Though I Love You
Title : Though I Love You
Author : kawaii_massu
Pairing : Yunho/Changmin, Junsu/Changmin, Yunho/Yoochun
Rating : Light R??
Genre : Drama, Angst, Fluff
Warning(s) : hmmm i don't know... light smut???, unbeta-ed
AN: Finally! After fighting with writer's block for almost a month in the end i can produce something in this fic. But i don't know, i think my muse is not completely coming back yet. i still had a bit struggle while writing this one with the idea and with the words. Actually i had finished this since Sunday night, but i found that i didn't like the ending and decided to rewrite it all over again. Well, i'm not quite proud with the end result of this fic, but at least i think the new ending is better than the first. I hope you will all enjoy this. ^^
Poster by lovin_pucca
thank you, bb~~ Love You!!
“Make love to me.” Changmin said to his lover. His eyes were steadily penetrating deep into the other’s eyes and his voice was adamant, enough to let him know that he meant all that he had said.
“Changmin, I-“ His lover tried to say something, but Changmin simply put his index finger on Yunho’s lips so he won’t say anything further.
“Please.” He begged once again, and those almond shaped eyes were almost begging, as if he doesn’t want to hear, as if he wants Changmin to stop. Changmin knew that Yunho was having a battle inside himself, considering good or bad, right or even wrong, and he knew better that it was a part of Yunho’s nature to do so. Even though Changmin understood the reason very well, but in this kind of situation, he really was expecting Yunho to break it and fuck every reason, every right or wrong, good or bad and just giving in without having to worry about such thing. Well, probably it was one of the reasons why he fell in love with the older man at the first place and at the very moment of silence between him and Yunho, there was a never ending string of affection knitted every part of Changmin’s nerves for the older man and Changmin’s lips almost broke into a smile. Yes a smile, but probably a sad one.
This morning, Yunho had picked him up from his apartment. Knowing this was the last chance they could spend their time together, they went to a date. Just like any other ordinary couple, they had a wonderful time together. They had a movie to watch, a wonderful lunch to satisfy their needs, and an enjoyable walk at the park to spend the rest of the day. During the date, not even once they had their eyes apart from one another. One kiss or two planted to each other’s lips at every given moment in a sweet manner that would be so hard for them to forget. Fingers kept lacing together in a tight grip, not willing to let go even for a second while they wandered through the crowded streets of Seoul city. The date was fun with laughter and smiles gracing both of their face, the conversation was very heartwarming and they were happy despite of the lump that weighing their chest so heavily. Although every minute that passing by was like a needle that can’t stop pricking their heart as they wished the time would stop and the day doesn’t need to end, they tried their best to relish every moment with every love they had to each other, and simply being happy together until the time they finally had to bid each other’s goodbye.
And now they were at Yunho’s apartment, sitting side by side at the rear end of Yunho’s bed while Changmin’s eyes watched Yunho silently as the other man pondered the things he could probably say to his lover of four years. The glint in his eyes was so far away that almost impossible for Changmin to reach up, Yunho’s hands were uncomfortably rested on his own lap enough evidence for Changmin to acknowledge that Yunho’s mind was badly being consumed by anxiety and hesitation. By looking at Yunho’s state, there was nothing Changmin wanted to do except pulling Yunho into his arms, whispering every soothing words that he could think of and tightly holding him until every worry and uneasy feeling being washed away from Yunho’s heart. Their time was almost over, and Changmin didn’t want this to end just like that, without the trace of Yunho’s memory that he could hold on to when this is all over. So, he flied his hands up to cup Yunho’s cheeks. The tip of his fingers were caressing gently against Yunho’s skin as he added a light squeeze on it.
Yunho’s eyes were fluttering shut at the tenderness of his touch and unconsciously leaning himself into it while his hands slowly draping all over Changmin’s hand to keep it there so the warmth that spreading through Changmin’s skin won’t ever disappear.
“Please, Yunho.” Changmin started, and Yunho’s eyes slipped open at the gentle whisper of Changmin’s voice, his eyes diverting to look at Changmin’s face immediately. “For the last time let me feel you all over me. I’m giving everything that I could offer you to touch, so I won’t ever forget every brush of your skin against mine, so I will always remember the love that we’ve ever had is so strong and pure in any other way.” Changmin pressed his forehead to Yunho. “I know that I’m being selfish right now, but this is the only way for me to save this moment with you, knowingly that someday you’ll move on and you might getting yourself a new lover and would probably forget me-“
“No!” Yunho yelled, cutting Changmin’s words immediately as he heard the word of ‘forgetting’ spelled out of Changmin’s mouth. His eyes frantic in desperation when he lifted Changmin’s chin up so he could look him in the eyes, “never say a thing like that ever again, Changmin-ah. Never! I love you, although we have to separate this way. Though I can’t promise that someday I won’t love anybody else but you, though I might loving him the way I love you in this moment, I will never forget you, Changmin. Even if I want to, I can’t… I can’t because you’re special.” Yunho took a deep breath. “It’s with you I know the meaning of true love. It’s with you for the first time I understood that loving someone would be so wonderful and painful at the same time. You were the one who taught me that love is not always about taking but it is about giving without expecting to be returned. You mean so much for me, Changmin, and you’re hurting me by saying all of that.”
Changmin closed his eyes, fighting the hot tears that almost forming in the corner of his eyes before he dared himself to once again looking to Yunho’s handsome and sad face. “Then convince me,” he asked, collecting himself to reassure Yunho that this was what he wanted. Albeit his body began to tremble and shaking under Yunho’s touch, he was very confident and nothing in the world could ever change his mind. “Make me believe that everything you had said is true. Even if it’s for the last time, hold me like the first time you fell in love with me. Make me yours, Yunho. Make me yours.”
“But why Changmin? Why?”
“Because I want you to. I love you and I need all of you.” Changmin simply said, leaning in to kiss Yunho’s forehead.
Yunho’s eyes were beginning to flutter shut as he reached for one of Changmin’s hand which still resting on his cheek, gently kissing its palm with quivering lips, and Changmin stilled himself from every movement. He let the warmth of Yunho’s lips lingered a little longer against his skin, afraid if he tried to move then he would have to lose every precious moment that he’s been trying to memorize; Not only in his mind but also in his heart. After that, in retaliation of Yunho’s gentle touch, Changmin sneaked his hands to Yunho’s back, pulling the older man inside his embrace to envelope him with every bit of love that he had for the other, holding him tightly for a full minute before pulling back slightly to trail soft kisses, starting from the side of Yunho’s face to all over part of skin that he could reach.
Yunho moaned gently, a frustrate groan escaping his mouth the moment Changmin’s lips brushed his in a light touch and as if he couldn’t stand it any longer, Yunho forcedly pushed Changmin away from him. His eyes staring deeply into Changmin for a brief moment, his hands were on Changmin’s shoulders before he gathered Changmin’s cheeks between his palms and captured the younger man’s lips in a mind blowing kiss. He pulled Changmin flushed against his body until Changmin completely surrendered himself in his embrace and tangled his hands behind Yunho’s nape as they kissed desperately in an attempt to devour each other’s lips. Without any words, Yunho got Changmin on his back, hovering over him while lips still attached on Changmin’s plump ones.
A moment later, Yunho broke the kiss, eyes fixated on Changmin’s as they were panting heavily for air. The words became unnecessary, only loving stare to each other’s face was enough to say how much they loved each other. As the needs for the older man became too unbearable and every bit of Changmin was aching for Yunho, Changmin leaned up to once again kissing Yunho on his mouth. In no time, their limbs tangled together and hands reaching for each other, roaming a little farther on every part of their body while they kept their lips connected in a sensuous dance. Their tongues curling and thrusting to taste the sweetness of their sweet cavern, savoring the unique flavor of their mouth until their taste was becoming one, breath mingled and saliva was exchanged in a sweet and loving manner. The kiss was never about fighting for dominance, not even an implementation of lust, but their kiss was simply an implication of love and affection that almost burning them completely.
Slowly but sure, their world seemed to be lost in a wave of emotion as they indulged themselves a little further in a journey to savor the feeling of each other’s body as their clothes were dismissed in the process and had been tossed recklessly on the floor. With Yunho still on top of Changmin, the oldest of two was pouring out his affection for the younger man as best as he can through the touches of his hands on Changmin’s tanned skin and the movement was never failed to elicit shivering gestures of Changmin’s body that pressed so firmly against his. As if it wasn’t enough, Yunho’s mouth began traveling south to give butterfly kisses on Changmin’s chest, soft nips of his teeth and slow licks of his tongue were being added in between whenever he found the sensitive part of Changmin’s body that would make the man underneath him writhing helplessly over his mouth’s ministrations.
Changmin can not think of anything at all. His mind and body was filled only with Yunho and he was focusing at the feeling of being loved by Yunho and the thought of Yunho making love to him. He could only shut his eyes, moaned whenever the pleasure burnt him and became too much. And he cannot count on how many times Yunho took his breath away, making his chest so painfully aching from the increasing rate of his heart’s beat and reducing him into the form of incoherency that only Yunho could lead.
