Sean's sense of propriety. Not that this was particularly surprising, but still, Sean wasn't quite prepared when Dom flopped on the bed and casually undid his fly to finish up the wank.
If Sean had been properly sober, he would have made a polite exit at this point. Unfortunately, he was a little too drunk and a little too…well, aroused to do so. Instead he just shifted uncomfortably again. It didn't help.
After a few seconds, Dom glanced over at Sean. "Look, mate, there's no point in just sitting there. Go on and finish yourself off, it's all right."
"I'm okay, thanks," Sean mumbled.
Dom smirked. "I doubt that. I'll look away, if that'll make you feel better about it. Or I could lend you a hand, if you'd like…?"
"No," Sean said hastily, "that won't be necessary."
Dom grinned drunkenly at him and deliberately kicked off his jeans.
Sean closed his eyes tightly, clenching the arms of the chair tightly and trying to ignore his aching cock. He practically jumped out of the chair when he felt Dom's hands on his shoulders.
"Hey," Dom murmured, "calm down. It's not like you haven't gotten off with another bloke before. I know you and Elijah were close during filming."
"That doesn't mean we-"
"Stuff it, he told me you did."
"Oh," Sean said, stupidly. Not that it really mattered, but…
"So," Dom said, "you're willing to do the nasty with Elwood, but not me? Is that what you're saying?"
"I-"
"I could be offended. Or hurt. Yeah, brokenhearted. Don't you know how much I love you?" Dom fell to his knees on the floor, clasping his heart melodramatically and wiping imaginary tears from his eyes. Given his current lack of pants, this looked even more ridiculous than usual.
"You're out of your mind," Sean told him, thinking this would be the end of the matter.
Dom had the element of surprise on his side, however, as he subsequently demonstrated by draping himself over Sean's lap and fumbling drunkenly for Sean's fly.
"Hey!" Sean protested, pushing him away. Dom's balance was remarkable for someone as drunk as he was, given that he should have toppled ungracefully to the floor but instead managed to stagger to his feet, swaying slightly.
"Fine," Dom said, unruffled. "I'll just be wanking on my bed, then, if you don't mind." In as dignified a manner as possible, he staggered over to the bed and, well, started wanking.
Sean looked away.
Dom started breathing heavily.
Sean clenched his jaw and examined a spot on the wall.
Dom moaned softly.
With a sharp breath, Sean finally gave in and unzipped his jeans. The sudden freedom was practically orgasmic in of itself. Turning his back to the bed, Sean closed his eyes and started jerking off to the mental image of Christine in a very skimpy bathing suit, splashing in a New Zealand ocean with a naked Elijah, the waves lapping the sand…
…Dom was there, too…
Goddamnit. Sean's eyes snapped open. Reluctantly, he glanced over his shoulder, where, sure enough, Dom was staring at him from the bed.
When had Dom taken off the rest of his clothes?
And when Dom smirked and nodded at the space next to him, an evil glint in his eye, Sean discovered he really had no choice but to obey.
*
Orlando's room, 1:30 AM
Orlando wasn't entirely sure how Karl had come to be in his bed and completely naked, but he somehow suspected he had Elijah to thank. Elijah himself had long since vanished down the corridor, giggling to himself and muttering something about oral sex and gayness, but Orlando didn't particularly mind. Getting a naked Elijah into anyone's bed was never much of a challenge. A naked Karl, however, was something quite different.
And a naked Viggo to go along with the naked Karl was downright delightful.
And pressing a naked Karl down into the bed, fingers slick with lube and condom already applied, while a naked Viggo was massaging Orlando's back and kissing his neck - well, Orlando wasn't sure there were words that could properly describe the situation.
"Be gentle, now," Viggo murmured into Orlando's ear, and Orlando grinned.
Karl was far too drunk to comment, but his uncoordinated fumbling with Orlando's chest, arse, and thighs was probably a positive sign, if mildly distracting.
Slowly, carefully, Orlando trailed a lubricant-slick finger down Karl's chest, stomach, navel, slipping around his cock to the inner thigh, further in, brushing against Karl's balls (Karl twitched a bit at that), further behind, to-
Karl twitched a lot at that. Orlando licked his lips.
