i live for the little moments when *he* steals my heart and doesnt even know it .. <3
hey ... omgoodness im so confused.. i know what i want..but then again i dont...i talked to 'him' today, he told me some stuff that makes me not want to get over him, but then again i know i have to.. because it seems like all he does is lie now cause he's soo confused.. and i wanna be here for him..but he keeps pushing me away..then josh sent me an email last night that made me cry, because okay here i have this amazing man who cares so much for me, he's going places in life he's beautiful, older, nice, knows EXACTLY what he wants, and he's not afraid to go after it. but im still so in love with alex, and somethings holding me back, and i hate that josh is leaving for college so now hell be like 5 states away from me with all these college girls.. but then i think about it and i really dont care... thats why i dont think i should be with him.. im just mad at myself for not caring because he cares so much about me and what i want.. and it seems like alex doesnt... wow okay ill just let you guys read the email so you can see how incredibely messed up i am ...
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hello beautiful,
its like 3 30 in the morning we just got to my aunts house and i have to wake up in 4 hours to look at that college..i would've called but i didnt want to wake you up i know you have school tomorrow so i decided i would email you to let you know how amazing you are, and how it kills me that you're upset right now. i hate it when you're like this. You deserve so much more than what he's giving you. You don't deserve to have to wait around until he makes up his mind between all these other girls. I want to be with you. We just had that long talk the other night and no everything you told me doesn't make me not want to be with you. I care for you so much, I'm not gunna let you go just like that. I'm not that dumb. I know you're not over alex yet, and that's fine I will wait as long as i have to, because i know i don't deserve someone as great as you. You mean everything to me i don't even think you understand how much i care for you. Oh yeah, i got your message and no I'm not just feeding your crap or "leading you on" I'm not that immature. I have better things to do with my time then that. And unlike him, I'm not confused i know exactly what i want. I want you but i want ALL of you, i don't want to have to worry about you wanting to be with him, because I am leaving in 2 months for college and i want to know that when I'm there i have you. That's the only way I'll get through this, is with you. But I'll give you as much time as you need to think about this, you told me you needed space so thats what I'm going to give you. And you can call me when you know for sure what you want. And if you end up not choosing me, if you want to try and get him back that's fine, just please don't be afraid to tell me, i still want to be here for you....i really do think im falling in love with you...I don't know if that scares you or not lol, i hope it doesn't cause that's how i feel...but I'm going to try and get some sleep, call me as soon as you know what you want, ill miss you baby
goodnight
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hello beautiful,
its like 3 30 in the morning we just got to my aunts house and i have to wake up in 4 hours to look at that college..i would've called but i didnt want to wake you up i know you have school tomorrow so i decided i would email you to let you know how amazing you are, and how it kills me that you're upset right now. i hate it when you're like this. You deserve so much more than what he's giving you. You don't deserve to have to wait around until he makes up his mind between all these other girls. I want to be with you. We just had that long talk the other night and no everything you told me doesn't make me not want to be with you. I care for you so much, I'm not gunna let you go just like that. I'm not that dumb. I know you're not over alex yet, and that's fine I will wait as long as i have to, because i know i don't deserve someone as great as you. You mean everything to me i don't even think you understand how much i care for you. Oh yeah, i got your message and no I'm not just feeding your crap or "leading you on" I'm not that immature. I have better things to do with my time then that. And unlike him, I'm not confused i know exactly what i want. I want you but i want ALL of you, i don't want to have to worry about you wanting to be with him, because I am leaving in 2 months for college and i want to know that when I'm there i have you. That's the only way I'll get through this, is with you. But I'll give you as much time as you need to think about this, you told me you needed space so thats what I'm going to give you. And you can call me when you know for sure what you want. And if you end up not choosing me, if you want to try and get him back that's fine, just please don't be afraid to tell me, i still want to be here for you....i really do think im falling in love with you...I don't know if that scares you or not lol, i hope it doesn't cause that's how i feel...but I'm going to try and get some sleep, call me as soon as you know what you want, ill miss you baby
goodnight