(no subject)
My cousin's here. I'm not quite sure why. Her boyfriend was over earlier. Then they went off somewhere.
I saw Narnia today :3 When it comes out on DVD, I HAVE TO HAVE IT. Period. End of sentence. In the meantime, I want to go see it again as many times as I can while it's still in theaters.
I have a New Year's Resolution, but it's really hard to describe. Basically, I need to stop thinking that I can't do things. I used to be so willful and strong and independant and carefree and brave and nothing could stop me. I've heard stories about how when I was little, before my surgery, I wasn't supposed to be able to keep up with the other kids my age. I was supposed to be tired. I was little. Tall, but very thin because my abnormaly large heart burnt up all my energy and I couldn't really gain weight. But I could keep up with the other kids. I could keep up with the bigger kids. In fact, I could out-distance them. My grandmother says "But someone forgot to tell her she had a bad heart" I didn't feel sorry for myself. I didn't until I was 13 1/2. I remember the exact moment. It was the moment that I gave up on my dream. But I'm not going to let it stop me. If I don't get in, it won't be a fault of mine. It won't be because I didn't do my absolute best.
So, I'm going to focus harder than ever on school, and I'm going to struggle with my bad habits. I'm going to eat healthier, and search my heart out for a new exercize program. I loved karate, and it was excelent for my body, but now that I can't stand it anymore, I have to find something else. I've gotten so out of shape. I crave physical exertion, even if it makes me tired and I don't want to do it. I'm going to keep my environment clean and simple, even if it means that I have to clean my entire house because nobody else will. I hate how much of a pig stye my house has become since I left. When I go away for a week or so, I come back to utter ruin. I don't know why.
One of the things that I have gathered from my family's memories of my early childhood, is that I was determined. Very much so. And so I was. I was stubborn. I was determined not to cry when I went to the hospital, I refused to get scared when everyone around me was, and I never let anything stop me. I know that determination is inside me somewhere, and on December 23, 2005, I felt it bubble up inside me. It won't be held down anymore. I will NOT let my emotions control me. I will NOT let doubt get in my way. I will NOT allow anyone to convince me I can't do something. If I want to, I can. Nothing will stand in my way. The more I think about it, the more I feel the determination grow. It's happy to be free.
This whole thing will take up more than most of my free time, so I probably won't be able to get online very much. I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm happy. The computer is one of my bad habits. XP I know it's not good for me to sit in front of a screen for hours on end. I think computer time in moderation would be better for me ^^ So, I'm off to actually live my life, and not just let it happen.
I saw Narnia today :3 When it comes out on DVD, I HAVE TO HAVE IT. Period. End of sentence. In the meantime, I want to go see it again as many times as I can while it's still in theaters.
I have a New Year's Resolution, but it's really hard to describe. Basically, I need to stop thinking that I can't do things. I used to be so willful and strong and independant and carefree and brave and nothing could stop me. I've heard stories about how when I was little, before my surgery, I wasn't supposed to be able to keep up with the other kids my age. I was supposed to be tired. I was little. Tall, but very thin because my abnormaly large heart burnt up all my energy and I couldn't really gain weight. But I could keep up with the other kids. I could keep up with the bigger kids. In fact, I could out-distance them. My grandmother says "But someone forgot to tell her she had a bad heart" I didn't feel sorry for myself. I didn't until I was 13 1/2. I remember the exact moment. It was the moment that I gave up on my dream. But I'm not going to let it stop me. If I don't get in, it won't be a fault of mine. It won't be because I didn't do my absolute best.
So, I'm going to focus harder than ever on school, and I'm going to struggle with my bad habits. I'm going to eat healthier, and search my heart out for a new exercize program. I loved karate, and it was excelent for my body, but now that I can't stand it anymore, I have to find something else. I've gotten so out of shape. I crave physical exertion, even if it makes me tired and I don't want to do it. I'm going to keep my environment clean and simple, even if it means that I have to clean my entire house because nobody else will. I hate how much of a pig stye my house has become since I left. When I go away for a week or so, I come back to utter ruin. I don't know why.
One of the things that I have gathered from my family's memories of my early childhood, is that I was determined. Very much so. And so I was. I was stubborn. I was determined not to cry when I went to the hospital, I refused to get scared when everyone around me was, and I never let anything stop me. I know that determination is inside me somewhere, and on December 23, 2005, I felt it bubble up inside me. It won't be held down anymore. I will NOT let my emotions control me. I will NOT let doubt get in my way. I will NOT allow anyone to convince me I can't do something. If I want to, I can. Nothing will stand in my way. The more I think about it, the more I feel the determination grow. It's happy to be free.
This whole thing will take up more than most of my free time, so I probably won't be able to get online very much. I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm happy. The computer is one of my bad habits. XP I know it's not good for me to sit in front of a screen for hours on end. I think computer time in moderation would be better for me ^^ So, I'm off to actually live my life, and not just let it happen.