It isn't God or superstition that makes me go down on one knee....
I had a fairy realistic nightmare the other day about getting five negative secrets in a row on RP!S and someone telling me about them, which, in retrospect says a lot about me and how much I enjoy my reputation online- the fact that earlier that day, I'd gotten chided for breaking a rule in one of my games totally by accident had me freaking out most of the day too. Whether it's healthy or not, I still woke up yesterday in a horrible mood that was only exacerbated by the fact that the place where we're moving doesn't have DSL available at the moment. That problem's pretty much been corrected, but my mood has just spiraled since then, and it's not just overdependence on internet issues.
Yesterday at work, I got overstimulated by people and I probably got called in because a woman freaked out about bread not being fifty cents cheaper, because THE SIGN SAYS IT'S $2, when she was just looking at the wrong fucking sign, and I got really upset and annoyed with her, because I can't handle people yelling at me or freaking out at me. I called Mom to bring me some Xanax so I could calm down before I ended up crying or something and then I couldn't get a hold of her, so I started irrationally freaking out that something happened to her until I broke down crying AT WORK. I finally got a hold of her and she brought me some Xanax, but it's the last I had, because my dad's been taking it and I haven't needed it in awhile and he needs to be calm and not a freak more than I do... Well, until I get like this, anyway.
So now I'm depressed, everything is upsetting me, I'm paranoid, and I've settled into "no one cares about me" territory, which is bullshit, but that's irrational depression for you. I don't want to do anything. I was avoiding the internet by playing Pokemon Platinum on my DS, but now I don't even want to do that.
Oh and to make matters worse, Mom's working all New Year's Eve, so I can't go out and get any alcohol to drown my suffering in like a normal person and have nothing to do but sit here with Dad and be miserable. Happy fucking new year.
Yesterday at work, I got overstimulated by people and I probably got called in because a woman freaked out about bread not being fifty cents cheaper, because THE SIGN SAYS IT'S $2, when she was just looking at the wrong fucking sign, and I got really upset and annoyed with her, because I can't handle people yelling at me or freaking out at me. I called Mom to bring me some Xanax so I could calm down before I ended up crying or something and then I couldn't get a hold of her, so I started irrationally freaking out that something happened to her until I broke down crying AT WORK. I finally got a hold of her and she brought me some Xanax, but it's the last I had, because my dad's been taking it and I haven't needed it in awhile and he needs to be calm and not a freak more than I do... Well, until I get like this, anyway.
So now I'm depressed, everything is upsetting me, I'm paranoid, and I've settled into "no one cares about me" territory, which is bullshit, but that's irrational depression for you. I don't want to do anything. I was avoiding the internet by playing Pokemon Platinum on my DS, but now I don't even want to do that.
Oh and to make matters worse, Mom's working all New Year's Eve, so I can't go out and get any alcohol to drown my suffering in like a normal person and have nothing to do but sit here with Dad and be miserable. Happy fucking new year.