Hmm.. Maybe a real post. This /is/ live JOURNAL after all.
So, I dunno. I hate teenage drama, it's so irritatingly stupid. Boys are stupid (I sound like I'm nine...) and annoying people who shun me 'cause I'm awkward are stupid.
..I mean-- it's not their fault. They don't have to like me, I know. But-- I don't know.
I want to seem more real to people. But no one seems to get close enough to see that I am real, not just some kid. I guess, however, those "some kid"s I mentioned are real, too. And also, just like the people who find me awkward, I somehow can't connect with them.
Maybe what I'm complaining about is that all my friends are so far away? But, even then, it's my own fault I can't see them. I should have my driver's license by now. I am 18, and if I want to see my friends, I'm perfectly able to, if only I had the motivation to go out and look for a job and study the stupid permit manual thingamabob.
Although, I'm sort of concentrating on other things like now. Such as, even /talking/ to my friends at all... Well, morel like acquaintances. The only person I could count as the closest thing to a friend is only someone I complain about another person we have in common to. Was that even a well structured sentence? I guess I was cramming too much information into one sentence...
Anyway...
I'm proud of some of my school work now. I mean, the good thing is that I'm concentrating more on organization and grades, which means I don't notice so much the lack of friends. I don't have anyone to sit with at lunch on even days (A different lunch period on even than odd... don't ask. It's complicated.), and today was an even day. But luckily the Employment Transition lady came and reminded me that I was to see her so she could help me get organized.
And then, in Government, I got all my work done and took a long time giving thorough answers for each question, which took the entire period. That was good, because then I didn't notice so much that I had no one to talk to there. I just read and concentrated on the stupid subject (I don't even really enjoy it, but you know.)
I don't have a cell phone, so I can't text.. I mean, I don't know. I guess I wish things were different, because I've never had what I could call a /true/ friend, but on the flip side I just need to make the best of whatever life throws my way and not become a bitter old hag.
Aside from me being an emo teenager, I'm writing a story in Creative Writing, and Mr. Lash really likes it! He says my character's hallucinations and delusions are descriptive and engaging (Again, don't ask, I suppose you'd have to read it xDxD) so I think I'm doing well there. And when I shared it aloud, I got to yell (Because the character yelled) and it was so releasing and exhilarating. I was surprised how much I'd gotten into it, it made me feel so accomplished. I've written nine pages and nearly 4,000 words so far. It's the most I've ever done, even though it's not much to write at all. I could really be farther ahead than I am, but you know, I guess I need a more consistent muse haha.
I'm excited for Camille's birthday tomorrow. It should be fun.
*sigh*...
I want to sleep, I think. Sleep would be good. But I have to plan my coord... and I have to... I don't know.
One day I'll have a friend, I know I will. I just haven't met the right group...
I'm not the only one like me... there are others who have similar personalities and interests...
I may be awkward, but once I find my niche I'll bloom, I'm sure. :)
/endrant
..I mean-- it's not their fault. They don't have to like me, I know. But-- I don't know.
I want to seem more real to people. But no one seems to get close enough to see that I am real, not just some kid. I guess, however, those "some kid"s I mentioned are real, too. And also, just like the people who find me awkward, I somehow can't connect with them.
Maybe what I'm complaining about is that all my friends are so far away? But, even then, it's my own fault I can't see them. I should have my driver's license by now. I am 18, and if I want to see my friends, I'm perfectly able to, if only I had the motivation to go out and look for a job and study the stupid permit manual thingamabob.
Although, I'm sort of concentrating on other things like now. Such as, even /talking/ to my friends at all... Well, morel like acquaintances. The only person I could count as the closest thing to a friend is only someone I complain about another person we have in common to. Was that even a well structured sentence? I guess I was cramming too much information into one sentence...
Anyway...
I'm proud of some of my school work now. I mean, the good thing is that I'm concentrating more on organization and grades, which means I don't notice so much the lack of friends. I don't have anyone to sit with at lunch on even days (A different lunch period on even than odd... don't ask. It's complicated.), and today was an even day. But luckily the Employment Transition lady came and reminded me that I was to see her so she could help me get organized.
And then, in Government, I got all my work done and took a long time giving thorough answers for each question, which took the entire period. That was good, because then I didn't notice so much that I had no one to talk to there. I just read and concentrated on the stupid subject (I don't even really enjoy it, but you know.)
I don't have a cell phone, so I can't text.. I mean, I don't know. I guess I wish things were different, because I've never had what I could call a /true/ friend, but on the flip side I just need to make the best of whatever life throws my way and not become a bitter old hag.
Aside from me being an emo teenager, I'm writing a story in Creative Writing, and Mr. Lash really likes it! He says my character's hallucinations and delusions are descriptive and engaging (Again, don't ask, I suppose you'd have to read it xDxD) so I think I'm doing well there. And when I shared it aloud, I got to yell (Because the character yelled) and it was so releasing and exhilarating. I was surprised how much I'd gotten into it, it made me feel so accomplished. I've written nine pages and nearly 4,000 words so far. It's the most I've ever done, even though it's not much to write at all. I could really be farther ahead than I am, but you know, I guess I need a more consistent muse haha.
I'm excited for Camille's birthday tomorrow. It should be fun.
*sigh*...
I want to sleep, I think. Sleep would be good. But I have to plan my coord... and I have to... I don't know.
One day I'll have a friend, I know I will. I just haven't met the right group...
I'm not the only one like me... there are others who have similar personalities and interests...
I may be awkward, but once I find my niche I'll bloom, I'm sure. :)
/endrant