Ficlet: Second Chances
Title: Second chances
Pairing: Alex/Ellie
Fandom: Degrassi
Words: 1409
A/N: A little ficlet for a challenge at femslash_land
A tentative silence befalls them, both of them - the redhead and the girl from the wrong side of the tracks.
Alex is staring off into the horizon. It's dark outside today and cold - the news says to expect snow. Alex hates the snow. She remembers how serene everything looked the last time it snowed, blankets of it covering the ground so peacefully. She remembers watching it fall from the other side of the window when her mom burst through the door, waving her arms dramatically and saying, "Alex, I'd like you to meet Chad!"
Alex can't stand the snow.
"Are you going to say something?" Ellie asks finally, being brave for once and confronting the other girl. "I'm tired of the quiet."
"I just. . . I don't know what to do, okay?" She tries to come off harsh and dismissive, but it backfires, because she really just sounds tired and afraid.
Ellie sighs, doing that faint eye roll thing that drives Alex crazy.
"You look like Paige when you do that."
The mention of Alex's ex-girlfriend causes Ellie's breath to catch in her throat - and definitely not in the good way.
"Thanks a lot," she mumbles, staring at her feet again, trying to mask her annoyance. God, sometimes Alex could be so stupid.
"Look, I don't know if I'm going to see her, okay? So please stop being such a drama queen."
"She left a message on your answering machine," Ellie says strongly, bitterly, looking back up at Alex. "I heard it, okay? She's back from Banting, you haven't seen her in months. Of course you're going to go. You heard the way she was talking - so put together and confident. You don't honestly think I'm that stupid, do you? She was your first girlfriend - I know you want to see how she's doing."
"What you are trying to say, Ellie? Stop being so goddamn vague and avoidant - just say what you mean. Are you jealous that I'm going to see Paige, is that it? You don't want me to be near her without you there to watch over us because you're afraid that I'll run back to her, right?" She says it harshly, narrowing her eyes, challenging Ellie. "God, just say it and stop being so immature."
"That's not what I'm trying to say," Ellie says meekly, swallowing hard, her pride shot to hell.
"Then what are you saying?"
"All I'm saying is that you've got two choices."
The statement is out there, lingering candidly and vulnerably in the air. They can both feel it.
Alex doesn't say anything for a minute. She bites her lip a little, thinking before saying anything rash - something she'd admittedly learned from Paige.
"I just need to see her," she says, her voice soft and a little out of place.
Ellie shakes her head in disbelief, tightening her lips together and blinking hard to fight back tears. "Fine. Take all the time you need."
"Ellie, stop it."
"Don't tell me what to do." Anger runs hot in her veins. She makes a move to turn away, but then stops dead in her tracks and spins back around. "Alex, just tell me one thing. While Paige's been in Banting all this time - promising she'd be back for Thanksgiving and then standing you up, missing phone calls and taking weeks to get back to your emails -I’ve been there for you. I helped you get through it.” Ellie swallowed hard. “Is this…” She made a circular motion with her hand, “Are we even real? Does this mean anything to you or am I just a place-holder until Paige would take you back?”
Sharp winds brush across Alex's face, whipping back strands of raven hair. Her nose and cheeks are pink, just like Ellie's - though hers may just be that way because of rage. She can feel her own fury building up in her body, so hot she thinks that if it were fire it'd be summer all over again and it might as well be because she's being left again just like Paige did in summer and Ellie's doing now.
Ellie throws her hands up in surrender. Her arms are covered in those black arm warmers Alex got her for her birthday. She sees them, and just as Ellie opens her mouth to say, "I'm done." Alex says, "You're right."
Alex isn't sure if Ellie is right at all, but it's the first thing she can think of to make her stay.
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again," she snaps. She hates being this vulnerable, even if she's not sure.
Ellie's stunned with silence. She was seconds from walking away and now she's here in front of her admitting weakness and suddenly all Ellie wants do is hold her tight.
"I'm sorry," Ellie says, taking one step closer and Alex shrugs.
"It's fine."
"It's not. You know I just don't want you to get hurt, right?"
Alex smirks. "Or you just want me to pick you."
"God, you really know how to ruin a moment." Ellie wonders if she does it on purpose.
She wants to be mad again, to yell at Alex, but it can't happen because she's stepping even closer now and lacing their fingers together and Alex is stroking her hand, well, her thumb, really, because it's the only flesh she can touch through those damn arm warmers.