And finally, when their bodies were connected in the most intimate way and Yunho was buried deeply inside of him, Changmin can’t help himself but seeing stars at the back of his eyelids. The unbearable pain that created at his backside didn’t even matter as Yunho gave him open mouthed kiss, attempting to soothe him from the burning and if only Changmin hadn’t prepared his heart from the tenderness that Yunho plied upon him, he swore that he would cry because… God… It was how the way Yunho loved him that makes Changmin’s heart trembled in affection. Every gesture and movement was so careful, so full of love, as if Changmin was the most valuable and the most important thing that matters in the world. At least in Yunho’s world.
Changmin gasped for air as his chest heaving ups and down. His own eyes still closed as he tried to adjust to the feeling of Yunho filled him to the hilt while Yunho buried his face in the nook of Changmin’s neck. For a moment he could feel the blow of Yunho’s irregular breathing against his neck, causing him to shiver slightly before Yunho abruptly pulled back and Changmin was readying himself in anticipation from Yunho’s movement. But instead of Yunho creating pace of their love making, Changmin felt a droplet of wetness dropped on his chest followed by a light sob that coming from the man on top of him. That was when he opened his eyes and found Yunho’s face had been flooded by tears that Changmin’s heart broke. He got up until he settled himself on Yunho’s lap and winced slightly in the way at the shifting angle of Yunho inside him to gather Yunho’s face between his hands.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, voice concerned and couldn’t contain his own sadness when he looked at how vulnerable Yunho was and he couldn’t help but hating himself because he was the reason of Yunho’s tears. Almost in their four years relationship, Changmin had never seen tears tainting the small face of his lover, because Yunho was always acting strong. He was always so tough that he barely let anybody seen him in his weakest mental state, not even Changmin, and seeing Yunho cried a million tears in front of him, Changmin bit his lips harder. He was afraid, if he let himself drifted by his emotion, he would break down and despite his chest had clenched painfully, he collected himself and decided that it was the time for him to be strong for them, for Yunho.
Changmin smoothed the pads of his thumbs on Yunho’s face, adding a light squeezed on Yunho’s cheeks when he brushed the tears away from Yunho’s soft skin. “Baby, please, don’t cry… ”
“Why? Why Changmin?” Yunho sobbed, his voice raspy in the middle of his fight with the tears. “Of so many couples out there that aren’t working out, why it has to be you and me? Why we have to be separated this way? We love each other and we still have many dreams that we want to achieve together.”
Yunho cried a little intense, one of Changmin’s hands was gripped tightly in his hands as he released the pain he had been keeping all day and from the other days when he first knew that he and Changmin had to separate their ways eventually.
Changmin closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand to witness the sadness displayed in front of him, didn’t know how to react to Yunho’s sorrow as he fully understood that it was his fault. He was the one who can’t protect their love, he was the one who caused the pain that had Yunho suffering like this.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, tasting the older man’s tears as he kissed Yunho’s lid gently, causing it to close automatically. He knew that only with apologizing wasn’t enough to wash away Yunho’s pain, neither any words could do, but it was all that he could say to the older man. “Please, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.”
Yunho swallowed his tears and eyes pleading to Changmin as he locked eyes with Changmin’s, his hands shifted to trap Changmin’s neck. “Changmin, runaway with me.” He desperately said. “We could go far away from here, maybe out of country, and even if I have to throw everything that I have in my life in order to be with you, I would do it. I would do anything as long as I could live with you for the rest of my life. Please… Please… I love you.”
With the three sacred words that Yunho casted upon him, Changmin no longer can hold his tears back. He let the liquid broke free, dripping down to his cheek from his eyes. His resolves shattered and he cried with Yunho, tightly wrapping his arms around Yunho and dampened Yunho’s bare shoulder with his tears. He could feel Yunho hugged him even tightly that his body could crush in any minute from the strength Yunho implied in his hug as if Yunho was afraid that if he loosened his hold onto Changmin’s body, Changmin would vanish and dissolves into thin air.
“I can’t.” Changmin said between his tears. “Believe me I want to go with you, Yunho-yah… But I can’t. If we runaway from all of this we won’t be happy. You and I won’t be happy because deep inside our heart we know that we are doing the wrong thing and the guilt would follow and would haunt our life forever. And I can’t let you living your life like that, Yunho-yah. I love you too much to let you suffer with me.”
Yunho hiccupped, “This is unfair, Changmin-ah… So unfair…”
Changmin pulled back, erasing the trace of salty liquid on his face before kissing Yunho on his temple. “I know. But this is the best for us, Yunho. If I let you go, you can move on with your life. You can achieve whatever dream you want to reach and grasp your own happiness, even without me.” Changmin reassured Yunho. Even though the thought of Yunho achieves his dream without him by his side had Changmin’s heart clenched painfully inside, he had to do this, because Yunho’s happiness was his priority. Even though he wasn’t the cause of it, it wouldn’t matter, as long as Yunho is happy.
“But how am I supposed to be when you’re not there by my side?”
“But you have to…” Changmin desperately said, pressing their forehead together and tangled his hand against Yunho’s hair to bring him closer. “You have to be happy, Yunho… You have to. For me… At least do it for me… Please be happy for me.”
Yunho didn’t open his mouth anymore over hearing Changmin’s words, seemed to think deeply on his own, leaving Changmin who watched him in a complete solitude. He knew that Yunho was struggling inside to decide thing that he might considered the best for them and Changmin didn’t want to break Yunho’s resolution even though it might be broke his heart, he would accept everything.
After a moment like forever they were engulfed in complete silence, Yunho finally collected himself. He brushed his own tears before he grabbed Changmin’s hand and laced their fingers together. He pressed his lips on Changmin’s hard and Changmin could taste everything in Yunho’s kiss, as if Yunho was pouring all his feeling to the younger man through the kiss.
“I love you.” Yunho said once they had parted. His voice was confident enough and Changmin somewhat knew that finally Yunho had settled his decision and nodded with a sad smile as he kissed Yunho’s cheek in return.
Soon after that, the burning passion that once forgotten when they committed their self in their little conversation had been returned and taking over their senses completely. They once again lost in the world of pleasure and drowned in the ocean of love as Yunho set the rhythm of their love making process with Changmin bounced on his lap, hands encircled around Yunho’s neck for a hang on. The euphoric bliss was evident in clarity from the way they cried for each other’s name and the words of love were being chanted out of their mouth simultaneously. Their body was glistening with sweat, shimmering blue under the moonlight that illuminating through the unclosed curtain of Yunho’s window, creating a beautiful sight as they moved ever so synchronized in a perfect and slow rhythm.
They took their time to relish every given moment, utilized the time so the night of their love exchanged would never be ended too fast. But after a long while, they can’t deny when the pleasure became too much as Yunho brought Changmin to his high and his own was following a minute later caused by the constricting of Changmin’s inner muscles around him. Their names were slipped from each other’s lips beautifully like a perfect rhyme as they rode their orgasm together.
They ended the night with one last passionate kiss before they slumped together on the bed, Changmin snuggled closer to Yunho until his nose pressed against Yunho’s neck. The action brought a smile to Yunho’s face and soon he wrapped his arms protectively around the younger man in his embrace as he kissed the top of Changmin’s head affectionately. As exhaustion consumed over them from their strenuous activity earlier, sleep found them easily and they were brought to the dreamland where they could meet and being happy despite of the reality that their time together will be over right after the sun settling high on the sky and the morning comes.
oOo
“Thanks for everything, Yunho.” Changmin said, facing his almost ex-lover who was looking at him with a sad expression on his face. They were inside of Yunho’s car after Yunho insisted to take Changmin home.
“Whatever I would say, it wouldn’t make you change your mind, would it?”
Changmin took a deep breath and he shook his head gently.
Yunho sighed tiredly but nodded understandingly.
“And what are you planning to do after this?” Changmin asked gingerly.
“I don’t know,” Yunho simply said, his eyes diverted to look at the empty street ahead, “probably go back to Manhattan, managing one of our company’s branch offices while trying to settle my life there.”
Changmin nodded in acknowledgement. “Will you… Will you ever return to Seoul?”
Yunho was silent in a split moment before answering, “I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe no, it depends on how I feel after all of this.”
“Oh… okay.” It was Changmin’s turn to be silent as he didn’t know what to say to the older man. His chest was almost burst from the fact that this was the last time he would see Yunho and he had to bit back his tongue so he won’t say something stupid to ruin the situation. “So… This is it then…”
“Yeah…”
“…”
“…”
“Uhm… I’ll better go now… yeah…” Changmin opened the car’s door and was about to exit of Yunho’s car when he felt a hand grabbed his wrist, making him stumbled back to his seat. He turned his head to Yunho’s direction and about to say something before Yunho crushed him into a hug, holding him tightly. Changmin returned the hug almost immediately and resting his chin on the older man’s shoulder.
