(no subject)
"Oh father, what a great gift!" shrieked Kelis.
"It is nothing for you, my daughter, though I work all day in misery for scraps as we all do in this miserable oblivion, I managed to get this for you. It's..." He lowered his voice to a whisper, and then with a smile revealed, "It's from Drexon."
"OMG Father LOL that's so wonderful!" Kelis hugged her father, happy as a clam. "It's so pretty! I never knew Technology was so lovely!"
"It's a joyful and pleasing apparatus, indeed," said father, "but its power goes far beyond being beautiful. I understand you've made friends with that charming spindent(1) Nas. Perhaps you can convince him to let you tap into his wheel, and then its real magic will be revealed to you."
"Oh father! I will make haste and go into town right away! By your leave!"
Kelis scrambled.
...
Sure enough, Nas was quite pleased to see Kelis. He even stopped spinning for a moment (a capital offense) to kiss her fair cheek and invite her to tap into his wheel.
Kelis gently hooked her Technology to his wheel. To her great surprise and joy, the Technology began to speak.
It said simply, "Pro-Pain: The Definitive Anthology."
Then a clamorous racket of music began with much screaming and drums of rage, and an authoritative message. Initially unpleasant to her ears, Kelis listened to it nonetheless, visions of great deeds and blinding lights marching in her mind, taking her away to far places and distant times..
...
"Kelis? Kelis?"
Nas was standing over her.
"OMG Nas!" Her initial horror at realizing Nas would be executed was soon replaced by the mantra implanted in her mind.
"I will soon be released from this unholy burden of existence," Nas said. "But it was worth it just to see you still live, as I was worried about you as I've never been worried about anything before, and to see you alright now makes the painful death I am about to face worth it."
Kelis, moved, kissed him full on the mouth, with a modicum of spit and a feast of tongue. As Nas was eviscerated in mid-kiss, Kelis pondered the mantra:
"Pound for pound. Pound for pound."
...
Kelis noted the bicycle lay in ruins as she picked bits of Nas off her dress. What's this additional discoloration to me? she thought. The dress is already a mirage of rainbows. Now Nas will add to its proud uniqueness.
At that time, Mr. Stoent from Foreign Parts passed by. Seeing her chanting, bloody and blissful, moved his heart and he approached her.
"Little girl, little girl!" he said.
"Pound for pound!" she said.
"Whatever do you mean, my little one? My heavens, it appears you do not weigh more than two stone! What has happened here?"
"The spindent is dead. Pounds are the future. You are the future. Nas the past is the bridge to what is to come."
She gathered up some portions of Nas. Presenting them to Mr. Stoent, she pointed at them and said, "Pound!" Then, pointing at Mr. Stoent's pants, said, "Pound!"
"Oh my!" said Mr. Stoent. "I fear you misunderstand me, dear girl. Though flattered I am, I am not those of your countrymen who attempt to impregnate all, even though there is no hope of conception, nor do I desire to cause you a death, for as I am hearty and hale and you emaciated and pitiable, your first sex would likely be your last. Come now, allow me to give you some food. I work for the relief agency and that is my business."
"Pound! Pound!"
"You will really have to adjust to my rejection, my lady, as again, though I am flattered, and would like to be friends, you meet not my standards for attractiveness and survivability."
"POUND!!! POUND!!!"
At length, Mr. Stoent realized she was attempting to trade.
Some trite conversation then occurred. Mr. Stoent left with a satchel of gore (which he discarded as soon as she was out of sight), and Kelis with a pound.
...
"Daddy, daddy!" Kelis burst through the door. "Look at the bounty which I have bought! Your gift has repaid itself a hundredfold! Do you not see these fifty rolls of asspaper which I have balanced on my head from town? Moreso, I am now shod. But as this was in truth due to your gift, I have brought you ten pairs of Elvis jeans."
Father, overcome by emotion, went into the kitchen and rang the little bell, gently at first but then as the moment overtook him, struck it harder and harder, tears of job streaming down his face, until finally he broke the skin, promptly dying as a result of a rare and aggressive Poor Eating Bacteria infection.
THE END
(1) spindent: indentured bicyclist who generates power for industrial operations.
