(no subject)
Im such a fucking procrastinator...
3 assignments still not done and handed in...
I told my dad I finished them all so he would stop being so damned disappointed with me every time he asked if i had them done yet. So he'd stop sighing and shaking his head and everything else.
Fuck.
I WANT to finish them. I really do, its just... My brain won't function. I'll think about it.. and i'll come up with something and then I just.. i don't even know. I just get uncomfortable in my head and need to find something else to stimulate my brain.
is this messed up? yes i think so, even if you don't agree with me.
I don't know how i don't have these done.. It feels like i work on them constantly... and yet.. It also feels like every time i have a chance to work on them, I'm sleeping. or sleepy.
I nap constantly these days and still just feel tired and drained. or restless. especially restless. lately I cant sleep cause my legs are like..they NEED to move. its fucked.
as im sitting here right now, Im wiggling both my legs. which is an interesting feat, when one of them is tucked up underneath me.
I don't know what i'm going to do.
the FACS Proposal.. I just need to find 10 sources and write blurbs about them (annotated bibliography) and thats DONE. but i can't seem to make myself do it.
The FACS paper... Megz gave me some great points and things to work with, which made it seem SO easy to finish, and i honestly thought i was gonna get it done that day... I even watched RENT and stuff to use for the paper (LOVED IT)... and somehow I just...didnt. I just didnt work on it again, and now it seems so hard and daunting all over again. fuck.
The Origins of Theatre Essay.... Comparing Hamlet and Oedipus Tyrannous, to say which one is more tragic.... Fuck i don't even know. I know Hamlet is more tragic for all these reasons, and I know Oeidipus is also very tragic... but i can't make myself write about it.
which scares me, because in grade 11 & 12, I could have pulled this entire essay out of my ass in about an hour or two.
Its taken me THREE MONTHS (past the due date) so far. and its still so not done. Mind you, I did lose my jumpdrive that had the first half of the essay on it.. so i've had to start again... but still.
What is wrong with me?
I WANT to do this.
I WANT to work on it. on all of them. my papers are spread out around me, books too. I have firefox windows open to search enginges and Google Scholar... I have all the Word files open on my computer (i have for the last month)....
I just CANT bring myself to do it.
I need to do this or i fail. and don't get into rez.
once i finish this, i can devote my time to writing people letters and finishing paintings of mine and playing guitar and everything else...
dear god, I need some kind of miracle. or maybe just Ritalin. i have no idea, but i'm a fucking wreck.
this is stressing me out beyond beleif, on top of money, on top of having no job, on top of my dad, on top of relationshit stuff, on top of friendships, on top of evan, on top of EVERYTHING else....
which brings me to a point... why are my friendships stressful? Shouldnt they just come easy? fuck, not only do i fail at working, fail at getting a job, fail at being a good daughter, fail at having people fall in love with me, and fail at making money... i fucking FAIL at maintaining friendships.
................
I'm pretty sure my fish hates me too
3 assignments still not done and handed in...
I told my dad I finished them all so he would stop being so damned disappointed with me every time he asked if i had them done yet. So he'd stop sighing and shaking his head and everything else.
Fuck.
I WANT to finish them. I really do, its just... My brain won't function. I'll think about it.. and i'll come up with something and then I just.. i don't even know. I just get uncomfortable in my head and need to find something else to stimulate my brain.
is this messed up? yes i think so, even if you don't agree with me.
I don't know how i don't have these done.. It feels like i work on them constantly... and yet.. It also feels like every time i have a chance to work on them, I'm sleeping. or sleepy.
I nap constantly these days and still just feel tired and drained. or restless. especially restless. lately I cant sleep cause my legs are like..they NEED to move. its fucked.
as im sitting here right now, Im wiggling both my legs. which is an interesting feat, when one of them is tucked up underneath me.
I don't know what i'm going to do.
the FACS Proposal.. I just need to find 10 sources and write blurbs about them (annotated bibliography) and thats DONE. but i can't seem to make myself do it.
The FACS paper... Megz gave me some great points and things to work with, which made it seem SO easy to finish, and i honestly thought i was gonna get it done that day... I even watched RENT and stuff to use for the paper (LOVED IT)... and somehow I just...didnt. I just didnt work on it again, and now it seems so hard and daunting all over again. fuck.
The Origins of Theatre Essay.... Comparing Hamlet and Oedipus Tyrannous, to say which one is more tragic.... Fuck i don't even know. I know Hamlet is more tragic for all these reasons, and I know Oeidipus is also very tragic... but i can't make myself write about it.
which scares me, because in grade 11 & 12, I could have pulled this entire essay out of my ass in about an hour or two.
Its taken me THREE MONTHS (past the due date) so far. and its still so not done. Mind you, I did lose my jumpdrive that had the first half of the essay on it.. so i've had to start again... but still.
What is wrong with me?
I WANT to do this.
I WANT to work on it. on all of them. my papers are spread out around me, books too. I have firefox windows open to search enginges and Google Scholar... I have all the Word files open on my computer (i have for the last month)....
I just CANT bring myself to do it.
I need to do this or i fail. and don't get into rez.
once i finish this, i can devote my time to writing people letters and finishing paintings of mine and playing guitar and everything else...
dear god, I need some kind of miracle. or maybe just Ritalin. i have no idea, but i'm a fucking wreck.
this is stressing me out beyond beleif, on top of money, on top of having no job, on top of my dad, on top of relationshit stuff, on top of friendships, on top of evan, on top of EVERYTHING else....
which brings me to a point... why are my friendships stressful? Shouldnt they just come easy? fuck, not only do i fail at working, fail at getting a job, fail at being a good daughter, fail at having people fall in love with me, and fail at making money... i fucking FAIL at maintaining friendships.
................
I'm pretty sure my fish hates me too