Behind the bubble
First of all let me warn you, if you arn't ready to know who I really am, and would rather just know the person that I am at school don't read this.
My life isn't the most glamourse, but it is my life and that is about as nice as someone can put it. I really don't like who I am, I think that I could be a much better person than what I am now, but it just isn't in the cards now is it. I like to try to be funny, though I even think my jokes are perverted and stupid. I hate the fact that I try to give advice to people even when they don't need it, or when I have no amount of intelligence on the subject. I do like that fact that I am attempting to improve myself atleast, I started to workout this year, and I can't seem to stop bragging about my new muscles, even though I have worked really hard for them, I can't stop talking about tennis eighther, I know that I am good, many people have told me, but still I wish that I could just fucking stop and have a normal conversation for once in my life. I also wish that I was more outgoing, take last year for example, I like Deborah from almost the start of the year, yet I never told her, hell I never told anyone, I kept it to myself. Then last year I asked her to prom, which was possibly to highest point of the whole thing. Now that I go back and look at it I wish I had talked to more people, for one I didn't know she was a vegetarian, and I proceded to go to a steakhouse for dinner, ow that one hurt. Then when I got to the dance I hardly did anything, we hardly dance, we hardly talked, I didn't do anything that I should have done, that night was possibly the most disasterouse prom ever (if you have a worse prom experiance plz tell me, it would help me a lot). Now that I am a junior I find that I am getting to be more of the person that I want to be. Though I still have a long way to go. So far junior year has sucked for me, though I am becoming more of the person I had imagined, I don't feel any better, I just don't seem to be content. I have trouble doing the simple things anymore, relaxing, sleeping, and sometimes even eating. I can't relax anymore, I always have to get up and do something, normaly not my homework though, I still have no desire to do that, sleeping has just become ruteen for me, I sleep eight hours every night and wake up almost as tired as before, and when I do wake up I just sit there staring into oblivion wondering if I will fall back asleep or wait the four hours until I have to roll out of bed and go to school and begin yet another pointless day. Eating has become diffrent too, before I found that I could eat more than anyone, but now I leave almost half of every meal, I can hardly ever finish what I order at resteraunts, and when I do finish, it feels as though I am going to vomit it all back up before I make it out the door, though I don't. Life has become a circle, full of no happiness and no emotion but boredom. I can't stop thinking about Deborah though, she is still wondering around my brain, I don't know why it is I can't stop thinking about her, maybe I like her more than I think, but it is complicated, too complicated for me atleast. Everytime I see her it is like a new begining, a new start to the circle adding yet another loop-d-loop for me to travle by in my day. I can't stop listening to the same cd in my car because it reminds me of her, it reminds me how she can alter how I feel with such simple things. I have debated everyday asking her out, but I have never found the heart to. Sometimes my brain tells me that i should forget about her and move on, but all this has succeded in doing is confusing me more hurting friends and asuring myself that she is the only one that seems so perfect. I don't mean to sound so stupid and infactuated with her, but I can't help it, she is the most special person that I have met. Other than her only one thing is really keeping me going in this life, and that is tennis. I love the sport, though I have the total wrong build for it, I have altered myself to become as good of a tennis player as possible. I spend all of my excess time on the court, I even wear tennis clothes everyday to remind myself that tennis is coming up after school, and the world will stop turing for those few hours that I spend on the court. I have become so obsessed with the sport that it takes up almost as much time as school now, I play monday, tuesday, friday, and sunday on an easy week, then I workout ever monday, wednesday, thursday, and friday. Tennis is more than just a sport to me, I love everything about it, I have found myself playing through anything, I've played through sprained ankles, fucked up shoulders, a back problem that developed into scoliosis, and more elbow and wrist injuries than you could think possible. Every week my hand grows a new set of calluses and sheds them, it hurts like hell to grip my raquet, but I have never stopped, the tips of my fingers are so blistered I can hardly find a piece of flesh on certain days. Well lets see other than Deborah and tennis my life has no meaning, if I didn't have those two things, I would probobly be one of those people trying to kill themselves, but I wouldn't have the strength to do it. Well lets see, what do I hate about my life, well school for one, I think it is a waste of my time and the time of teachers, I am only doing it to please my parents, and to get into a good college so I can make enough money to retire early. The only thing that will possibly get my through my college years is tennis, if I get into a school, but don't make the tennis team, or they don't have a team, "heh Fuck that". Well lets see, I hate the fact that every teacher I have ever had for anything thinks that what they are teaching you is what you are interested in, what you are going to spend the rest of life on, and all of your free time. For example, english, Ric Resse thinks that I have all the time in the world to find a site to visit, then find someone to talk to about my topic, dude wake up why the fuck do you think I chose a topic that I knew so much about, so I wouldn't have to do jack shit for the entire paper. Then there was band, I remember this dude telling me "If you want to become a worldclass musician" damn I wish I had a sign that said "Fuck You I'm going home". Well now I am bored so I don't think I am going to write anymore, but here are the lyrics to some of the songs that I listen to a lot.