“Be happy for me too, okay?” Yunho whispered gently to Changmin’s ear.
“I will, Yunho. I will… And you too…” He replied back, tightened his own arms around Yunho’s back in a brief moment before Yunho pulled back.
“Now go… if you stay here any longer, I’m scared that I won’t let you go and take you with me far away from here with or without your approval and I’m not going to stop even though you beg me to.”
Changmin hesitated for a while, biting his lips as if he was reluctant to let Yunho go, not when the older man seemed to be able to break in tears anytime sooner.
“Go Changmin, what are you waiting for?!” Yunho yelled and Changmin startled. A panic gasp escaped his mouth from the harsh tone that Yunho used upon talking to him, causing him to stumble when he hastily exited from Yunho’s car and ran inside his apartment. He could hear the sound of Yunho’s car screeching through the street on the way, and once he was safe in the protection of his home, Changmin dropped to his knees. Tears had found their way on his face as he cried in sorrow, regretting every bit of his inability to stand for his love. He cried for Yunho’s pain, his pain, and he put himself completely in fault for everything that caused their broken relationship.
He leant himself against the front door of his apartment for a support, who knows for how long, only to let his tears streaming mercilessly down on his face, dripping along the curve of his neck before finally fell to soak his shirt. And when the tears had finally dried and he didn’t have enough strength to do anything more, he simply brought his knees to his chest, hugging them. He closed his swollen eyes and drowned himself in silence, not even the sound of his breath was able to break the solitude as he kept himself inside his lonely heart.
Changmin lifted his head up drowsily the moment his apartment’s phone rang and the sound reverberated through the living room. Groaning tiredly, Changmin got up and walked towards the ringing object at the living room. He considered for awhile whether to pick it up or just let it rings until whoever was calling tired on waiting and hang up immediately, but when he pondered any further, he decided to pick the phone up, afraid that probably it was something important and he didn’t want to miss it.
“Hello…”
“Changmin? Is that you?”
Changmin bit his lips, recognizing the concerned voice that the other had when noticing how hoarse Changmin’s voice as the impact of his crying.
“Yes, Junsu, it’s me.” He answered.
“What’s wrong? You don’t sound so good.” The man’s voice didn’t stop for worrying.
“Don’t worry, Su. I caught a cold this morning, but I’m fine now.” He quickly added the last sentence to stop the man on the other line to worry about him too much.
“Have you eaten? Have you drunk the medicine?”
Changmin chuckled, “Yes, I have.” He lied. “Stop worrying about me, will you?”
“Okay, if you say so…”Changmin could sense the other’s smile even though he can’t see him, but he was sure it was there. “The meeting will be over today and… I’ll be back tomorrow with the earliest flight. I miss you, you know?” The man continued softly.
“I know.”
“… aren’t you going to say it back to me?”
Changmin subtly sighed, “I miss you too.”
“Okay then… ah, I have to go now. See you tomorrow, love.”
“Bye, Junsu.”
With that he hung the phone up, after that he reached for something inside his pocket and sliding it gently to his ring finger.
Yes, it was an engagement ring and Kim Junsu was the one whom he had been engaged with. In two days after Junsu’s return tomorrow, Junsu and he would be a husband and wife, they will be forever bound in a marriage’s vow and eternal bond. That’s why… That’s why he can’t be with Yunho anymore and must end their relationship right away before he destroys anything either in Junsu’s or Yunho’s life.
It was completely his fault and Junsu had nothing to do with this. The only mistake that Junsu had committed was he happened to fall in love with a wrong person and that person happened to be Changmin himself.
They met for the first time in one party which organized by Changmin’s parents and the moment Junsu laid his eyes on the beauty with tall body and gracefully long legs, Junsu instantly fell helplessly in love for Changmin. it started two years ago when Changmin’s family’s business began to fall apart and slowly collapsing due to economic crisis and it was because of Junsu’s power and money that the company survived from the bankruptcy which almost destroyed the only economic source of Changmin’s family. Of course his family was very grateful to Junsu’s help, especially his father as the highest leader inside the company. He had been offering Junsu to do anything to return Junsu’s kindness and being a good man that Junsu was, he politely refused. In return, he asked for Changmin’s father to set him up with Changmin and asked his permission to be able to date Changmin which Changmin’s father gladly accepted.
Of course Changmin had completely opposed it the first time his father told him about Junsu asking him for a date. It caused a huge fight between them where Changmin’s father called him an ungrateful person who didn’t know how to thank for other’s help and Changmin claimed that he would do anything he could except for dating the businessman. When the discussion hadn’t met with a satisfied decision for both sides, Changmin finally decided that he will go to Junsu himself and ask for his understanding.
One led to another, and Changmin didn’t quite understand why he had agreed for Junsu taking him to a dinner in a fancy restaurant reserved for two. At first Changmin was determined to explain to Junsu that no matter how much he was thankful for the other man’s help for the company, he couldn’t date him because he was already in a love relationship with Yunho. The dinner that night was very awkward as Junsu was the one who did most of the talking, leaving Changmin only listening to him or occasionally answered every question that Junsu asked him and until the last moment, Changmin can’t bring himself to tell Junsu’s the main reason of why he had agreed to take Junsu’s dinner invitation that night.
As the day passed, one dinner led to another dinner, and date to another date, yet Changmin still couldn’t bring himself to tell Junsu about his relationship with Yunho. In the process, he found that Junsu was really a good man, he had a big heart and very earnest in every of his deed and words and he happened to prove Changmin how heartfelt and how much he meant it when he proposed Changmin into a marriage. At the proposal, Changmin didn’t know how to react and he asked time to think about it that Junsu gladly gave.
It was probably the hardest problem in Changmin’s life that he had to decide. On the other side, he loved Yunho and still deeply in love with him, but on the other side, he didn’t want to hurt Junsu’s feeling. The older man was too kind to him and his family, and it was too late for him to stop Junsu from falling too deeply for him. And without Changmin realizing, he had grown fondness for the older man that making it even difficult for Changmin to decide.
With the pressure from his family and his obligation feeling to Junsu, plus Junsu’s love for him, in the end Changmin decided to accept Junsu’s marriage proposal, making himself as the one to betray his own love and relationship which he and Yunho had been built in almost four years in returned. God… he hated himself for sacrificing the man he truly loved the most for another man’s happiness, but he turned so helpless that he didn’t know what to do to himself.
He still remembered how devastated Yunho was when he told Yunho about him being engaged to Junsu. Although Yunho had known his situation and he already had premonition that something like this would getting in their way, Yunho can’t stop himself for getting sad and angry to Changmin. For almost two months Yunho had refused to meet him and Changmin didn’t have any courage to ask for his forgiveness as well as he realized he was the one to be at fault. He even thought it would be better for Yunho to hate him, because he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve Yunho’s love. But apparently not. One day, Yunho went to meet Changmin, and that day, they came to a decision that from then on they would keep their relationship and loved each other to the fullest until it was the time for Changmin to be officially Junsu’s spouse.
Everyday, they would spend their time together to have a date, making love and did things together. They did anything just to be in each other’s arms. To love and to be loved. But it was hard for them, to pretend that their relationship was just the way it should be, to pretend that their love was meant to be forever. It only made the both of them suffering inside. They smiled, but inside they were crying, regretting why they had to be ended that way and it hurt Changmin so bad knowingly that he had made the man that he loved the most suffering because of him and he also happened to be the one to cause Yunho’s broken heart.
After months were spent together and Changmin big day was coming closer, they finally agreed that yesterday became their last day of their relationship and it was for the best for the two of them.
Changmin sighed as he slumped himself to his couch. He didn’t know how his life would be after this, but he would assure himself that from now on, Junsu was the one for him. Even though he won’t be able to love Junsu as much as he loved Yunho, it was his fate to be with him and he had to accept that.
There were so many forms of love that Changmin believed. And who said that loving someone is always about owning each other? No, because it was still love when he earnestly wished for Yunho’s happiness even though it wasn’t him as the reason.
He was sure that wherever this would lead his life, he believed that either he or Yunho would find their own happiness despite of they were being together or not.
oOo
Changmin exited his house to retrieve morning newspaper and a pile of mails from the mailbox before getting back inside to make himself a cup of tea. When it was done, Changmin went to the living room, placing his teacup on the table and reached for the pile of envelopes that he had retrieved earlier. He observed them carefully as he quickly sorted the bills from letters and documents. Soon his eyes landed on a brown envelope that wrapped nicely with a thin plastic, as if the sender was too careful and afraid if it would get crumpled or wet perhaps. Changmin turned it over and his eyes widened as he recognized the name of the person who had sent it to him. He quickly ripped the wrapper off and pulling out what seemed like an invitation along with a little note attached to it.
He read the invitation first, his eyes lopsided and his mouth curved in a beautiful smile while he read what was written there.