"I need to see her, okay?" Alex says and the redhead nods, and she can relate a little. Hell, she's even a bit jealous. When it came to her and her past relationships, Ellie never got real closure and that's what Alex needs right now.
"You have to do what you have to do," she tells her honestly, not sarcastically, for once.
"Yeah," Alex agrees softly, a faint smile playing at her lips, but inside she's scared as hell.
The phone in her left pocket vibrates. She knows who it is. Tempted to answer it, but reluctant to ruin another moment, she lets it go. Ellie doesn't notice.
***
"Hey, it's Paige. It was so great to see you last night! It was the best first night back I could've asked for. I really missed you. So, are we still on for tonight? You seemed a bit out of itwhen we said bye. . . hopefully everything's okay? I still have so much to tell you and you mentioned something about Ellie? You seemed kind of serious. Okay, I've gotta go. Call me, hun - I'll be around."
***
It was great to see Paige again. They went out for dinner and just talked for hours. Alex had been so nervous about seeing her again, but once the awkward first 5 minutes were over, they fell into the old routine, being so oddly comfortable in each other presence, that the rest of the night seemed to just fly by.
Paige had been Paige. It seemed as if being away at college hasn’t changed her at all, although Alex wasn’t sure if that really was the case. She seemed a bit too happy, too chipper.
Alex hasn’t been sure what she was trying to find that night, she wasn’t even sure that she was trying to find something at all, so when she did, half way though the night it threw her for a loop for a moment.
Ellie.
All of a sudden she needed to get out of there, she needed to find Ellie, talk to her.
Paige looked a bit worried when Alex suddenly stood saying she needed to go, but that they should meet tomorrow, because there’s something she needed to tell her, something about Ellie.
***
It took Alex a while to find her, but when she did the sight of the redhead sitting on one of the swing sets in the park, looking so lost almost broke Alex’ heart.
“Hey.”
Ellie looks up and Alex could see tears running down her cheeks and she hates it because she knows it's because of her.
“We are real.” Alex says. “This…” she makes the same circular motion Ellie had used this afternoon. “This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I don't have to choose, because it's you.”
She’s afraid that this realization might have come too late, that she had lost her already. But suddenly she feels Ellis hand grabbing hers, pulling her closer and she knows that maybe this time she actually gets a second chance to make it right…
Pairing: Alex/Ellie
Fandom: Degrassi
Words: 1409
A/N: A little ficlet for a challenge at femslash_land
A tentative silence befalls them, both of them - the redhead and the girl from the wrong side of the tracks.
Alex is staring off into the horizon. It's dark outside today and cold - the news says to expect snow. Alex hates the snow. She remembers how serene everything looked the last time it snowed, blankets of it covering the ground so peacefully. She remembers watching it fall from the other side of the window when her mom burst through the door, waving her arms dramatically and saying, "Alex, I'd like you to meet Chad!"
Alex can't stand the snow.
"Are you going to say something?" Ellie asks finally, being brave for once and confronting the other girl. "I'm tired of the quiet."
"I just. . . I don't know what to do, okay?" She tries to come off harsh and dismissive, but it backfires, because she really just sounds tired and afraid.
Ellie sighs, doing that faint eye roll thing that drives Alex crazy.
"You look like Paige when you do that."
The mention of Alex's ex-girlfriend causes Ellie's breath to catch in her throat - and definitely not in the good way.
"Thanks a lot," she mumbles, staring at her feet again, trying to mask her annoyance. God, sometimes Alex could be so stupid.
"Look, I don't know if I'm going to see her, okay? So please stop being such a drama queen."
"She left a message on your answering machine," Ellie says strongly, bitterly, looking back up at Alex. "I heard it, okay? She's back from Banting, you haven't seen her in months. Of course you're going to go. You heard the way she was talking - so put together and confident. You don't honestly think I'm that stupid, do you? She was your first girlfriend - I know you want to see how she's doing."
"What you are trying to say, Ellie? Stop being so goddamn vague and avoidant - just say what you mean. Are you jealous that I'm going to see Paige, is that it? You don't want me to be near her without you there to watch over us because you're afraid that I'll run back to her, right?" She says it harshly, narrowing her eyes, challenging Ellie. "God, just say it and stop being so immature."
"That's not what I'm trying to say," Ellie says meekly, swallowing hard, her pride shot to hell.
"Then what are you saying?"
"All I'm saying is that you've got two choices."
The statement is out there, lingering candidly and vulnerably in the air. They can both feel it.
