I am...
About 6 months ago I realized that I didnt really know who I was anymore. I think that I adapted to situations and people as they came and went, and that I became what I needed to become to be happy in those situations. As time progressed I came became a completely different person, adapting to new things, not because of situations anymore, but new things trying to figure out just who I am really am. I went from one extreme to the next I sortof tried to go back to the first again. The truth is, there was little pieces of the me that I am deep down in all of those masks that I wore. As I write this entry I would just like to state that I have no idea what direction it is going or what conclusions I may get from it. But there is really only one way to find out...
note: if you dont have a lot of time or dont really care, I wouldnt recommend reading any further..
I am daughter; almost 19 years old now. Loved by two wonderful parents one of whom is no longer next to me to share my life, but I know she is still watching it(god knows I loved her more than anything on this earth). My dad and i were never really that close, but the last few years have brought us closer. I know that I could talk to him about anything, but that doesnt make me do it. I dont really go to him with my feelings or problems because I want him to think that i am stronger than I really am, I sometimes think that if he sees me weak he will become even weaker than he already is and I cant handle that. But I love him, I wouldnt want any other Dad but him, and I appreciate that he lets me explore life and find my own limits. Along with being the daughter to these two parents, I am the daughter of the Lord. I know that sounds corny, but its true. I have believed in God ever since I can remember, and I have always strived to please him and live my life for him. My belief in the Lord is huge in my life. It gives me my morals and my values. I go to church, campus crusade, and i'm in a bible study. I think that I have been ashamed of saying that because i dont know how people will react. But the truth is I am a die hard believer and although I am human and constantly struggling because of that, I gave my life to God a long time ago.
I am a sister; whether or not you know it, I have a brother and a sister. Both older. I used to follow my sister around the house so much it annoyed her and she'd tell my mom and I'd have to leave her alone. But I looked up to her. I wanted to be just like her. As time went on she started having problems with my mom, they'd argue all the time and she'd do things intentionally to hurt her. She inadvertately hurt me as well, and our relationship has never been the same since. I've forgiven her for all the things she did, even though she never asked, but I also came to the conclusion that I don't really like her as a person. She is very selfish and thats kinda had to deal with. Well you'd think it would be hard. But I go months at a time without ever seeing or talking to her and I dont really think either of us care. I love her, but that doesnt mean we have to be friends. She will never be the person that I want her to be and I am over wishing she would be. My brother is amazing. Growing up I swore that we would never get along, he made it his life plan to piss me off and succeeded. But as we got older I saw how much he cares about me. He would seriously do anything for me. And that amazes me. He has a huge heart although he likes to hide it. He's extremely smart and he is becoming an awesome father. I love him to death
I am an aunt, a cousin, a neice, a granddaughter; I'm a member of a huge family. Most of whom I never see because everyone is busy and nobody really puts out the effort. But nonetheless we are stuck together and they are all very important to me.
I am a friend; I have a lot of friends, most of whom I never see because again nobody puts out the effort. everyone has their own stuff going on now and they're all adapting to that as am I. I know that being so far away takes a toll on friendship, so i see my friends when I can and I'm happy with that. But along with having this wide range of friends; I have some that I am even closer to. There used to be five or six now there are pretty much 2. One I talk to one the phone like 2 or 3 times a day because we are not close enough to see each other(thats the one who actually made me realize that I needed to write this)and the other I talk to whenever either of us have time in between classes and him slacking on essays. If I have a good day, a bad day, or anything in between I go to them. I am not saying this to hurt you, or to make you feel bad about where our friendship is, because I remember reading stuff like this and getting mad at people and feeling hurt. But right now I am just being straight up honest, and not holding back.
I am a girlfriend; I am dating a friken wonderful guy, whom I hope all of you will someday meet and get to see what I see. I wasnt looking for a boyfriend, God just put him in my life, and trust me I am not complaining. I can go to him just like i can go to my other friends. I am not afraid to tell him how I feel or to be emotional in front of him. We put God into our relationship which is the most important foundation that a couple can have. When we have stuff going on, we sit down and talk about it. We can practically read each others minds; which makes it easier to tell when something is up, good or bad. Even though we've only been together for a couple months, I can tell you straight up that I have never felt like this before. I love him I really do, and I am not ashamed to say it.
I am a student, a roomate, a classmate, an athlete... the list goes on and on.