It was a wedding invitation. Jung Yunho’s name was written there and along with his name, there was another name: Park Yoochun, Changmin read. The wedding would be held at Manhattan in three months.
“It’s about time,” Changmin grinned over his own thought. He turned to the note that he abandoned earlier in a favor to read the first one.
How are you, Changmin? I hope you and Junsu are doing fine.
You see, with this note I send you my wedding invitation with Yoochun and I hope you’ll come to my wedding, Changmin-ah. I’ll be waiting for the both of you in Manhattan on the day.
Remember, I’m not taking ‘no’ as the answer, and I’ll hate you forever if you dare not coming on my big day.
Nevertheless, call me whether you decide to come or not, okay. There are so many things that I want to say to you.
Sincerely,
Yunho
Changmin folded the paper and he put both the invitation and Yunho’s note back inside the envelope. He observed its front side and was greeted by Yunho’s hands writing. It was messy like always and he chuckled on that in amusement. After a while Changmin placed it back on the table and taking a mental note to call Yunho later at the given number that Yunho wrote at the bottom of his note before he stood up and walked towards the balcony.
Once he got there, Changmin breathed the morning air with a smile gracing his face. It was summer and Changmin can’t believe that it had been six years since that fateful day, and tonight, he and Junsu will have a family dinner for celebrating their 6th wedding anniversary. When he traced back on the prior six years, he probably would never thought that he’ll be here today, standing so proudly in his house’s balcony with a content feeling while watching the sun which began to take its place higher on the sky, showering him with its warm morning rays. The fresh air brought him a great feeling and he closed his eyes whenever the wind caressing his skin softly, simply enjoying the serenity that the nature was offering him.
His mind was wondering back to the wedding invitation that he just got and Changmin couldn’t be more than glad and happy to know that Yunho had finally found his own happiness. He remembered that a year after he got married to Junsu, he received a letter from Yunho, informing that he had been settled in Manhattan and was slowly moving on with his life. Of course he was crying after reading that letter, realizing how the memories of Yunho was still strongly attached inside his mind and no matter how hard he tried, those memories won’t be easy to be forgotten.
Since that day, they began to exchange letter, practically telling each other about their daily life basis. He didn’t quite sure how, but their relationship somehow had been turned into a form€ of friendship during those exchanged letters, and they both felt satisfied with what they had after that. After two years they were doing that, for the first time Changmin learnt about Yoochun as the one who was able to steal Yunho’s heart, and once again he can’t contain his smile as he being reminded that Yunho and Yoochun would set their relationship in a marriage three months from now. Oh yes, he and Yunho had a lot of catching up to do and he will make sure that he would get everything that he wanted to know from the other man’s mouth when they do.
“What are you doing up so early, love?”
Changmin startled when there were two strong hands encircled his waist from behind in a swift movement and words being whispered into his ear, and when he turned his head, he was greeted by the morning face of his husband smiling to him. He smiled in reply, kissing Junsu softly on his cheek before answering. “This morning is too beautiful to spend only in bed. Why don’t you go back to bed, hmm? You seem still very sleepy.”
“Hmm… I will if you would go back with me.” He said, nuzzling his cheek against Changmin’s cutely, causing Changmin to giggle softly towards Junsu’s affection.
“I can’t, Junsu-yah. Soo Yeon will be woken up anytime soon and I need to get breakfast ready before we go to do the grocery shopping.”
Changmin heard Junsu hummed before pressing his lips on Changmin’s shoulder, “I can’t believe that she’s almost five. She was so tiny and fragile that I felt I could crush her when I held her for the first time.”
Changmin smiled fondly to the memories of Junsu holding their little angel for the first time. Junsu’s face was filled with joy while he cradled her in her arms, very carefully and his voice was so gentle, cooing softly when he lulled her to sleep. The sight was so beautiful that Changmin can’t even tear his eyes away from them. “Hmm… Time’s passing by too fast, I guess. Back there she was a baby who can’t say anything except laughing and crying, but look at her now. She’s whining all the time when we didn’t do just like what she said.” He commented, “And thanks to you she became a spoiled little girl like that.”
“Eh? How come it was my fault?”
“You pampered her too much, Junsu.”
Junsu laughed mildly, “Well, I can’t help it. She’s too cute and beautiful… just so much like you.”
Changmin chuckled, yet if only Junsu looked at him closely, he will see a shade of pink flushing his wife’s cheeks. “Of course, she’s my daughter. It would be a catastrophe if she inherited most of your genes.”
“Yah! She’s my daughter too. I took a great part in bringing her into the world.” He protested.
Changmin turned to him and smiled, placing her arms on Junsu’s chest, fiddling with the button of Junsu’s pajama with his fingers. “I know… She’s your daughter and will always be yours. Nothing in the world will be able to change that.”
Junsu’s smile grew wider in his satisfaction and he cupped Changmin’s cheeks and locked his gaze into Changmin’s brown orbs. “Thank you for giving birth to Soo Yeon, Changmin. You and our daughter are the best thing that ever happened in my life and thank you so much because you had given me the chance to be with you and loving you until the end of my life.”
Changmin shook his head gently as he caressed Junsu’s cheeks, “No, Junsu. I should be the one thanking you for ever being a great husband for me and be a good father for Soo Yeon. You did so much for me and my family that I don’t even know how to pay you back.”
“Changmin, you don’t have to pay me anything, love. You are here to love me and taking care of me and our daughter are more than enough for me. I couldn’t be more grateful than that.”
Changmin kissed his forehead and when he pulled back, Junsu closed the gap between them and pressed a sweet kiss to Changmin’s lips.
“I love you.” Junsu said after their lips parted.
“I love you too.”
Yes up to this point Changmin was certain that he loved Junsu. It was true that until now he still loved Yunho, and probably would never stop loving him, but Changmin realized that his love for the man had changed and it would never be the same anymore. He knew that Yunho too would feel the same with him. Their story was over and now either Changmin or Yunho had starting another story with their own loved ones.
“Umma…”
“Oops speaking of the devil.” Changmin grinned before he released himself from Junsu’s embrace, going to pick his daughter inside the house. When he found her, she was wondering around the kitchen, apparently looking for him in his yellow Micky Mouse pajama, rubbing her still sleepy eyes.
“Good morning, baby.” Changmin bent down to be the same level a her.
“Good morning, Umma.” She replied in her cute voice before giving Changmin a morning kiss on his cheek.
“How is your sleep?”
“It’s nice, Umma.”
Changmin smiled at her and ruffled her shoulder-length hair, “Good girl. Come on, let’s go to your Appa.”
Soo Yeon nodded and they were heading to the balcony, walking hand in hand to the awaiting Junsu who leant himself against the railing.
“Appa!” She yelled excitedly and before Changmin could prevent anything, Soo Yeon had been running to her father who had bent himself on the floor and welcoming her with opened arms.
“Good morning, sweetie.” Junsu kissed both of her cheeks, earning a happy giggle from his daughter cute little mouth. He gathered her in his arms and picked him up as Changmin joint them. “How’s Appa’s little girl doing?”
“Sleep is good, Appa. Yeon-ah was holding the little bear that Appa gave while sleeping. It’s so fluffy and warm.” She answered innocently and Junsu laughed while Changmin chuckled at his girl’s behavior. Sometime he thought that his daughter loved her Appa more than she loved her Umma.
“Okay okay… Yeon-ah, will you go inside with Appa and get ready while Umma prepares the breakfast?” Changmin asked his daughter and Soo Yeon nodded.
“Okay, Umma.”
Changmin smiled at her and turned to kiss Junsu’s cheek. “You too, don’t get too long while readying her. We need to go soon and hurry to prepare our family dinner tonight. I don’t want to have our parents complaining because we’re late.” Changmin warned.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll be good.” He winked playfully and gave his wife a kiss before he took Soo Yeon inside, playing and cooing with his daughter along the way.
Changmin sighed happily, watching his husband and his daughter went inside to get ready with an overwhelming happiness inside his heart.
Yes, Changmin was pretty much content with his little family that he had built with Junsu. And not even once he regrets his decision back there to marry the older man, because the moment they were declared as husband and wife, Junsu had given him love, pouring the affection so dearly upon Changmin that Changmin can not help himself but loving him back as much as Junsu loved him eventually, maybe even more.
He admitted that he made a mistake before, but Changmin was confident that he won’t commit the same mistake anymore, not in the present nor the future. Because his life had completed. With his husband and their little angel by his side, there’s nothing that Changmin wanted in his life more than being a good wife for Junsu and a good mother for Soo Yeon, and he would fully devote himself for the sake of his little family’s happiness. Either now and forever.
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So, how is it?
Ready to kill me? or brick me? or love me?
and remember to tell me how you all think. Even though you might not like it in the end, just please give me your opinion. ^^
Thank you very much. xD
now i'm going to drown myself for breaking my HoMin.