"Gentle," Viggo reminded him again.
One finger. Two. Three, slowly, just to be on the safe side.
"He's as ready as he'll ever be," Orlando said softly.
"How lucky for him, then," Viggo replied, his voice a low rumble against Orlando's back, and Orlando shivered. "I assume you're just as ready?"
"Fuck yeah," Orlando breathed.
"Then what are you boys waiting for?"
Nothing, Orlando didn't say, and carefully pushed in where his fingers had just been.
Karl inhaled sharply, and Orlando slowed down until he could barely stand the tension and the almost lethargic friction against his cock. Little shivers ran over his body. He was distantly aware of Viggo chuckling, but all his focus was on his most sensitive organ, currently pushing deep into Karl.
Gradually, gradually, painfully gradually, a rhythm was established. Karl's hands pressed against Orlando's arse, urging him on, and Orlando followed. Their breathing was rough and unmatched, a low static cacophony of ragged inhale, exhale, out of time with the rhythm of their bodies.
And just before Orlando was ready, really ready, oh god yes I'm ready, Karl moved his hands up along Orlando's back to be replaced by Viggo's hands there and something hard and long pressing against Orlando's arse and-
Being sandwiched with his cock in Karl and Viggo's in him was, without a doubt, the most indescribably exquisite sensation Orlando had ever experienced.
When his orgasm finally crashed over him, Orlando didn't know whose name to cry out, so he settled for a low, wordless groan. It was good enough.
*
Billy's room, 1:30 AM
Billy's first mistake was going back to his own room after leaving Liv's. His second mistake was not locking the door. His third mistake was turning off the lights and slipping into bed completely naked.
His door creaked faintly as it opened, and Billy sat up in bed, blinking. Elijah was leaning casually against the doorframe, a slender silhouette backlit by the aesthetically muted light of the hallway. His face was cast into shadow, eyes gleaming faintly.
"Elijah?" Billy managed, mouth unexpectedly dry.
Elijah closed the door.
"Elijah, what are you doing?"
The shades were drawn, and the sudden darkness after the hall light left spots in front of Billy's eyes. He squinted through the shadowy room and practically jumped out of his skin when he felt Elijah's hand on his bare arm.
"I'm drunk," Elijah whispered, breath caressing Billy's ear. "And so are you."
"Um," Billy said eloquently.
Elijah might have been grinning at him, but it was hard to tell through the gloom. "You have exactly two options," Elijah informed him. "Top or bottom."
The room jolted unexpectedly, and Billy's hazy drunkenness dissipated in a sudden sharp wrench. "What?"
"Top," Elijah repeated in a lazy drawl, too obviously enjoying himself, "or bottom." He ran his fingers lightly down Billy's arm and placed a decisive lick under his ear. "Or I'll decide for you."
"Bottom," Billy said, surprising himself. Wait. "Wait. No. Hold on, Lijah…"
"Too late, you already chose," Elijah said, grinning wickedly. "Now lie still a moment while I undress."
Slowly, lazily, he pulled his T-shirt off. His pale chest was ghostlike in the darkness.
"Look," Billy said, "that blowjob was one thing, and besides, it was years ago. This is something else entirely."
"As well it should be," Elijah replied smoothly. "Come on, Bills, you can't go your whole life without ever screwing another guy! That would be tragic. Besides, I just sucked Karl off and sent him off to bed with Orlando and Viggo, and now I'm horny as hell. You wouldn't just leave me to myself, would you?"
"I-"
"Besides," Elijah continued, running a hand down Billy's chest to his crotch, "it looks like you've been having a bit of fun already, yourself."
Billy's unfinished wank suddenly woke up again under Elijah's touch, as the vision of two beautiful ladies dry-humping rose unbidden to his mind. "Fuck it all, Elijah…"
"Exactly," Elijah whispered. "That's exactly what I plan to do. Roll over, Billy."
Billy hadn't noticed Elijah taking off the rest of his clothes, but apparently he had, since he was definitely very naked when he slipped under the sheets to lie beside Billy. A little roughly, he shoved Billy's shoulder until Billy did, in fact, roll over to lie on his stomach.