Here goes nothing:
I dont have a problem with people drinking. I am not a party girl, but I am ok with drinking and getting drunk sometimes, not because its the only way to make me happy, not because I think its "cool," not because I cant think of any other way to enjoy myself, but because it's fun and I do enjoy it. I occasionally have a clove, again not for all of those reasons above, mostly because it relaxes me. I am not all about weed. It disgusts me and I will never smoke it, or any other drug for that matter. I'm not going to not like someone because of that, but I am also not going to hang out with them while they are doing it. Judge all you want to but it's legal and I am not going to hide it anymore. I'm not really into the whole political scene, and it pissed me off when people just sit and argue because lets face it its really rare that anyone changes anyone elses mind on topics. Sorry thats just how I feel. I am reigstered republican believe it or not considering my friends are really liberal. This does not mean thatI support Bush, I am not educated enough on bush to really hold judgement so I stay neutral. I am register republican because I have a lot of the same veiws on issues that they do, and because honestly thats the way I was brought up. I am against abortion. I believe because of my religious backround that gay marriage is a sin. I dont believe however, that gay people are going to hell because of it. God loves everyone and forgives us of our sins. Keeping this in mind, I have no issue with Gay Marriage. People have the right to marry whomever they want to marry, and although I may not agree with it I dont think that I should have the right to make it illegal for them to do that. On the other hand however, I do not think that gay couples should be allowed to adopt children unless that child is old enough to comprehend the situation. I dont think that it is fair to put a child into a lifestyle like that without giving it a choice. I know that a gay couple could treat it just as well if not better than a straight couple, but I also think that it would have a lot of emotionally crap to have to deal with later on in life and thats not fair. I dont have a problem with swearing. I believe that if you use profanity all the time it loses it's meaning. I kinda think that like one of my old english teachers told me, profanity should be used for effect, it gives it power that way. But I do swear, not a lot, more around certain people than others mostly because hearing it more makes me think it more and makes me say it more. Its a bad habit, and im trying to swear less, but i dont really have a problem with other people doing it.
I like to read, to write, to talk, to splay sports, especially volleyball, to hang out and play random games, to go on random walks, to go out to dinner, to shop, to organize and coordinate. I like math, I want to teacher high school math when I get out of college. I like emo music. I love the music that I listen to emo or not emo, and I dont care who else likes it that is not what is important. I love lyrics; I love that you can hear a song and wonder if the artist who wrote it knew you're life story when they were composing it. I like tv. I love the OC, Friends, Sex and the City, Laguna beach(even though I spend most of it yelling at the screen) and certain reality tv programs. I like meeting new people and making new friends. I like being crazy and spontaneaous. I want to go sky diving. I like doing new things...
this is me. or at least what I know about me right now. I'm learning more about myself every day, as hopefully everyone else is as well. I'm sure I pissed some people off with some of this, but you know what, im not gunna hide stuff anymore. I'm proud to be who I am. I'm not even gunna reread this, cause ill probably end up wanting to change stuff, comment if you want, but dont feel obligated to. this wasnt about any of you, this was about me, figuring out who I am, and I guess I did...
take it or leave it.
note: if you dont have a lot of time or dont really care, I wouldnt recommend reading any further..
I am daughter; almost 19 years old now. Loved by two wonderful parents one of whom is no longer next to me to share my life, but I know she is still watching it(god knows I loved her more than anything on this earth). My dad and i were never really that close, but the last few years have brought us closer. I know that I could talk to him about anything, but that doesnt make me do it. I dont really go to him with my feelings or problems because I want him to think that i am stronger than I really am, I sometimes think that if he sees me weak he will become even weaker than he already is and I cant handle that. But I love him, I wouldnt want any other Dad but him, and I appreciate that he lets me explore life and find my own limits. Along with being the daughter to these two parents, I am the daughter of the Lord. I know that sounds corny, but its true. I have believed in God ever since I can remember, and I have always strived to please him and live my life for him. My belief in the Lord is huge in my life. It gives me my morals and my values. I go to church, campus crusade, and i'm in a bible study. I think that I have been ashamed of saying that because i dont know how people will react. But the truth is I am a die hard believer and although I am human and constantly struggling because of that, I gave my life to God a long time ago.
I am a sister; whether or not you know it, I have a brother and a sister. Both older. I used to follow my sister around the house so much it annoyed her and she'd tell my mom and I'd have to leave her alone. But I looked up to her. I wanted to be just like her. As time went on she started having problems with my mom, they'd argue all the time and she'd do things intentionally to hurt her. She inadvertately hurt me as well, and our relationship has never been the same since. I've forgiven her for all the things she did, even though she never asked, but I also came to the conclusion that I don't really like her as a person. She is very selfish and thats kinda had to deal with. Well you'd think it would be hard. But I go months at a time without ever seeing or talking to her and I dont really think either of us care. I love her, but that doesnt mean we have to be friends. She will never be the person that I want her to be and I am over wishing she would be. My brother is amazing. Growing up I swore that we would never get along, he made it his life plan to piss me off and succeeded. But as we got older I saw how much he cares about me. He would seriously do anything for me. And that amazes me. He has a huge heart although he likes to hide it. He's extremely smart and he is becoming an awesome father. I love him to death
I am an aunt, a cousin, a neice, a granddaughter; I'm a member of a huge family. Most of whom I never see because everyone is busy and nobody really puts out the effort. But nonetheless we are stuck together and they are all very important to me.
