(no subject)
I would just like to say that my addiction to livejournal really bothers me. I wish I could not write in here, but for some reason unknown to me I still have to. It's like cocaine, really. Goodness, I am one pathetic little girl.
Brian is in Bridgewater again and I'm not the least bit suprised. This disease of his, call it bipolar, call it schizophrenia, call it what you want, will end up killing him. For some reason, due to the nature of his being arrested, all I can do is laugh. What else is there to do? There is no reason to run around feeling bad for myself and asking everyone else to feel bad for me too; I'll never survive life if I think that way. All I can do at this point is laugh at his insanity, and continue to tell myself that, somewhere along the line, he will start to smarten up and understand what he's doing to himself. I'm lying, I know I am. I don't deny that. But for now, I am satisfied with these lies, and they keep me going. They allow me to go to sleep without crying over my stupid brother's illness. Maybe someday he'll do what he's promised me so many times and get his act together. ...but then again, I'm just a liar.
Relationships should not exist. Everyone should love everyone else without any attachments or exclusivity of any sort. All this relationship of mine seems to be doing lately is biting me in the ass and I hate that. I hate questioning everything. I hate feeling like I'm constantly under scrutiny. I hate feeling that, no matter what, anything I do is wrong, overdramatic, or generally stupid. This isn't a good way to feel.
Hmm.
Brian is in Bridgewater again and I'm not the least bit suprised. This disease of his, call it bipolar, call it schizophrenia, call it what you want, will end up killing him. For some reason, due to the nature of his being arrested, all I can do is laugh. What else is there to do? There is no reason to run around feeling bad for myself and asking everyone else to feel bad for me too; I'll never survive life if I think that way. All I can do at this point is laugh at his insanity, and continue to tell myself that, somewhere along the line, he will start to smarten up and understand what he's doing to himself. I'm lying, I know I am. I don't deny that. But for now, I am satisfied with these lies, and they keep me going. They allow me to go to sleep without crying over my stupid brother's illness. Maybe someday he'll do what he's promised me so many times and get his act together. ...but then again, I'm just a liar.
Relationships should not exist. Everyone should love everyone else without any attachments or exclusivity of any sort. All this relationship of mine seems to be doing lately is biting me in the ass and I hate that. I hate questioning everything. I hate feeling like I'm constantly under scrutiny. I hate feeling that, no matter what, anything I do is wrong, overdramatic, or generally stupid. This isn't a good way to feel.
Hmm.