(no subject)
New mini-bio and again as before I posted my old one underneath the cut to keep that piece of my life to remember... And FWI (lol) its Kylie now not Kayla.
enjoy peeps.
ah yes! the mini bio! haven't updated this thing forever...
well this is my life... ragged patches of safe spots and survival, mixing and blending itself into words both defined and vague!
I'm becoming more social, thinking about my future, being more addament about myself, holding up better emotionally, finding myself in cleare definition of who and what I am... I could go on.
I was previously using the metaphorical description before that I am "an angel sitting, her wings temporarally clipped" but my view of myself over the last few weeks has changed dramatically, but before I get ahead of myself, I must explain why I used such a metaphor to describe myself:
I have always seen myself as a creature that didn't make sense though beautiful in many ways I tried even harder to let a darkness take over and it just wouldn't... I couldn't seem to figure out where I belonged, or at least how to fit in there... I had no future I could see yet still I couldn't just let go... depressed, lonely, tormented, immobilized (or so it felt) by everything with that seemed completely wrong, and that I hated, about me. hence "sitting, wings clipped"
Now I have shifted that veiw of myself to "standing on her own 2 feet, her wings regrowing" because over the last few weeks I've stopped being (feeling really) alone in this world... there are people in my life now, though few, that affirm me that they care and try to help me reach out for my true self and those people are something that I have always lacked in my life.... they don't give me the answers but give me resources to find those answers about myself I don't really have. the "Standing on her own two feet" is more metaphorical of a sense of I'm starting to just go completely all out in triing to achieve a peace with myself instead of just hiding behind the masks I've worn so long. the masks that constantly crack and fail anyways. but also its about speaking up for myself and advocating my needs, because my needs are often ignored by others as well as myself. the "wings regrowing" aspect is simply that I am finding I have a hope and strength that even I at time blind myself to see... and I simply accept that I am what and who I am and I am just as powerless to stop it as everyone else has.
I've always had my beautiful wings fluttering upon the breeze and then one day my body decided to flip my entire world upside down in ways I could not for a long, long, time understand nor accept...and my wings stopped fluttering, they were gone.
the "regrowth" is toatlly about Accepting and enacting myself in my own expression of me.
my life has always had a poeticism to it... double meanings and what-not. I've been lied to and hurt so much that I'm obssessed with truth and enlightenments... in finding safety, even at the expense of my dignity at times.
I hope you all will read on and reply even as I find my way. Stay true and remember always to be you.
Love ya'll!
Kayla
enjoy peeps.
ah yes! the mini bio! haven't updated this thing forever...
well this is my life... ragged patches of safe spots and survival, mixing and blending itself into words both defined and vague!
I'm becoming more social, thinking about my future, being more addament about myself, holding up better emotionally, finding myself in cleare definition of who and what I am... I could go on.
I was previously using the metaphorical description before that I am "an angel sitting, her wings temporarally clipped" but my view of myself over the last few weeks has changed dramatically, but before I get ahead of myself, I must explain why I used such a metaphor to describe myself:
I have always seen myself as a creature that didn't make sense though beautiful in many ways I tried even harder to let a darkness take over and it just wouldn't... I couldn't seem to figure out where I belonged, or at least how to fit in there... I had no future I could see yet still I couldn't just let go... depressed, lonely, tormented, immobilized (or so it felt) by everything with that seemed completely wrong, and that I hated, about me. hence "sitting, wings clipped"
Now I have shifted that veiw of myself to "standing on her own 2 feet, her wings regrowing" because over the last few weeks I've stopped being (feeling really) alone in this world... there are people in my life now, though few, that affirm me that they care and try to help me reach out for my true self and those people are something that I have always lacked in my life.... they don't give me the answers but give me resources to find those answers about myself I don't really have. the "Standing on her own two feet" is more metaphorical of a sense of I'm starting to just go completely all out in triing to achieve a peace with myself instead of just hiding behind the masks I've worn so long. the masks that constantly crack and fail anyways. but also its about speaking up for myself and advocating my needs, because my needs are often ignored by others as well as myself. the "wings regrowing" aspect is simply that I am finding I have a hope and strength that even I at time blind myself to see... and I simply accept that I am what and who I am and I am just as powerless to stop it as everyone else has.
I've always had my beautiful wings fluttering upon the breeze and then one day my body decided to flip my entire world upside down in ways I could not for a long, long, time understand nor accept...and my wings stopped fluttering, they were gone.
the "regrowth" is toatlly about Accepting and enacting myself in my own expression of me.
my life has always had a poeticism to it... double meanings and what-not. I've been lied to and hurt so much that I'm obssessed with truth and enlightenments... in finding safety, even at the expense of my dignity at times.
I hope you all will read on and reply even as I find my way. Stay true and remember always to be you.
Love ya'll!
Kayla