Lots going on!
Last week was busy because of work, my sisters birthday and Amy's wedding. She got married to Paul on March 2nd and I was hoping to put up a few pics but I think that will not happen lol. The wedding was nice and the reception was fun. Her guestbook was the Tardis. How awesome is that?!
Monday, March 5th was my moms birthday and we went for sushi. And yesterday I got my hair dyed with magenta highlights! =D Also got in an accident yesterday but... everyone is okay except the car.
~*~
I think I've been trying too hard to try to be Jordan's friend. I still want to be with him and I miss him a lot. I think because I miss him that I want to have him in my life one way or another so I've been trying so hard to be just his friend. I've been trying not to think about all the pain and how he always made me happy and have tried to talk to him just as friends but it's really hard. I end up crying. Like I am right now, just from writing this. I'm not sure if I can be friends with him because I think once you've crossed the line and have kissed and such you can't go back. I mean, if you no longer have feelings for the other person it's easy to go back. But if you do, how can you just go back? How can you get over said feelings when the other person is still in your life as great as ever, minus the fact that they broke up with you? He says he still cares about me a lot and that he has feelings for me. Even if that's true, why tell me? He's making it more difficult for me to get over him. It gives me hope that I shouldn't have. I know he's shipping of to the Air Force pretty soon (in a couple of months) so I know I won't be able to talk to him even if I want to. I'm thinking it's probably for the best. It will be easier on me. I can't keep holding onto the hope that after he's done his training and boot camp for the Air Force and his shit is all sorted that he'll come back to me. And I think if there's even more distance between us and no conversation I will eventually let go of that hope... hopefully. Lol. Right now, I still want the future we talked about. Although, I don't see it happening anymore since we broke up... I still want it. Isn't that sad? That's what I need to get over too. I need to figure out my own future. MY future all by myself. Not hold onto some hope that Jordan will come back to me. I kind of knew that he had commitment issues. I thought he was over them though since we were talking about our future together. We talked about what was important(finances, household duties etc) and what we wanted but not how we'd get there or accomplish/establish this future. So, I now sometimes wonder if I was an escape from reality. And we talked about those things not because he actually wanted to build a future with me but because it helped him escape and not think about now. He always used to say I over-think things though. So maybe I'm doing that now. Either way... I have to somehow get over him. Suggestions, anyone?
Monday, March 5th was my moms birthday and we went for sushi. And yesterday I got my hair dyed with magenta highlights! =D Also got in an accident yesterday but... everyone is okay except the car.
~*~
I think I've been trying too hard to try to be Jordan's friend. I still want to be with him and I miss him a lot. I think because I miss him that I want to have him in my life one way or another so I've been trying so hard to be just his friend. I've been trying not to think about all the pain and how he always made me happy and have tried to talk to him just as friends but it's really hard. I end up crying. Like I am right now, just from writing this. I'm not sure if I can be friends with him because I think once you've crossed the line and have kissed and such you can't go back. I mean, if you no longer have feelings for the other person it's easy to go back. But if you do, how can you just go back? How can you get over said feelings when the other person is still in your life as great as ever, minus the fact that they broke up with you? He says he still cares about me a lot and that he has feelings for me. Even if that's true, why tell me? He's making it more difficult for me to get over him. It gives me hope that I shouldn't have. I know he's shipping of to the Air Force pretty soon (in a couple of months) so I know I won't be able to talk to him even if I want to. I'm thinking it's probably for the best. It will be easier on me. I can't keep holding onto the hope that after he's done his training and boot camp for the Air Force and his shit is all sorted that he'll come back to me. And I think if there's even more distance between us and no conversation I will eventually let go of that hope... hopefully. Lol. Right now, I still want the future we talked about. Although, I don't see it happening anymore since we broke up... I still want it. Isn't that sad? That's what I need to get over too. I need to figure out my own future. MY future all by myself. Not hold onto some hope that Jordan will come back to me. I kind of knew that he had commitment issues. I thought he was over them though since we were talking about our future together. We talked about what was important(finances, household duties etc) and what we wanted but not how we'd get there or accomplish/establish this future. So, I now sometimes wonder if I was an escape from reality. And we talked about those things not because he actually wanted to build a future with me but because it helped him escape and not think about now. He always used to say I over-think things though. So maybe I'm doing that now. Either way... I have to somehow get over him. Suggestions, anyone?