*dies dies dies dies dies*
T^T
Author : kawaii_massu
Pairing : Yunho/Changmin, Junsu/Changmin, Yunho/Yoochun
Rating : Light R??
Genre : Drama, Angst, Fluff
Warning(s) : hmmm i don't know... light smut???, unbeta-ed
AN: Finally! After fighting with writer's block for almost a month in the end i can produce something in this fic. But i don't know, i think my muse is not completely coming back yet. i still had a bit struggle while writing this one with the idea and with the words. Actually i had finished this since Sunday night, but i found that i didn't like the ending and decided to rewrite it all over again. Well, i'm not quite proud with the end result of this fic, but at least i think the new ending is better than the first. I hope you will all enjoy this. ^^
Poster by lovin_pucca
thank you, bb~~ Love You!!
“Make love to me.” Changmin said to his lover. His eyes were steadily penetrating deep into the other’s eyes and his voice was adamant, enough to let him know that he meant all that he had said.
“Changmin, I-“ His lover tried to say something, but Changmin simply put his index finger on Yunho’s lips so he won’t say anything further.
“Please.” He begged once again, and those almond shaped eyes were almost begging, as if he doesn’t want to hear, as if he wants Changmin to stop. Changmin knew that Yunho was having a battle inside himself, considering good or bad, right or even wrong, and he knew better that it was a part of Yunho’s nature to do so. Even though Changmin understood the reason very well, but in this kind of situation, he really was expecting Yunho to break it and fuck every reason, every right or wrong, good or bad and just giving in without having to worry about such thing. Well, probably it was one of the reasons why he fell in love with the older man at the first place and at the very moment of silence between him and Yunho, there was a never ending string of affection knitted every part of Changmin’s nerves for the older man and Changmin’s lips almost broke into a smile. Yes a smile, but probably a sad one.
This morning, Yunho had picked him up from his apartment. Knowing this was the last chance they could spend their time together, they went to a date. Just like any other ordinary couple, they had a wonderful time together. They had a movie to watch, a wonderful lunch to satisfy their needs, and an enjoyable walk at the park to spend the rest of the day. During the date, not even once they had their eyes apart from one another. One kiss or two planted to each other’s lips at every given moment in a sweet manner that would be so hard for them to forget. Fingers kept lacing together in a tight grip, not willing to let go even for a second while they wandered through the crowded streets of Seoul city. The date was fun with laughter and smiles gracing both of their face, the conversation was very heartwarming and they were happy despite of the lump that weighing their chest so heavily. Although every minute that passing by was like a needle that can’t stop pricking their heart as they wished the time would stop and the day doesn’t need to end, they tried their best to relish every moment with every love they had to each other, and simply being happy together until the time they finally had to bid each other’s goodbye.
And now they were at Yunho’s apartment, sitting side by side at the rear end of Yunho’s bed while Changmin’s eyes watched Yunho silently as the other man pondered the things he could probably say to his lover of four years. The glint in his eyes was so far away that almost impossible for Changmin to reach up, Yunho’s hands were uncomfortably rested on his own lap enough evidence for Changmin to acknowledge that Yunho’s mind was badly being consumed by anxiety and hesitation. By looking at Yunho’s state, there was nothing Changmin wanted to do except pulling Yunho into his arms, whispering every soothing words that he could think of and tightly holding him until every worry and uneasy feeling being washed away from Yunho’s heart. Their time was almost over, and Changmin didn’t want this to end just like that, without the trace of Yunho’s memory that he could hold on to when this is all over. So, he flied his hands up to cup Yunho’s cheeks. The tip of his fingers were caressing gently against Yunho’s skin as he added a light squeeze on it.
Yunho’s eyes were fluttering shut at the tenderness of his touch and unconsciously leaning himself into it while his hands slowly draping all over Changmin’s hand to keep it there so the warmth that spreading through Changmin’s skin won’t ever disappear.
“Please, Yunho.” Changmin started, and Yunho’s eyes slipped open at the gentle whisper of Changmin’s voice, his eyes diverting to look at Changmin’s face immediately. “For the last time let me feel you all over me. I’m giving everything that I could offer you to touch, so I won’t ever forget every brush of your skin against mine, so I will always remember the love that we’ve ever had is so strong and pure in any other way.” Changmin pressed his forehead to Yunho. “I know that I’m being selfish right now, but this is the only way for me to save this moment with you, knowingly that someday you’ll move on and you might getting yourself a new lover and would probably forget me-“
“No!” Yunho yelled, cutting Changmin’s words immediately as he heard the word of ‘forgetting’ spelled out of Changmin’s mouth. His eyes frantic in desperation when he lifted Changmin’s chin up so he could look him in the eyes, “never say a thing like that ever again, Changmin-ah. Never! I love you, although we have to separate this way. Though I can’t promise that someday I won’t love anybody else but you, though I might loving him the way I love you in this moment, I will never forget you, Changmin. Even if I want to, I can’t… I can’t because you’re special.” Yunho took a deep breath. “It’s with you I know the meaning of true love. It’s with you for the first time I understood that loving someone would be so wonderful and painful at the same time. You were the one who taught me that love is not always about taking but it is about giving without expecting to be returned. You mean so much for me, Changmin, and you’re hurting me by saying all of that.”
Changmin closed his eyes, fighting the hot tears that almost forming in the corner of his eyes before he dared himself to once again looking to Yunho’s handsome and sad face. “Then convince me,” he asked, collecting himself to reassure Yunho that this was what he wanted. Albeit his body began to tremble and shaking under Yunho’s touch, he was very confident and nothing in the world could ever change his mind. “Make me believe that everything you had said is true. Even if it’s for the last time, hold me like the first time you fell in love with me. Make me yours, Yunho. Make me yours.”
“But why Changmin? Why?”
“Because I want you to. I love you and I need all of you.” Changmin simply said, leaning in to kiss Yunho’s forehead.
Yunho’s eyes were beginning to flutter shut as he reached for one of Changmin’s hand which still resting on his cheek, gently kissing its palm with quivering lips, and Changmin stilled himself from every movement. He let the warmth of Yunho’s lips lingered a little longer against his skin, afraid if he tried to move then he would have to lose every precious moment that he’s been trying to memorize; Not only in his mind but also in his heart. After that, in retaliation of Yunho’s gentle touch, Changmin sneaked his hands to Yunho’s back, pulling the older man inside his embrace to envelope him with every bit of love that he had for the other, holding him tightly for a full minute before pulling back slightly to trail soft kisses, starting from the side of Yunho’s face to all over part of skin that he could reach.
Yunho moaned gently, a frustrate groan escaping his mouth the moment Changmin’s lips brushed his in a light touch and as if he couldn’t stand it any longer, Yunho forcedly pushed Changmin away from him. His eyes staring deeply into Changmin for a brief moment, his hands were on Changmin’s shoulders before he gathered Changmin’s cheeks between his palms and captured the younger man’s lips in a mind blowing kiss. He pulled Changmin flushed against his body until Changmin completely surrendered himself in his embrace and tangled his hands behind Yunho’s nape as they kissed desperately in an attempt to devour each other’s lips. Without any words, Yunho got Changmin on his back, hovering over him while lips still attached on Changmin’s plump ones.
A moment later, Yunho broke the kiss, eyes fixated on Changmin’s as they were panting heavily for air. The words became unnecessary, only loving stare to each other’s face was enough to say how much they loved each other. As the needs for the older man became too unbearable and every bit of Changmin was aching for Yunho, Changmin leaned up to once again kissing Yunho on his mouth. In no time, their limbs tangled together and hands reaching for each other, roaming a little farther on every part of their body while they kept their lips connected in a sensuous dance. Their tongues curling and thrusting to taste the sweetness of their sweet cavern, savoring the unique flavor of their mouth until their taste was becoming one, breath mingled and saliva was exchanged in a sweet and loving manner. The kiss was never about fighting for dominance, not even an implementation of lust, but their kiss was simply an implication of love and affection that almost burning them completely.
Slowly but sure, their world seemed to be lost in a wave of emotion as they indulged themselves a little further in a journey to savor the feeling of each other’s body as their clothes were dismissed in the process and had been tossed recklessly on the floor. With Yunho still on top of Changmin, the oldest of two was pouring out his affection for the younger man as best as he can through the touches of his hands on Changmin’s tanned skin and the movement was never failed to elicit shivering gestures of Changmin’s body that pressed so firmly against his. As if it wasn’t enough, Yunho’s mouth began traveling south to give butterfly kisses on Changmin’s chest, soft nips of his teeth and slow licks of his tongue were being added in between whenever he found the sensitive part of Changmin’s body that would make the man underneath him writhing helplessly over his mouth’s ministrations.
Changmin can not think of anything at all. His mind and body was filled only with Yunho and he was focusing at the feeling of being loved by Yunho and the thought of Yunho making love to him. He could only shut his eyes, moaned whenever the pleasure burnt him and became too much. And he cannot count on how many times Yunho took his breath away, making his chest so painfully aching from the increasing rate of his heart’s beat and reducing him into the form of incoherency that only Yunho could lead.