Alex doesn't say anything for a minute. She bites her lip a little, thinking before saying anything rash - something she'd admittedly learned from Paige.
"I just need to see her," she says, her voice soft and a little out of place.
Ellie shakes her head in disbelief, tightening her lips together and blinking hard to fight back tears. "Fine. Take all the time you need."
"Ellie, stop it."
"Don't tell me what to do." Anger runs hot in her veins. She makes a move to turn away, but then stops dead in her tracks and spins back around. "Alex, just tell me one thing. While Paige's been in Banting all this time - promising she'd be back for Thanksgiving and then standing you up, missing phone calls and taking weeks to get back to your emails -I’ve been there for you. I helped you get through it.” Ellie swallowed hard. “Is this…” She made a circular motion with her hand, “Are we even real? Does this mean anything to you or am I just a place-holder until Paige would take you back?”
Sharp winds brush across Alex's face, whipping back strands of raven hair. Her nose and cheeks are pink, just like Ellie's - though hers may just be that way because of rage. She can feel her own fury building up in her body, so hot she thinks that if it were fire it'd be summer all over again and it might as well be because she's being left again just like Paige did in summer and Ellie's doing now.
Ellie throws her hands up in surrender. Her arms are covered in those black arm warmers Alex got her for her birthday. She sees them, and just as Ellie opens her mouth to say, "I'm done." Alex says, "You're right."
Alex isn't sure if Ellie is right at all, but it's the first thing she can think of to make her stay.
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again," she snaps. She hates being this vulnerable, even if she's not sure.
Ellie's stunned with silence. She was seconds from walking away and now she's here in front of her admitting weakness and suddenly all Ellie wants do is hold her tight.
"I'm sorry," Ellie says, taking one step closer and Alex shrugs.
"It's fine."
"It's not. You know I just don't want you to get hurt, right?"
Alex smirks. "Or you just want me to pick you."
"God, you really know how to ruin a moment." Ellie wonders if she does it on purpose.
She wants to be mad again, to yell at Alex, but it can't happen because she's stepping even closer now and lacing their fingers together and Alex is stroking her hand, well, her thumb, really, because it's the only flesh she can touch through those damn arm warmers.
"I need to see her, okay?" Alex says and the redhead nods, and she can relate a little. Hell, she's even a bit jealous. When it came to her and her past relationships, Ellie never got real closure and that's what Alex needs right now.
"You have to do what you have to do," she tells her honestly, not sarcastically, for once.
"Yeah," Alex agrees softly, a faint smile playing at her lips, but inside she's scared as hell.
The phone in her left pocket vibrates. She knows who it is. Tempted to answer it, but reluctant to ruin another moment, she lets it go. Ellie doesn't notice.
***
"Hey, it's Paige. It was so great to see you last night! It was the best first night back I could've asked for. I really missed you. So, are we still on for tonight? You seemed a bit out of itwhen we said bye. . . hopefully everything's okay? I still have so much to tell you and you mentioned something about Ellie? You seemed kind of serious. Okay, I've gotta go. Call me, hun - I'll be around."
***
It was great to see Paige again. They went out for dinner and just talked for hours. Alex had been so nervous about seeing her again, but once the awkward first 5 minutes were over, they fell into the old routine, being so oddly comfortable in each other presence, that the rest of the night seemed to just fly by.
Paige had been Paige. It seemed as if being away at college hasn’t changed her at all, although Alex wasn’t sure if that really was the case. She seemed a bit too happy, too chipper.
Alex hasn’t been sure what she was trying to find that night, she wasn’t even sure that she was trying to find something at all, so when she did, half way though the night it threw her for a loop for a moment.
Ellie.
All of a sudden she needed to get out of there, she needed to find Ellie, talk to her.
Paige looked a bit worried when Alex suddenly stood saying she needed to go, but that they should meet tomorrow, because there’s something she needed to tell her, something about Ellie.
***
It took Alex a while to find her, but when she did the sight of the redhead sitting on one of the swing sets in the park, looking so lost almost broke Alex’ heart.
“Hey.”
Ellie looks up and Alex could see tears running down her cheeks and she hates it because she knows it's because of her.
“We are real.” Alex says. “This…” she makes the same circular motion Ellie had used this afternoon. “This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I don't have to choose, because it's you.”
She’s afraid that this realization might have come too late, that she had lost her already. But suddenly she feels Ellis hand grabbing hers, pulling her closer and she knows that maybe this time she actually gets a second chance to make it right…