Thoughts on heroines

[katzengirl]

Well, the title is a bit misleading, it's just my mumble/ramble on my own my characters. I've got several different stories running around in my head practically all the time, and they are mostly fanfiction. (I consider premade sims stories a type of fanfiction.) Some I've published at fanfiction.net, some I've put up here, others, just on my own computer. But I'm so scared that I'm going to write my character as a bad female character. All those posts that Skell reblogs and stuff, about Strong Female Characters as tropes always have me doubting myself. I'm scared I'm going to write a character that is one of those horrible things -- strong, but too strong, feminine, but not feminine enough, independent but too independent, related to a man no matter how I write her. Author avatar. *hangs head* That's just how I write, I put myself in my characters shoes and that means a piece of me is always in my character, but I don't want my character to be perfect or be the badass. Blagh.

Twilight Fanfictions
(Not gonna analyze the two one-shots I did, "The Wolf in Me" and "Burning Question")
- By the Light of the Moon: Picks up in the middle of New Moon, Jacob x Bella story. Bella gets pregnant, but has complications and Jacob is torn between saving her or the child. Toss in the splash of supernatural. Classic BBS/teen drama crap.
Protagonist: Bella
POV: First person, limited.

- Cadentia: The tables have turned and Bella abuses Edward. Bella's little secret shows up and Bella gets jealous. This details the story of Desdemona. Does she help the Cullen clan or drive a wedge in the cracks already there?
Protagonist: Edward, Desdemona
POV: First person, limited.

- The Sunshine Never Stops: Picks up at the end of Eclipse. Bella goes to Florida to be with her mom after a car accident. This is Bella's journey dealing with her patient/mom. It's an inside look at the difficulties of a long distance relationship, at the hardships of care-giving for her mother, and learning that there's more to life than what she's lived. Will it ultimately change her mind about her mortality?
Protagonist: Bella
POV: First person, limited.

Sims Fanfictions
(Not gonna analyze "A Dark Moment (in a Yellow Room)" or "Cassie's Letter")
- The Censor: The fallout of a bad plan gone right that rips through a small town. Will Hannah find the missing and find out who's behind the disappearances?
Protagonist: Hannah Roberts
POV: Prologue was 3rd person limited. First person, limited. Later chapters are 3rd person (limited to the missing group).

Walking Dead Fanfictions
(Not gonna analyze "Laundry Day")
- Untitled 1: Daisy grew up next door to the Dixons and her life has entwined with theirs. Three months after the world went to hell, the Dixons stroll back into their little shit-town to find it abandoned and dead. They follow the fresh trail of someone on their way to south and stumble upon Daisy, and then meet up with the Atlanta group. How will the group react to Daisy's growing secret? (yep, she's pregnant, because I had baby fever? IDEK anymore.)
Protagonist: Daisy
POV: ... 3rd person, attached to Daryl....? except I'm thinking there needs to be a scene from Merle or Daisy's POV in there too.
- Untitled 2: How would a normal woman survive in this new world? Introspection on the life of a "drug addict." Doesn't reference TWD at all, just set in that sort of end-of-times apocalypse.
Protagonist: unnamed, (me) <-- really Author Avatar & Self Insert, but this is completely intentional. I don't plan on this being long, but I need to get it out of my head
POV: 1st person, limited.

First of all, can you guess that I like to write in first person? Big flag: Self Insert Fic & Author Avatar here, right? Yeah, I know. But! The main two stories that are still in my head even though I haven't written anything to do with them in months (or years) are the story with Daisy and my sims story, The Censor. I've often thought that maybe I could rewrite The Censor as a non-fanfic piece, but there would be a shit load of characters and I don't know if they'd just all get grouped together or whatever. It seems too complicated to rewrite that way.
So here's a little Hannah vs. Daisy for ya:

Hannah

• smart
• a "good girl"
• has friends of both genders (more girls than boys)
• is investigative/curious
• is a brainstormer
• a thinker
• no love interest - Dirk is interested in dating her, but she's never led him on and truly just values his friendship
• not looking for love, but not a man-hater either

But does she change or grow? And what are her flaws? She's lazy and a procrastinator, but she sets that aside to save her friends. But she doesn't change. Not really. Through her we see Angela and Lilith change, we see Ophelia and Johnny handle stress and tension and bumps in the road, but Hannah doesn't change.

Daisy

• average intelligence
• did drugs in the past, has since cleaned up
• did things she was ashamed of because of her drug abuse
• is a loner
• is creative
• a do-er
• a stripper, but not a whore
• loves Daryl for who he is
• loves Merle as a big brother, even though he's prickly
• tries her best
• grew up with Daryl & Merle, learned from Merle how to live in the woods

Is she a badass? Is she "strong" without purpose or intent? What are her flaws? She's made bad decisions in the past, but how do they come back to haunt her? Is she tempted and give in? How does that fall out? Does she struggle? Does she effect the plot somehow? If so, how do I keep the story canon thus-far, but incorporate her? Is she a Mary-Sue? [Dark & Troubled Past; Character Derailment (can I write Daryl & Merle? Can I keep them in character? I don't even know if I can or not.); Beige Prose, First Person POV]

I'm so scared of writing my female character as a Mary-Sue/Author Avatar/Self Insert and falling into all these different tropes that I freeze up and can't write at all. I enjoy writing and I think it would help calm my frantic brain down, but I can't seem to focus any more because there's so much I'm trying to avoid that I fall into other tropes.

It's beyond bedtime. Oh, besides the little one-shots here and there, I've not finished a single one of these stories. I'm not good at this writing thing. *sad face*