The One Where Unnie Goes to Maryland
(a.k.a. - How to freak out people of asian descent without even trying)
Ok so stjoan4eva (aka-Tiff) and kinnosuikazura (aka-Jenn her girlfriend), had been asking me to join them in Maryland when Jenn came for a visit, and between work, rl, and some other crazy shit…I almost didn’t go.
But I’m glad I did.
Cuz if I didn’t I never would have experienced the following:
Realizing that Tiff and Jenn are really the most loving and adorable couple I’ve ever met. (It’s kinda disgusting actually)
Going to a Japanese hibachi restaurant, and having a four-foot flame inches away from my hair, and watching Tiff nonchalantly catch shrimp in her mouth that the chef threw at her from the blade of his deba, (like the girl let’s people toss stuff in her mouth from 5 feet away all the time). O_O
Successfully opening my first bottle of Ramune without it exploding, and trying to figure out how to get the marble out
- Discussing the philosophy behind the anime Bleach with Tiff’s quiet-goth-and-kind-of-scary-yet-incredibly-friendly-and-generous-once-she-gets-to-know-you-roomate. Who also happens to be a semi-professional World of Warcraft player. (Nice!)
Drinking delicious plum wine
Running Tiff’s laptop through the hotel TV and staying up all night watching YT videos of a fabulous 14 yr old dancer named Gabe Morales and his even younger 12-year old counterpart Chang-Chang, who puts Minzy and Key to SHAME.
Experiencing Tiff’s “5 Stages of Consciousness” (that was kinda creepy)
Attending a “Ball Jointed Doll” meet at a mall in Hanover, where people display their custom-made, designed and incredibly lifelike dolls that can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to create and maintain. (It actually wasn’t as creepy as you might think).
Finding a kiosk in the same mall which sold nothing but anime and martial arts films at really good prices.
Being hit on by the young Chinese purveyor of said kiosk, who seemed to be impressed with my knowledge of anime and martial arts flicks. He tried desperately to impress me with his version of a NY accent, (mkay no) and refused to give me my purchases until I talked with him for awhile while avoiding his lame attempts at hand holding. (That was really creepy)
While singing along to the “glee” OST in Tiff’s directionally-challenged-freiends’ car, I had an epiphany: Jinki should play an exchange student on “glee” and sing Jason Mrantz’s “Best Friend” with Charice Pempengco. (You know it’s brilliant).
Giving tech support to an older couple in Best Buy when the guy running the Mac section turned out to be a PC.
Checking out my purchase and receiving a squeal and a hug from the cashier when he saw I was from Brooklyn, (he’s from Harlem), he was really adorable because he talked WAY too fast, was just too fabulous, and reminded me of Luan from YT. (Which Tiff also introduced me too that weekend).
Watching Jenn sporfle and squeal over her new computer when she managed to plaster Jinki’s face all over her desktop
Realizing that every time I joked about Tiff or Jenn or one of their friends, my “joke” for some reason was actually true. (That was very creepy)
Walking into a 24 hour Korean BBQ (that played nothing but K-Pop) while singing along to Suju’s “Sorry Sorry” (in Hangul in Korean) with Tiff, Jenn, the-not-so-scary-roomate, and the rest of their motley crew of friends. (None of us are even remotely Asian by the way).
I believe the the little Korean girl seating us said something like… “Holy shit.”
We ended up moving tables when the rest of our party arrived, only to be sat near a rowdy young group of K-boyz and one young lady (who was so thin she made Sandara Park look like Shindong).
I had my first soju, and liked it so much I decided to have a few more to make up for lost time.
Chair danced to 2pm’s “I’ll Be Back” (thumbs up and everything) and hearing the Kboyz cheering behind me.
Sang along to GD and TOP’s “High High” with the boyz accompanying us by yelling the chorus across the restaurant. Which was all ironically appropriate actually. (Hilarity ensued when we got to the “Ghetto/Electro” part)
Playing gawi-bawi-bo with our new Korean friends and communicating in Engrish and Hangulish and being forced to drink their rice wine several times because I lost.
Drinking more rice wine from a bowl just like they did in SKK!
Jenn realizing that one of the K-boyz was a G-Dragon fanboy and was actually wearing one of GD’s earrings.
Said fanboy flailing when he saw Jenn’s GD-TOP fanclub membership card
Dancing our way out of the restaurant singing along to GD-TOPs “Knock-Out” to a very shocked group of customers and employees (It seemed to be a YG/JYP establishment, because hardly any SM music was played).
Eating cinnamon buns nightly at the hotel
Doing Tiff’s hair
Forgetting that we were watching yaoi sexytimes on the big hotel room TV when I opened the door for the person who brought us up extra blankets. (That was pretty funny).
Thanking God for the inventor of the Starbucks Caramel Macchiato with an extra shot this morning at the train station.
In other words, if I chickened out and didn’t go, I wouldn’t have had one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life. Tiff and Jenn you are the CUTEST. (And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise). Tiff you are really one of the most giving, thoughtful, beautiful people I’ve ever met. (Remember: water, then oil, then gel). And Jenn, you have given me a newfound appreciation (it was non-existent before actually), for all things pink, fluffy, sparkly and of course shinee. (And remember sweetie, covering your mouth when you’re trying to catch your breath from laughing doesn’t work). Please thank your roommate again for the rides, the doll lesson and the dry humor, and tell your other friend, that she’s tall, her face is too small and she should go away. You know the one). OH and tell Sarah that Unnie said to never leave the house without a GPS, because one day she’s gonna call you and be like….
“I see a school, with a light….and some grass.”
Unnie loves you muchly and I’ll see you on the internets!
Toodles!