So what's the glory in living? Doesn't anyone ever stay together anymore?
I think I'm starting to grow a spine, which is probably the greatest thing that could ever happen to me, considering I'm a spineless twat who lets everyone walk all over her, half the time, but I'm seriously tired of being walked all over, so something had to change and I had to start defending myself. I'm taking this sudden change as a step forward and am trying to reevaluate my life. Finding out what some people really think of me was kind of a kick to the face. Like... I finally faced my fear of being disliked and realized... Okay, my world didn't end. And maybe the next time it happens, I'll crumble to ashes or something, but I shouldn't be paranoid about it constantly.
But I'm tired of seeking my own worth in the attention of other people. I'm tired of feeling threatened and shunted aside by the stupidest crap. If I ever was "a drama queen," then fine. No more of that. I need to just grit my teeth, feel awesome about myself, and not let anything get to me.
This weekend on top of this week, even though its just started, have been extremely stressful for me. My hours are getting cut at work and it's scaring the crap out of me. My desire to impulse shop is high, but I have no money, and the impulse to BUY THINGS AND I'LL FEEL BETTER is just haunting me. I wanted to die in Wal-Mart yesterday because I just wanted to buy ALL THE THINGS, but had almost no money to my name. And my paycheck this week was missing about thirty dollars that I can't account for. And this week and last week? I'll have worked five days total, roughly 25 hours. And I have Christmas presents to start buying.
Hnnngh.
But I ordered Side Jobs, so it should be here soonish and then I can gleefit if Jae broke canon, like I know she will. That was the one great purchase of my life this week. Well, that and I bought Sword of the Stranger to watch with Jae. And I have literally $16 after all that, plus a few other purchases. Feeeeh.
I'm gonna start reading before bed again, because I have a million books and I need to catch up on them. I still haven't read the new Artemis Fowl or anything. Plus it's just a good habit that I need to get back into.
Next week, I'm taking a week off from the internet to work on Lights and try to whip out a first draft. That's the other thing I need to do badly- work on my original writing. I'm hoping that if I get a good jumpstart on it this week then I'll be able to write some on it every day until it's in a shape to be sent out. In theory. It's something anyway. I'm trying to move into a better quality of life and finishing something like that, instead of sitting around and sulking because I can't is something.
Uh... I completely lost my train of thought, so I guess that's where this magical journal adventure ends.
But I'm tired of seeking my own worth in the attention of other people. I'm tired of feeling threatened and shunted aside by the stupidest crap. If I ever was "a drama queen," then fine. No more of that. I need to just grit my teeth, feel awesome about myself, and not let anything get to me.
This weekend on top of this week, even though its just started, have been extremely stressful for me. My hours are getting cut at work and it's scaring the crap out of me. My desire to impulse shop is high, but I have no money, and the impulse to BUY THINGS AND I'LL FEEL BETTER is just haunting me. I wanted to die in Wal-Mart yesterday because I just wanted to buy ALL THE THINGS, but had almost no money to my name. And my paycheck this week was missing about thirty dollars that I can't account for. And this week and last week? I'll have worked five days total, roughly 25 hours. And I have Christmas presents to start buying.
Hnnngh.
But I ordered Side Jobs, so it should be here soonish and then I can gleefit if Jae broke canon, like I know she will. That was the one great purchase of my life this week. Well, that and I bought Sword of the Stranger to watch with Jae. And I have literally $16 after all that, plus a few other purchases. Feeeeh.
I'm gonna start reading before bed again, because I have a million books and I need to catch up on them. I still haven't read the new Artemis Fowl or anything. Plus it's just a good habit that I need to get back into.
Next week, I'm taking a week off from the internet to work on Lights and try to whip out a first draft. That's the other thing I need to do badly- work on my original writing. I'm hoping that if I get a good jumpstart on it this week then I'll be able to write some on it every day until it's in a shape to be sent out. In theory. It's something anyway. I'm trying to move into a better quality of life and finishing something like that, instead of sitting around and sulking because I can't is something.
Uh... I completely lost my train of thought, so I guess that's where this magical journal adventure ends.