Sarah Silverman quotes
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.
I was licking jelly off of my boyfriend's penis and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "Oh My God, I'm turning into my mother!"
The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.
She called me up and she's like, "Aunt Sarah, did you know that Hitler killed sixty million Jews." And I corrected her and I said, "You know, I think he's responsible for killing six million Jews." And she said, "Oh yeah! Six million! I knew that but seriously, I mean, what's the difference?" "Uh, the difference is sixty million is unforgivable, young lady!"
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
I think I was about six when I saw my father’s penis. I don’t think it affected me because I was so young. And so drunk.
I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
I'm so not racist. I'm dating a guy who is half-black who is totally going to break my heart. Oh god, that sounds so pessimistic. He's half-white.
Kids need motivation to win. I tell my neice every time she loses at playing tag, an angel gets AIDS. And you know what? She wins.
American Airlines could have scored a marketing coup by proclaiming itself "First Through the Towers."
I was licking jelly off of my boyfriend's penis and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "Oh My God, I'm turning into my mother!"
The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.
She called me up and she's like, "Aunt Sarah, did you know that Hitler killed sixty million Jews." And I corrected her and I said, "You know, I think he's responsible for killing six million Jews." And she said, "Oh yeah! Six million! I knew that but seriously, I mean, what's the difference?" "Uh, the difference is sixty million is unforgivable, young lady!"
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
I think I was about six when I saw my father’s penis. I don’t think it affected me because I was so young. And so drunk.
I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
I'm so not racist. I'm dating a guy who is half-black who is totally going to break my heart. Oh god, that sounds so pessimistic. He's half-white.
Kids need motivation to win. I tell my neice every time she loses at playing tag, an angel gets AIDS. And you know what? She wins.
American Airlines could have scored a marketing coup by proclaiming itself "First Through the Towers."