I am a friend; I have a lot of friends, most of whom I never see because again nobody puts out the effort. everyone has their own stuff going on now and they're all adapting to that as am I. I know that being so far away takes a toll on friendship, so i see my friends when I can and I'm happy with that. But along with having this wide range of friends; I have some that I am even closer to. There used to be five or six now there are pretty much 2. One I talk to one the phone like 2 or 3 times a day because we are not close enough to see each other(thats the one who actually made me realize that I needed to write this)and the other I talk to whenever either of us have time in between classes and him slacking on essays. If I have a good day, a bad day, or anything in between I go to them. I am not saying this to hurt you, or to make you feel bad about where our friendship is, because I remember reading stuff like this and getting mad at people and feeling hurt. But right now I am just being straight up honest, and not holding back.
I am a girlfriend; I am dating a friken wonderful guy, whom I hope all of you will someday meet and get to see what I see. I wasnt looking for a boyfriend, God just put him in my life, and trust me I am not complaining. I can go to him just like i can go to my other friends. I am not afraid to tell him how I feel or to be emotional in front of him. We put God into our relationship which is the most important foundation that a couple can have. When we have stuff going on, we sit down and talk about it. We can practically read each others minds; which makes it easier to tell when something is up, good or bad. Even though we've only been together for a couple months, I can tell you straight up that I have never felt like this before. I love him I really do, and I am not ashamed to say it.
I am a student, a roomate, a classmate, an athlete... the list goes on and on.
Here goes nothing:
I dont have a problem with people drinking. I am not a party girl, but I am ok with drinking and getting drunk sometimes, not because its the only way to make me happy, not because I think its "cool," not because I cant think of any other way to enjoy myself, but because it's fun and I do enjoy it. I occasionally have a clove, again not for all of those reasons above, mostly because it relaxes me. I am not all about weed. It disgusts me and I will never smoke it, or any other drug for that matter. I'm not going to not like someone because of that, but I am also not going to hang out with them while they are doing it. Judge all you want to but it's legal and I am not going to hide it anymore. I'm not really into the whole political scene, and it pissed me off when people just sit and argue because lets face it its really rare that anyone changes anyone elses mind on topics. Sorry thats just how I feel. I am reigstered republican believe it or not considering my friends are really liberal. This does not mean thatI support Bush, I am not educated enough on bush to really hold judgement so I stay neutral. I am register republican because I have a lot of the same veiws on issues that they do, and because honestly thats the way I was brought up. I am against abortion. I believe because of my religious backround that gay marriage is a sin. I dont believe however, that gay people are going to hell because of it. God loves everyone and forgives us of our sins. Keeping this in mind, I have no issue with Gay Marriage. People have the right to marry whomever they want to marry, and although I may not agree with it I dont think that I should have the right to make it illegal for them to do that. On the other hand however, I do not think that gay couples should be allowed to adopt children unless that child is old enough to comprehend the situation. I dont think that it is fair to put a child into a lifestyle like that without giving it a choice. I know that a gay couple could treat it just as well if not better than a straight couple, but I also think that it would have a lot of emotionally crap to have to deal with later on in life and thats not fair. I dont have a problem with swearing. I believe that if you use profanity all the time it loses it's meaning. I kinda think that like one of my old english teachers told me, profanity should be used for effect, it gives it power that way. But I do swear, not a lot, more around certain people than others mostly because hearing it more makes me think it more and makes me say it more. Its a bad habit, and im trying to swear less, but i dont really have a problem with other people doing it.
I like to read, to write, to talk, to splay sports, especially volleyball, to hang out and play random games, to go on random walks, to go out to dinner, to shop, to organize and coordinate. I like math, I want to teacher high school math when I get out of college. I like emo music. I love the music that I listen to emo or not emo, and I dont care who else likes it that is not what is important. I love lyrics; I love that you can hear a song and wonder if the artist who wrote it knew you're life story when they were composing it. I like tv. I love the OC, Friends, Sex and the City, Laguna beach(even though I spend most of it yelling at the screen) and certain reality tv programs. I like meeting new people and making new friends. I like being crazy and spontaneaous. I want to go sky diving. I like doing new things...
this is me. or at least what I know about me right now. I'm learning more about myself every day, as hopefully everyone else is as well. I'm sure I pissed some people off with some of this, but you know what, im not gunna hide stuff anymore. I'm proud to be who I am. I'm not even gunna reread this, cause ill probably end up wanting to change stuff, comment if you want, but dont feel obligated to. this wasnt about any of you, this was about me, figuring out who I am, and I guess I did...
take it or leave it.