You could see me reaching
so why couldn't you have met me halfway
you could see me bleeding
but you could not put pressure on the wound
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You could see me breathing
but you still kept your hand over my mouth
you could feel me seething
but you just turned your nose up in the air
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
There's something about the look in your eyes
something I noticed when the light was just right
it reminded me twice that I was alive
and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
more subtle than something someone contrives
your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, everything was fine fine fine
until roundabout quarter to nine
suddenly I found myself in a bind, a bind
was it something I said, something I read
and manifest that's getting you down
don't you dare come to bed
with that ambiguous look in your eye
I'd sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean, clean
Tomorrow, what price will I pay
could I make it all up to you
by serving coffee for two in bed
would you then give me the time of day?
I need a map of your head translated into english
so I can learn to not make you frown
feel better if you vent
put your frustrations into four letter words
and let them out on mine
the most weathered ears in town
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean
Clean, clean
clean, clean
clean, clean
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean
say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean, clean
Yeah you can guess what I am thinking about on the way to school...
My life isn't the most glamourse, but it is my life and that is about as nice as someone can put it. I really don't like who I am, I think that I could be a much better person than what I am now, but it just isn't in the cards now is it. I like to try to be funny, though I even think my jokes are perverted and stupid. I hate the fact that I try to give advice to people even when they don't need it, or when I have no amount of intelligence on the subject. I do like that fact that I am attempting to improve myself atleast, I started to workout this year, and I can't seem to stop bragging about my new muscles, even though I have worked really hard for them, I can't stop talking about tennis eighther, I know that I am good, many people have told me, but still I wish that I could just fucking stop and have a normal conversation for once in my life. I also wish that I was more outgoing, take last year for example, I like Deborah from almost the start of the year, yet I never told her, hell I never told anyone, I kept it to myself. Then last year I asked her to prom, which was possibly to highest point of the whole thing. Now that I go back and look at it I wish I had talked to more people, for one I didn't know she was a vegetarian, and I proceded to go to a steakhouse for dinner, ow that one hurt. Then when I got to the dance I hardly did anything, we hardly dance, we hardly talked, I didn't do anything that I should have done, that night was possibly the most disasterouse prom ever (if you have a worse prom experiance plz tell me, it would help me a lot). Now that I am a junior I find that I am getting to be more of the person that I want to be. Though I still have a long way to go. So far junior year has sucked for me, though I am becoming more of the person I had imagined, I don't feel any better, I just don't seem to be content. I have trouble doing the simple things anymore, relaxing, sleeping, and sometimes even eating. I can't relax anymore, I always have to get up and do something, normaly not my homework though, I still have no desire to do that, sleeping has just become ruteen for me, I sleep eight hours every night and wake up almost as tired as before, and when I do wake up I just sit there staring into oblivion wondering if I will fall back asleep or wait the four hours until I have to roll out of bed and go to school and begin yet another pointless day. Eating has become diffrent too, before I found that I could eat more than anyone, but now I leave almost half of every meal, I can hardly ever finish what I order at resteraunts, and when I do finish, it feels as though I am going to vomit it all back up before I make it out the door, though I don't. Life has become a circle, full of no happiness and no emotion but boredom. I can't stop thinking about Deborah though, she is still wondering around my brain, I don't know why it is I can't stop thinking about her, maybe I like her more than I think, but it is complicated, too complicated for me atleast. Everytime I see her it is like a new begining, a new start to the circle adding yet another loop-d-loop for me to travle by in my day. I can't stop listening to the same cd in my car because it reminds me of her, it reminds me how she can alter how I feel with such simple things. I