And finally, when their bodies were connected in the most intimate way and Yunho was buried deeply inside of him, Changmin can’t help himself but seeing stars at the back of his eyelids. The unbearable pain that created at his backside didn’t even matter as Yunho gave him open mouthed kiss, attempting to soothe him from the burning and if only Changmin hadn’t prepared his heart from the tenderness that Yunho plied upon him, he swore that he would cry because… God… It was how the way Yunho loved him that makes Changmin’s heart trembled in affection. Every gesture and movement was so careful, so full of love, as if Changmin was the most valuable and the most important thing that matters in the world. At least in Yunho’s world.
Changmin gasped for air as his chest heaving ups and down. His own eyes still closed as he tried to adjust to the feeling of Yunho filled him to the hilt while Yunho buried his face in the nook of Changmin’s neck. For a moment he could feel the blow of Yunho’s irregular breathing against his neck, causing him to shiver slightly before Yunho abruptly pulled back and Changmin was readying himself in anticipation from Yunho’s movement. But instead of Yunho creating pace of their love making, Changmin felt a droplet of wetness dropped on his chest followed by a light sob that coming from the man on top of him. That was when he opened his eyes and found Yunho’s face had been flooded by tears that Changmin’s heart broke. He got up until he settled himself on Yunho’s lap and winced slightly in the way at the shifting angle of Yunho inside him to gather Yunho’s face between his hands.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, voice concerned and couldn’t contain his own sadness when he looked at how vulnerable Yunho was and he couldn’t help but hating himself because he was the reason of Yunho’s tears. Almost in their four years relationship, Changmin had never seen tears tainting the small face of his lover, because Yunho was always acting strong. He was always so tough that he barely let anybody seen him in his weakest mental state, not even Changmin, and seeing Yunho cried a million tears in front of him, Changmin bit his lips harder. He was afraid, if he let himself drifted by his emotion, he would break down and despite his chest had clenched painfully, he collected himself and decided that it was the time for him to be strong for them, for Yunho.
Changmin smoothed the pads of his thumbs on Yunho’s face, adding a light squeezed on Yunho’s cheeks when he brushed the tears away from Yunho’s soft skin. “Baby, please, don’t cry… ”
“Why? Why Changmin?” Yunho sobbed, his voice raspy in the middle of his fight with the tears. “Of so many couples out there that aren’t working out, why it has to be you and me? Why we have to be separated this way? We love each other and we still have many dreams that we want to achieve together.”
Yunho cried a little intense, one of Changmin’s hands was gripped tightly in his hands as he released the pain he had been keeping all day and from the other days when he first knew that he and Changmin had to separate their ways eventually.
Changmin closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand to witness the sadness displayed in front of him, didn’t know how to react to Yunho’s sorrow as he fully understood that it was his fault. He was the one who can’t protect their love, he was the one who caused the pain that had Yunho suffering like this.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, tasting the older man’s tears as he kissed Yunho’s lid gently, causing it to close automatically. He knew that only with apologizing wasn’t enough to wash away Yunho’s pain, neither any words could do, but it was all that he could say to the older man. “Please, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.”
Yunho swallowed his tears and eyes pleading to Changmin as he locked eyes with Changmin’s, his hands shifted to trap Changmin’s neck. “Changmin, runaway with me.” He desperately said. “We could go far away from here, maybe out of country, and even if I have to throw everything that I have in my life in order to be with you, I would do it. I would do anything as long as I could live with you for the rest of my life. Please… Please… I love you.”
With the three sacred words that Yunho casted upon him, Changmin no longer can hold his tears back. He let the liquid broke free, dripping down to his cheek from his eyes. His resolves shattered and he cried with Yunho, tightly wrapping his arms around Yunho and dampened Yunho’s bare shoulder with his tears. He could feel Yunho hugged him even tightly that his body could crush in any minute from the strength Yunho implied in his hug as if Yunho was afraid that if he loosened his hold onto Changmin’s body, Changmin would vanish and dissolves into thin air.
“I can’t.” Changmin said between his tears. “Believe me I want to go with you, Yunho-yah… But I can’t. If we runaway from all of this we won’t be happy. You and I won’t be happy because deep inside our heart we know that we are doing the wrong thing and the guilt would follow and would haunt our life forever. And I can’t let you living your life like that, Yunho-yah. I love you too much to let you suffer with me.”
Yunho hiccupped, “This is unfair, Changmin-ah… So unfair…”
Changmin pulled back, erasing the trace of salty liquid on his face before kissing Yunho on his temple. “I know. But this is the best for us, Yunho. If I let you go, you can move on with your life. You can achieve whatever dream you want to reach and grasp your own happiness, even without me.” Changmin reassured Yunho. Even though the thought of Yunho achieves his dream without him by his side had Changmin’s heart clenched painfully inside, he had to do this, because Yunho’s happiness was his priority. Even though he wasn’t the cause of it, it wouldn’t matter, as long as Yunho is happy.
“But how am I supposed to be when you’re not there by my side?”
“But you have to…” Changmin desperately said, pressing their forehead together and tangled his hand against Yunho’s hair to bring him closer. “You have to be happy, Yunho… You have to. For me… At least do it for me… Please be happy for me.”
Yunho didn’t open his mouth anymore over hearing Changmin’s words, seemed to think deeply on his own, leaving Changmin who watched him in a complete solitude. He knew that Yunho was struggling inside to decide thing that he might considered the best for them and Changmin didn’t want to break Yunho’s resolution even though it might be broke his heart, he would accept everything.
After a moment like forever they were engulfed in complete silence, Yunho finally collected himself. He brushed his own tears before he grabbed Changmin’s hand and laced their fingers together. He pressed his lips on Changmin’s hard and Changmin could taste everything in Yunho’s kiss, as if Yunho was pouring all his feeling to the younger man through the kiss.
“I love you.” Yunho said once they had parted. His voice was confident enough and Changmin somewhat knew that finally Yunho had settled his decision and nodded with a sad smile as he kissed Yunho’s cheek in return.
Soon after that, the burning passion that once forgotten when they committed their self in their little conversation had been returned and taking over their senses completely. They once again lost in the world of pleasure and drowned in the ocean of love as Yunho set the rhythm of their love making process with Changmin bounced on his lap, hands encircled around Yunho’s neck for a hang on. The euphoric bliss was evident in clarity from the way they cried for each other’s name and the words of love were being chanted out of their mouth simultaneously. Their body was glistening with sweat, shimmering blue under the moonlight that illuminating through the unclosed curtain of Yunho’s window, creating a beautiful sight as they moved ever so synchronized in a perfect and slow rhythm.
They took their time to relish every given moment, utilized the time so the night of their love exchanged would never be ended too fast. But after a long while, they can’t deny when the pleasure became too much as Yunho brought Changmin to his high and his own was following a minute later caused by the constricting of Changmin’s inner muscles around him. Their names were slipped from each other’s lips beautifully like a perfect rhyme as they rode their orgasm together.
They ended the night with one last passionate kiss before they slumped together on the bed, Changmin snuggled closer to Yunho until his nose pressed against Yunho’s neck. The action brought a smile to Yunho’s face and soon he wrapped his arms protectively around the younger man in his embrace as he kissed the top of Changmin’s head affectionately. As exhaustion consumed over them from their strenuous activity earlier, sleep found them easily and they were brought to the dreamland where they could meet and being happy despite of the reality that their time together will be over right after the sun settling high on the sky and the morning comes.
oOo
“Thanks for everything, Yunho.” Changmin said, facing his almost ex-lover who was looking at him with a sad expression on his face. They were inside of Yunho’s car after Yunho insisted to take Changmin home.
“Whatever I would say, it wouldn’t make you change your mind, would it?”
Changmin took a deep breath and he shook his head gently.
Yunho sighed tiredly but nodded understandingly.
“And what are you planning to do after this?” Changmin asked gingerly.
“I don’t know,” Yunho simply said, his eyes diverted to look at the empty street ahead, “probably go back to Manhattan, managing one of our company’s branch offices while trying to settle my life there.”
Changmin nodded in acknowledgement. “Will you… Will you ever return to Seoul?”
Yunho was silent in a split moment before answering, “I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe no, it depends on how I feel after all of this.”
“Oh… okay.” It was Changmin’s turn to be silent as he didn’t know what to say to the older man. His chest was almost burst from the fact that this was the last time he would see Yunho and he had to bit back his tongue so he won’t say something stupid to ruin the situation. “So… This is it then…”
“Yeah…”
“…”
“…”
“Uhm… I’ll better go now… yeah…” Changmin opened the car’s door and was about to exit of Yunho’s car when he felt a hand grabbed his wrist, making him stumbled back to his seat. He turned his head to Yunho’s direction and about to say something before Yunho crushed him into a hug, holding him tightly. Changmin returned the hug almost immediately and resting his chin on the older man’s shoulder.