Elijah made a soft sound of satisfaction and started massaging Billy's back. It felt a hell of a lot better than it really had any right to. Billy groaned faintly into a pillow, his cock pressing uncomfortably into the mattress.
Abruptly, Elijah's hands were gone, and Billy could hear a faint ripping sound. Oh. Condom. Billy wasn't sure where Elijah had gotten that, nor did he know that Elijah had brought lube along, too, although he realized it as soon as Elijah's hands returned to his back, now faintly damp and slippery. "You good?" Elijah whispered into Billy's ear.
Billy just nodded, hoping Elijah would pick it up.
Elijah did.
*
Dom's room, 1:45 AM
Sweat and heavy breathing and the faint creaking of the mattress, and Sean's name feather-light on Dom's lips, and so much warmth hell fuck yes good keep going fantastic god Sean yes.
The moon glowed through the window, streaking silver across the hopelessly tangled bare bodies on the bed.
*
Liv's room, 1:45 AM
"There," Miranda whispered. "Right there."
She took a shuddering gasp, then fell silent again.
*
Orlando's room, 1:45 AM
Karl unconsciously kept an arm snugly around Orlando as he fell asleep.
Neither of them heard or felt Viggo slip out of the bed and out of the room, closing the door noiselessly behind him.
*
Billy's room, 1:45 AM
Elijah thrust again, his hands scrabbling helplessly across Billy's back, and didn't make a sound.
Billy saw sparks when he closed his eyes, and tried to remember how to breathe. He would sleep better that night than he had in months.
*
Dom's room, 10 AM
Filtered sunlight through the windows woke Dom gently. He must have forgotten to close the blinds the night before.
The night before...
Dom blinked, sitting straight up in bed. As far as he could remember, he'd watched Liv and Miranda make out and shagged a Goonie. A very good night, indeed.
Sean was still sleeping next to him. Dom would have to wake him sooner or later, and return the poor bloke to his wife. Ah, well. It could wait until he'd had a decent cup of coffee, anyway.
*
Liv's room, 10 AM
"You," Miranda said, staring at her unlikely bedfellow.
"You," Liv replied.
Miranda shook her head to clear it. Big mistake; she seemed to have let loose a small hammer ricocheting around inside her skull. "This never happened," she said thickly.
"Right," Liv agreed, rubbing her own temples and getting out of bed very carefully. "Aspirin?"
"In my purse, on the floor next to the armchair. Coffee?"
"I'll ring up room service."
"Good."
"Good. Um, Miranda?"
"Yes?"
"Are you any good at foot massages?"
*
Billy's room, 10 AM
Billy awoke to the odd yet distinct feeling that someone was watching him. He opened his eyes tentatively. "Elijah?"
"Yup." Elijah had a strange, almost peaceful expression on his face. He was leaning over Billy, unmoving. This made Billy very nervous.
Billy sat up slowly, pushing him away. "What are you doing in my room?"
"Still straight, Billy?"
"What?" Billy blinked at him. Then he remembered. "Oh, god," he moaned, flopping back down.
Elijah's grin was all too triumphant. "Anal sex!" he proclaimed gleefully.
Billy covered his face with the pillow.
*
Orlando's room, 10 AM
There was someone in Orlando's bed.
He prayed quickly and fervently that it was at least someone he knew, then cautiously opened one eye.
Largish. Strong. Dark hair. Ah, Karl. Well, that was quite all right then. Orlando silently thanked god that it wasn't a hobbit -- little buggers could never keep their mouths shut about these things. Then he rolled over and went back to sleep.
*
Viggo's room, 11 AM
Karl was wearing Viggo's shirt - the only article of clothing he could find in Orlando's room when he had woken up there fifteen minutes earlier - and a towel wrapped hastily around his waist. The answer to the 'where the fuck are my clothes?!' question was, obviously, 'in Viggo's room.' How they'd gotten there, he didn't know.
"Security cameras," he said blankly.
"Yes," Viggo replied with a small smile.
"You installed security cameras in the rooms."
"That's right."
"Which rooms?"
"All of them." Viggo positively radiated smugness.
Karl rubbed the back of his neck, frowning. "Why?"
"Something to remember the night by," Viggo replied. He stroked his own camera lovingly. "For auld lang syne."