have debated everyday asking her out, but I have never found the heart to. Sometimes my brain tells me that i should forget about her and move on, but all this has succeded in doing is confusing me more hurting friends and asuring myself that she is the only one that seems so perfect. I don't mean to sound so stupid and infactuated with her, but I can't help it, she is the most special person that I have met. Other than her only one thing is really keeping me going in this life, and that is tennis. I love the sport, though I have the total wrong build for it, I have altered myself to become as good of a tennis player as possible. I spend all of my excess time on the court, I even wear tennis clothes everyday to remind myself that tennis is coming up after school, and the world will stop turing for those few hours that I spend on the court. I have become so obsessed with the sport that it takes up almost as much time as school now, I play monday, tuesday, friday, and sunday on an easy week, then I workout ever monday, wednesday, thursday, and friday. Tennis is more than just a sport to me, I love everything about it, I have found myself playing through anything, I've played through sprained ankles, fucked up shoulders, a back problem that developed into scoliosis, and more elbow and wrist injuries than you could think possible. Every week my hand grows a new set of calluses and sheds them, it hurts like hell to grip my raquet, but I have never stopped, the tips of my fingers are so blistered I can hardly find a piece of flesh on certain days. Well lets see other than Deborah and tennis my life has no meaning, if I didn't have those two things, I would probobly be one of those people trying to kill themselves, but I wouldn't have the strength to do it. Well lets see, what do I hate about my life, well school for one, I think it is a waste of my time and the time of teachers, I am only doing it to please my parents, and to get into a good college so I can make enough money to retire early. The only thing that will possibly get my through my college years is tennis, if I get into a school, but don't make the tennis team, or they don't have a team, "heh Fuck that". Well lets see, I hate the fact that every teacher I have ever had for anything thinks that what they are teaching you is what you are interested in, what you are going to spend the rest of life on, and all of your free time. For example, english, Ric Resse thinks that I have all the time in the world to find a site to visit, then find someone to talk to about my topic, dude wake up why the fuck do you think I chose a topic that I knew so much about, so I wouldn't have to do jack shit for the entire paper. Then there was band, I remember this dude telling me "If you want to become a worldclass musician" damn I wish I had a sign that said "Fuck You I'm going home". Well now I am bored so I don't think I am going to write anymore, but here are the lyrics to some of the songs that I listen to a lot.
You could see me reaching
so why couldn't you have met me halfway
you could see me bleeding
but you could not put pressure on the wound
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You could see me breathing
but you still kept your hand over my mouth
you could feel me seething
but you just turned your nose up in the air
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
You only think about yourself
you only think about yourself
you better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
There's something about the look in your eyes
something I noticed when the light was just right
it reminded me twice that I was alive
and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
more subtle than something someone contrives
your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
could you show me dear?
something I've not seen
something infinitely interesting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, everything was fine fine fine
until roundabout quarter to nine
suddenly I found myself in a bind, a bind
was it something I said, something I read
and manifest that's getting you down
don't you dare come to bed
with that ambiguous look in your eye
I'd sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean, clean
Tomorrow, what price will I pay
could I make it all up to you
by serving coffee for two in bed
would you then give me the time of day?
I need a map of your head translated into english
so I can learn to not make you frown
feel better if you vent
put your frustrations into four letter words
and let them out on mine
the most weathered ears in town
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean
Clean, clean
clean, clean
clean, clean
Say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean
say what you will
say what you mean
no, you could never offend
your dirty words come out clean, clean
Yeah you can guess what I am thinking about on the way to school...