“Be happy for me too, okay?” Yunho whispered gently to Changmin’s ear.
“I will, Yunho. I will… And you too…” He replied back, tightened his own arms around Yunho’s back in a brief moment before Yunho pulled back.
“Now go… if you stay here any longer, I’m scared that I won’t let you go and take you with me far away from here with or without your approval and I’m not going to stop even though you beg me to.”
Changmin hesitated for a while, biting his lips as if he was reluctant to let Yunho go, not when the older man seemed to be able to break in tears anytime sooner.
“Go Changmin, what are you waiting for?!” Yunho yelled and Changmin startled. A panic gasp escaped his mouth from the harsh tone that Yunho used upon talking to him, causing him to stumble when he hastily exited from Yunho’s car and ran inside his apartment. He could hear the sound of Yunho’s car screeching through the street on the way, and once he was safe in the protection of his home, Changmin dropped to his knees. Tears had found their way on his face as he cried in sorrow, regretting every bit of his inability to stand for his love. He cried for Yunho’s pain, his pain, and he put himself completely in fault for everything that caused their broken relationship.
He leant himself against the front door of his apartment for a support, who knows for how long, only to let his tears streaming mercilessly down on his face, dripping along the curve of his neck before finally fell to soak his shirt. And when the tears had finally dried and he didn’t have enough strength to do anything more, he simply brought his knees to his chest, hugging them. He closed his swollen eyes and drowned himself in silence, not even the sound of his breath was able to break the solitude as he kept himself inside his lonely heart.
Changmin lifted his head up drowsily the moment his apartment’s phone rang and the sound reverberated through the living room. Groaning tiredly, Changmin got up and walked towards the ringing object at the living room. He considered for awhile whether to pick it up or just let it rings until whoever was calling tired on waiting and hang up immediately, but when he pondered any further, he decided to pick the phone up, afraid that probably it was something important and he didn’t want to miss it.
“Hello…”
“Changmin? Is that you?”
Changmin bit his lips, recognizing the concerned voice that the other had when noticing how hoarse Changmin’s voice as the impact of his crying.
“Yes, Junsu, it’s me.” He answered.
“What’s wrong? You don’t sound so good.” The man’s voice didn’t stop for worrying.
“Don’t worry, Su. I caught a cold this morning, but I’m fine now.” He quickly added the last sentence to stop the man on the other line to worry about him too much.
“Have you eaten? Have you drunk the medicine?”
Changmin chuckled, “Yes, I have.” He lied. “Stop worrying about me, will you?”
“Okay, if you say so…”Changmin could sense the other’s smile even though he can’t see him, but he was sure it was there. “The meeting will be over today and… I’ll be back tomorrow with the earliest flight. I miss you, you know?” The man continued softly.
“I know.”
“… aren’t you going to say it back to me?”
Changmin subtly sighed, “I miss you too.”
“Okay then… ah, I have to go now. See you tomorrow, love.”
“Bye, Junsu.”
With that he hung the phone up, after that he reached for something inside his pocket and sliding it gently to his ring finger.
Yes, it was an engagement ring and Kim Junsu was the one whom he had been engaged with. In two days after Junsu’s return tomorrow, Junsu and he would be a husband and wife, they will be forever bound in a marriage’s vow and eternal bond. That’s why… That’s why he can’t be with Yunho anymore and must end their relationship right away before he destroys anything either in Junsu’s or Yunho’s life.
It was completely his fault and Junsu had nothing to do with this. The only mistake that Junsu had committed was he happened to fall in love with a wrong person and that person happened to be Changmin himself.
They met for the first time in one party which organized by Changmin’s parents and the moment Junsu laid his eyes on the beauty with tall body and gracefully long legs, Junsu instantly fell helplessly in love for Changmin. it started two years ago when Changmin’s family’s business began to fall apart and slowly collapsing due to economic crisis and it was because of Junsu’s power and money that the company survived from the bankruptcy which almost destroyed the only economic source of Changmin’s family. Of course his family was very grateful to Junsu’s help, especially his father as the highest leader inside the company. He had been offering Junsu to do anything to return Junsu’s kindness and being a good man that Junsu was, he politely refused. In return, he asked for Changmin’s father to set him up with Changmin and asked his permission to be able to date Changmin which Changmin’s father gladly accepted.
Of course Changmin had completely opposed it the first time his father told him about Junsu asking him for a date. It caused a huge fight between them where Changmin’s father called him an ungrateful person who didn’t know how to thank for other’s help and Changmin claimed that he would do anything he could except for dating the businessman. When the discussion hadn’t met with a satisfied decision for both sides, Changmin finally decided that he will go to Junsu himself and ask for his understanding.
One led to another, and Changmin didn’t quite understand why he had agreed for Junsu taking him to a dinner in a fancy restaurant reserved for two. At first Changmin was determined to explain to Junsu that no matter how much he was thankful for the other man’s help for the company, he couldn’t date him because he was already in a love relationship with Yunho. The dinner that night was very awkward as Junsu was the one who did most of the talking, leaving Changmin only listening to him or occasionally answered every question that Junsu asked him and until the last moment, Changmin can’t bring himself to tell Junsu’s the main reason of why he had agreed to take Junsu’s dinner invitation that night.
As the day passed, one dinner led to another dinner, and date to another date, yet Changmin still couldn’t bring himself to tell Junsu about his relationship with Yunho. In the process, he found that Junsu was really a good man, he had a big heart and very earnest in every of his deed and words and he happened to prove Changmin how heartfelt and how much he meant it when he proposed Changmin into a marriage. At the proposal, Changmin didn’t know how to react and he asked time to think about it that Junsu gladly gave.
It was probably the hardest problem in Changmin’s life that he had to decide. On the other side, he loved Yunho and still deeply in love with him, but on the other side, he didn’t want to hurt Junsu’s feeling. The older man was too kind to him and his family, and it was too late for him to stop Junsu from falling too deeply for him. And without Changmin realizing, he had grown fondness for the older man that making it even difficult for Changmin to decide.
With the pressure from his family and his obligation feeling to Junsu, plus Junsu’s love for him, in the end Changmin decided to accept Junsu’s marriage proposal, making himself as the one to betray his own love and relationship which he and Yunho had been built in almost four years in returned. God… he hated himself for sacrificing the man he truly loved the most for another man’s happiness, but he turned so helpless that he didn’t know what to do to himself.
He still remembered how devastated Yunho was when he told Yunho about him being engaged to Junsu. Although Yunho had known his situation and he already had premonition that something like this would getting in their way, Yunho can’t stop himself for getting sad and angry to Changmin. For almost two months Yunho had refused to meet him and Changmin didn’t have any courage to ask for his forgiveness as well as he realized he was the one to be at fault. He even thought it would be better for Yunho to hate him, because he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve Yunho’s love. But apparently not. One day, Yunho went to meet Changmin, and that day, they came to a decision that from then on they would keep their relationship and loved each other to the fullest until it was the time for Changmin to be officially Junsu’s spouse.
Everyday, they would spend their time together to have a date, making love and did things together. They did anything just to be in each other’s arms. To love and to be loved. But it was hard for them, to pretend that their relationship was just the way it should be, to pretend that their love was meant to be forever. It only made the both of them suffering inside. They smiled, but inside they were crying, regretting why they had to be ended that way and it hurt Changmin so bad knowingly that he had made the man that he loved the most suffering because of him and he also happened to be the one to cause Yunho’s broken heart.
After months were spent together and Changmin big day was coming closer, they finally agreed that yesterday became their last day of their relationship and it was for the best for the two of them.
Changmin sighed as he slumped himself to his couch. He didn’t know how his life would be after this, but he would assure himself that from now on, Junsu was the one for him. Even though he won’t be able to love Junsu as much as he loved Yunho, it was his fate to be with him and he had to accept that.
There were so many forms of love that Changmin believed. And who said that loving someone is always about owning each other? No, because it was still love when he earnestly wished for Yunho’s happiness even though it wasn’t him as the reason.
He was sure that wherever this would lead his life, he believed that either he or Yunho would find their own happiness despite of they were being together or not.
oOo
Changmin exited his house to retrieve morning newspaper and a pile of mails from the mailbox before getting back inside to make himself a cup of tea. When it was done, Changmin went to the living room, placing his teacup on the table and reached for the pile of envelopes that he had retrieved earlier. He observed them carefully as he quickly sorted the bills from letters and documents. Soon his eyes landed on a brown envelope that wrapped nicely with a thin plastic, as if the sender was too careful and afraid if it would get crumpled or wet perhaps. Changmin turned it over and his eyes widened as he recognized the name of the person who had sent it to him. He quickly ripped the wrapper off and pulling out what seemed like an invitation along with a little note attached to it.
He read the invitation first, his eyes lopsided and his mouth curved in a beautiful smile while he read what was written there.
