The buried life...
But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves-
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpress'd.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well--but 'tis not true!
Except from "The Buried Life"- Matthew Arnold
A great many changes have occurred in my life since this past winter. After loosing my job I was faced with some serious soul- searching questions. Forced to take stock of my conditions and direction I knew that I had been drifting for several years. With no grand desires for riches or fame, I have been content to live a “buried life” and be caught up in the every day happenings. Initially I mourned the loss of comfort, security and routine which my days had been filled with but I gained some comfort in knowing that a great opportunity lay before me. What was that initial course I had been traveling before I settled for that which was easy? Searching through the mystery of my own heart, I listened. What was God’s own plan for my life? Discernment is a process which takes time and practice. How many truly take the time to listen and understand?
I am attending graduate school in the fall. I am moving to another state and beginning all over again. People ask me if I am excited. I am but there are also countless other nameless feelings which are hard to express. I hope that I have made the right decision. There are times when I question myself. It would be easier to enroll in a distance program, find a part time job and remain where I am. I wouldn't have to move away from my friends and a town that I love living in. It is in those moments that I remind myself why I have choosen this course. I remind myself how it will be difficult in the beginning but more worth while in the end.