yep. exactly.
i didn't really remember this existed. then i found myself at home, sitting in my room, and alone. that never happens. i decided i needed to write. that rarely happens. so i'm writing, more to myself than to anyone else, but posting it here just for fun.
my life needs a complete and total transformation. i'm sick of going to a school where barely anything interests me and even less really matters to me. i'm sick of being so ridiculously passive-aggressive that other people's mistakes tear me apart instead of affecting them. i'm sick of fighting so hard to try to keep the boyfriend i know i'm about to lose. i'm sick of not knowing if i even want to keep him at all. i'm sick of knowing i could die tonight, tomorrow, or next week, without ever having done anything really worthwhile. i'm sick of being so miserable i miss the home i've always hated. i'm sick of not being able to find a job that pays enough to be worth the time it takes to get there. i'm sick of being a chronic underachiever. i'm sick of never being happy with what i see in the mirror. i'm sick of trying to drink til i don't remember how much i hate myself.
i want to go home. i want to find someone to take my place in this suffocating room, and i want to transfer to uw. i want to find an internship with a real company in a real city, not work out of a two person business in a boring little californian town. i miss my friends. i miss coffee shops and good restaurants. i miss broadway and downtown and excessive shopping with elayna. i even miss working at the bayhouse. i miss not feeling alone.
my life needs a complete and total transformation. i'm sick of going to a school where barely anything interests me and even less really matters to me. i'm sick of being so ridiculously passive-aggressive that other people's mistakes tear me apart instead of affecting them. i'm sick of fighting so hard to try to keep the boyfriend i know i'm about to lose. i'm sick of not knowing if i even want to keep him at all. i'm sick of knowing i could die tonight, tomorrow, or next week, without ever having done anything really worthwhile. i'm sick of being so miserable i miss the home i've always hated. i'm sick of not being able to find a job that pays enough to be worth the time it takes to get there. i'm sick of being a chronic underachiever. i'm sick of never being happy with what i see in the mirror. i'm sick of trying to drink til i don't remember how much i hate myself.
i want to go home. i want to find someone to take my place in this suffocating room, and i want to transfer to uw. i want to find an internship with a real company in a real city, not work out of a two person business in a boring little californian town. i miss my friends. i miss coffee shops and good restaurants. i miss broadway and downtown and excessive shopping with elayna. i even miss working at the bayhouse. i miss not feeling alone.