It was a wedding invitation. Jung Yunho’s name was written there and along with his name, there was another name: Park Yoochun, Changmin read. The wedding would be held at Manhattan in three months.
“It’s about time,” Changmin grinned over his own thought. He turned to the note that he abandoned earlier in a favor to read the first one.
How are you, Changmin? I hope you and Junsu are doing fine.
You see, with this note I send you my wedding invitation with Yoochun and I hope you’ll come to my wedding, Changmin-ah. I’ll be waiting for the both of you in Manhattan on the day.
Remember, I’m not taking ‘no’ as the answer, and I’ll hate you forever if you dare not coming on my big day.
Nevertheless, call me whether you decide to come or not, okay. There are so many things that I want to say to you.
Sincerely,
Yunho
Changmin folded the paper and he put both the invitation and Yunho’s note back inside the envelope. He observed its front side and was greeted by Yunho’s hands writing. It was messy like always and he chuckled on that in amusement. After a while Changmin placed it back on the table and taking a mental note to call Yunho later at the given number that Yunho wrote at the bottom of his note before he stood up and walked towards the balcony.
Once he got there, Changmin breathed the morning air with a smile gracing his face. It was summer and Changmin can’t believe that it had been six years since that fateful day, and tonight, he and Junsu will have a family dinner for celebrating their 6th wedding anniversary. When he traced back on the prior six years, he probably would never thought that he’ll be here today, standing so proudly in his house’s balcony with a content feeling while watching the sun which began to take its place higher on the sky, showering him with its warm morning rays. The fresh air brought him a great feeling and he closed his eyes whenever the wind caressing his skin softly, simply enjoying the serenity that the nature was offering him.
His mind was wondering back to the wedding invitation that he just got and Changmin couldn’t be more than glad and happy to know that Yunho had finally found his own happiness. He remembered that a year after he got married to Junsu, he received a letter from Yunho, informing that he had been settled in Manhattan and was slowly moving on with his life. Of course he was crying after reading that letter, realizing how the memories of Yunho was still strongly attached inside his mind and no matter how hard he tried, those memories won’t be easy to be forgotten.
Since that day, they began to exchange letter, practically telling each other about their daily life basis. He didn’t quite sure how, but their relationship somehow had been turned into a form€ of friendship during those exchanged letters, and they both felt satisfied with what they had after that. After two years they were doing that, for the first time Changmin learnt about Yoochun as the one who was able to steal Yunho’s heart, and once again he can’t contain his smile as he being reminded that Yunho and Yoochun would set their relationship in a marriage three months from now. Oh yes, he and Yunho had a lot of catching up to do and he will make sure that he would get everything that he wanted to know from the other man’s mouth when they do.
“What are you doing up so early, love?”
Changmin startled when there were two strong hands encircled his waist from behind in a swift movement and words being whispered into his ear, and when he turned his head, he was greeted by the morning face of his husband smiling to him. He smiled in reply, kissing Junsu softly on his cheek before answering. “This morning is too beautiful to spend only in bed. Why don’t you go back to bed, hmm? You seem still very sleepy.”
“Hmm… I will if you would go back with me.” He said, nuzzling his cheek against Changmin’s cutely, causing Changmin to giggle softly towards Junsu’s affection.
“I can’t, Junsu-yah. Soo Yeon will be woken up anytime soon and I need to get breakfast ready before we go to do the grocery shopping.”
Changmin heard Junsu hummed before pressing his lips on Changmin’s shoulder, “I can’t believe that she’s almost five. She was so tiny and fragile that I felt I could crush her when I held her for the first time.”
Changmin smiled fondly to the memories of Junsu holding their little angel for the first time. Junsu’s face was filled with joy while he cradled her in her arms, very carefully and his voice was so gentle, cooing softly when he lulled her to sleep. The sight was so beautiful that Changmin can’t even tear his eyes away from them. “Hmm… Time’s passing by too fast, I guess. Back there she was a baby who can’t say anything except laughing and crying, but look at her now. She’s whining all the time when we didn’t do just like what she said.” He commented, “And thanks to you she became a spoiled little girl like that.”
“Eh? How come it was my fault?”
“You pampered her too much, Junsu.”
Junsu laughed mildly, “Well, I can’t help it. She’s too cute and beautiful… just so much like you.”
Changmin chuckled, yet if only Junsu looked at him closely, he will see a shade of pink flushing his wife’s cheeks. “Of course, she’s my daughter. It would be a catastrophe if she inherited most of your genes.”
“Yah! She’s my daughter too. I took a great part in bringing her into the world.” He protested.
Changmin turned to him and smiled, placing her arms on Junsu’s chest, fiddling with the button of Junsu’s pajama with his fingers. “I know… She’s your daughter and will always be yours. Nothing in the world will be able to change that.”
Junsu’s smile grew wider in his satisfaction and he cupped Changmin’s cheeks and locked his gaze into Changmin’s brown orbs. “Thank you for giving birth to Soo Yeon, Changmin. You and our daughter are the best thing that ever happened in my life and thank you so much because you had given me the chance to be with you and loving you until the end of my life.”
Changmin shook his head gently as he caressed Junsu’s cheeks, “No, Junsu. I should be the one thanking you for ever being a great husband for me and be a good father for Soo Yeon. You did so much for me and my family that I don’t even know how to pay you back.”
“Changmin, you don’t have to pay me anything, love. You are here to love me and taking care of me and our daughter are more than enough for me. I couldn’t be more grateful than that.”
Changmin kissed his forehead and when he pulled back, Junsu closed the gap between them and pressed a sweet kiss to Changmin’s lips.
“I love you.” Junsu said after their lips parted.
“I love you too.”
Yes up to this point Changmin was certain that he loved Junsu. It was true that until now he still loved Yunho, and probably would never stop loving him, but Changmin realized that his love for the man had changed and it would never be the same anymore. He knew that Yunho too would feel the same with him. Their story was over and now either Changmin or Yunho had starting another story with their own loved ones.
“Umma…”
“Oops speaking of the devil.” Changmin grinned before he released himself from Junsu’s embrace, going to pick his daughter inside the house. When he found her, she was wondering around the kitchen, apparently looking for him in his yellow Micky Mouse pajama, rubbing her still sleepy eyes.
“Good morning, baby.” Changmin bent down to be the same level a her.
“Good morning, Umma.” She replied in her cute voice before giving Changmin a morning kiss on his cheek.
“How is your sleep?”
“It’s nice, Umma.”
Changmin smiled at her and ruffled her shoulder-length hair, “Good girl. Come on, let’s go to your Appa.”
Soo Yeon nodded and they were heading to the balcony, walking hand in hand to the awaiting Junsu who leant himself against the railing.
“Appa!” She yelled excitedly and before Changmin could prevent anything, Soo Yeon had been running to her father who had bent himself on the floor and welcoming her with opened arms.
“Good morning, sweetie.” Junsu kissed both of her cheeks, earning a happy giggle from his daughter cute little mouth. He gathered her in his arms and picked him up as Changmin joint them. “How’s Appa’s little girl doing?”
“Sleep is good, Appa. Yeon-ah was holding the little bear that Appa gave while sleeping. It’s so fluffy and warm.” She answered innocently and Junsu laughed while Changmin chuckled at his girl’s behavior. Sometime he thought that his daughter loved her Appa more than she loved her Umma.
“Okay okay… Yeon-ah, will you go inside with Appa and get ready while Umma prepares the breakfast?” Changmin asked his daughter and Soo Yeon nodded.
“Okay, Umma.”
Changmin smiled at her and turned to kiss Junsu’s cheek. “You too, don’t get too long while readying her. We need to go soon and hurry to prepare our family dinner tonight. I don’t want to have our parents complaining because we’re late.” Changmin warned.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll be good.” He winked playfully and gave his wife a kiss before he took Soo Yeon inside, playing and cooing with his daughter along the way.
Changmin sighed happily, watching his husband and his daughter went inside to get ready with an overwhelming happiness inside his heart.
Yes, Changmin was pretty much content with his little family that he had built with Junsu. And not even once he regrets his decision back there to marry the older man, because the moment they were declared as husband and wife, Junsu had given him love, pouring the affection so dearly upon Changmin that Changmin can not help himself but loving him back as much as Junsu loved him eventually, maybe even more.
He admitted that he made a mistake before, but Changmin was confident that he won’t commit the same mistake anymore, not in the present nor the future. Because his life had completed. With his husband and their little angel by his side, there’s nothing that Changmin wanted in his life more than being a good wife for Junsu and a good mother for Soo Yeon, and he would fully devote himself for the sake of his little family’s happiness. Either now and forever.
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So, how is it?
Ready to kill me? or brick me? or love me?
and remember to tell me how you all think. Even though you might not like it in the end, just please give me your opinion. ^^
Thank you very much. xD
now i'm going to drown myself for breaking my HoMin.
*dies dies dies dies dies*
T^T