10/31/93 - 4/5/08
My mother, Jason, and I took Trixy to the vet this afternoon. It was time I guess.
I picked her up at home and held onto her until 40 miles later when I set her down on the towel for the doctor. I have never cried so much in my entire life. I still held onto her. I told myself I had to be there, I didn't want her to be afraid or alone when she fell asleep.
When she started to drop her head, I kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" and "no, no.. please no." I had to be there. I needed her to know she would be ok. Her head fell. I felt her relax.
Her heart stopped, even before she closed her eyes. It only took 20 seconds. The doctor said she was gone.
I know she'll be waiting for me. Now she'll be ok. Right?
I don't think I could do this again. I still don't think it was the right choice, but my mom had seen her more then I had. But still.. I wish she had fallen asleep at home. And quietly drifted off. I won't bring in another pet like this again.
I hope God forgives me. I hope He knows how much I love her and hope and pray to see her again.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could still hold you.