"It is nothing for you, my daughter, though I work all day in misery for scraps as we all do in this miserable oblivion, I managed to get this for you. It's..." He lowered his voice to a whisper, and then with a smile revealed, "It's from Drexon."
"OMG Father LOL that's so wonderful!" Kelis hugged her father, happy as a clam. "It's so pretty! I never knew Technology was so lovely!"
"It's a joyful and pleasing apparatus, indeed," said father, "but its power goes far beyond being beautiful. I understand you've made friends with that charming spindent(1) Nas. Perhaps you can convince him to let you tap into his wheel, and then its real magic will be revealed to you."
"Oh father! I will make haste and go into town right away! By your leave!"
Kelis scrambled.
...
Sure enough, Nas was quite pleased to see Kelis. He even stopped spinning for a moment (a capital offense) to kiss her fair cheek and invite her to tap into his wheel.
Kelis gently hooked her Technology to his wheel. To her great surprise and joy, the Technology began to speak.
It said simply, "Pro-Pain: The Definitive Anthology."
Then a clamorous racket of music began with much screaming and drums of rage, and an authoritative message. Initially unpleasant to her ears, Kelis listened to it nonetheless, visions of great deeds and blinding lights marching in her mind, taking her away to far places and distant times..
...
"Kelis? Kelis?"
Nas was standing over her.
"OMG Nas!" Her initial horror at realizing Nas would be executed was soon replaced by the mantra implanted in her mind.
"I will soon be released from this unholy burden of existence," Nas said. "But it was worth it just to see you still live, as I was worried about you as I've never been worried about anything before, and to see you alright now makes the painful death I am about to face worth it."
Kelis, moved, kissed him full on the mouth, with a modicum of spit and a feast of tongue. As Nas was eviscerated in mid-kiss, Kelis pondered the mantra:
"Pound for pound. Pound for pound."
...
Kelis noted the bicycle lay in ruins as she picked bits of Nas off her dress. What's this additional discoloration to me? she thought. The dress is already a mirage of rainbows. Now Nas will add to its proud uniqueness.
At that time, Mr. Stoent from Foreign Parts passed by. Seeing her chanting, bloody and blissful, moved his heart and he approached her.
"Little girl, little girl!" he said.
"Pound for pound!" she said.
"Whatever do you mean, my little one? My heavens, it appears you do not weigh more than two stone! What has happened here?"
"The spindent is dead. Pounds are the future. You are the future. Nas the past is the bridge to what is to come."
She gathered up some portions of Nas. Presenting them to Mr. Stoent, she pointed at them and said, "Pound!" Then, pointing at Mr. Stoent's pants, said, "Pound!"
"Oh my!" said Mr. Stoent. "I fear you misunderstand me, dear girl. Though flattered I am, I am not those of your countrymen who attempt to impregnate all, even though there is no hope of conception, nor do I desire to cause you a death, for as I am hearty and hale and you emaciated and pitiable, your first sex would likely be your last. Come now, allow me to give you some food. I work for the relief agency and that is my business."
"Pound! Pound!"
"You will really have to adjust to my rejection, my lady, as again, though I am flattered, and would like to be friends, you meet not my standards for attractiveness and survivability."
"POUND!!! POUND!!!"
At length, Mr. Stoent realized she was attempting to trade.
Some trite conversation then occurred. Mr. Stoent left with a satchel of gore (which he discarded as soon as she was out of sight), and Kelis with a pound.
...
"Daddy, daddy!" Kelis burst through the door. "Look at the bounty which I have bought! Your gift has repaid itself a hundredfold! Do you not see these fifty rolls of asspaper which I have balanced on my head from town? Moreso, I am now shod. But as this was in truth due to your gift, I have brought you ten pairs of Elvis jeans."
Father, overcome by emotion, went into the kitchen and rang the little bell, gently at first but then as the moment overtook him, struck it harder and harder, tears of job streaming down his face, until finally he broke the skin, promptly dying as a result of a rare and aggressive Poor Eating Bacteria infection.
THE END
(1) spindent: indentured bicyclist who generates power for industrial operations.